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Posted on: Mon, 08/13/2007 - 1:59am
ajas_folks's picture
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Joined: 04/28/2000 - 09:00

Just my personal experience here, but wanted to add that my current situation in south Georgia may be highly unique -- by virtue of the fact that this IS a place where the [i]need [/i] to fly the confederate flag AND serve everything with a helping of their beloved peanut (huge Georgia cash crop) is [i]possibly genetic[/i]. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
~Eliz
[This message has been edited by ajas_folks (edited August 13, 2007).]

Posted on: Mon, 08/13/2007 - 2:23am
PinkPoodle's picture
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Joined: 06/12/2007 - 09:00

I live in the North (no peanut crops) and still meet lots of resistance from the school. Food=Birthday Easy equation---what don't YOU get??!! I'm the stupid one, apparently. Why complain, "its just a cute little assignment" (or treat---whatever the situation is at the time). I'm a kill joy, I suppose.
It is hard for me to see the necessity of cucpakes on a child's birthday at school as my children went to another school for 3 years were there was no food at birthday celebrations. The kids brought in a special story and pictures to share about the birth day or if they were adopted, they brought in a special story related to their situation.
The kids always had so much fun seeing their friends as babies in pictures. The teachers made a big deal of the birthday child by making him/her a birthday crown, a birthday sticker to wear, and a little good bag to take home with all non-food items.
Too bad that school only goes up to kindergarten.

Posted on: Mon, 08/13/2007 - 3:58am
gvmom's picture
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Joined: 08/24/2005 - 09:00

[b]ROFL Don't know if it's because I'm totally punchy right now, or that was the funniest thing I've read on here for a while...
You've got me thinking gvmom (which is dangerous btw) I'm going to read through the various links, think more, and comment more later.[/b]
Glad you got a laugh. If only I could have posted a picture of the image I got of a ginormous hairy bear smushing itself into an itty bitty mouse suit

Posted on: Mon, 08/13/2007 - 8:09am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Just want to jump in here and say (with great sadness, actually,) that EB's TX experience is unfortunately NOT LIMITED to the So US.
In fact, it pretty much mirrors what we were told by everyone we talked to prior to Kindy. Pretty much--[i]"Ohhhh, no, [b]don't go away MAD.[/b] Just....ummm, Go Away." Yeah. That's it.... "You have to understand...... "[/i]
[b]Oh do I???[/b]
[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/rolleyes.gif[/img]
Every.
Day.
In.
Every.
School.
"We can't..."
"You can't expect us to....."
"We just cannot...."
"You need to be realistic--
can't dictate to other parents....
real world--
can't shelter--
just the way it is...."
Ohhh, I understood plenty. We homeschooled too. Our other option was medicating our aerosol-sensitive child to the point that she wouldn't even be sufficiently [i]alert enough to ATTEND school[/i] just so that she could stand being in the damned building each day.... and eating in the nurse's office, wearing GLOVES at specials, standing aside while classmates participated more actively, etc.
Such exclusion would leave my daughter an emotional CRIPPLE. I kid you not. She is outwardly one tough little cookie. Only [i]I[/i] have had the pleasure of watching her have a full meltdown-- and she did. Nearly hysterical. All over a bloody birthday party invite that never came from her so-called 'best friend' whose grandmother decided they simply could not possibly stand to be so nervous with my child present. Three years later-- she [i]still[/i] isn't really 'over' this. Be [i]very, VERY[/i] careful not to assume that "It doesn't bother _______." Because that's what my DH thought, too-- until I filled him in on the absolutely [i]shocking[/i], heart-rending meltdowns she has had about such exclusion. No, the 'food' isn't that important. But being made to sit with others and having to answer questions or respond to whispers and stares about why you are [i]different[/i]-- well, that IS.
There is a reason adolescent girls are at the highest risk of a FA fatality. They don't want to make waves-- just are [i]so bloody SICK[/i] of never fitting in. They'll go away and curl up on a bathroom floor to die alone rather than tell their friends that they can't go in to a Chinese restaurant. Just because they want to be 'normal'-- for ONCE.
My daughter KNOWS she's different. I just make it so that she doesn't spend the bulk of her time having her nose rubbed in it. Her life does that just [i]fine[/i] without any help from me. KWIM?
I don't know if I would have the.... ummm, 'cajones' to send my DD without a treat-- I'd be a little too afraid that she'd be tempted if someone (incorrectly) told her something was 'safe.' But I think it may be all that you [i]can[/i] do at this point, gvmom. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
I also think that the most likely outcome is the one already pointed out in this thread (see? I have been following along, just didn't have anything useful to add.... probably [i]then OR now..[/i]. but anyway [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] )-- that is, that the nasty passive-aggressive people running this circus will just turn it around into [i]"Boy... what a [b]shame[/b] your mommy is such a ______ that she couldn't be [b]bothered[/b] to send you a treat to enjoy.... (adult pouting face here) I know [b]I[/b] would NEVER do something so MEAN to one of [b]my[/b] kids.[/i]"
I don't think my own daughter is tough enough to sit there and take that. She would either internalize that and worry that I don't really like her... or she'd retaliate verbally, and probably abusively. With liberal profanity, in my estimation. I'm not sure which of those would be worse under the circumstances of the school environment, but I can definitely tell you which one I personally see as the healthy emotional response to that sort of thing. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
But if your kids (and you) are up to it, I think it may stand a chance. MY hat is off to you for being willing to try.
~Corvallis "Killjoy" Mom
Another suggestion-- Find Kimberly Roy, the graduate student who was doing 'psych surveys' on PA a few years back. She was at Kansas, I think. In any case, she posted in research. I'll see if I can find the thread for you. Here it is. (She's on the up-and-up, BTW-- I checked her out before we ever participated in her research study back in '04) [url="http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/Forum16/HTML/000136.html"]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/Forum16/HTML/000136.html[/url]
[This message has been edited by Corvallis Mom (edited August 13, 2007).]
[This message has been edited by Corvallis Mom (edited August 13, 2007).]

