I am so mad I could spit nails!!

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My PA DS came home from school today telling me they had bakery cupcakes for a birthday. He is in 1st grade.

His teacher told him he could not have one because they were from a bakery, so he had to eat a snack from home. I guess this has been going on all year for birthday's. Even though when I had talked to her, she said they are not allowed to bring in anything for their birthday unless it was off the safe snack sheet I had given her.

He feels so bad. I don't know why he didn't tell me this before.

Anyway, I e-mailed her and send a copy to the principal.

It states in his 504 that he be in a peanut-free classroom.

This really upsets me. Everything had been going so smoothly, I guess. This is the first problem I have encountered.

Why are these teachers such moron's!!!! It just drives me crazy with the food, food, food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I am going to go run a few laps around the house. Thanks for listening.

Jan

On Jan 9, 2007

Edit

[This message has been edited by NicoleinNH (edited March 05, 2007).]

On Jan 9, 2007

Jan, does his 504 specify peanut-free or free of *may contains* or *trace amounts*. If the cupcakes did not actually contain peanuts the school may feel it is following the 504.

*******

I find this entire birthday *thing* quite aggravating. During lunch a student was reprimanded for sharing a snack in his lunchbox with a friend. Sharing is not allowed due to some students having food allergies. Shortly after lunch, a student was allowed to hand out cookies to the entire class for his birthday. I pointed out to the teacher that it seems rather ridiculous to not let two friends share, and then let one student share with the entire class. Baffles the mind!

On Jan 9, 2007

We had it written into dd`s 504 that I am given a list of birthdays every year. When she was in elementary school, I always packed her a cupcake if any child in the class was having a birthday. That way if something was brought in, she would have something. If not, then she got an extra treat anyhow.

That is terrible that the teacher said the kids only bring birthday treats from the safe snack list, when it wasn`t true.

On Jan 10, 2007

So sorry to hear of your experience. It IS baffling that schools push food so much (should'nt they push academics?). If your agreement is that food comes from the safe snack list - this is a violation of the 504. I would also require two days notice prior to any birthday treat being brought in for your approval - maybe an approval form can be created? I also include the non-food suggestions on our treat list like pencils, stickers, etc. I hope this helps and your child has a safe year!

On Jan 10, 2007

I hate snacks in the classroom too....for parties and b-day's, make me a nervous wreck. But I am getting a 504 together as we speak and am wondering this same situation. If, like you, state that only apporved foods come in, if the bakery box has NO label, then it wouldn't/shouldn't have been allowed, right? What if it does have a label, like from the grocery store, and no mention of nuts/made in/facility....if everything was labeled and okay, is the treat allowed then?? And then if it does have a label, do you require them to let you read it as well, or just take the teachers word for it. Also, then does your child STILL not have any, only eat their safe snack.....this does get confusing!!! Maybe the teacher read the label, found it safe and served them to the other kids? In your 504 is the teacher supposed to also have you read the label??? sorry if I am asking so many questions, I also want to be sure I cover every angle, like all of you have done. I also make sure I ask the teacher about the snack and not go from what my son tells me. I about had a heart attack recently(his room is not nut-free...yet) so he came home and said "so and so brought in peanutbutter cookies"!! I immedietly got upset and emailed the teacher....I asked if they were pb cookies then I needed to be called and I would pick my son up for the day, if they couldn't make the room pn-free then I didn't want him there.....she returned the email saying they were sugar cookies and he ate his safe snack!! By the 504 rules, this won't be allowed anymore, but for now, I had to relax and let it go.

On Jan 11, 2007

Well, DS's teacher called me yesterday. She admitted it was her fault for letting the cupcakes in class. This was the third time it happened. She did call the place where they came from to confirm they did not have peanuts, they did not, but my child still did not get a birthday treat.

I told her I did not trust bakery items at all, so no more.

She is going to send a new list to the parents today reminding them about only sending snacks off the safe list I provided for her.

Ryan is so happy there will not be any more cupcakes.

At the time she called me there was bread being made in the bread machine. WHAT?! I told her, no room for discussion, that I need to know if she is going to have any food in the classroom, period. She is very good about reading the warning labels, but I told her I must know anyway.

I also said just because she reads the label doesn't mean it is safe. I told her we get notified of recalls that she would have no idea took place.

She is in full agreement of all of the things I want. I just think she needed a little scare in her to remind her of what could happen. Ryan has not had anything happen to him this year, so she may have eased up a bit.

I also told her to stick to the well known brands. My allergist said this is safer because they have to label for allergens, the ma and pop companies do not.

I also sent my e-mail to the principal so he was aware of what was going on. I don't care if she liked it or not, he has to be aware of what is going on in his school.

Jan

On Jan 11, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by seanmn: [b]I also said just because she reads the label doesn't mean it is safe. I told her we get notified of recalls that she would have no idea took place. [/b]

Excellent point to make. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Hopefully she will now follow the rules. It sounds like she is in agreement with you -- just not enforcing things properly.

On Jan 11, 2007

Hi Seanm:

I have a question, are you upset because you feel letting the cupcakes into the classroom jepordized your child's safety? Or are you upset that birthday treats were brought in that your child couldn't have?

Kelly

edited to add: when I re-read my question(s) I am afraid that in cyberspace it might be interpreted the wrong way. I am not questioning your feelings, only trying to figure out what your main concern was. Thanks!

