I lied

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 4:27am
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I have a dd who has been pa for three years (since the age of two). When she was 4 she had a reaction to something that was brought into our home(the safety zone) by a neighbor. Because I gave it to her and it was in our "safety zone" she stopped trusting anyone. We of course spent the evening in the hospital with needles and medicine and lots of scary stuff to a 4 year old. The next day she stopped eating. She would not trust anything we gave her. After two days, I decided to tell her that I was allergic to peanut too so that she would see that if I ate it and was o.k. she could eat it too. It worked, and she would have me taste the food first and if my face didn't turn red then she could eat it too. Now...what do I do with this, do I keep this up till she is older, and how old should she be. I don't want her to think I am a liar or that this situation is a game I am playing with her. I was in a situation where I was watching by baby not eat out of fear and felt something sould be done. I feel like if I tell her I am not allergic she might think she is not allergic either. By the way, she still after a year and a half she still makes me taste "new"foods and watches my face to see if it turns red.

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 5:19am
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Maybe, when you feel she is ready to trust foods that aren't tested by a PA mom first, you can tell her you "outgrew" your allergy. Preferably right after a doctor's appointment. She is young enough that she probably won't remember this later in life, but if she does, when she is old enough, explain that you were worried about her, and lied to her out of fear for her well-being.

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 6:02am
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How's her letter recognition at her age? Could you teach her to recognize the word peanut on labels and start going over labels with her. Once she starts to recognize it, try to make it a game (if you can?)...who can find the word peanut first.
Maybe explain you want to help her learn to protect herself too. Are you with her for every meal? Could you remove yourself from a few meals after you and she have reviewed the labels and know it's safe?
Sorry she had such a bad reaction that made her so afraid [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img] Meg

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 7:04am
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I'm sorry ahead of time if I'm probably going to sound quite harsh but I have to say I am quite disturbed at your aproach to this situation.
In my opinion, it is much better to be honest with children then to lie. Why didn't you just tell her that you made a mistake by letting her eat the neighbors food. You could have said, "Honey, Mommy made a mistake by letting you eat that snack. I thought that it would be O.K. but I was wrong. I will never make that mistake again because I will be more careful next time. I love you and I want you to be safe."
Quote:Originally posted by peanut hater:
[b]"she stopped trusting anyone."[/b]
I don't blame her!
[b] Quote:"I decided to tell her that I was allergic to peanut too so that she would see that if I ate it and was o.k.[/b]
But you are not allergic. How long were you planning on doing this? What if she then ate something after you ate it and then had a reaction?
[b] Quote:"Now...what do I do with this, do I keep this up till she is older...I don't want her to think I am a liar or that this situation is a game I am playing with her." [/b]
Absolutely do NOT keep this up! Lying is never the answer. The more you lie, the less she will trust you. A parent is who a child needs to trust and feel the most secure with. If you continue to lie, she will not trust you and will start to think that it's O.K. for her to lie too.
I don't really think that it's fair for you to say that you don't want her to think you're a liar or that you are playing a game with her. You DID lie and you ARE playing a game!

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 7:26am
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I think you certainly must have done this with the [i]very very best of intentions[/i] but it has clearly got to stop. You wouldn't have asked otherwise, right?
I can understand your motivation for feeling this way-- my daughter at one time wouldn't eat anything my husband made her for about two weeks after he accidentally triggered her egg allergy at about the same age. She brought it up for about a year afterwards! So I get where you are coming from here.
I think you should do one of two things:
1. "Outgrow" your own allergy, as another poster suggested. If you can enlist your own physician that would be helpful. This is pretty important, because as was suggested, what happens if you give her something that is cross-contaminated accidentally?
I would also be worried, though, that this may cause her additional heartache if she gets her hope raised by that and then doesn't ever "outgrow" [b]her[/b] allergy, KWIM? She might even think that she's done something wrong to deserve having her allergy...So maybe the other option is necessary.
2. Find a professional to help your family with this issue and 'fess up. In session, where a good therapist can help you guys work through it. Maybe your allergist can suggest someone to help.
After anaphylaxing, we always watch our daughter for a week or two to see "what develops" in terms of her emotional needs. We are always ready to provide professional help if she needs it. And under the circumstances you describe, I think I would have enlisted that aid. (But hindsight is 20/20 I know... and it is harder when it is your own child.)
Good luck. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
I hope that the boards can offer you some support. You are very welcome here. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
***********************************
And YES, Mimi, I do think that was a little harsh. Especially since the person asking was on their first post and/or clearly seeking aid for a problem they were embarrassed about having created. Note I didn't say I thought it was a good thing... just that I can understand the thinking behind it. Hope the poster doesn't think that criticism is all that can be found here. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
[This message has been edited by Corvallis Mom (edited February 12, 2006).]

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 8:10am
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What you did is completely understandable. I think some other responses were pretty harsh toward you. You were freaking out that your child was refusing to eat, and you did what you saw as the best solution when you were in a very difficult situation. Hindsight is irrelevant. Nobody should be telling you what you should have done differently. #1: You might have made a different decision if you weren't in the middle of such a difficult situation. #2: If you had it to do all over, you might have decided to do the same thing. Each of us are different people who make our own unique decisions. Let's respect each other more, even if someone does something differently than you would have.
Now that I got that off my chest, I'll address your post. I also was going to recommend that you "outgrow" the allergy. I would make it clear that it is very rare that people outgrow a peanut allergy, and your DD probably will not outgrow hers. I also would talk about how you "realized" that you outgrew the allergy. You don't want her to test on her own if she's outgrown it! I also would go over all of the ways that you keep her safe. That way, she won't think you'll stop doing the precautions to avoid peanuts just because you don't "have" the allergy anymore.
I agree about empowering your DD with information about avoiding peanuts. You can start this at any age. My 2 year old has been taught to tell people who offer him food, "No thank you. I have food allergies. I need to check with my mom or dad first" (obviously he doesn't say all of those words, but he gets that idea across. He's very verbal for a child who just turned 2). He also pretends to read labels and check for peanut warnings because that's what he sees me do and I explain what I'm doing. It's kinda sad to see my 2 year old's pretend play in a kitchen be "No peanut. Safe to eat" but I also feel good that he understands his allergy (as much as he can at age 2).
My cousin keeps food in the house that her child is allergic to (he has a long list of food allergies). Before he could read, she printed labels that had his picture on it. If the label with his picture was on a bag/container, that meant he could eat that food. Maybe that method would help your child feel safer.
You'll get through this, and don't let others make you feel badly about the way you handled the situation. I don't know what I would have done in that situation, but it might have been the same way you handled it. You were desperate for your child to feel safe and to eat! As parents, we always want to make our children feel loved and safe, and we want to care for their needs. That's exactly what you tried to do.
[This message has been edited by Mookie86 (edited February 12, 2006).]

