help, opinions needed!

Posted on: Tue, 07/10/2007 - 9:17am
opahhhh's picture
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Joined: 12/15/2003 - 09:00

My 5 yr old son is pa allergic...his 7 yr old brother is not. This is the first time this has come up and I'm struggling. We homeschool, so we don't get much time away from each other, nor do they from each other. Older brother has been invited for an overnight at a friends house. I can't EVER imagine letting my younger one do that! How do you all handle playdates/sleepovers with siblings who aren't allergic? I am all for being "fair." I homeschool both my boys because I don't want one in school and one at home. We mostly have friends play at our house so I can monitor closely. Whenever we go to friends homes, I go too. At this age, it's still okay with the boys...they will start to balk at that soon, I'm sure! I'm a wreck thinking about this...this whole friends thing. Ugh, please help! Thanks!

Posted on: Tue, 07/10/2007 - 10:15am
Carefulmom's picture
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Joined: 01/03/2002 - 09:00

My dd is 12 and allergic to milk and peanuts. I know when dd was 5, I would have said the same thing---she`ll never be able to go on a sleepover. Just wanted to say, the day will come that your pa ds will be able to do sleepovers and lots of things that you can`t even imagine. Really, I don`t worry about dd much at all. I am careful about which house she sleeps over at, just in case she is unable to self administer during a reaction. But she is great at reading labels, would never take chips from a bag that is alread open, would notice a crumb the size of a speck of dust. That day will come for you also. I would let your other ds go to friend`s houses. I don`t think it is fair to the 7 year old to keep him from going due to his sibling`s pa if it doesn`t affect the safety of the pa child.

Posted on: Tue, 07/10/2007 - 10:33am
KS mom's picture
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Joined: 03/02/2006 - 09:00

I feel the same way as Careful mom WRT my 12 year old dd. It wouldn't have crossed my mind when she was 5 to allow her to go on a sleep over. Now though, we have many friends where we feel comfortable sending her on over night trips. She is very responsible about her allergies. She checks labels as well as I do...maybe a little better as she can see the smaller print easier than I.
Her friends and friends parents have been shown how to use the epi. She likes to be the one to teach them the procedure and the symptoms. We often send boatloads of snacks for everyone to share so she knows that these things are safe for her and doesn't feel left out.
There are too many times that she has to miss out when it comes to food. I don't want her to feel left out when it comes to sleep overs with her friends too. I just want her to have as normal and carefree a childhood as possible.
BTW, we homeschool too. My pa dd is 12 and my ds is 7 (KNA)

Posted on: Tue, 07/10/2007 - 11:27am
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

I have let the younger non PA sibling go on a sleepover. My PA dd has never been on a sleep over yet due to her allergy and she understands the reasoning.
They are one year apart.
I do, however, let her have friends have sleepovers here.

Posted on: Thu, 07/12/2007 - 12:12pm
chanda4's picture
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Joined: 12/14/2006 - 09:00

with my kids, I do allow my daughter, Sidney to spend the night at friends(occasioanlly) but her brother, Jake...I don't. So what I do is allow a friend to come to OUR house when my daughter is at her friends. That way he has some fun with his buddy and I can keep him safe! I also remind him that *so and so's* mom doesn't know how to use the Epi and her home is not peanut free, honestly, that scares him enough to look forward to his friend coming to our house! Good luck!!
I also didn't allow any sleepovers until just this year(so age 8). (and I have to really know their parents...not just some random friend from school...I still would say *no*)
------------------
Chanda(mother of 4)
Sidney-8 1/2(beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma)
Jake-6 1/2(peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma)
Carson-4 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE)
Savannah-1 1/2 (milk and egg)
[This message has been edited by chanda4 (edited July 12, 2007).]

Posted on: Thu, 07/12/2007 - 12:52pm
McCobbre's picture
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Joined: 04/16/2005 - 09:00

Not seeing the problem--your 7 yo isn't allergic to peanuts. It's a fine age to begin sleeping over. PA is not his problem (although I'm sure he's quite sensitive emotionally to his brother)--don't let it be here.
We let DS who is PA spend the night with a person who really gets it when he was 6. Yep. This person was wonderful about not using peanut products in her house when she knew DS would be coming over. She's Canadian--was perhaps more familiar with things--I don't know. I just trusted her.
What I worried about equally? DS having a dry night at that age and how she would deal with it. Beautifully, as it turns out, and her son who is DS' age never knew . . . .
He has slept over at one other person's house who is two doors down from ours, technically has a PA child (so knows how to use epis). They have a MUCH broader comfort zone, but we worked things so that we were comfortable.
I wouldn't send my PA child to just anyone's house. It may be a really long time before he has another sleepover. But I wouldn't keep my non-PA child from a sleepover ever if he's emotionally ready for it.

Posted on: Thu, 07/12/2007 - 9:36pm
seanmn's picture
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Joined: 10/01/2003 - 09:00

The only place my pa ds has stayed at overnight was grandma's and his cousins who is the same age, 7. He will not be staying at any friends house at this point, too dangerous.
My 4 year old with no allergies has stayed at grandma's and is fine with that. I am sure he will be staying at friends houses. When he does then my 7 year old can have a friend stay at our house.
He knows with his allergies he will not be able to stay at a person's house that has peanutbutter, cats or dogs. He is fine with it at this point.
Kids learn that not everything is fair and things don't always go their way. It will be a challenge at times, but it will all work out in the end.

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