[This message has been edited by kelly01 (edited January 11, 2007).]

On Jan 11, 2007

Both, his safety is nuber one, but it is also not fair to exclude him from something everyone else has. He felt very hurt.

On Jan 11, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by seanmn: [b] I also said just because she reads the label doesn't mean it is safe. I told her we get notified of recalls that she would have no idea took place. Jan[/b]

I worry about this Jan because now we are telling the schools they don't read labels as well as we do. I know we get FAAN recalls but they are few and far between.

Maybe you can CC the school on any pertinent food recalls.

We have to be careful that we are not the only people that know how to keep our children safe. Sooner or later we have to put our trust in someone.

I know I don't like the sound of that either but it has to happen or they will start tossing our kids out of the schools.

Peg

On Jan 11, 2007

I am aware there are not that many food recalls, but maybe that will discourage her from having so many activities with food. I just think it is crazy that their teaching has to revolve food as a visual aid. Good grief, when I was growing up we did't have food for every little thing. To me it is just a cop out for not being as creative as they could be.

She wouldn't have to be reading food labels if there was no food in the classroom to begin with. Ok, the occational craft thing or baking, but every week the food. It's crazy. They could eliminate a lot of the hastle.

Sorry, just my opinion.

On Jan 11, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Peg541: [b] I worry about this Jan because now we are telling the schools they don't read labels as well as we do. [/b]

I understand what you are saying about sooner or later we have to trust. However, in some cases the schools have shown themselves to be untrustworthy and not able to read labels carefully. I have personal experience with this. I think it is perfectly acceptable to insist that any food have parent approval until the child is old enough to read the label for himself. I personally would never trust the school with label reading.

Edited to add: I would allow the school to read the labels on items to be served to *other* kids in the classroom, but would never allow the school to decide on their own if a food was safe for my child to eat.

Cathy

[This message has been edited by Momcat (edited January 11, 2007).]

On Jan 11, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Momcat: [b] I understand what you are saying about sooner or later we have to trust. However, in some cases the schools have shown themselves to be untrustworthy and not able to read labels carefully. I have personal experience with this. I think it is perfectly acceptable to insist that any food have parent approval until the child is old enough to read the label for himself. I personally would never trust the school with label reading.

Edited to add: I would allow the school to read the labels on items to be served to *other* kids in the classroom, but would never allow the school to decide on their own if a food was safe for my child to eat.

Cathy

[This message has been edited by Momcat (edited January 11, 2007).][/b]

Exactly.

On Jan 11, 2007

I agree. I can`t even count the number of times there have been threads on this board where the teacher said she read the label and it was safe, but it was not. It happened to dd just this year when she was told by a teacher that chocolate chip cookies did not have milk. Dd read the label and it clearly said "butter". I have never trusted anyone to read a label other than dd and me. I know I won`t make a mistake, and so far dd has not either. She is almost 12.

On Jan 11, 2007

Hi seanm:

I just wanted to share the perspective of a parent of a 10 yr. old w/PA. This is not necessarily the way I think others (or you) should handle things if you are not comfortable...but I know lots of folks read these threads and wanted to share what works for us.

With regards to snacks other children can eat, we do not limit "may contains". We feel that there is a small to minimal risk to our son of others eating items that "may contain" or "processed in a factory with...". We choose to only limit actual nut containing items. In the past 5 years of school we have had 100% compliance w/parents not bringing in nut and/or peanut containing items.

Second, I wanted to mention that I feel for your little guy in not being able to share in the birthday treat. I spent many a night trying to track down the parents of a perspective b-day child, trying to figure out what they were bringing in for a treat, etc. Other parents, while nice about it, were often clueless about "may contain" especially because we avoid some foods altogether due to poor labeling. (I can understand how a parent who doesn't have a child w/allergies would find it confusing.) Often, he had to take from his personal treat bag despite my best efforts. My son would feel bad and left-out.

However, at some point between 1st and 2nd grade we switched tactics. We still asked that no obvious peanut products be brought in, but we no longer try to anticipate birthday treats, party treats, etc. If something comes into the class, if there is a label and he can have it, great...if not he just chooses from his own treat bag. The long and short of it is, once he accepted that he just couldn't always eat what everyone else did, he became much happier! He has been to birthday parties where he has declined cake. A few years ago that would have brought tears or hurt feelings, now it is barely a blip on the screen.

I understand that in 1st grade it may be a little early for this, but just wanted to put the idea out there. In the long run, my son was much happier once he accepted his PA, and accepted that sometimes when it comes to food he has to make different choices than others.

Take care and hope everything works out for you the way you need it to.

Kelly

On Jan 11, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by kelly01: [b]However, at some point between 1st and 2nd grade we switched tactics. We still asked that no obvious peanut products be brought in, but we no longer try to anticipate birthday treats, party treats, etc. If something comes into the class, if there is a label and he can have it, great...if not he just chooses from his own treat bag. The long and short of it is, once he accepted that he just couldn't always eat what everyone else did, he became much happier! He has been to birthday parties where he has declined cake. A few years ago that would have brought tears or hurt feelings, now it is barely a blip on the screen. [/b]

Same here [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Ds started just taking a treat from his safe snack box on birthdays when he went into first grade - he doesn't care that he has something different, he's just happy to get out his own safe snack and enjoy it. I feel like it's been good for him, helped him accept his FA, and to be responsible for "taking care of himself". [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

On Jan 12, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by kelly01: [b]Hi seanm:

I just wanted to share the perspective of a parent of a 10 yr. old w/PA. This is not necessarily the way I think others (or you) should handle things if you are not comfortable...but I know lots of folks read these threads and wanted to share what works for us.