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 8:33am
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Some people do outgrow it and so can you. Myu dd knows this, and she also knows she might not be a lucky one. I would go with the outgrowing thing and if you must, you can come clean when the child is mature enough to hear it.
I would really warn you about telling the truth without professional help. My dd is 6, and was totally devestated when I tried to fess up about a little fairy visit thing we were doing(with the advent calendar, actually). We had thought it cute to leave a surprise each night by a fairy, and when we forgot a couple of times, I tried to explain most calendars are already filled(with unsafe candy) and we were doing it. She was devestated, flipped out and made me promise not to do it anymore. Well, we did leave more treats and she is sure it really was the fairy. There was no way we were going to tell her otherwise. Children this age are very imaginative and have a hard time with reality vs fantasy at times. I think it is very delicate to try to turn around a lie (even a fun one like we were trying to do). I learned the hard way, and was lucky we got by, and it was not a serious thing. But It was upsetting to dd to think we might have lied. She found it easier to think the fairy had trouble in a snow storm than to think it was all a ruse!
I understand what you did and why. It is scary when our babies will not eat. I have a very light and picky eater in one of my children. It is a worry. Welcome to the boards. becca

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 8:36am
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Just checking back in here....
I wanted to add that I too understand you had the best of intentions, you just wanted your dd to start eating and not be so terrified. I can imagine how hard that must have been, and don't know what I would have done in that situation.
I think it's safe to say, without ever meeting each other, and even though this is your 1st post, that we ALL love our children more than anything, and would never want to hurt them. You were just trying to protect your dd.
I feel for you and I'm sure you'll find a solution. It doesn't have to be overnight...I think I'd try to get her into reading labels and out of having you taste test all of her food before you tell her you outgrew it. Give her some confidence in her own ability to protect herself first, JMO.
And MimiM, yep, harsh. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 10:58am
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One way to address children's fears is by reading a story to them. A book is a little easier to take since it is less personal, and allows them to talk about their fears indirectly. I highly recommend the "Peanut Pickle" as a book that empowers kids with peanut allergy to protect themselves.
[url="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/192862345X/104-4366446-3912705?v=glance&n=283155"]http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/192862345X/104-4366446-3912705?v=glance&n=283155[/url]
Cathy
------------------
Mom to 6 1/2 yr old PA/TNA daughter and 3 yr old son who is allergic to eggs.

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 11:12am
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I just keep coming back to this thread. I really feel for your situation. We end up doing so many things that seem right at the time... and then wonder how to fix them later. Becca is usually right.
It seems from your post as if you just need a big hug. {{hug}}
You did what you felt was necessary at the time. NOBODY can say they would not have done the same. (Nobody else was there, now, were they?)
Your daughter will know one day what you did and why. And she will probably love you for it.
So hang in there.

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 11:21am
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I in no way agree with what I did, I was in a desperate situation and was looking for a quick solution, this was the only one that worked for her and she clung to it. She reads labels, does not take food from any one but me and dh, and is very aware of the people eating around her. I realize what I did was not the best thing, but be that what it may, I am now in this situation and I don't know if coming clean is the best thing. I am worried about what the reaction will be, she like the idea that we have "special tummies" together. I have talked to her many times about her situation and about reading labels, and not eating strange food, but when we go somewhere like a birthday party or holiday dinner, the only way she will eat is if she sees me eat it first. I wonder if waiting till she is old enough to understand why I did it in the first place is good, and then what is "old enough"?

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 11:21am
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I'm sorry if my approach seems harsh but I feel strongly that honesty is the best policy for any situation, not only with young children.
O.K., we all make mistakes as parents sometimes but when we do, we must fess up to the mistake as trust and communication are the foundation to any good relationship. Kids need to know that mistakes do happen and that it's O.K. to admit that you are wrong.
This situation concerns me greatly because even after her actions, peanut hater could not understand why her child didn't trust her. She(her child)had trusted her mom initially but then the reaction broke that trust. This could have been resolved quickly and easily with honest admittion of a mistake but instead, the response she chose was to lie again only further breaking her daughter's trust in her.
As if that wasn't enough, she was then asking if she only lie more to resolve the issue.
I credit her for coming to this board for advice since she knew that she couldn't see what was really happening. I also agree with someone elses suggestion to seek counselling as she will probably benefit from this as it may facilitate reestablishment of the trusting relationship between herself and her child.
Sorry, peanut hater if hearing the truth hurts, but I think that the reason that you came here was to ask for people to give you some insight into the situation. I would rather help you by being completely honest with you rather than telling you just what you want to hear. The latter wouldn't necessarily help you to make things better.
I wish you the best of luck resolving this situation.

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 11:34am
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Oops, I started writing my last post before your second response, peanut hater, but held it to finish later (now). However, when I came back to it to post just now, I failed to check to see that you had already responded.
I see now that you regret what you have done but are not sure what to do. I understand being afraid of addressing it now but I still think that you should not wait. Your daughter may be a bit confused at first but she'll probably get over it fairly quickly. The older she gets, the more I think she will take it more to heart.

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 11:37am
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We did something similar. My husband caught a virus after eating crab once. At the time, he thought maybe a shellfish allergy because he was vomiting so much. My daughter was so excited, we never told her he wasn't allergic. He has eaten crab many times since then, but she doesn't know it.
We don't have the heart to tell her because she loves her dad having an allergy.
One night, he was going to Red Lobster, and my daughter was so worried he was going to have a reaction. I felt horrible, and I wanted the "lie" to go away.
We didn't enter into it with a lie in mind. My husband honestly thought he might be having a reaction. It was really an accident, but it just kept going.
I feel for you. This might need a therapist help. I know it would crush my daughter if she found out about my husband.
And by the way, she was 3 when this first came up. We never discussed it, but at 5 it came back. She never forgot about his allergy.

