Has A Non-PA Sibling Ever Teased the PA Sibling Re PA?

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I had this happen to me yesterday and for some reason I was quite surprised by it. Jesse and Ember both had some scotch mints. Now, I am going to be extremely truthful here. They are "store brand" from IGA and I'm only 99.9% sure that their labeling is correct. The reason I say this is because a couple of months ago, I posted here about how IGA scotch mints finally had the "may contain" warning on them. Well, now, they don't again so I am assuming that they are labeling appropriately when the product may actually "may contain". It is something I have to contact IGA about. At any rate, I am not 100% sure about the scotch mints so I wish they weren't the item involved to begin with.

At any rate, Jesse asked if they were safe and asked to read the label. It does not say "may contain" or peanuts anywhere on the bag so he was comfortable with that. He ate his mint.

Then, his sister, 3-1/4 years old, starts teasing her brother that the mint did, in fact, have peanuts in it. Now, first of all, Jesse is forever teasing his sister and calling her a baby. Since she is just past the "baby" stage, this really bothers her (although she seems to enjoy calling her Father and I that when she is angry with us!). So, he knows what nerve to strike at to get Ember upset. And, I guess Ember has found what nerve to strike at to get Jesse upset.

Jesse started to cry and shake because he thought he had consumed something that had peanuts in it (and he knows all of the implications of that). I quickly ran and grabbed him and let my DH deal with Ember. I explained to Jesse that he can always feel "safe" at home with us because I NEVER buy anything that says it has peanuts in it or "may contain" which is true. I told him that should he ever have another reaction, that it would be by accident. I told him that I worked very hard to make sure he would be "safe" and that I never wanted to see him have another reaction. He calmed down. The whole thing I felt badly about was that it was a product that I have a .01% question about and so, I may, in fact, have been lying. If that is the case, I feel more than terrible. I wish it had been a cracker that is undoubtedly safe and not the one bloody item I allow in this house, for myself, that I have a bit of a question about.

Now, Ember. She is quite wee and I certainly wasn't going to be severe with her about what she said to her brother. The truth is, even though I've explained clearly about how I believe this came about, I was really shocked that she would strike this low! Her Father dealt with her very calmly and explained that although Jesse teases her and says nasty things to her, this is one thing that she can never tease Jesse about. She understood although she was trying not to deal with what she had said. She was crying herself and kept her head done the whole time. She knew that what she had said to her brother was wrong, so I guess that's a start??

At any rate, I'm hoping that it doesn't happen again, but given that they are still young right now, I'm thinking that it may happen again.

I was just wondering if anyone else had had this happen in their family and how it was dealt with and if it did, in fact, stop.

Many thanks and best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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On Feb 22, 2001

Just my thoughts, but some siblings always tease each other. It's kinda like, lets see who can push whose buttons more. My sister and I did it with everything and at times (although she is now 21 still does) She loved to flaunt things I couldn't do in my face - especially rolling down a grassy hill or playing out in the yard (especially if the grass had just been cut or a neighbor had/was cutting grass. (I am severly allergic to grass) She also enjoy picking on other things. She is very thin and tall (I am quite the opposite) She enjoys picking up my clothes and showing he they could wrap around her several times (okay that's a little exaggeration but not much) Sorry I can't offer much hope on that one. However, my sister and I do now actually get along which we didn't for almost 20 years. I mean we did because we had to, but we would have much rather killed each other. Anyway, what i started out to say was that. There's one thing about siblings - they realize they kinda have to like each other and they test their limits with one another. Kinda like how much can I get away with with someone who has to love me and can't leave me. They learn from that what is and isn't acceptable with their friends and others in order to maintain those "relationships". Of course, the things that are done between siblings aren't always nice nor appropriate and that's where its the parents job to teach. In other words, if you can't learn at home where can you learn?? I probably haven't made any sense and I can tell I am in a rambling mode. It's been a strange week and I think I am seeing these boards today and a way to escape from some of it. Jami

On Feb 22, 2001

Jami, I thought your post made perfect sense! I would have HATED it if my sister had bothered me about my environmental allergies when we were a child, but I can't remember her doing it. Somehow, also, I find it different than teasing them about a life threatening allergy. I think both my DH and I were fairly clear with both children about the situation and I'm just hoping it doesn't happen again.