With regards to snacks other children can eat, we do not limit "may contains". We feel that there is a small to minimal risk to our son of others eating items that "may contain" or "processed in a factory with...". We choose to only limit actual nut containing items. In the past 5 years of school we have had 100% compliance w/parents not bringing in nut and/or peanut containing items.

Second, I wanted to mention that I feel for your little guy in not being able to share in the birthday treat. I spent many a night trying to track down the parents of a perspective b-day child, trying to figure out what they were bringing in for a treat, etc. Other parents, while nice about it, were often clueless about "may contain" especially because we avoid some foods altogether due to poor labeling. (I can understand how a parent who doesn't have a child w/allergies would find it confusing.) Often, he had to take from his personal treat bag despite my best efforts. My son would feel bad and left-out.

However, at some point between 1st and 2nd grade we switched tactics. We still asked that no obvious peanut products be brought in, but we no longer try to anticipate birthday treats, party treats, etc. If something comes into the class, if there is a label and he can have it, great...if not he just chooses from his own treat bag. The long and short of it is, once he accepted that he just couldn't always eat what everyone else did, he became much happier! He has been to birthday parties where he has declined cake. A few years ago that would have brought tears or hurt feelings, now it is barely a blip on the screen.

[/b]

No advice, but you're way ahead of the learning curve. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] It took me till fifth grade to get to this point. Right now there are no "may contains" in the classroom, since they don't eat there except for three holiday parties, which the teacher invites me to and doesn't really like parents sending in food anyway. She disinvites it, and plans one or two small treats. If parents send in food, she [i]personally[/i] requests it be from several limited choices. The parents have been tops, it's the PTO fundraisers, for example that drive me out of my mind.

Fortunately, my school decided to follow the local wellness guidelines and now PTO members and the like spend their time crunching numbers trying to figure out fat ratios. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/tongue.gif[/img] Good math homework for them, IMPHO. Honestly? I've given up. Let them be their own undoing. (I mean, it was basic algebra, and they were asking ME to do the number crunching. :rolleyes [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Tell me again, why they are school board members, PTO members and making educational decisions like how much the district can spend on para professionals?

On Jan 12, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Peg541: [b] I know I don't like the sound of that either but it has to happen or they will start tossing our kids out of the schools.

[/b]

You mean a [i]homebound designation[/i]? I don't think schools can "kick" children out of school for a health need. . . but that's just me.

On Jan 12, 2007

Jan: You are from Minnesota, right? I just wanted you to perhaps check into the school wellness policy. Every school in the state of Minnesota is supposed to have a wellness policy in place as of July 2006. What that meant for our school is NO BIRTHDAY TREATS IN ANY CLASSROOM! It has worked out beautifully for my pa son. Each district was to come up with its own wellness policy, so it may be worth trying to see what is in place or to put a new policy in place specifically for birthday parties. The policy has nothing to do directly with pa, but it sure has helped all of us with food allergies.

On Jan 12, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Peg541: [b] We have to be careful that we are not the only people that know how to keep our children safe. Sooner or later we have to put our trust in someone.

[/b]

I have a bit of a concern with this. It's fine for what *other kids* will be eating, but not for the kids with the allergy. There are some companies we just don't trust the labelling of at all for *may contains*. Unless the teacher is willing to strictly follow a list of trusted companies, she/he cannot be expected to know that company 'A' labels well, and company 'B' does not.

On Jan 12, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by AnnaMarie: [b] I have a bit of a concern with this. It's fine for what *other kids* will be eating, but not for the kids with the allergy. There are some companies we just don't trust the labelling of at all for *may contains*. Unless the teacher is willing to strictly follow a list of trusted companies, she/he cannot be expected to know that company 'A' labels well, and company 'B' does not.[/b]

AnnaMarie:

I completely agree. That is why I think that when you feel your child is old enough (for us, we started in 2nd grade) the decision and reading of labels should be shared with them. In 2nd grade if something came in that we weren't aware of, both my son and his teacher read the box. The main decision was made by him, but we had the teacher read the box as well, just to make sure something wasn't overlooked. There were many instances where my son would decline (something that was actually safe) because he wasn't sure. He seemed to err on the side of caution. Again, not every child is ready for this until later.

Although his PA is always somewhere in my brain as a concern for my son, I no longer am anxious when he goes to play at a friends or attends a birthday party. He has been making good decisions for a few years, and that makes life much easier on all of us, especially him, as it affords him much more freedom.

Kelly

On Jan 12, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by notnutty: [b]Jan: You are from Minnesota, right? I just wanted you to perhaps check into the school wellness policy. Every school in the state of Minnesota is supposed to have a wellness policy in place as of July 2006. What that meant for our school is NO BIRTHDAY TREATS IN ANY CLASSROOM! It has worked out beautifully for my pa son. Each district was to come up with its own wellness policy, so it may be worth trying to see what is in place or to put a new policy in place specifically for birthday parties. The policy has nothing to do directly with pa, but it sure has helped all of us with food allergies.[/b]

Yes, I am, thank you for the info. I just e-mailed the principal along with an article on this subject. We will see what he says.

