29 posts / 0 new
Last post
Posted on: Sun, 06/11/2006 - 1:56pm
Edinview's picture
Joined: 08/25/2003 - 09:00

How about dropping by at your inlaws when you think it might be calmer (no kids/ spouse, you've had a chance to calm down, he's had a chance to get over the shock of being yelled at) and just one-on-one be really humble and apologetic. Then try to explain simply that you are very concerned about keeping your kids away from possible sources of peanut and that you are trying to keep them healthy and safe. Then ask FIL what he thinks you are trying to do about the peanut allergy and how he feels about your strategy. If you are going to try to convince/convert him it will be helpful if you can understand his position and perception of the situation.
Forgive me for the following sexist remarks but I think that most men have trouble communicating what they are thinking and feeling. Possibly because most men don't acknowledge their thoughts because society taught them it was bad or effeminate. Now you are in a sitaution where you have to tease information out of your FIL because your children's welfare is at stake. You have my sympathies on this. But too much is at stake here and this shouldn't be ignored. So if you cannot get a good dialogue going with your FIL, perhaps you might try a family therapist, or maybe there are other avenues of mediation available to you in your community?
The bottom line is that even if you cannot get a person to feel as you do, you should expect them to at least accept that they are your feelings and to respect your wishes on this matter.

Posted on: Sun, 06/11/2006 - 8:54pm
luvmyboys's picture
Joined: 05/25/2006 - 09:00

I really do think he should see the memorial link. I also did a rough calculation on mortality rates for childhood leukemia (by far the most common childhood cancer) at 0.5 deaths per 100,000 versus 125 deaths per 300,000,000 US population->0.04 deaths per 100,000. However, because incidence of PA is only 1% of pop, my estimate if I am correct is that ds chance of dying from PA is 10X that of his chance of dyinig from Leukemia...besides nobody knows what causes leukemia so there's not much I can do about that risk!

Posted on: Sun, 06/11/2006 - 10:51pm
turtle's picture
Joined: 12/10/2004 - 09:00

Peanuts are poison for PA people. I use that word in discussions with people. I ask, if it had a little bit of rat poison or was made with a spoon you stirred rat poison with-would you eat it? I think not!

Posted on: Sun, 06/11/2006 - 11:31pm
mommyofmatt's picture
Joined: 03/12/2004 - 09:00

Sorry that happened luvmyboys, it's hurtful when people you rely on to support and understand you say something that well...isn't supportive or understanding.
Somewhere in the media section, there's an article about how ER trips for anaphylaxis are hugely under-rated and under-diagnosed. I think (?) the figure was closer to 1 million, instead of 30,000. I'll try to find that link.
What about the recent People Magazine article? Have any copies of it? I made my family/close friends read it. It seemed to make a huge difference for some.
It's probably stressing you too because you just moved to be closer to them, and you're wondering what you've gotten yourself into right?
I'm wondering if your FIL is just not used to seeing how you need to manage PA day-to-day. Hopefully with a more education, he'll understand that it truly does impact you every day in some way. And every day you make decisions that impact your ds' safety.
Good luck, hope you get through to him. Meg
[This message has been edited by mommyofmatt (edited June 12, 2006).]

Posted on: Sun, 06/11/2006 - 11:39pm
Greenlady's picture
Joined: 06/30/2004 - 09:00

Have you shown them the "It Only Takes One Bite" video, available from FAAN? It includes an interview with a woman with PA who talks about a severe reaction from just one bite of a pastry. It also have a doctor explaining about allergies and how to use an epipen.
I find it the best video to both show skeptics how serious allergies are and to reassure folks that you can deal with them and have a normal life.
As far as comparing PA to other things like cancer, why would he want to make it an "either/or" type argument? Is he saying that the baked goods would protect his grandchild from cancer somehow and therefore are worth the risk of killing him from PA? That's just loopy. Sounds like he is in deep denial. Hope you break through it!

Posted on: Sun, 06/11/2006 - 11:52pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

What about directing fil to the *In Memory* thread:
If you don't want to direct them to this board (I understand people wanting this to be their safe-haven), there are directions in another thread about copy & pasting, though I'm not sure if the pictures show up that way or not.

Posted on: Mon, 06/12/2006 - 12:15am
Adele's picture
Joined: 01/31/2005 - 09:00

I agree with Annamarie. Can you print out the 'In Memory' thread and give it to him? It's sobering - especially with the photos of the kids.

Posted on: Mon, 06/12/2006 - 6:40am
perpetually perplexed's picture
Joined: 02/12/2005 - 09:00

Great suggestion to show that video. I would also ask fil to "come along and help" with the next visit to the allergist. You might just want to schedule a checkup (whether he needs it or not) and have both in laws there for the consult. I would do something like this due to the closeness of the families. Sooner they are educated the better. Also, it has been my experience that some older folks are quite stubborn and will not listen to anyone but a doctor.



Click on one of the categories below to see all forum topics.

Peanut Free Store

More Articles

It Is Easy To Buy Peanut Free Chocolate Online

Ask any parent of a child with a potentially life-...

Seeds, such as pumpkin or sunflower, make great peanut or tree nut substitutes in recipes, and roasted soy or garbanzo beans are tasty snacks and...

So many wonderful recipes call for peanut butter. These recipes can still be enjoyed by experimenting with peanut butter replacements.


Peanuts and peanut oil are cheap and easy additives to food and other commercial goods. It is surprising (and alarming if you have a...

Those with severe peanut allergies soon learn to look for the 'peanut-free sign' on any packaged food purchase. This is a notation found on a wide...