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 12:24pm
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Quote:Originally posted by peanut hater:
[b]she like the idea that we have "special tummies" together.[/b]
One month shy of age 6, my older child was diagnosed as allergic to peanuts, almost all tree nuts, and soy. We did allergy testing to figure out his environmental triggers. He'd never had any apparent reaction to these foods, so the food allergy diagnoses came as a shock. He asked his father if he would do the same diet he now had to do. Dad said that he also wouldn't eat any peanuts, tree nuts, or soy as well as "may contains"/"made in." My child felt comforted knowing that he wasn't the only one having to do this. It also may have come from the fact that I have been on a strict no-peanut diet since finding out about my younger child's PA since I am breastfeeding. I never ate anything with peanuts in the ingredients while pregnant or breastfeeding, but since learning of my nursling's allergy, I don't eat any "may contains"/"made in" items, don't eat in any restaurants that have any peanut products in any of their dishes, etc. Maybe my oldest views me and my younger child as food buddies, and now he and dad are food buddies with his food allergies. Anyway, even if you "outgrow" your allergy, maybe your DD would feel the need for you to keep the same diet for awhile---just so she doesn't feel as alone. I like the suggestion of reading books. Another idea is to try to befriend other kids with food allergies. Maybe you know people at her school, in the neighborhood, or who knows where else. Are you members of FAAN? My kids love the children's newsletter. They love hearing about other children who have food allergies.

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 1:43pm
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There is something to the companion in allergies thing. My ds has no known allergies but at just barely 2yo, we are very careful woth some foods, esp. dd's allergens. So she considers him egg and all nuts(PA, too) allergic. Sometimes, she expresses excitement at him being unable to have a food she cannot have, and she is careful for him. She tries to give him safe things. So, at this age(5-6), from what I see, comraderie is important. That is why I suggested being cautious about coming clean on the truth.
Even if honesty is best, once it has been breached, one has to care for the tender heart of the child. Children just do not see the world as we adults do. They do not. I am a very honest parent, and it got me into some near trouble. I really rocked the world of all that is tooth faries, Santa, Easter Bunny and all that. Candy witch at Halloween included. But dd clung to her dreams all on her own, despite the truth I gave her. It is about the age.
Your dd is good with her present reality. Your guilt is not her reality. Be delicate in revealing the truth. I think you can wait, or outgrow "your allergy". Keep it simple, though. And you can always come clean when the time is right. You will know when that is.
Thankyou Corvallis' mom , BTW. Can you tell my dh I am usually righttoo!? LOL! It is always easy to advise others, but as you all see, I made a sad mistake in this arena. Hindsight is 20/20. We are all human! becca

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 2:33pm
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Don't have much time to respond but wanted to agree with others. Children find comfort in relating to others. My son, now 9 1/2, used to have conversations with me daily about who has what allergies. He even comments occasionally that he wishes all of us (mom, dad, & brothers) had PA or TA.

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 2:35pm
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Be honest as soon as possible and tell her that you aren't allergic.
If at all possible tell her that you will not eat the foods that she is allergic to.
To continue the lie will only cause more distress as she gets older. Tell her why you lied and always keep the truth at the forefront with you relationship. I would never find it okay to lie to your child no matter what. Tell her why you lied that you care about her and were concerned that she wouldn't eat and thought that if you said you were allergic she would eat.
The game you played about tasting the food for her should also stop obviously you would not react to something but she may and then she would really not trust you.
Secrets and lies in families can do great harm even when the child is older and finds out later. I just don't think regardless of any situation that lieing would ever be okay.
Do your best to tell her you lied and that you are very sorry and you need her to forgive you and that even adults make mistakes and do things wrong she will be okay as long as you are honest with her. She won't if you continue in the lie until you feel she could handle. Take care of it as soon as possible.
Help her to find safe foods that she likes and have her help you shop for safe foods and have her listen in when/if you call manufacturers.
It is her allergy and you as her mom need to help her to handle it and prepare her for life.
You are a great mom and just need to be honest and help your dd with her allergy.
Tell her that you will be there for her and show her your support just like you did when she thought you were also allergic. She needs your companionship in this more than anything at her age.
Finding her a friend with a food allergy will also help even if it is someone on this board or someone in your area.
It is always better to be honest and sometimes that may mean telling your child more than you want too but always tell the truth.
Take Care
toomanynuts

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 10:24pm
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Still thinking here...
I don't know if telling her the truth this very moment would be helpful or harmful. I wonder if something like this would work: do you like your allergist/pediatrician? Could you fill them in about your situation and have them explain to your dd that everyone's body is different, mommy may be less sensitive than dd, and have the doctor review the best ways to keep dd safe, other than you taste testing your food? Maybe have the doctor tell dd that mommy made a mistake in taste testing your food first? What do you think?
No matter what anyone thinks about the truth, having you immediately outgrow the allergy or confessing that you're not allergic may not be best for your dd until she feels confident in some other way about eating.
You mentioned birthday and holiday parties....I'm not clear if you bring safe food from home or let her eat what's prepared elsewhere. Would she feel better if you bring safe food from home if you don't do that already?
I too think involving a trusted doctor or therapist would be helpful here. Best of luck to you, and please let us know how it turns out. Meg

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 11:19pm
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For those who are being so harsh about "lying", I wonder if your children are led to believe in the tooth fairy, Santa, the Easter Bunny? Those are lies and many perpetuate them in huge ways to our children. I am not saying it is good, because many kids are quite hurt when they find out the truth. However, be careful not to judge...
I think it can just go away with a very simple corrective lie. The outgrowing or having an allergy go away can be explained as a grown up thing, and by the time the child is fully grown, she will understand why all this happened. Keeping it going is where the web grows thicker. But one more white lie to end it does not seem like a big deal *at this point*.
But it is a good point to somehow make her feel trusting of eating without you tasting all her food. That habit/ritual/practice will be hard to break just because habits are security anyway.
There were some good suggestions about teaching her more about what is safe, so she can decide and choose. And, in reality, there may be future reactions. It is always lurking. So, it is something to somehow address, but that is why we have epipens.
Maybe some psych support is in order for all the anxiety and fear, not the "lie" itself. Maybe by taking ownership for her eating choices as much as possible, the "lie" will not be so in the foreground anyway.
But, I have to state, yet again, I don't think telling the child right off that it has been a lie will help. Remember folks, the girl was not eating anything. She is at a very fragile age as well. becca