DH was talking about it outside with me yesterday and he said Ember's the type of child that will probably get a peanut and hide it so she can threaten her brother with it later on in life! I don't really see it that way, I think he was thinking about his younger sister and himself, actually!

I think we did a good job as far as communicating about teasing about PA not being acceptable. I also wouldn't find it acceptable if Jesse teased his sister about wearing glasses. I really feel that type of teasing can be hard on one's self esteem. And, of course, I would prefer that no teasing went on at all, because it's terrible! The commotion that goes on is unreal.

Again, I think this is where communication is the key and I think we fared okay in our discussions with both children yesterday re this. I was just wondering if anyone else had had this happen and if, after explaining as we have done, if it does, in fact, stop.

And Jami, I totally recognize you feeling you need to be here to-day. Some days I'll pop into any thread just to keep my mind off other matters. Why do you think I have so many posts? [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]

Many thanks and best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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On Feb 22, 2001

Cindy, I think teasing in any form is unnecessary and you are right in the fact that teasing someone about something life threatening vs something like maybe hair is completely different. I, however, don't think you understood my use of the word severe allergy to grass. Of my environmental allergies, surprisingly several are "potentially" life threatening to me. Most people think I am overexaggerating about them (I guess the same as some people think about food allergies) because people associate environmental allergies with hay fever and sinus infections.

However, for me I learned (as did my parents) the hard way when they tried to make me cut the grass (my mother was allergic to grass too and she cut it) and we ended basically spending the night in the ER because it took them forever to get my asthma under control and get my oxygen level to something that was acceptable and not to mention the fact I was covered in hives and absolutely miserable. I have had a couple of other such incidences with other allergens. Another thing that bothers me tremendously are pine trees. Driving down the road and passing or having a logging truck fulls of pine pass and even with the windows rolled up I am miserable (an understatement but for lack of a better word) for hours just from that.

Anyway, my sister never pushed my face into the grass (although she did try to force me to hold a cat which is just as severe as the others I've listed - I can't even walk into a house where a cat has been or at times it seems like even thought about being). I guess the way my sister teased me would be like, in your case, if Ember teased Jesse about something she got to do that he was unable because of his allergy. Which I hope she would never do.

I realize I still can't answer your question, and I just thought I'd explain a little further. I hope you don't mind my posting again.

Jami

(Stephen has his six month checkup this afternoon --should have been three weeks ago but that's another story-- and I would give anything for the search button right now, I am trying to figure out if there is anything I need to discuss with her because I just feel like his allergist is clueless because he's so little. And this is the first time I've seen her since she sent him to the dermatologist who sent him to the allergist and since she got his full hearing test results -- Worried there won't be enough time and I am going to forget something)

Anyway, I have more than rambled totally irrelevant stuff for your question so I'll stop here.

On Feb 23, 2001

Cindy, I am very pleased to say that Jennifer has never even thought about teasing with the nuts. She knows that he could die from it and that if she joked with him about that it would not even be funny. Actually this has always been very amazing the way that she and Stephen take the seriousness of the allergy. Stephen told me to please be quiet last night,because he was reading ingredients. When we go to a store they know they can not even speak to me when I am reading labels in fear I would make a mistake. I have told them from day one when Mommy reads a label nobody talks to me. This is the one thing I would really freak out about,and they know it. What you could do if she joked him again is pretend you are going to have to rush to the hospital and let her get a little fear out of it. Explain to Jesse the deal so he would not be scarred,and let her see that some jokes just are not funny. I guess I should feel good knowing that there is actually something Jennifer would not do to her brother. I think this is just something that we have drilled into them for so long,and Jennifer is petrified of hospitals so she would not want to see her brother go there. Cindy you have fun with this one. Best wishes claire

On Feb 23, 2001

My DH told me he use to eat pb in front of his brother who has pa....sticking his tongue out, saying how good it was, etc. His brother would have to excuse himself to throwup! (I wont go on about the mil and why this was okay!) Now our son has pa. Sometimes the universe balances very quickly !!!

