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Posted on: Fri, 09/29/2006 - 5:39am
amyd's picture
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Joined: 09/12/2006 - 09:00

Here's a semi-related question. I go to a mother's group at a church once a month. They have kids grouped by age in different rooms with caretakers. Since my son is 15 months old, he's with kids around his age. They crawl all over each other. Even if the caretakers do ok with snacks, shouldn't I request that all of their hands be wiped with something like Wet Ones before they enter the room?
We only got our diagnosis this week, suspected a few weeks before that, and the kid hardly has a social agenda yet. Already we're having encounters that are making me paranoid!
Amy

Posted on: Fri, 09/29/2006 - 11:35am
Connielynn's picture
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Joined: 08/27/2002 - 09:00

Yes, we have left a church due to dd's food allergies. To say they didn't get is a gross understatement. To this day there are people I refuse to speak to. I know that makes me a lousy Christian but I saw what they did to my daughter.
We found a wonderful church that got for the most part the food allergies. Trouble was they had an elder that has a temper problem. Can we say manic depressive without meds? Our oldest will never darken a church door after all way done. We are done with church. I really miss it. Since we homeschool church was my social life too.

Posted on: Fri, 09/29/2006 - 12:17pm
hopechapel's picture
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Joined: 12/11/2005 - 09:00

Well, when my son was first diagnosed I really wanted to join a church -- neede that spiritual comfort and a caring community -- then I read everyones posts and I realise that I have enough aggravation in my life. My babysitter almost quit a church because the minister made jokes and light of her step-children's celiac disease. She was going to quit but her husband convinced her that it was just ignorance, thats all. The minister is ignorant about celiac disease.

Posted on: Fri, 09/29/2006 - 12:34pm
MommaBear's picture
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Yes. Well actually, [i]they expelled my sweet child in first grade[/i]. No warning. Just sent him packing, lugging his books out after school. (school associated with the church). They said (later) in a letter of "explanation" that he was [i]too great a liability[/i].
I guess a "Christian education" is something they don't feel strongly about for a child with a LTFA. (sarcasm intended)
Anywhooo, it happened the day after meeting with the pastor, the principal, and the teacher to make sure they "got it". I had been in the day before that to bring my child lunch on "nacho day". (He was also getting the nacho's I had "ok'd" for him). A highschooler with [i]a peanut butter cup impaled on each pinky finger was dishing up his nacho's when I walked in.[/i] I was also comming in to sit with him during recess (after lunch) because they insisted they had no where for him to wait if he wasn't going "out" for recess. His asthma flares in the dry cold and I had a dr's note to keep him in. It was the dead of winter and they were sending first graders out in 10 degree weather. (or less) They had no indoor gym, and they *always* sent them out aside from a torrential downpour or tornado, [i]so the teachers could grade papers[/i]. (sarcasm, with the truth, intended). They had refused to keep him in unless I came to sit with him. I always brought crafts in. They seemed perturbed I was willing to come in.
But I digress. Just wanted you to know you were not alone. This was an independent Baptist church/school. This one in particular didn't know how to handle anything that wasn't in the script....
Couldn't stomach the hypocrisy from the pulpit, so we never returned. Best decision we ever made. It was a long search, but we've recently found another church that was both doctrinely sound *and* compassionate. Don't think we had found either before. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sat, 09/30/2006 - 5:39am
ZekeAndEli's picture
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Joined: 09/09/2006 - 09:00

We've had several issues with our church in the past few months but they seem to have been resolved. I did get angry at one point because they knew about my son's allergy, and had a pinata for the kids filled with O'Henry bars and Reese pb cups... they provided a separate bag of candy for ds, but all of the kids were running around eating their peanut candy. I was livid. Since then, the rules have changed drastically, and there are no snacks permitted that may contain peanuts. They also announce no peanuts whenever a church potluck is planned. I'm relieved - it really sucks having to be constantly on guard even at church.