Posted on: Sun, 02/12/2006 - 11:54pm
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Becca, I'll tell your DH if you'll tell mine! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
I agree... again. I don't think telling her without professional help is a good idea at this age. My own daughter is this age. Girls can be at a pretty fragile place with their moms at this age. If I were to betray my daughter's trust in me with a big revelation like that, I sure wouldn't do it without professional help. (And my own daughter is sweet as sugar candy on the outside, but made of steel underneath.)
Has your daughter ever talked through her anaphylaxis incident with you, or did this situation "fix" all of that? It sounds as though you need to have your daughter talk to someone to have a better handle on the stress about her allergy. Probably need to do that before you eliminate this comfort ritual either way.
I agree that meeting other kids with her allergy would be helpful... [i]as long as they are as sensitive to the allergen as she is [/i] because otherwise it can be depressing and more isolating. We know people in real life who do trans-oceanic airline flights, international restaurant meals, carnivals and school with no modifications. That isn't the PA we know, with all due respect to them.
I am so glad that you came back to the boards. We mean well, but can be like a big, overbearing, extended family sometimes. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]

Posted on: Mon, 02/13/2006 - 1:54am
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Quote:Originally posted by becca:
[b]But it is a good point to somehow make her feel trusting of eating without you tasting all her food. That habit/ritual/practice will be hard to break just because habits are security anyway.
[/b]
I think that this ritual does need to be replaced by something else that really will keep her safe. She cannot rely on "tasters"; if she makes other PA friends, they may be less sensitive. Also, the idea that a PA person (the mom) would test food by tasting it, is not safe.
Peanut Hater could enlist the doctor's help here: she and her daughter could undergo testing (in the mom's case "testing"). The doctor can reveal that the mom is not now allergic (mistaken, outgrown, whatever works). Then the doctor could discuss with mother and daughter ways to keep the daughter safe. Maybe if it comes from a "higher authority" the daughter will trust the advice. Then the issue becomes not "I lied or was mistaken, etc." but "the doctor says we need to do X to keep you safe." Explain how X would have prevented the reaction she had. Explain that accidents can happen, even when people are careful. That's why we wear seatbelts, lifejackets, carry epipens, etc.
Sometimes confessing to a lie is not the right thing to do. There is the urge to confess and unburden oneself, to be forgiven. But sometimes the confession injures another person more than they would be injured by the lie. Peanut Hater has confessed, been chastized and forgiven here. She should not place that burden on her young daughter.
Cathy
------------------
Mom to 6 1/2 yr old PA/TNA daughter and 3 yr old son who is allergic to eggs.

Posted on: Mon, 02/13/2006 - 2:20am
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I would tell her *something* very soon (outgrew, whatever.) I don't think anyone brought this up, but what if she ingests something that you tasted that was cross-contaminated with peanuts & she got sick, then you would be worse off than you were before.
With my DD, I do not allow her to eat anything that does not have a label. She never eats cupcakes etc from school or cakes/food at parties-- with a few exceptions of people *I* know prepare safe foods, but with your daughter, I wouldn't have *any* exceptions. It makes our comfort zone safe & leaves less room for problems. & It will help your daughter if she could look with you on the labels to see if peanut is listed. Maybe when she is older, you can allow her to eat certain foods prepared by others, but for now I wouldn't.

Posted on: Mon, 02/13/2006 - 4:46am
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Sorry to disagree with all the posts.
My children believe in Santa Claus.
They believe in the tooth fairy.
They believe in the Easter Bunny.
So, I've been lying since the day they were born.
When my kids were smaller, I never said "Mommy is allergic". I did say, "Mommy could get sick too if she eats peanuts". And, similarly, I apply that statement to my non-PA younger children. If they say their allergic when talking to people, I correct them in that manner - "You're not allergic but you could get sick if you ate one". It is also true on the level that they are at higher risk given their PA sibling.
I consider it a play on words: If I ate peanuts and caused her a reaction, no doubt I would get physically sick (after I took care of her, that is)
I see your situation as you did what you had to do. However, the part that she waits to see if you get "red" scares me. Technically, even if you were allergic and ate something and were OK with it, it doesn't mean that she couldn't have a reaction from a bite of the same item. Depends on the state of both of your immune systems at the time you ate it.
Seems to me it is more important to break way from that. What would happen if she did have a reaction from something you "tried"? [i]That[/i] would be scary.
Would I continue with the "I'm allergic"? Problably not but if she is that young, I would NOT correct my "lie" explicitly saying so. Is it any better than lying again? Probably not. But I would still do it that way to not break her trust. We're not talking about trust with a secret. We're talking about a potentially serious health issue - namely not eating.
(And I do not say what I said with ease. Trust is the foundation to any healthy relationship but I'd risk it rather than her health)
[This message has been edited by LaurensMom (edited February 13, 2006).]
[This message has been edited by LaurensMom (edited February 17, 2006).]