Thanks, Jan

On Jan 12, 2007

Keep us updated on what the principal says...it will be interesting to see what, if anything, is currently in place.

On Jan 12, 2007

This whole thing might have had a different outcome if she would have told me about the cupcakes, all THREE times, in the first place. The fact that my ds had to come home and tell me about them, the third time they were in the classroom, does not sit well with me at all. Most of the trust is now gone and she will have to earn it back, big time.

Also, now she knows I am not affraid to share my e-mail's with the principal. So, she better be on her toes. My mother also volunteers there, so there is also another set of eyes on her.

Like I said earlier, if there was no food there would be nothing to worry about, period. So simple, yet so hard for them to grasp.

Thanks for all your support.

Jan

On Jan 12, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by seanmn: [b] Yes, I am, thank you for the info. I just e-mailed the principal along with an article on this subject. We will see what he says.

Thanks, Jan

[/b]

It,s amazing!! I already got a response back from the principal saying yes the school does have a wellness policy and that he is mailing me a copy today! Thanks so much for making me aware of this.

Jan

On Jan 24, 2007

[quote]Originally posted by seanmn: I just think it is crazy that their teaching has to revolve food as a visual aid. To me it is just a cop out for not being as creative as they could be.

Uh, hello. Food is part of LIFE! Cooking is one of the most creative things humans do!! I understand you are upset. Yes, you should be notified in advance of any food in the classroom, yes, you can request specific products from a list, BUT your attitude is really a bit self righteous. No one else knows what you are going through other than families with PA. People with non PA just do not get it. It is not their fault! Parents are rushing and shopping and working and bringing their kids to school and they get a box of cupcakes, scan the label and throw it in the cart. But to you they have committed a crime because they did not call the company to be sure the ingredients have not been changed. Please, some courtesy on your part would do us all well. Perhaps you can request a list of kids in class and their birthdays. THen you can call the mom a few days in advance to chat and offer some name brands she could use to make cupcakes with (or a bake shop you trust). You can spend 5 minutes educating her and THANKING her for listening. Maybe you should offer to buy the cupcakes yourself and she can reimburse you. Anyway you should really be thanking the teacher for teaching 20+ kids plus hovering over your darling. Mom of a well mannered 15 yr old w/PA

On Jan 24, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by camiac: [b] You can spend 5 minutes educating her . . . [/b]

LOL. . . [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/rolleyes.gif[/img]

On Jan 24, 2007

camiac, I see this is your first post...could you tell us a bit about your 15yo and pa? This is a support site for people with real issues and problems, perhaps you could moderate your tone a bit and post an introduction.

------------------ mom to Ari(6) - severe nut allergies, asthma, you name it - and Maya (9), mild excema

On Jan 24, 2007

I agree with that'smetrying.....camiac, if you hadn't have posted you had a 15yo PA child, I would have thought you were a mom of a NON-food allergy student. I am very well mannered, I haven't asked anytihng of anyone in our class...heck, they could bring in peanut butter cookies if they wanted to, because I know darn well, they DON'T get it.

Please don't be so bitter in your post here, we do try to support everyone, even though we are all at different levels of what we are comfortable with.....each mother's qwest is as differnt as each child's allergies. Geeeez, it would sure be heaven to be able to fly through a store and just throw any box of cupcakes into the cart, I remember those days fondly!

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, plus MANY seasonal) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, plus seasonal and animal) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, plus animal) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Jan 24, 2007

gone again

[This message has been edited by NicoleinNH (edited June 09, 2007).]

On Jan 24, 2007

Quote:

Perhaps you can request a list of kids in class and their birthdays. THen you can call the mom a few days in advance to chat and offer some name brands she could use to make cupcakes with (or a bake shop you trust). You can spend 5 minutes educating her and THANKING her for listening. Maybe you should offer to buy the cupcakes yourself and she can reimburse you.

For many posters here, food from someone else's kitchen isn't within our comfort zone. And honestly, I think most parents want to bring in their own kid's cupcakes, and would not want someone else offering to pick them out. I don't know where one could buy safe cupcakes anyway, or where one would find a bakery they trusted - there aren't any bakeries that I have come across that don't have nuts. For most people with FA,m bakery items are at the top iof the list of things to avoid. So I don't know how realistic those suggestions are.

The part about obtaining a list of the class birthdays *is* a good suggestion. I always used to write the class birthdays on my calendar and send my son in his own safe cupcake on those days. And that way, you know in advance when food will be brought in. If I knew the parent, I would usually ask them what they were bringing, in case it was ice cream in the warmer months, etc.