Posted on: Sat, 09/30/2006 - 4:04pm
McCobbre's picture
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Joined: 04/16/2005 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by CVRTBB:
[B]WARNING: Looooong Rant!
We started going to a new church this summer after leaving one that my pa son had numerous reactions (some anaphalactic) at, we had been members for over 6 years.
When we first started going to this new church I thought things were going to be great... they already had 2 children going there who had a peanut allergy and 1 of them had a milk allergy. Didn't take long for my bubble to burst [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img] I have NEVER been to a church that is so food oriented in my life! The last Sunday of every month is a church supper and any day in between that they can find an excuse to have one. After the first two having first a HUGE can of mixed nuts then a peanut butter pie I decided we'd just skip all the dinners. Of course my kids were devestated not to be included in the fun but I made up for it by getting pizza on the way home each time it happened. Last Sunday morning was the last straw!! The children's church teacher made no bake cookies and was about to add peanuts to it when the kids reminded her of the allergy... so does she put them away? NO, she divides it in half and puts them in half. Then tells the kids its ok for them to eat the ones that don't have them. I was FURIOUS with her and with my kids for taking her word for it! She told them that the other ingredients were ok for them to eat. UGHHHH! I'm sure she never checked a label on the chocolate or anything else she used! Not to mention cross contamination issues! When I tried to talk to the Pastor's wife about it she got really defensive and told me to talk to the teacher. I have several times, but it doesn't seem to matter.
B]
I'm so sorry. I can imagine the frustration. Please don't give up yet.
Having been in a couple of churches with varying degrees of success (and with a spouse in a position where you'd think we could demand/expect it--I don't want to be more specific here, but you can make certain assumptions here), what I have found that works best actually worked in a church where we had the least amount of power, so to speak.
Most successful: meeting with church cabinet, then church board. Presentation of this as the radical inclusion that Christ calls us to. Entire church (large church) went peanut free. Fabulous.
With other churches, we struggle, but folks aren't surprised if I get ticked off because someone brings something unsafe. Or if I take f o r e v e r in the monthly potluck lines. They are patient behind me (I do let DS eat some of hte potluck stuff--and he's also vegetarian, which is also quite limiting for him). People tell me blantant nut stuff, I ask about other ingredients. This would not work with everyone's comfort zone. He eats desserts that we bring.
Churches do use waaaay to much food. I have to work on ours, too. The children's fellowship last year had a snack every week, and it was just too much. The person in charge of it was my pa aware friend (from Canada, BTW!!) who went over everything with me. But what a pain. And I took much of it.
It's way too much work.
I would encourage you not to give up and to have a meeting with the minister and the elders or the group in power. It needs to trickle down. Not trickle. After that meeting, the head of Christian Ed needs to have a meeting that includes you and anyone that comes into contact with your child--teachers, music teachers, whoever.
As for talking with the minister's wife--really, don't expect her to do anything. It's not her job. Sorry to say that, but it's the truth.
I wish you luck and pray that you are able to find a church home.

Posted on: Sat, 09/30/2006 - 11:38pm
saknjmom's picture
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Joined: 04/02/2003 - 09:00

We started attending a church about 3 years ago and I would send in a safe snack for sunday school for ds.
They never had any nutty foods in these classrooms. But, after church, there is a spread of cookies, brownies all kinds of **** and we would haul a@@ right after church.
They also have these tuesday night connection meetings and I stopped bringing my DS due to all the foods they had that night.
I had missed a few weeks due to death in family, I approached an elder to ask about PN free and while I was gone, the church went totally nut free & latex free. I couldn't beleive it.
Everything has been great since.

Posted on: Sun, 10/01/2006 - 4:36am
CVRTBB's picture
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Joined: 11/23/2001 - 09:00

I appreciate all the suggestions, I'm still trying to figure out what to do.
We went to a small Independant Baptist Church that is run by the Pastor only. There is not any Deacons yet even- nobody else to talk to. Our former church the Pastor was more like a dictator... he made ALL decisions and the deacons backed everything he said.
Oh well, still trying to figure out what to do and still tired of fighting.
Thanks again!

Posted on: Sun, 10/01/2006 - 6:40am
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

We had to leae a church due to PA. It was a very large church. And although they tried to make it safe, they just did not "get it". The final straw was when DD's Sunday School teacher told me to "let DD have some fun and eat that cupcake". In front of her. I was LIVID. I had to walk away, then went back and yelled at her. We never went back.
Our new church is very nut friendly. There are still items there that are "may contains". However the kidstime teachers make sure that if there is a snack with the lesson, it is safe for all the kids.
Good Luck.

Posted on: Sun, 10/01/2006 - 6:44am
lilpig99's picture
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Joined: 12/22/2005 - 09:00

You know, it's okay to be tired of fighting, tired of the difficuly of it all. I understand to some degree about your issues with church. I wouldn't let my DD go to sunday school last year because I felt no one there would take responsibility for her while I was upstairs in worship. This year, things are completely different. Why? Maybe because I spoke with --by chance--a sunday school board director and happened to mention how I pulled my daughter from sunday school and why, and she mentioned that the board was really trying to 'tighten' things up at sunday school because it wasn't very organized and such, and would I mind if she shared my story with the board. Which of course I said, please do. And things are veeeeerrrry different this year at sunday school, everything is very organized and willing to help us.
My point is....I think the Lord knows just what we need at just the right time. Maybe it's all about a chance conversation with someone willing to listen and have compassion. Yes, He might be leading you to another church, or he might lead you to stay at the one you are at now. Ask for His guidance and you will receive it. Ask Him for help and He will give it. He may not lift this burden from you today, but He WILL be with you as you go thru it. Hugs and prayers for His will for you and your church life to be shown to you...

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