Posted on: Mon, 02/13/2006 - 5:25am
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I think all of us have probably been in one of those,

Posted on: Mon, 02/13/2006 - 6:16am
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Quote:Originally posted by LaurensMom:
[b]Sorry to disagree with all the posts.
My children believe in Santa Claus.
They believe in the tooth fairy.
They believe in the Easter Bunny.
So, I've been lying since the day they were born.
When my kids were smaller, I never said "Mommy is allergic". I did say, "Mommy could get sick too if she eats peanuts". And, similarly, I apply that statement to my non-PA younger children. If they say their allergic when talking to people, I correct them in that manner - "You're not allergic but you could get sick if you ate one". It is also true on the level that they are at higher risk given their PA sibling.
I consider it a play on words: If I ate peanuts and caused her a reaction, no doubt I would get physically sick (after I took care of her, that is)
I see your situation as you did what you had to do. However, the part that she waits to see if you get "red" scares me. Technically, if you were allergic and ate something and were OK with it, it doesn't mean that she couldn't have a reaction from a bite of the same item. Depends on the state of both of your immune systems at the time you ate it.
Seems to me it is more important to break way from that. What would happen if she did have a reaction from something you "tried"? [i]That[/i] would be scary.
Would I continue with the "I'm allergic"? Problably not but if she is that young, I would NOT correct my "lie" explicitly saying so. Is it any better than lying again? Probably not. But I would still do it that way to not break her trust. We're not talking about trust with a secret. We're talking about a potentially serious health issue - namely not eating.
(And I do not say what I said with ease. Trust is the foundation to any healthy relationship but I'd risk it rather than her health)
[This message has been edited by LaurensMom (edited February 13, 2006).][/b]
I COMPLETELY AGREE AND SAY SOMETHING VERY SIMILAR TO MY SON.
To the other posters....Do we have to be so harsh on people when they just ask for some advice? My goodness...it is a wonder that some people ever post again after they get slammed down.

Posted on: Mon, 02/13/2006 - 6:18am
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I am reading and absorbing everything ya'll are saying. Many good points have been made, it honestly never occured to me that she might have a reaction after I "tasted" something. I would like to say that my dd has been taught to read every label, ask questions to anyone involving food (including family memebers), and never eat anything that does not have a label. The reason all of this came about was when a neighbor brought a cake over (knowing about the peanut allergy). My dd asked for an apple(which I wash upon entering our house, not right before eating). Someone who had handled the cake handed her an apple, she took a bite of the apple and there is the reaction. I was unaware of the nuts in the cake, and it took awhile for us to figure out how she was exposed. It was through hand contact from cake to apple. This all being said apples are a VERY SAFE FOOD, so knowing this and then having an attack after eating it, she thought NO FOOD was safe anymore, there by she stopped eating. I in no way "taste" packaged food, it is food that in no way could contain. But now thinking about it I guess anything could be cross-contaminated and there for my face would not turn red, her's would. I don't plan on telling her anything about the situation today, I need to think about what would be best for her. She won't be mad at me coming clean, I think she would feel isolated. She doesn't know anyone with this allergy, plus I have never talked to her about her one day out growing it because her dr. said according to her RAST # the odds are very slim, so she doesn't realize that someone with the allergy could become unallergic. I am taking everyones comments to heart and thinking hard about how I should handle this.

Posted on: Mon, 02/13/2006 - 6:37am
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My dd is 6 and in kindergarten. Is your dd in Kindergarten? We could write you and your dd a note and do a pen pal type thing for awhile. We lost our regular penpal. Hardly ever hear from her, and maybe your dd would benefit from hearing about the day to day stuff we do, and have a couple of pictures. Email me at [email]imissmandms@hotmail.com[/email] if you want to talk about something. Even just a one time note or occasional newsy letter to make her feel some comraderie. Are there any allergy support groups in your area where she could meet someone in person?
FAAN also has a kids newletter with pictures and stories of other children with food allergies. My dd has 2 other children in her class with food allergies, one with multiple and severe issues. She feels fortunate to only have peanut and egg allergies. We were talking about it today, as we made our cookies for Valentine's Day, wondering if he will be able to have them. I think he just added wheat to his list. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
I hope you can figure it out and she becomes less afraid of trying foods. becca

Posted on: Mon, 02/13/2006 - 8:10am
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WOW! Great minds think alike... again!
Feel free to contact me via e-mail, as well. My daughter has a penpal, but would love another one too, I know. (the little e-mail icon is at the top of my posts)
My DD (who is 6) has experienced an anaphylaxis incident like this too... we [i]never[/i] were able to say where the cross-contact came from. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img] Maybe tracked in on DH's shoes?? We still don't know.
She was two and this is how she learned she could die from her food allergies. She remembers that night like it was [i]yesterday.[/i]
It is so very hard for girls to feel so different and alone just when their peers begin to do the girly-club thing. My daughter also feels pretty sorry for herself and bitter some days. She's allergic to pn,tn, egg, and milk. All but the milk are high enough sensitivity that she's contact and aerosol sensitive. It sounds like your daughter's threshold is similar.
I can tell you that it has done WONDERS for her to know that there are other kids out there with life threatening food allergies. Frankly, she doesn't even write to penpals ABOUT allergies, but it is nice to know that she isn't going to get a letter about endless rounds of kiddie sleepovers, spectacular restaurant meals, and carefree vacations. My daughter feels different from many kids she knows, but no longer [i]alone[/i] if that makes sense. It has given her some confidence and her self-esteem a boost.
We didn't find the same to be true of knowing other kids with PA locally. They just don't live the way we must, and it was depressing to know that we were not only unlucky when it came to HAVING food allergies, but also unlucky enough to be extremely sensitive, too.

Posted on: Mon, 02/13/2006 - 12:47pm
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My son has stopped eating for a few days after all of his reactions, but that is completely understandable after a reaction and it usually passes after a few days. If I had been in your situation, I probably would have waited longer to see she would start eating again, and if not, I probably would have taken her to a therapist to address it. Even my non-pa kids have days when they don`t eat, but I know this is normal for kids. Of course, when a child is not eating because they had a life threatening reaction, that is different. When my son has a reaction, I find it really helpful to sit down with him and identify what we will do differently so it doesn`t happen again (in this case, wash hands after touching food with unknown ingredients). But what is done is done, and I think in your shoes at this point, I would "outgrow" the allergy. It seems like if you tell her you lied at this point, it could really erode trust. You could tell her that almost no one outgrows it, but you got lucky and you did. You could tell her that the chance of outgrowing it is really slim. I know that my son had a little girl in his kindergarten class who was pa and did outgrow it, and that is what we told him. The little girl started bringing pb to school in her lunch and could no longer sit at the peanut free table, so this was how he found out. I don`t think that would give your daughter false hope, and it seems like the least damaging way to fix this now. Also, there was a death recently of a pa teenager who thought she could tell from the taste if something had peanuts---well, she tasted it and she died. It was in the news a few months ago. I don`t think I would want to convey the message that if you really were allergic, it is okay to taste something to see if it is safe or if it will cause a reaction.