On Jan 25, 2007

I have to admit that when Chris was in school the teachers would be so good. They would warn me they were having parties and I would send in a treat for Chris similar to the ones they would be having. He loved it because he wouldn't want theirs anyway knowing it may harm him. I think in some cases teachers just don't get it and think they do. As my dr said when Chris was just a year old. Nobody will ever protect your son the way you do. They have no love for him that you just would automatically have. I totally must say I agree with him. Annamarie, I believe you wondered why sharing in the class was ok but not the lunch room. I know that our school can not share food either in lunch but can at the class if there is a party. They feel in lunch a child allergic may accept an unsafe item but in the class the teacher feels they will watch out for them. tomorrow my son turns 9 and he will bring in sugar cookies to pass out. He is very excited. Take care and good luck claire

On Jan 25, 2007

I will not allow my son to eat food from any bakery, nor will I allow him to eat ANY food that didn't come from home. When other parents bring in foods for bday, etc. the teacher asks them to call me to be sure it poses no risk to ds. Then I usually bring in a similar treat for my DS. He also has his own tub of treats, plus ice cream in the freezer of the teacher's lounge. I feel that I would be overstepping and really asking too much to expect parents to alter their cupcakes/treats (even may contains) for my son. I also do not want him eating food that isn't from home! He isn't left out because he has his own treat that I know is safe.

On Jan 25, 2007

camiac: I think you have missed the point. Many PA parents have worked very hard to make sure our children have a safe classroom...that is a legal right they have. If the school is not following the safety procedures that have been agreed upon, there is a serious problem.

If children are allowed to bring in any snack for a birthday celebration then the classroom cannot be considered "peanut-free" or "peanut-safe" which then would be a direct violation of the 504 in place.

Perhaps your child is not as allergic as seanmn's child...you do not know her personal situation. Try to read a little more on this Board (I see this was your first post) before slamming someone. We are trying to be a supportive board to all situations.

On Jan 25, 2007

Sean You have a right to be angry if the classroom is not following your written plan. I hope I didn't sound condescending in my previous post. We all just have different comfort levels....I try to take out some risk by not allowing my son to eat food not from home, label or no label. He is fortunately ok with eating something in his safe box and I don't worry about him feeling left out. I hope your situation resolves in a favorable way for you.

camiac--I see you are new...would you be able to hop over to the thread called Introduce yourself and Tips on Posting so we can properly welcome you? I think that your first posts were somewhat blunt and not supportive. This site can be a great place to vent situations you encounter and also a great place to ask others for a little support who have been in similar situations. I hope you find this site to be informative, helpful and possibly supportive sometime when you need it!

On Jan 25, 2007

There are things about camiac`s post that make me wonder if she really does have a pa child. It has happened before.

On Jan 25, 2007

I'm with you Careful mom, but too chicken to make the insinuation... although, there really are some moms of children with pa who kind of have this attitude. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

On Jan 25, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by camiac: [b][quote]Originally posted by seanmn: I just think it is crazy that their teaching has to revolve food as a visual aid. To me it is just a cop out for not being as creative as they could be.

Uh, hello. Food is part of LIFE! Cooking is one of the most creative things humans do!! I understand you are upset. Yes, you should be notified in advance of any food in the classroom, yes, you can request specific products from a list, BUT your attitude is really a bit self righteous. No one else knows what you are going through other than families with PA. People with non PA just do not get it. It is not their fault! Parents are rushing and shopping and working and bringing their kids to school and they get a box of cupcakes, scan the label and throw it in the cart. But to you they have committed a crime because they did not call the company to be sure the ingredients have not been changed. Please, some courtesy on your part would do us all well. Perhaps you can request a list of kids in class and their birthdays. THen you can call the mom a few days in advance to chat and offer some name brands she could use to make cupcakes with (or a bake shop you trust). You can spend 5 minutes educating her and THANKING her for listening. Maybe you should offer to buy the cupcakes yourself and she can reimburse you. Anyway you should really be thanking the teacher for teaching 20+ kids plus hovering over your darling. Mom of a well mannered 15 yr old w/PA [/b]

First of all, thanks to all of you who responded in my favor. I know YOU all understand what I am going through.

Next, I think you are full of it if you expect us to believe you have a child with PA and you did not have some sort of protection in school for your child.

What safe bakery, are you kidding me? I do not trust any bakery. You do? Name one.

1st graders do not have to cook, period. If I want my son cooking, I will do it at home where I know it will be safe.

I think the whole birthday thing in school is a bunch of **** too. The birthday they were celebrating was a half-birthday, not even the childs real birthday.

I don't ever remember celebrating birthday's in school, especially half-birthdays. I believe we got a birthday hat with our name on it, period.

No one is HOVERING. You have some nerve coming on this board, especially for the first time, and telling me how to handle my son's situation in school.

Yes, like someone else posted, it is his right to be safe in school. If they have to use food or whatever, I want to be told about it ahead of time. The teacher did not tell me about the birthday treat, my son had to inform me of it.

So, take a deep breath and go hop on your high horse somewhere else.

On Jan 25, 2007

I wouldn't worry about that post, Jan. It's clear to everyone here.

On Jan 25, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Gail W: [b]I wouldn't worry about that post, Jan. It's clear to everyone here.[/b]

Thank you. It just ruffled my feathers. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

On Jan 25, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by seanmn: [b] Thank you. It just ruffled my feathers. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img][/b]

I think that was the intention of the post.

On Jan 25, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by seanmn: [b] Thank you. It just ruffled my feathers. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img][/b]

I think that was the intention.....maybe next time, we can all try ignoring people who make these comments and they'll go away!!!!

On Jan 25, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by seanmn: [b] Thank you. It just ruffled my feathers. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img][/b]

I can't see my posts....Am I crazy today or what. I may have a quadruple post...

I think her intention was to ruffle feathers. Maybe we just need to not answer to those types of posts. It's hard not to, but if we don't answer, they lose the fun of pissing us all off!

