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Posted on: Thu, 11/30/2006 - 3:14am
SFMom's picture
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Joined: 11/27/2006 - 09:00

But we can't stop people from doing things that are not dangerous to THEM. Before my kids had PA, I had never heard of it. NEVER HEARD. I have the usual pollen allergies and am sensitive to melons and cherries. I'm an educated and sensitive person. But I had no idea that people can be so severely allergic to peanuts -- that it could kill them.
So of course people are going to go around carelessly eating peanuts in public places. Because it NEVER OCCURS TO THEM that their tasty snack is someone else's fatal poison.
If the situation warrants it, I move my kids away from the offender. On something closed up, like an airplane flight, I politely explain about the allergy to someone who may be sitting very close to my girls. Other than that, I just avoid talking to people about it.
The reason I avoid talking about it is that I tend to get really angry and defensive. And depending on my mood, I can be VERY confrontational. This usually puts me in a really bad mood which I have trouble getting out of (I blame pre-menopause hormones for that, LOL). So I try to remain calm and not mess up my day by having confrontations. If my kids' safety is in danger, of course I step in and take action.
There aren't enough people in the world with PA for this to become a hyper-aware situation for other people. This isn't AIDS. THEIR lives are not in danger, so it isn't an issue for them.
We are fighting both ignorance and insensitivity.
I don't have to tell you guys....when you talk to someone, you hope that they will be sensitive and understanding once you inform them about the severity of the situation.
I guess my problem is....if the person were a jerk and didn't comply with my request, I would start getting really verbally abusive with them. I know that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, but I guess after dealing with this for 13 years, I have very little patience regarding this subject.
------------------
Two daughters, ages 10 and 13 who are allergic to peanuts, soy, all legumes, most tree nuts, and a few antibiotics.

Posted on: Mon, 02/26/2007 - 3:22am
krc's picture
krc
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Joined: 01/16/2007 - 09:00

Today at library storytime, a mom and her barely 12mos old child sat down at the same round table as me. She opened a pack of skittles and a pack of peanuts and poured them on the table for this small child to snack on. Aside from the choking factor (which he did do btw, spitting peanuts out all over the floor), I really wanted to ask her to please put them away. There are signs posted on all the doors stating no food or drink. Thank goodness my PA dd was not with us but she (or some other PA child) could have very well sat at this table once they left unknowingly.
Storytime ended and she left w/o me saying a word. I wiped the table down w/ Lysol wipes and went about my business. I can't shake the feeling that I should have said something.

Posted on: Mon, 02/26/2007 - 4:12am
ajas_folks's picture
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Joined: 04/28/2000 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by krc:
[b] I can't shake the feeling that I should have said something. [/b]
[b] [i] Disclaimer: This message is 100% my personal opinion. [/b] [/i]
You can't say anything *now* to this parent.
BUT you CAN say something (in writing) to the library about NOT allowing food of any kind to be eaten, for all the obvious reasons: health, cleanliness, allergy awareness, library liability, etc.
Food has no place in a library. Period.
But we already knew I'd feel this way! (Reference previous commentary . . . ) [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
~Elizabeth
------------------
~Eli[b]Z[/b]abeth,
Mother to 2:
DD age 5, NKA, treated as though PA/TNA
DS age 8, PA, possible TNA
(PA diagnosed & ana reaction 1999)
Member here since 2000

Posted on: Mon, 02/26/2007 - 4:56am
joeybeth's picture
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Joined: 09/01/2006 - 09:00

i agree with elizabeth 100%. this is the perfect opportunity to speak with the staff at the library and remind them why it's important to enforce this rule.
i've been in your shoes before and said nothing because i was uncomfortable. this was years ago. now that i've been dealing with PA so many years (over 10), i usually just say what i have to say (politely of course) OR i give my girl instructions to get up and move or leave in a loud enough tone that the person(s) involved can hear what i'm saying and understand why we are having to move. more often than not, people apologize profusely and are extremely nice about it. i find it's good to educate people when i can and getting up without saying anything wouldn't serve that purpose.
most people aren't doing it because they are inconsiderate but because they simply don't know. you'll find the occasional jerk who doesn't care at all, even after finding out your child has a serious problem with the food they're dragging into an area clearly marked with "no food/no drinks" signs but i can't remember the last time i ran into someone like that.