Posted on: Tue, 02/14/2006 - 10:46am
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Well, I must be a bad mommy too.
I'm a vegetarian and when my son was younger and wanted to know why I didn't eat chicken, turkey, etc. I just explained that I was allergic to it. This seemed to me to be a lot more sensible than explaining my philosophical objections to eating meat. At the time, I don't think he comprehended that the food he was eating was dead animals and I don't think that bit of info would have gone over too well.
This at a time when there were literally 6-8 food items that my son could or would eat. If he stopped eating poultry then he really would have been in serious trouble.
Sometimes you do what you've got to do for the best interests of your children. Sometimes you're desperate, especially when they are so sick and allergic to everything. You do what you need to do to keep your children well.
I think people here are wrong to berate you over it.
The subject came up again recently and I told him, that no I wasn't really allergic and why I had said what I said. He was fine with it. He wasn't emotionally scarred or upset or anything.
Give yourself a break.
Barb

Posted on: Wed, 02/15/2006 - 12:16am
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Anonymous (not verified)

Quote:Originally posted by barb1123:
[b]I'm a vegetarian and when my son was younger and wanted to know why I didn't eat chicken, turkey, etc. I just explained that I was allergic to it.
[/b]
[i]Personally[/i], I get quite irritated when people lie, saying they have allergies when they don't. [i]I feel[/i] it downplays the severity of allergies.

Posted on: Wed, 02/15/2006 - 1:08am
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Personally, I wouldn't waste time worrying about what you should or shouldn't have done in the past. That can't be changed. However, what is happening now desperately needs to be changed.
Your daughter is five? I'm just brainstorming for ideas here...my youngest is 5 (although not PA). I'm not sure about telling her you outgrew the allergy. I have a feeling that what might happen is she might absolutely panic over not having you as "tester" anymore.
Basically, what's happened is that she has turned over all responsibility for her allergy to you. Not that a child of 5 is going to have much responsibility, but at that age they need to at least "own" their allergy. Does that make sense?
Is she eating a good variety of food now? Perhaps you could simply stop introducing new foods for a while. In the meantime, take her grocery shopping and show her exactly what steps you take to ensure that the food you buy is safe. Maybe stick with the same brands you've been buying, but point out the label. Then you could have her help pick out a new item to try.
When she asks you to taste it, I would simply explain that you can't do it anymore, because she is getting to be a big girl now. Instead, you will help her to make certain that she doesn't try anything that will hurt her. If she refuses, don't push it. Just try again another time.
Just a thought. I've found when my kids are scared of something, giving them MORE personal responsibility regarding it generally makes them feel more in control and less afraid. For instance, one of my sons was deathly afraid of dogs. I told him it was okay to be afraid of dogs, but he needed to behave in certain ways around them regardless of his fear (no running, shrieking, flapping his arms, etc...) because those behaviors might lead to him being bitten. He was then able to stand calmly and observe dogs (I never allowed one near him BTW, just let him watch from a distance). One day he asked a lady at school if her dog was nice and could he pet it, and he hasn't been afraid since. I let him "own" his fear and then he was able to work it out by himself. Make sense?
Good luck with your situation. I'm sure you'll find something that works for you and your daughter.
Lori

Posted on: Wed, 02/15/2006 - 2:22am
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I totally would come clean on this good intentions fib.
We parents make mistakes all the time and I know from experience when I do, I apologize to my child and they always thank me.
I've always thanked them for saying sorry, so this is normal for us.
Your fib was a good intentions fib to get your child to eat. What the heck is wrong with that, Nothing.
To keep this fib going is wrong though, and your child will understand if your honest in telling her you were desperate at the time to come up with something to get her over her trauma.
It's time, and someday you'll have a good laugh over this.

Posted on: Wed, 02/15/2006 - 4:02am
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Quote:Originally posted by AnnaMarie:
[b] [i]Personally[/i], I get quite irritated when people lie, saying they have allergies when they don't. [/b]
Believe me nothing or no one could downplay the allergies of my child which are amongst the worst his doctors have ever seen.
I personally get irritated by people who try to make me or others feel bad. I did not lie to you or anyone else except my son and I notice in your quote that you left out the bit about how he was down to literally 6-8 food items IN TOTAL that he could or would consume. Knowing my son as I do and YOU don't, I know that he would have stopped eating poultry if he knew it was dead animals. So, on one hand I am getting my child to continue eating and on the other HE is not feeling so bad to being allergic to EVERYTHING as his mommy has some allergies too (which I do, just not to poultry).
The point of my post was that we do the best we can for our kids. Obviously, we all here do or 1. we wouldn't be posting here 2. our kids would probably be dead from anaphylaxis by now. And there is no point beating yourself up over something you did in your child's best interests OR in others berating you when you come looking for advice.
Barb

Posted on: Wed, 02/15/2006 - 4:36am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Barb, maybe you missed the part where I said *personally* and *I feel*. In italics even.
I never said [i]you[/i] were wrong. I said that [i]I feel[/i] it downplays the severity. And that is how [i]I feel[/i]. I have heard people say it for various reasons. They each felt they had a good reason. It bothers me [i]personally[/i] when I hear it.
My reason for posting that is - I am the person with the food allergies. How will a child feel when they find out their parent lied about having allergies? Will they also feel it downplays their allergies? Will they feel that it means they are not really allergic either?
So, you and others have lied to their children about having allergies. Not judging it because it is being done to help the child. But what of the parents that have not lied - but one day might be in similar positions and thinking ....what if I just told a little white lie?
Reading the opinions here - people who tried it and whether it worked or not and whether it caused future problems or not - and opinions of people who have allergies -- those are all things that can help people in the future when they get to that cross-road.