On Jan 25, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Carefulmom: [i]I agree. I can`t even count the number of times there have been threads on this board where the teacher said she read the label and it was safe, but it was not. It happened to dd just this year when she was told by a teacher that chocolate chip cookies did not have milk. Dd read the label and it clearly said "butter". [b]I have never trusted anyone to read a label other than dd and me. [/b] I know I won`t make a mistake, and so far dd has not either. She is almost 12.[/i]

This is also our philosophy. Except our DD has a learning disability in reading, so that obviously threw in an added curve.

Our DD is 13 now, and is pretty independent (and well mannered, I might add). [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Peg, carefulmom, and I (and camiac too I guess) are posters who have 'older' children and know what it feels like to [i]have[/i] to turn over our trust because our kids are just out on their own more.

I guess my point is that I think age and ability (or in our case, disability) is always relevent. seanmn's child is a first-grader and so probably around age 6.

Anway, where are things at with the school now, seanmn?

[This message has been edited by Gail W (edited January 25, 2007).]

On Jan 25, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by seanmn: [b] Next, I think you are full of it if you expect us to believe you have a child with PA and you did not have some sort of protection in school for your child. [/b]

While I don't agree with the tone the other poster used with you, my son is 10 and we do not place any restrictions on the school other than to request that obvious peanut products not be used in classroom events.

Again, I don't think it is very helpful for someone to come in here and start to berate you. However, there are lots of families that choose to deal with PA without asking for schoolwide restrictions.

Regards,

Kelly

On Jan 25, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by kelly01: [b] While I don't agree with the tone the other poster used with you, my son is 10 and we do not place any restrictions on the school other than to request that obvious peanut products not be used in classroom events.

Again, I don't think it is very helpful for someone to come in here and start to berate you. However, there are lots of families that choose to deal with PA without asking for schoolwide restrictions.

Regards,

Kelly

[/b]

Exactly, that is why I said "some sort of protection", not a school lockdown. I expect my son's classroom to be peanut free. They still serve PB in the lunch room and I am ok with that, so far. He sits at a dedicated table and he has had no problems so far this year.

On Jan 25, 2007

Also, like I have said before, what makes me most upset is that the teacher did not tell me ahead of time about the cupcakes, all three times. I don't like things being done behind my back when she fully admitted she should not have allowed them in the classroom without me knowing.

It just makes me wonder what else was in the classroom that I didn't know about.

Plus, cupcakes are different than say a cookie. If it would have been a plain sugar cookie, ok, but chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting is too much of a mess. What if Ryan would have gotten some on his hand and then it ended up in his mouth? He is close to the top of the charts for his allergy, so I don't want to take any risks.

Sorry, if I am rambling.

Anyway, the teacher is going to e-mail me regarding any other food in the classroom. She already e-mailed me about Valentine's Day.

Jan

On Jan 25, 2007

I think the point here isn`t what accomodations our kids need (which can vary from child to child), but rather the point is that whatever accomodations are agreed to need to be followed by the school. That is the whole point of a 504, the school is required to follow it and they didn`t.

On Jan 26, 2007

Yes, the teacher violated the agreement. And that's wrong. Period.

But it seems to me that when an accommodation is violated it is [i]because [/i]the person did not believe it was actually necessary. Figuring out 'why' (root cause analysis) there was a violation and then correcting it with education reduces the risk of the violation being repeated.

On Jan 26, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by Gail W: Figuring out 'why' (root cause analysis) there was a violation and then correcting it with education reduces the risk of the violation being repeated.

[/B]

Good point. Seanmn, we don't have a 504, so forgive me if this is a stupid question. Does your 504 state that the teacher must notify you of all food? Or just that it be a peanut-free classroom?

Just wondering if this is where the confusion lies. I think you stated earlier in the thread that the teacher (maybe after the fact?) called the bakery and the cupcakes did not contain peanuts. If that is the case, then if the 504 just states "peanut free" classroom, than they probably feel like they met that requirement.

Now, if your 504 already states that you need to be contacted prior to any food coming in, then they didn't follow it.

Kelly

On Jan 26, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by camiac: [b][quote]Perhaps you can request a list of kids in class and their birthdays. THen you can call the mom a few days in advance to chat and offer some name brands she could use to make cupcakes with (or a bake shop you trust).[/b]

Phone numbers are usually confidential and the teacher does NOT have the right to give it out to a parent.

On Jan 26, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by kelly01: [b] Good point. Seanmn, we don't have a 504, so forgive me if this is a stupid question. Does your 504 state that the teacher must notify you of all food? Or just that it be a peanut-free classroom?

Just wondering if this is where the confusion lies. I think you stated earlier in the thread that the teacher (maybe after the fact?) called the bakery and the cupcakes did not contain peanuts. If that is the case, then if the 504 just states "peanut free" classroom, than they probably feel like they met that requirement.

Now, if your 504 already states that you need to be contacted prior to any food coming in, then they didn't follow it.

Kelly

[/b]

It states that his room be peanut/nut free. I don't trust a bakery that says it is nut free, not in my small town. I know every bakery and they are not nut free, trust me. There are only 3 places in town to get cupcakes from.

It's not like I haven't had a conversation with her about this before. We had two meetings prior to my son even being in his class.