Posted on: Mon, 02/26/2007 - 6:13am
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

Elizabeth -
You left ______ too soon. New south end library facility was our very last haven - things got worse for M over time, and we were really limited on "safe" places. We found it a fun somewhere-other-than-our-house place for meeting friends...until...the vending machines arrived - shortly after the snack bar failed.
I did (with the help of others from the allergy group, which met there) get them to yank most of the peanutty stuff (which was initially probably twelve out of fifteen products or some such ratio) for a time, which was something. But still...*why*???
Apparently, to "draw" the teen crowd, and/or to feed the hungry ones whose parents used it for free after-school care.
My favorite part of the exchange (fwiw, I had a pretty friendly relationship with the desk folks - I was in two or three times a week) was the bit about "Well, we can't keep people from eating in the library, so..."
Hmm. Anyone else remember knowing when and where to use your "library voice"???
Sue

Posted on: Mon, 02/26/2007 - 6:29am
krc's picture
krc
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Joined: 01/16/2007 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by joeybeth:
[b]i agree with elizabeth 100%. this is the perfect opportunity to speak with the staff at the library and remind them why it's important to enforce this rule.
i've been in your shoes before and said nothing because i was uncomfortable. this was years ago. now that i've been dealing with PA so many years (over 10), i usually just say what i have to say (politely of course) OR i give my girl instructions to get up and move or leave in a loud enough tone that the person(s) involved can hear what i'm saying and understand why we are having to move. more often than not, people apologize profusely and are extremely nice about it. i find it's good to educate people when i can and getting up without saying anything wouldn't serve that purpose.
most people aren't doing it because they are inconsiderate but because they simply don't know. you'll find the occasional jerk who doesn't care at all, even after finding out your child has a serious problem with the food they're dragging into an area clearly marked with "no food/no drinks" signs but i can't remember the last time i ran into someone like that.[/b]
I also agree with Elizabeth and will be writing a letter.
I'm really kicking myself for not saying something. I feel like I missed the most perfect and justified time to try to educate someone on PA and remind people and the library another reason why the rules need to be enforced.
Joeybeth- Yes, I usually respond just as you do. I have been dealing w/ this for over 8 years now. If my pa dd would have been with me, we would have moved immediately and I would have explained to the woman why we were moving and asked her to please put it away. PA dd was not w/ me and I took the nice and easy approach.
Ugh...

Posted on: Mon, 02/26/2007 - 10:22am
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

If it might have a negative effect on my DD either now or later , you bet.
I always look for those teachable moments too.
Recently, a fellow teacher with a peanut butter cracker in hand appoached me as I stood in the doorway to my room. She called out her request for help with the sound system as she got closer. I didn't miss a beat with my response that I would help as soon as she got rid of that cracker. When she got to my door she read the sign that said " this is a peanut & tree free classroom" and apologized. I think that she learned alot about leaving residue along the way and she vowed not to do it again.
It was the same shape as the 1 pb cracker that introduced us to the world of PA and gave us our 1st ER visit. What a flashback!
I teach music at my DD's school and I'm always ready & willing to educate the educators. It's a tough job sometimes.

Posted on: Mon, 02/26/2007 - 11:00am
Kathy L.'s picture
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Joined: 07/30/1999 - 09:00

I once said something to a dad that was a chaperone on my dd's summer camp trip to a county fair. They have roasted peanuts there, which is why I always went with her. We were getting ready to board the bus, and we were all waiting in a big group. He had a big bag, so I asked him not to eat them on the bus and politely explained why. I think he was put off, but he walked away from us and finished the bag before getting on the bus. Normally, I'd never confront people, but when it comes to my child, I have to speak up.
When my dd was very little, and we were new at this, I might not have said anything to library mom. But now, I definitely would have.

Posted on: Mon, 02/26/2007 - 12:29pm
McCobbre's picture
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Joined: 04/16/2005 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by M'smom:
[b]Elizabeth -
You left ______ too soon.
Sue [/b]
Sue--are you in Texas? I live near Houston.
(Sorry for interrupting, everyone.)

Posted on: Mon, 02/26/2007 - 1:27pm
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Joined: 02/06/2007 - 09:00

Before I know as much as I do now, we took DD to a couple of minor-league baseball games last summer. She was at an age where she mostly just sat on our laps. We have no indication that she would have an airborne reaction, or even contact, considering we had lots of peanuts/pb in our home before we knew she was allergic, just never fed her any. Anyway. . .
The people a couple of seats over from us did open a bag of peanuts (we were in a back row, so had nothing coming at us from behind at least) and just asked them to be careful about the shells and not flick them in our direction. It kind of makes me sick to think about it now. We've already talked to my in-laws about not taking her again until she's older, when she can help avoid for herself or when we have a better idea of how sensitive she is.
krc - which library were you at? We do storytime here all the time and that is really frightening. I don't worry about people who've eaten may contains around us, but peanuts right on the table, yikes!
------------------
Mom to Harper
11/17/04 PA

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