Posted on: Wed, 02/15/2006 - 4:38am
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Quote:Originally posted by barb1123:
[b] Believe me nothing or no one could downplay the allergies of my child which are amongst the worst his doctors have ever seen.
I personally get irritated by people who try to make me or others feel bad. I did not lie to you or anyone else except my son and I notice in your quote that you left out the bit about how he was down to literally 6-8 food items IN TOTAL that he could or would consume. Knowing my son as I do and YOU don't, I know that he would have stopped eating poultry if he knew it was dead animals. So, on one hand I am getting my child to continue eating and on the other HE is not feeling so bad to being allergic to EVERYTHING as his mommy has some allergies too (which I do, just not to poultry).
The point of my post was that we do the best we can for our kids. Obviously, we all here do or 1. we wouldn't be posting here 2. our kids would probably be dead from anaphylaxis by now. And there is no point beating yourself up over something you did in your child's best interests OR in others berating you when you come looking for advice.
Barb[/b]
It didn't appear to me that AnnaMarie was trying to make anyone feel bad. She was just expressing her opinion. If someone feels bad over it, then , I don't think she has much to deal with over it. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] But who knows, maybe she felt [i]bad[/b] thinking she inadvertently made someone else feel bad. KWIM? (think of two mirrors facing each other. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] )
But I'm not her, so I don't know. Just wondering.
Personally? I feel that if *I* were to lie and portray a vegetarian choice as a LTFA, or even my cub's pickyness as a LTFA, in order to gain compliance and to suit my own purposes, then *I'd* better be prepared to give the same pass to let's say another parent who portrays their vegetarian child's needs, (or who knows what other needs relating to food), in my pa/treenuts cubs class as well and not get *my* undies in a bunch over it. KWIM?
And yes, I'm not talking about a parent being a vegetarian, or whatever, but rather a child. A tangent, shall I say. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
As a matter of fact, I've never been to concerned with why others ask for certain accomodations. If there is request in my cub's class not to bring something, I just don't. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img] I don't have to know why. Make a judgement, I mean. I'm not in that position at school.
I mean, I'm from the "picky eater crowd", too. That said, I've yet to portray their picky eating as a "food allergy". In part, because I'm neurotic about detail. And accuracy. [i]to a fault[/i]. I'm also a rotten liar. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/tongue.gif[/img] I hate hypocrisy. With a [i]passion[/i]. Elitism probably even more. But I digress.
Personally? If I had to claim "LTFA" for every "pickyness" my cub had about food.....he'd be in "Ripley's". [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] That or someone would have a nervous breakdown at the mere thought of caring for him. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
Instead, I've worked on educating people that "picky eating" can be a genuine need, right up there with LTFA. Probably for many of the same reasons you mention. And some more. In my cub's case, it's part of a bigger picture, and I wouldn't want to marginalize that. I mean, it's not even a "choice" in my cub's case. It's a [i]need[/i]. But I suppose, who knows, one might argue that for vegetarians. Wouldn't know, I've never been one. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
No advice, just [i]personally[/i]. It's ok to speak personally, right?

Posted on: Thu, 02/16/2006 - 3:44am
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peanuthater,
I don't blame you for what you did. We all do what we have to, including lying, to keep our children safe and healthy. I'm sorry, but honesty is not ALWAYS the best policy. In any case, I'm not posting to agree or disagree, but to raise a potential issue that occurred to me as I read all these posts. Forgive me if someone already said this (I didn't have time to read every single post carefully). Have you thought about the possibility of your eating a nonsafe food (when you thought your daughter wasn't watching or around) and your daughter seeing this and eating it herself (thinking that it's safe)? This would be my only concern in continuing with the status quo. So, if you're not already doing this, until you "outgrow" your allergy or change your daughter's current ideas on your allergy, you should make sure you're not eating anything that wouldn't be okay for her to eat.
Just want her to be safe!!!! Best of luck to you!

Posted on: Thu, 02/16/2006 - 6:57am
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I found this article and thought it was appropriate for this thread. Let me know what you think?
[url="http://www.sesameworkshop.org/parents/advice/article.php?contentId=973&"]http://www.sesameworkshop.org/parents/advice/article.php?contentId=973&[/url]

Posted on: Thu, 02/16/2006 - 12:05pm
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I don't think the Sesame Street article applies to the situation of a child who is refusing ALL FOOD because of an adult sized dose of post-traumatic stress. This isn't some lost blankie or cancelled play-date that has been lied about, for goodness sakes!
Let's address it this way: say that your 4y.o. child is the victim of a drive-by shooting. The suspect is later caught and convicted, but because of other circumstances, has been paroled after just a few months in prison, and is again living just a few blocks from the child. What do you say if that child asks you "can that man ever hurt me again?" The unvarnished [i]truth[/i]?? OMG I hope not. Now, if you are arguing that an allergic reaction doesn't result in that kind of emotional trauma, you are incorrect.
Besides, telling a parent "YOU DID THAT WRONG" several ways and at increasing emotional "volume" doesn't make the situation go away, now does it?
My point is that you are beating a dead horse. The rest of us aren't even fully convinced it [i]is[/i] a horse. LOL!
Trust isn't just about honesty when you are a parent. It is just as important for young children to feel that their parents can protect them from [i]real, adult-sized harm.[/i] They are little, but they are not stupid. This d*mn allergy means that any real protection we can offer our kids is mostly [b]illusion[/b]. Do we want them to know this? Any of us? That is a stunningly terrifying thing to come face to face with when you are 40. Many PA parents [i]never[/i] face that reality, and while I am not one of them, I envy them sometimes! I cannot imagine what sort of emotional harm it must do to a child.
[This message has been edited by Corvallis Mom (edited February 16, 2006).]