To me, if I were a teacher in a school, I would tend to be more cautious than not, kwim?

Any teachers out there?

Jan

On Jan 26, 2007

Ryan's teacher sent another note home telling everyone about the Valentine's Party and how not to send treats with nuts/peanuts. She also copied the safe snack list on it for them again and put in bold BAKERY GOODS ARE NOT CONSIDERED SAFE.

On Jan 27, 2007

seanmn, so what woud happen if a classmate showed up on Valentine's Day with baked goods [i]anyway[/i]? What would the teacher do? Is that addressed in the 504?

On Jan 27, 2007

Hi, I truly apologize to anyone I offended. Especially Jan. I was doing some research, not intending at all to post, but there was somehting about her post that got to me. So I got up on my high horse. Please accept my sincere apologies. (Also I should tell you that I do not get on line much at all, so this apology is days late and is part of why I did not post an intro) What I was reacting to was the idea that FOOD is an ENEMY. As a mom of a 15 yo with PA, I know that feeling well. And I'll tell you something, I would have died an early death if I continued to feel that way. I mean in all sincerity, the best advice I could ever give ANY parent at all, PA or not, is treat food as a normal part of life- take what precautions are necessary- but treat it as normally as possible. It is not poison. I remember overhearing my DD and her friends at 10 years old- 10 years old!!- talking about how "FAT" they were, and how they threw out their lunches to diet. I am a very nosy mom, the kids always come to my house, and I eavesdrop mercilessly. Well, the idea of my PA daughter throwing out a safe lunch from home nearly gave me a coronary. You see what i mean? Kids have all kinds of issues with food, esp. girls, and to treat food as a poison, to not show the fun in baking or "breaking bread" together, is to make it an enemy for life. I think it is wonderful to bake in class so I do hope you do not try to ban that. (Teachers need positive reinforcement, not a clobbering when they does something wrong.) That is my life lesson here (normalizing food), and one I truly hope I have given my duaghter. SHe has been cooking since age 4. She used to do everything except put it in the oven. I've tried my best to make food normal. I was trying to be a voice of reason here LOLOLOL. So, I am used to being ostracized as I'm sure you all are, so being angry at me is fine and appropriate. But hopefully it is Water under the bridge. Again. I apologize.

On Jan 27, 2007

camiac...I do have to say, that was very big of you to come back and apologize. I am new to these boards too, so hopefully the people here will take it for what it is. We do have to respect our differences, I just think it was the tone that upset most. I did want to also say your idea of food not being an enemy...it's a good thing to think, I struggle with it in our own home. I don't want my daughter to be one that throws her lunch out, I see it already in her 2nd grade, it's heartbreaking. I can see how some would consider food(at least the one you're allergic too, as an enemy though, since it can kill. I myself am trying to find a balance. I have kids allergic to all different things, so for us it would be impossible to ban ALL the foods, it would be wise, but I just can't see doing it. Some on here would probably like to slap me upside the head...if I have a milk allergic child I shouldn't have milk in the house, but I do....2 of my kids can drink it, so I want it to be available to them. It's hard, it's almost a Catch 22 situation, but I have to do what's right. As for the cooking in the classroom, yes I remember doing it as a kid, but I don't think I would want my kids doing it now. Yeah in home-ec(sp??) or something, that is fine, but not in kindergarten(could you imagine the nastyiness that could be!) I do however think supporting the teacher is impprtant. I hope to eventually have a relationship with my kids teachers so that I could sit down and brainstorm ideas...if they want to cook, then lets work it out to be safe for everyone. But alot of teachers aren't so open to suggestions and ideas....wish they were. But anyways, thanks for coming back, it took some guts. Your last post had a totally different tone, a tone of a loving mom. Thanks, Chanda

------------------ Chanda(mother of 4) Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma) Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma) Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig) Savannah-1 (milk and egg)

On Jan 27, 2007

I have the same feelings about food. I want my kids to have a healthy love of good food. My non-PA daughter who is 9 is already seeing her friends obsess about food, calling each other fat, etc. It is really disturbing! What I try to remind my PA 6 year old is that there are so many wonderful foods he can have and to focus on that. However in a school situation it becomes really hard.

For example, just this Friday his class had a "Weather Rap" show for the parents. After the show the kids went back to class and since it was another boy's birthday the mom brought cookies....without asking, of course. My son's teacher and I have a rule that he can't have anything that doesn't come with a label so he didn't get a cookie. Usually in this situation his teacher has a supply of special treats for him, but since the parents were all in the room and it was very chaotic, she forgot. If I hadn't told my son to go get his treat, he would have just sat there watching everyone else eat the cookies. Sp food becomes something that sets him apart, and he has to feel a negative association with that.

Thanks for writing back, carmiac! How does your daughter deal with peer pressure? Does she tell her friends about her allergies?

------------------ mom to Ari(6) - severe nut allergies, asthma, you name it - and Maya (9), mild excema

On Jan 27, 2007

Quote:

It states that his room be peanut/nut free. I don't trust a bakery that says it is nut free, not in my small town. I know every bakery and they are not nut free, trust me. There are only 3 places in town to get cupcakes from.

Is there something regarding may contains/manufactured in items in your 504?

