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Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 10:29am
MimiM's picture
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Quote:Originally posted by MommaBear:
[b] I mean, we deal in [i]truth[/i].
Or at least have a high regard for it. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
The alternative is not an option. Ethically, speaking, I mean.
[/b]
That's exactly it Mommabear. Yes professionally too, but also it comes from the way that I was raised. My mother always stressed to us that "honesty is best policy" and I agree (though I did lie sometimes as a teenager, hence the reasons for the lying lectures from my mother).
As I have grown to adulthood (and then some, 40, etc. LOL!) I simply can't bring my self to lie anymore...No, I don't go around like Jim Carey from Liar, liar saying everything on my mind either. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
But seriously, I don't find that there is ever a reason to lie. There just always seems to be a better way to deal with situations. I don't lie, not to my husband, my children, my patients, my coworkers, my friends or even to all you folks on PA.com. There is just simply no reason for it. I would rather that people know that when I do say something, I mean it sincerely.
Thanks for your support.
[This message has been edited by MimiM (edited February 17, 2006).]

Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 12:53pm
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I originally wrote this article because I got myself into a situation that I wanted to fix. I honestly wanted some advice on the best way to handle this for the wellbeing of my dd. I in no way sat down and thought of some great lie to tell my dd. In the heat of the moment as "survival mode" as a protective mom I quickly came up with the idea. I was not thinking right or wrong at that moment, just "help my child". Many of you replied with helpful, insightful ideas on a way to fix this situation, which is what I was looking for. Others of you looked at this as a situation to announce that you are "holier than though" and that those of us who make mistakes in our lives should beg for forgiveness. I never attempt to presume that I am better than anyone, or a perfect mother, I do my best and am proud of myself for that. I'm sorry to hear that those of you who never tell a lie to their children, have little children who will never know the joy of Santa, the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy visiting them in their childhood. For those of you who were helpful THANK YOU VERY MUCH, I am working to "fix" the situation in the best way possible for my child.

Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 1:22pm
becca's picture
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I just want to be clear that I was sticking up for you when I brought up the Santa and Tooth fairy stuff! Not sure it was clear the way I stated it in my post. I was posing it as a question to those who say they never lie, but I was wondering if they do the whole Santa and tooth fairy thing, which would be telling a lie, really. I do it. And I was pointing out most of us were lied to in that way and are just fine and I am sure your child will be fine too, about the white lie.
I have a child who does not eat, and I am sure I stretch the truth with her to get her to eat. I know I tell her her hair is very shiny because she has been eating her broccoli. Well, I do not know that, and actually, her hair is not all that shiny these days because she eats terribly! But it gets her to eat more healthy choices!
It will be fine and do not beat yourself up over it. I think you got a bum rap by some folks here and I hope it does not chase you off of the site. Good luck. becca

Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 1:25pm
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Quote:Originally posted by peanut hater:
[b]I'm sorry to hear that those of you who never tell a lie to their children, have little children who will never know the joy of Santa, the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy visiting them in their childhood. [/b]
Never fear. I tell my cubs about *all* of them, including the *Meat Fairy* [b]and[/b] the [i]Boogeyman[/i]. I don't think they believe it for a minute, but they humor *me* none-the-less. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Especially when I add sound effects to the Boogeyman. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/tongue.gif[/img]

Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 1:35pm
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

You did what you thought was right (at the time) for a terrified little girl. It offered her comfort. Comfort which (from bitter experience) can be desperately needed when you are a child who has 'had the curtain pulled back' on the adult world before they are developmentally READY...
Anyway. I respect you for realizing that this was a problem that needed to be fixed and also for sticking in there with this thread. Many people would not have come back after the accusations of bad parenting, and you hung in there. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Good for you!
How is it going? What did you decide you should do? Have you made a decision yet?
By the way, FWIW, I don't lie either. To anyone, including my daughter. Because, like MB's cubs, my daughter would narrow those pretty blue eyes at me and call me a liar in a heartbeat. LOL! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
But I see the value of not telling the unvarnished truth to a child when he/she isn't developmentally ready to hear it. To steal from a child the illusion that the world is basically a good and safe place is horrific. If you have not been in such a dark place, please offer advice, but not criticism. I know what it feels like to be a traumatized [i]child[/i], and it is not pretty.
Besides, none of us is the parent of THIS CHILD. Peanut Hater is. I've seen a tiny child who is terrified to eat after a reaction that nearly killed her. That is the lens through which I was able to offer compassion, even though I made different choices.
Peanut hater, I really hope that this experience hasn't made you wary of posting on the boards in the future. Ordinarily, you get good advice which is offered out of empathy rather than self-congratulatory criticism. Sometimes threads take on a life of their own which has little to do with the original post. This one has certainly become about the merits of particularly brutal honesty, hasn't it? [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
Again, I personally extend you a very warm welcome. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
I can also assure you that your perspective [i]is[/i] valued here, even by those who have been fairly harsh in this thread.

Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 1:41pm
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

MB, ROFL!!!
The [b]meat[/b] fairy??
I wonder if the meat fairy is any relation to the [i]Christmas Wolf[/i]....
(My dad's idea of a great childhood myth... since I couldn't stand to think that Santa rewarded without punishing... therefore, the wolf. Who [b]ate[/b] naughty little children all up while bringing presents to the [i]other[/i] good children!) I think my Dad just liked doing the wolf's voice on the spare bedroom phone. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
[This message has been edited by Corvallis Mom (edited February 17, 2006).]

Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 1:48pm
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Corvallis Mom:
[b]
By the way, FWIW, I don't lie either. To anyone, including my daughter. Because, like MB's cubs, my daughter would narrow those pretty blue eyes at me and call me a liar in a heartbeat. LOL! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
[/b]
mine would also use it to their advantage. However sweetly. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img] Last night youngest was torturing me. Asking in his most sing song prosody: "Where does [i]Italian Sausage[/i] come from?"
But that [i]look[/i]. He knows. He just wants me to admit it. (Hmmmmmmmmm. wonder where he gets that streak from??)
Oldest was like: "Tell him. [i]Tell him where. You told me.[/i] (with relish)
But you know, he was eating so well. So I told him: The [i]store[/i].
No lie. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img] It does. I used to use: "The Meat Fairy", but that get's you into trouble when they are picking out Porterhouse and Tenderloin every other night. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
I'd admit the details, but you know, he's watched those learning channel type shows on meat processing and agriculture. He's just testing me. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/cool.gif[/img] That or really enjoying egging me on with: Does it grow like corn? What do "meat seeds" look like? I guess you'd have to see the gleam in his eyes when he asks. Especially when he'd rather skip dinner and move right to the ice cream and waffle bowls. KWIM?
Definitely no advice, I'm in up to my eyeballs with that one.

Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 1:54pm
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

psssst
[i] You mean it doesn't come from Italy??[/i]
HAHAHA! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
Yes... we got taken for a similar ride with the tooth fairy... she's gotta be LOADED to come to my house. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/rolleyes.gif[/img]
Suspended disbelief is deadly, I hear ya.
I can see my little princess doing the calculations, too. (Hmmmmm... if I [i]say[/i] I want XXXX from Santa, I can ask for other stuff from Mom and Dad.....)
[This message has been edited by Corvallis Mom (edited February 17, 2006).]

Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 2:00pm
MommaBear's picture
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Corvallis Mom:
[b]MB, ROFL!!!
The [b]meat[/b] fairy?? [/b]
none other. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/cool.gif[/img]
Quote:[b]I wonder if the meat fairy is any relation to the [i]Christmas Wolf[/i]....[/b]
I can't [i]wait[/i] till next Christmas......[b]mwahahahahahaha[/b]
Quote:[b](My dad's idea of a great childhood myth... since I couldn't stand to think that Santa rewarded without punishing... therefore, the wolf. Who [b]ate[/b] naughty little children all up while bringing presents to the [i]other[/i] good children!) I think my Dad just liked doing the wolf's voice on the spare bedroom phone. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
[/b]
now *this* is [i]my[/i] kind of Christmas Story. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img] I bet they'd even antagonize me into encores.
Tales of greasy mantles and chicken bones in stockings.... [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/cool.gif[/img]
need I say: "no advice"?

Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 2:06pm
MommaBear's picture
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

pssssssst. Corvalismom:
tell me (in the other "tape" thread if you want) where did you get the rolling art carts with drawers?? [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
We're using tackle boxes where portability is needed. I had to do something. I mean, I've come to believe brilliance and and artistic gift do not necessarily lend themselves to [i]organization[/i].

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