On Feb 23, 2001

I think we should also take time to think about why they tease. My 5 year old daughter is PA. Her 7 year old brother who is not, is very jealous over all the attention she gets over this. He sees me baking stuff for her more then for him, I have to attend more school stuff for her then for him etc... As much as we try to make him feel he's getting equal time, the truth is he doesn't get equal time. He has never teased his sister over her PA, but he does get very angry over it. What I'm saying is that maybe some teasing, fighting, etc. may come from the non PA child being jealous of the one with the PA. I know this is weird, but who says kids make sense.

On Feb 23, 2001

My oder non-pa kid (7) used to sometimes feel left out over the pa lifestyle (it can be time-consuming!). We talked to him, and got him to express his emotions openly, never got angry with him. Just venting made the world of a difference to him. Since he is a logical creature I asked him whether he would prefer to hae food allergies or not. He said not. I make sure to bake him his special favourite treats as well (not just his brother's) and have jumped through a few hoops on occasion to go on school trips (since I have to be at school luch with his brother EVERYDAY, since he is only 5 and over 1/4 of the children eat pb for lunch) this can be tricky coordinating. I understand how he feels, growing up I was the child who was always sick and my sisters (one in particular) were very jealous and hurtful to me even as I lay in bed for weeks unable to breathe. We have talked about it as adults so I want to do all I can to make both my children feel loved.

On Feb 23, 2001

blackmoss, first of all, I wanted to apologize if it seemed that I was negating your environmental allergies. Do you know that it has only been since I have been to this site that I realized that environmental and say, cat allergies can be life threatening. I don't know if I'm totally ignorant, or if you simply don't find out about other life threatening allergies until you're actually dealing with one. At any rate, I didn't mean to negate the severity of your allergies and I am glad that you came back in and posted how severe they were. Otherwise, to me still, as an environmental allergy sufferer, it's the sinus thing, the eye thing, the headache thing and none of those things very pleasant but certainly not life threatening.

Claire, thank-you for your response. Now, I had kinda felt that this had been drilled into my kids since day one also, especially Ember because I found out Jesse was PA when I was pregnant with Ember.

Also, I found it interesting that the non-PA siblings would tease due to the extra or special attention that the PA sibling receives and this certainly makes for almost another thread entirely.

This is definitely not the case here. Jesse has been the mitigator of teasing in this house on most occasions - he's the one forever calling Ember a baby. She finally found the one really sore spot to strike back at. It's actually interesting, aside from being sad, that she's able to do that at 3-1/4. Well, if you call me a baby, I'm going to tell you that something has peanuts in it.

I can well understand where the non-PA siblings are coming from that are older then Ember and seeing differences in schools, etc. I don't really have to do a lot of stuff extra at Jesse's school because he's PA. Actually, the only thing I really do is go in and check treats on party days four times a year or so. As far as what treats I was sending in for a party, I'd probably do muffins whether it was for Jesse or Ember. But, my soul, I haven't even reached the school age with her yet!

I really appreciated everyone's input. Or, and talk about karma, the person who posted whose DH did that to his brother only to have a PA child himself now. What goes around comes around somehow. I know I'm saying that jokingly and it is jokingly toward the DH, but it's not like I'm happy that he has a PA child. It's just interesting that he would terrorize his brother and then now have to deal with things from a totally different approach, and also a different perspective (i.e., Father). I wonder if he ever thinks about what he did to his brother and recognize how horrible that was now? Anyway, as usual, I digress. And, as far as your MIL, I really suggest you to into Off Topic into the MIL thread with that one. It sounds very interesting to say the least.

Many thanks, as always, and best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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On Feb 28, 2001

My two boys are always teasing / fighting / provoking each other. It amazes me the extents they will go to to provoke each other. However, my non-PA boy (11) has never used peanuts as a point to provoke his PA brother(6). He is very protective and helpful on that one point. He gets histerical if Jesse starts to eat something and he doesn't think anyone has checked it out. On Jesse's first day of school this year, Nathan broke away from his class in the cafeteria when Jesse's class came in. He wanted to warn Jesse the cookies were PB. (The menu called for muffins, so we had told Jesse it would be ok to have a desert).

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