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Posted on: Fri, 10/27/2006 - 4:32am
shoshana18's picture
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Joined: 02/02/2005 - 09:00

must speak to this point again...
my dd is milk allergic and peanut allergic. yes, i will occasionally have a latte while shopping. yes, i wipe down the carts (and everything else in the world [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img])
when i bring her out in public. no, i don't think it's being a hypocrite. i would never, ever deem it appropriate to tell a perfect stranger in public what they should and shouldn't eat.
my little girl knows the world is full of dairy and that she must be careful because of her allergy. (she knows about nuts as well, but, let's face it, dairy is so much more prevalent.) i guess it's just OUR approach in OUR circumstance, but dh and i are not going to go dairy-free (however, we are cautious to the point of lunacy in our home) nor do we expect the world to go food-free. it's an unrealistic expectation that will only doom the allergic community to failure when it comes to educating the public.
NO ONE wants to be told what they can and can't eat (let alone, by a perfect stranger). be careful where you tread here. i have NEVER had a difficult time with the public and dd's allergies (and yes, we do inform people of them at her activities, at restaurants, etc.) -- not even once. i've never seen the "eye roll" from someone; i've never "got into it" with someone. patting myself on the back? no. i just believe that it is because i don't look to the general public to take any responsibility for her allergies (if she were in school that would be a different story). it's all on me, all on our family. ultimately, we must take care of ourselves.

Posted on: Fri, 10/27/2006 - 6:39am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Quote:
NO ONE wants to be told what they can and can't eat...
No kidding. But I don't think it is unreasonable to have restrictions on WHERE that activity is inappropriate, if you KWIM.
If I can agree that there are places where using my cell phone or lighting up a cigar is just plain rude and obnoxious (or even dangerous), then I don't see why consuming food and drink needs to be totally an "at will" activity either.
So I don't think it is really out of line for *anyone* to remind another person of [i]posted restrictions[/i] that they are currently violating. Be it eating, cell phone usage, smoking, or letting their dog take a cr@p in the middle of a park.
The ONLY times that I have ever said something to a person I don't even know have been in cases where I literally had no other choice and was in a position where I had to do something to mitigate an immediate danger to my daughter. Those I can count on one hand in SIX years. Easily.
I [i]have[/i] complained in public places which are posted "no food and drink" that those running the place need to enforce it or stop pretending it is policy.
Our reality is that the little things other people do for their convenience have a huge impact on my daughter's quality of life. Sad but true for anyone with severe contact/aerosol sensitivity. We go through quarts of Benadryl.

Posted on: Fri, 10/27/2006 - 7:18am
shoshana18's picture
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Joined: 02/02/2005 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Corvallis Mom:
[b] No kidding. But I don't think it is unreasonable to have restrictions on WHERE that activity is inappropriate, if you KWIM.
[/b]
i think it IS unreasonable to regulate (and then, let me guess, legislate) whether or not people can eat/drink while they are grocery shopping or doing other normal, everyday activities.

Posted on: Fri, 10/27/2006 - 7:22am
shoshana18's picture
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Quote:Originally posted by Corvallis Mom:
[b]
Our reality is that the little things other people do for their convenience have a huge impact on my daughter's quality of life. [/b]
no kidding. ours, too. but i still think it is MY responsibilty to change the situation (which usually means removing ourselves from a potentially dangerous situation), not the other persons. it is MY obligation to deal with dd's allergies, no one else's.

Posted on: Fri, 10/27/2006 - 7:51am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

I recall quite clearly a time in my life when smokers felt that way about being told they should not be lighting up inside public buildings like libraries and grocery stores... or for that matter, buses and airplanes.
They regarded it as [i]their RIGHT[/i] to do so wherever and whenever they pleased. I distinctly recall my father being incensed by those restrictions on his "rights" in a HOSPITAL. (Geeeez...)
Does this notion of where it is "normal" to eat and drink include the local library? A courtroom? The ballet? Public transportation? Museums? What about my allergist's office? Does it extend [i]everywhere[/i] ? Because it seems to me that this boundary of where that socially acceptable line is has really been pushed back over the last two decades.