Posted on: Thu, 02/16/2006 - 11:23pm
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Hi,
I feel it is very dangerous to tell a 4 year old anything about outgrowing a peanut allergy. Why even put this thought into her head. She will start to get more and more out of your protective reach in the next few years. The last thing you want her thinking about is that she may be growing out of an allergy. Just the wording can be confusing for a small child. How often do they hear from people "wow, you are growing up" or "look how much you have grown" I don't think you ever even want to take the chance putting that thought in the head of a small child. It is much different when the child gets older and can understand better. Four is still very young for all of this. I think you did what was best for you and your child at the time. This is a disabling allergy that consumes a lot of time and energy. It is important to teach our children about it. You need to figure out what the best way to do that for your family is. These boards are great for ideas. I don't like how harsh some people sounded at all. I guess we all know there are so many sides to every story and just as many pieces of advice about them. This is just my take on this situation.
Tracey

Posted on: Thu, 02/16/2006 - 11:33pm
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[b] if you are arguing that an allergic reaction doesn't result in that kind of emotional trauma, you are incorrect.[/b]
Here,here,and Thank You.
NO ONE should *judge* this parent.*You* are not in *her* shoes.DYKW*I*M
Corvallis Mom glad you are back [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
peanut hater ((hugs)) Do what *YOU* need to do to take care of *your* children.
------------------
Love this site
Synthia

Posted on: Thu, 02/16/2006 - 11:52pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Quote:Originally posted by Corvallis Mom:
[b]I don't think the Sesame Street article applies to the situation of a child who is refusing ALL FOOD because of an adult sized dose of post-traumatic stress. This isn't some lost blankie or cancelled play-date that has been lied about, for goodness sakes!
Let's address it this way: say that your 4y.o. child is the victim of a drive-by shooting. The suspect is later caught and convicted, but because of other circumstances, has been paroled after just a few months in prison, and is again living just a few blocks from the child. What do you say if that child asks you "can that man ever hurt me again?" The unvarnished [i]truth[/i]?? OMG I hope not.[/b]
So you would lie and tell your child he can't hurt her again? I wouldn't do that. I have explained to my child that there are bad people in the world - that's why he is not allowed out and about all by himself. I don't usually watch the news when my son is around, but occasionally I do - or he hears a little clip of what will be on the news, and he asks about it. And, yes, even if it is scary - I am honest with him.
As for the sesame street article - I agree it's not comparable. It is talking about little white lies, not [b]bold[/b] ones. I think lieing about this was an error in judgement. [b]We[/b] have all made errors in judgement when it comes to raising our kids. (Yes, I am definitely including myself in that statement.) Then, we sometimes have to make up for it.
I am [b]not[/b] posting things to criticize parents for what I feel is an error in judgement. I just would prefer people (in the future) to think harder before doing the same thing. i.e. think harder to find another way instead of lieing. Why? Because the lie [i]can[/i] cause other just as serious problems. (Such as, lack of trust when the child finds out you lied; having to tell another lie to cover up the first lie; or worse, the child one day sees you eat something that isn't safe for him/her.)

Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 12:05am
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Quote:Originally posted by AnnaMarie:
[b] So you would lie and tell your child he can't hurt her again? I wouldn't do that. I have explained to my child that there are bad people in the world - that's why he is not allowed out and about all by himself. I don't usually watch the news when my son is around, but occasionally I do - or he hears a little clip of what will be on the news, and he asks about it. And, yes, even if it is scary - I am honest with him.
[/b]
and if your sons are anything like my own.........[i]they know when you lie[/i].
see, logical minds may have difficulty with sarcasm at first, [i]but rarely with interpreting lying.[/i] At least in my experience. But hey, I might be unique. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
edit to correct play on words. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/tongue.gif[/img]
[This message has been edited by MommaBear (edited February 17, 2006).]

Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 12:16am
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Personally? the emotional trauma I experience from those I love lying to me is worse than any fear I could experience from a physical threat. But hey, that's might just be me.
____________________________________
"It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four letter word."

Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 12:18am
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O.K., look, I already said that I was sorry for sounding "harsh", for "criticizing", for "berating". I acted this way because the situation really bothered me. I should have waited until I saw a few more posts go through before I responded as maybe I would have thought about it more. However, I did apologize and I am apologizing again. I just want to help peanut hater at this point.
If you noticed, until yesterday, I had not posted in several days. I did not continue the argument even though it was still on fire without me. But I saw this article and thought it might be helpful. I simply decided to surf the net to see what others have said about the subject and this was literally the first article I found. I ask now that people please accept that and now stop criticing me.
In regards to the article, take it or leave it. I happen to agree with it and think that it does pertain. If you don't, that's fine. We all raise our children differently. I can respect that.

Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 12:30am
MommaBear's picture
Offline
Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by MimiM:
[b] I ask now that people please accept that and now stop criticing me.
[/b]
yes. [i] feeding frenzies are highly overrated. [/i]
I have a lot of respect for you. I mean, I think I know where you are comming from. At least professionally. I mean, we deal in [i]truth[/i].
Or at least have a high regard for it. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
The alternative is not an option. Ethically, speaking, I mean.

Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 12:32am
MommaBear's picture
Offline
Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by MommaBear:
[b] I mean, we deal in [i]truth[/i].
[/b]
honesty, logic, current best guess, .... whatever it's called. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/cool.gif[/img]

Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 12:34am
MommaBear's picture
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Corvallis Mom:
[b]Trust isn't just about honesty when you are a parent. It is just as important for young children to feel that their parents can protect them from [i]real, adult-sized harm.[/i] [/b]
[i]real, adult-sized harm[/i] has no respect for age boundaries.

Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 12:47am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Quote:Originally posted by MommaBear:
[b] see, logical minds may have difficulty with sarcasm at first, [i]but rarely with interpreting lying.[/i] At least in my experience. But hey, I might be unique. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img][/b]
I used to think you were. I'm sorry to disappoint you - but, less and less do I see you as unique. One of a small group - but, no. Not completely unique. (And you know there is no insult in that, right?)
btw, did you get my e-mail?

Posted on: Fri, 02/17/2006 - 7:23am
MommaBear's picture
Offline
Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by AnnaMarie:
[b] I used to think you were. I'm sorry to disappoint you - but, less and less do I see you as unique. One of a small group - but, no. Not completely unique. (And you know there is no insult in that, right?)[/b]
say it isn't so. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Yes, completely understand.
Quote:[b]btw, did you get my e-mail?[/b]
yes. thank you. I've been amiss in responding to emails lately -- never was my forte, more of a phone person. (varicose veins, too much computer time, sitting is really getting to be a pain. Literally. ick ick ick.)
I can see some cosmetic surgery below the waist in my near future. One leg, groin, um.....somewhere else too, only. Odd. Just one leg.

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