Posted on: Mon, 08/13/2007 - 9:26am
Spoedig's picture
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Joined: 09/17/2004 - 09:00

I was unable to read "all" postings due to time but....
I DO agree that food treats should not be what is important in life! Don't send in any replacements because they don't need it -- unfortunately, I don't think the other parents/kids will ever realize the situation.
I am please to say my almost 11 year old has never cried or been upset that he could not participate in a birthday or other treat at school. I sent cookies in a few times in first grade (because I thought I should) but then stopped that. He is obvioulsy different than a non-food allergic child BUT he has NEVER felt excluded.
Even as early as 3 when he would attend outside birthday parties, he would not eat -- just fed him before if necessary. He likes being with other kids, etc. -- food is not making the party!!!!!!!!!!
I think that parents should teach children that getting a cupcake for a birthday celebration is not imperative. If the parents start early not making a big deal, then it won't be.
A similar topic was up 6 months?? ago.
*We have a place at Mt. Tremblant and our family would LOVE to live full-time in Canada. When I was 14 I wrote 20 colleges in Canada to get information*
[This message has been edited by Spoedig (edited August 13, 2007).]

Posted on: Mon, 08/13/2007 - 10:21am
ajas_folks's picture
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Joined: 04/28/2000 - 09:00

Pure & simple, food or no food,
if our son is "odd man out" simply because of his PA, he is bothered, sometimes deeply.
An even playing field in this matter doesn't seem too much to ask.
SIGH.
Whatever happened to wishing the birthday boy or girl "Happy Birthday," singing the birthday song en masse with 3rd grade gusto, and leaving it at that??
Food free. Frenzy free. Cupcake Queen free.
~Eliz

Posted on: Mon, 08/13/2007 - 11:02am
solarflare's picture
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Joined: 02/07/2002 - 09:00

What has helped with my situation is that our school strongly encourages healthy foods for parties, trying to take the emphasis off cupcakes and cookies.
It's a lot easier to include FA kids with the party foods are 100% juice, crackers, veggies and fruit.
------------------
Cheryl, mom to Jason (9 MFA including peanuts, tree nuts, shellfish, coconut, sesame, squid)
Joey (7 NKA)
Allison (4 milk allergic, suspect shellfish, avoiding PN/TN for now)
Ryan (1) nka *knock on wood*

Posted on: Mon, 08/13/2007 - 9:09pm
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

Quote:Originally posted by gvmom:
[b]Glad you got a laugh. If only I could have posted a picture of the image I got of a ginormous hairy bear smushing itself into an itty bitty mouse suit

Posted on: Tue, 08/14/2007 - 12:21am
McCobbre's picture
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Joined: 04/16/2005 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Corvallis Mom:
[b]
"We can't..."
"You can't expect us to....."
"We just cannot...."
"You need to be realistic--
can't dictate to other parents....
real world--
can't shelter--
just the way it is...."
[omitted stuff]
My daughter KNOWS she's different. I just make it so that she doesn't spend the bulk of her time having her nose rubbed in it. Her life does that just [i]fine[/i] without any help from me. KWIM?
I don't know if I would have the.... ummm, 'cajones' to send my DD without a treat-- I'd be a little too afraid that she'd be tempted if someone (incorrectly) told her something was 'safe.' But I think it may be all that you [i]can[/i] do at this point, gvmom. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
I also think that the most likely outcome is the one already pointed out in this thread (see? I have been following along, just didn't have anything useful to add.... probably [i]then OR now..[/i].[/b]
Well, this is helpful--sometimes just knowing that others hear the same thing, while distressing, is affirming.
I wonder what it will be like for the folks behind us in seven to ten years. Bucking the system like this now can only mean better things for the kids being born this year with PA, if not for your kids themselves (which, frankly is what you're working for most immediately, I know).
gvmom, with this act you're refusing to allow your kids to move to the back of the bus.

Posted on: Tue, 08/14/2007 - 12:28am
McCobbre's picture
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Joined: 04/16/2005 - 09:00

Cin--I was going to repond to your question, but then I read Elizabeth's post. So: what Elizabeth said--especially the part about the different psyche in Candada so against our own "out for #1."
I told a friend whose daughter is going to school in Toronto that someday DS may get to go away to camp--but it will probably be in Canada.
I think our American psyche--shall I call it a pathos?--is at the root of some of our issues. There's such a sense of the survival of the fittest here and of "the majority rules." Perhaps as more and more kids get PA our kids will get greater acceptance simply because in this democracy, the majority does rule. And that's why I was thinking in my earlier post just now that the landscape will be so different in 7-10 years--in large part because we're carving it out now but also because (and I didn't make this clear) the population will be differnt.
But our kids need inclusion [i]now[/i] to grow up to be healthy adults.

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