judgement

Posted on: Sun, 02/11/2007 - 3:13pm
krc's picture
krc
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Joined: 01/16/2007 - 09:00

ok- so many of us feel judgement from the nfa community and then we find this site and we are so happy to find respite/ solace and feel we are going to be met with open arms.

But, do you also feel judgement here?

I want to add: I love this site. Everyone has been wonderful. But I see posts that for some reason or another, someone is put down or questioned for their choices due to ??? and I want to know how others feel.

Posted on: Sun, 02/11/2007 - 8:47pm
Shuleran's picture
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Joined: 07/25/2004 - 09:00

Absolutely!

Posted on: Sun, 02/11/2007 - 8:58pm
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

Personally, I don't feel judgement here. But I have thick skin too.
However, there IS judgement here. After all, we're only human.

Posted on: Sun, 02/11/2007 - 10:25pm
Greenlady's picture
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Joined: 06/30/2004 - 09:00

I think it's hard sometimes not to feel judged when someone offers advice, even if they didn't mean it that way. Especially since you can't see expressions or hear tone of voice, it's easy to interpret words in the most negative light (especially if there is already self-doubt involved).
But for the most part, I feel supported here, and I hope I offer support in return. The important thing to remember is that there are many valid ways to deal with food allergies, and what works for one family might not for another. We all should share what works best for us, be thankful when someone offers their own experience, and take or leave it as appropriate.
Hope this helps!

Posted on: Sun, 02/11/2007 - 11:13pm
jtolpin's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2003 - 09:00

I don't care
You come here for support, and to ask questions.
You will get a variety of answers, some that agree with your line of thinking and some that don't.
Jason
------------------
[b]* Beyond Obsessed * [/b]

Posted on: Mon, 02/12/2007 - 12:14am
chanda4's picture
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Joined: 12/14/2006 - 09:00

Of course there is judgment, there is everywhere. I'm sure I am judged every time I ask a question, but that is fine....I'm sure I judge when I reply. I think the key element on these boards is that there are so many different levels, so many different stories, so many different allergies...you just really need to be respectful, which most of us are, we'll never 100% agree, even if just peanut allergies were discussed here...because we are all different. But I don't think that should give anyone the right to be rude or nasty. Just like in debate, you can disagree, tactfully....even though I don't agree all the time, I still learn, I learn a TON!!! Even when I think I am right, someone proves me wrong and I learn from it...I love that!!!
JMO
------------------
Chanda(mother of 4)
Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma)
Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma)
Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig)
Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

Posted on: Mon, 02/12/2007 - 12:50am
BriandBrinasmom's picture
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Joined: 10/20/2006 - 09:00

I think this board is like real life. There are some people who need to put others down in order to feel good about their own choices. It's easy to feel insecure when talking about your child's life and death.
Perhaps there should be a board for debate and a separate board for support.

Posted on: Mon, 02/12/2007 - 2:11am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Quote:Originally posted by krc:
[b] But I see posts that for some reason or another, someone is put down or questioned for their choices due to ??? and I want to know how others feel.[/b]
Being questioned for their choices does not mean being put down. Sometimes, a person is asking because they don't have a clear understanding. Sometimes, they are concerned that an unsafe choice was made. Sometimes, they are questioning their own comfort zones. (By that last, I mean, lets say you post about eating something, and I think -- I've never tried that -- so I ask you questions about it, specific about the safety of the food. It doesn't mean I'm questioning whether or not [i]you[/i] should trust it -- sometimes I'm questioning whether or not [i]I[/i] could trust it.)
Try to NOT put tone into anything you read on the internet. Often, the tone is only there in the reading, not in the writing. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Mon, 02/12/2007 - 3:24am
KaraLH's picture
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Joined: 10/11/2006 - 09:00

This is an interesting thread. There have been many times I've questioned wether or not I should ask a question or respond, just in case someone else doesn't agree or doesn't like it. I have also thought that maybe I shouldn't be giving any advice because I'm so new at this. However in the past 5 months I have realized that we all have valid thoughts and ideas and opinions. I may not agree with everyone else's, they may not agree with mine, but someone out there is bound to.
I have found that I need this place as a sounding board more than anything now. I do not have people around me that understand, and many who don't want to.
The people here just "get it". Even when the situations are different.
Kara

Posted on: Mon, 02/12/2007 - 4:01am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Well-put, Kara.
Even if the comfort zones differ widely, at least this is the [i]one[/i] place that we can agree on the need to be "that uptight" about our choices. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] That's much more than we have in common with most of the people we know IRL.
And I also think that I learn a tremendous amount that helps me [i]make my child's world LARGER... not smaller.[/i] Maybe someone else learns that they need to be more assertive, or that they need to be a little less trusting... my guess is that we all learn different things from all the different opinions here.
Most of the time, disagreements are more about self-doubt and trying to rationalize a decision (which someone here is calling you out on...) that you know may not have been the greatest. Nobody you know IRL can do that-- but we can because we all "walk the walk" so to speak.
I think even differing opinions are a much-needed "support" method. Call it tough love-- but any support group that deals with a very tough issue (as life with FA certainly is) has that element... or it isn't of any real value. If I only want to hear "Oh, you poor thing..." I can go to my next-door neighbors, you know? But they can't offer me what I get here-- questions that make me consider my choices and evaluate them from a perspective of understanding the consequences of getting it wrong... or the heartache of living your life on the sidelines.
So is there judgement? Yes, there is. And sometimes it hurts-- but most of the time, it really [i]is[/i] the "tough love" variety. Even when I don't want to hear it. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] And some of it is "tone" which is inferred rather than implied.

Posted on: Mon, 02/12/2007 - 11:51am
SkyMom's picture
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Joined: 10/27/2001 - 09:00

I just have to put my two cents into this one. I think when you are dealing with people, any people you are going to have those that agree and those that disagree.
I understand that when I post, I may get something I'm looking for or maybe not. However, I take what I can and let the rest slide. I am not looking for agreement, but shared knowledge. If I can help someone, great, if not well I tried. If someone shares something that I didn't know great, anything else I let slide.

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