On Jan 28, 2007

Quote:

Originally posted by camiac: [b]Hi, I truly apologize to anyone I offended. Especially Jan. I was doing some research, not intending at all to post, but there was somehting about her post that got to me. So I got up on my high horse. Please accept my sincere apologies. (Also I should tell you that I do not get on line much at all, so this apology is days late and is part of why I did not post an intro) What I was reacting to was the idea that FOOD is an ENEMY. As a mom of a 15 yo with PA, I know that feeling well. And I'll tell you something, I would have died an early death if I continued to feel that way. I mean in all sincerity, the best advice I could ever give ANY parent at all, PA or not, is treat food as a normal part of life- take what precautions are necessary- but treat it as normally as possible. It is not poison. I remember overhearing my DD and her friends at 10 years old- 10 years old!!- talking about how "FAT" they were, and how they threw out their lunches to diet. I am a very nosy mom, the kids always come to my house, and I eavesdrop mercilessly. Well, the idea of my PA daughter throwing out a safe lunch from home nearly gave me a coronary. You see what i mean? Kids have all kinds of issues with food, esp. girls, and to treat food as a poison, to not show the fun in baking or "breaking bread" together, is to make it an enemy for life. I think it is wonderful to bake in class so I do hope you do not try to ban that. (Teachers need positive reinforcement, not a clobbering when they does something wrong.) That is my life lesson here (normalizing food), and one I truly hope I have given my duaghter. SHe has been cooking since age 4. She used to do everything except put it in the oven. I've tried my best to make food normal. I was trying to be a voice of reason here LOLOLOL. So, I am used to being ostracized as I'm sure you all are, so being angry at me is fine and appropriate. But hopefully it is Water under the bridge. Again. I apologize. [/b]

Thank you for writing back. Actually, I forgot about this topic already. Anyway, I don't want food to be the enemy for Ryan either. But, like I have said over and over again, when it is done behind my back without me knowing is when I get very upset. They made bread the other day in a bread machine, she told me what the ingredients were, they were fine.

For Valentine's Day they will each make a cake in class with a cake mix and frosting I approve. I don't think there is any harm in this as long as I know about it and it is safe.

None of the parents have complained about anything regarding food, so far. I could not imagine knowing if a child in my son's class was allergic to anything and then sending that very thing in that would make him sick.

My child is only 6, so I am going to do the best job at protecting him while I can. I also want to protect his teacher. She is a wonderful teacher and I don't want something to happen to Ryan because of her carelessness. I don't know what would happen if she would violate the 504 again and he would end up having a reaction.

No may contains either in class.

Anyway, I am going to continue to protect my son as I see fit. I could not imagine something happening to him if I did not do everything in my power to make his safe. I know some parents are more relaxed about their kids, that's fine, but I will do what I see necessary for my child.

Again, thanks for posting again. Maybe you could tell us some things that happened to your child in school that would help us.

Jan

On Jan 28, 2007

Hi camiac - thank you very much for coming on to clarify your post. Communication online is a tricky business, since there aren't any non-verbal clues to read. I especially appreciate that you didn't get defensive, which would have been easy to do.

I agree with being careful not to see food as an enemy, although I also think that food is sometimes over-emphasized in the classroom these days! I can't help but feel my life would be so much easier if food was only reserved for special occasions, not a weekly motivator.

Anyway, welcome to the boards - always good to get another perspective!

On Jan 28, 2007

[quote]Originally posted by Greenlady: I agree with being careful not to see food as an enemy, although I also think that food is sometimes over-emphasized in the classroom these days! I can't help but feel my life would be so much easier if food was only reserved for special occasions, not a weekly motivator.

TOTALLY agree! I don't think kids need food to learn every step of the way. They get to used to it and then they just expect it. I think they need to earn a food lesson. I think it goes along the lines of spoiling them. Pictures worked for me when I was little.

I also hate to see food go to waste if all the children will be touching it and then it just gets thrown in the garbage. Once in a while, ok. It is also very expensive to be buying food all the time. I though schools were on a tight budget? Plus, I know Ryan's teacher has brought things in using money out of her own pocket. The teachers don't make a bundle of money either. I wonder if it is written in theri curriculum to use food? Does anyone know?

Jan

On Jan 29, 2007

Camiac, I respect the spirit of your post - but peanuts ARE poison to PA kids. And I emphasize rather than de-emphasize that fact with my daughter and anyone else who will listen. Adults around her need to realize that to her peanuts are poison, a loaded gun, a ticking time bomb. I also dislike that girls focus on fat so much but on the other hand - it's not like our national problem is a huge % of underweight girls - rather, we have a growing obesity problem in the country. If so many girls throw out their food and think of food as poison, then, why are so many obese? I think some foods should be considered poison (soda, junk food, Ho Hos (LOL)) because they are a slow-acting poison to the body. From an aging research perspective, every wasted calorie (non nutritious, empty) is poison to the body in the form of wasted free radical generation. The theory being that whem you have to eat to get vitamins and necessary components for health - the free radical damage is a decent payoff. When you eat **** and get nothing out of it, you've also done free radical damage for absolutely no reason/payoff.

On Jan 29, 2007

PEANUTS are the ENEMY...absolutely...that was the reason for the post. While I respect the fact that Camiac recinded her original thoughts on Jan's post, I feel that because peanuts could kill our children the two issues (1)under eating by teenage girls and (2) peanuts in the classroom cannot be related to eachother in any possible way. These are two very seperate issues that need to be addressed very differently.

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