Posted on: Fri, 10/27/2006 - 8:03am
shoshana18's picture
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Joined: 02/02/2005 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Corvallis Mom:
[b]I recall quite clearly a time in my life when smokers felt that way about being told they should not be lighting up inside public buildings like libraries and grocery stores... or for that matter, buses and airplanes.
They regarded it as [i]their RIGHT[/i] to do so wherever and whenever they pleased. I distinctly recall my father being incensed by those restrictions on his "rights" in a HOSPITAL. (Geeeez...)
Does this notion of where it is "normal" to eat and drink include the local library? A courtroom? The ballet? Public transportation? Museums? What about my allergist's office? Does it extend [i]everywhere[/i] ? Because it seems to me that this boundary of where that socially acceptable line is has really been pushed back over the last two decades.
[/b]
as much as i HATE, HATE, HATE, smoking and second hand smoke, i do take issue with legislating all businesses to ban smoking. another issue...
whether or not it is "normal" is not the question. if a business -- library, theater, store, etc. -- chooses to make it their policy that no food is allowed, then people should absolutely abide. the establishment will gain some business because of it (like from all of us) and probably lose some business (from those who must eat at that given moment), but it is the businesses choice. if you allergist's office chooses to allow people to eat in the office, then you need to do whatever you can to make your children safe (as i am certain you do). do i think you should you talk to the allergist about the policy? sure. do i think you should go up to individuals and tell them not to eat? NO WAY (and that was the original question in this post).
my feeling is that if we are in a public place, and there is no policy against eating, then we have to make the decision whether or not it is safe to keep our daughter there. others should not be put under an obligation, whatsoever, unless they are violating a policy.

Posted on: Fri, 10/27/2006 - 8:13am
ajas_folks's picture
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Joined: 04/28/2000 - 09:00

Corvallis Mom, I can see we may possibly be outnumbered on this. And that we've struck a chord. . . bummer.
I am personally NOT asking any legal entity to legislate or regulate this. Just expecting perhaps, some level of personal responsiblity and possibly [i] moderation [/i] or self-control . . . Or more better stated,
I would prefer to see a return to civility and manners when it comes to eating in public: keep it in the food courts, the fast food seating areas, the movie theatres (not the ballet or symphony), at picnics, and any other venues where it would be truly appropriate. Eat in the car & put your garbage & food scraps INTO THE GARBAGE not out onto the parking lot ground (including the last swallows of beverage that you just HAVE to dump out of the car).
And don't even get me started on [b] [i] chewing gum. [/i] [/b] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
~Elizabeth

Posted on: Fri, 10/27/2006 - 8:19am
ajas_folks's picture
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Joined: 04/28/2000 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by shoshana18:
[b]. . . do i think you should go up to individuals and tell them not to eat? NO WAY (and that was the original question in this post).
[/b]
Uh, NO.
THIS was the original question posed, and I quote:
[i] Just curious as to how you would have handled this??? would you have said something? [/i]
For the record.
~Elizabeth

Posted on: Fri, 10/27/2006 - 8:22am
shoshana18's picture
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Joined: 02/02/2005 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by ajas_folks:
[b] . . . Or more better stated,
I would prefer to see a return to civility and manners when it comes to eating in public: keep it in the food courts, the fast food seating areas, the movie theatres (not the ballet or symphony), at picnics, and any other venues where it would be truly appropriate. Eat in the car & put your garbage & food scraps INTO THE GARBAGE not out onto the parking lot ground (including the last swallows of beverage that you just HAVE to dump out of the car).
And don't even get me started on [b] [i] chewing gum. [/i] [/b] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
~Elizabeth
elizabeth,
i totally agree with you (oh my, it could be a first [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]). i would LOVE to see that too. a return to civility, in so many ways, would be a wonderful thing. i just don't think approaching a stranger about what they are eating is a good idea, that's all.
don't get me wrong -- i can just start fuming over all of the people eating peanuts, snickers bars, M&Ms, etc. at our local library; i'm exasperated that when i went to Old Navy and put my dd (when she was a baby) in a cart, she immediately broke out in hives because, most likely, some child was eating in the store prior to this...and i could go on and on. do i get mad? da*n straight i do! but i can't abandon my basic belief system (in personal responibility) because i got dealt this hand (of food allergies).
anyway, just wanted to clarify...
[/b]

Posted on: Fri, 10/27/2006 - 8:25am
Corvallis Mom's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Thanks for clarifying... I happen to agree, though I would add that a lot of places historically haven't been confronted with people thinking that it [i]was okay to eat there.[/i] KWIM? Social acceptance shifted on them. Thirty years ago, no library needed to impose posted policy on the matter (outside of universities, where grad students have always sneaked coffee into the stacks [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] )... now people assume some pretty outrageous things about what is okay personal behavior. Let's face it-- just because it isn't specifically prohibited doesn't make it okay!!
I mean, there isn't a sign at the library that says I can't mix myself a scotch and soda during preschool story time, either. The grocery store doesn't have a sign that says "No farm animals allowed" either. There is nothing to prevent me from wearing lingerie to a parent-teacher conference as far as I know... but none of these are (at the moment, anyway...) socially acceptable. YET. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
As an amusing aside here, my FIL to this day maintains that [i]'They've never proven that second-hand smoke ever hurt ANYONE.[/i] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img] Unbelievable.

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