had a nightmare (warning: long/death mentioned)

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 3:27am
melissa's picture
Joined: 07/05/2004 - 09:00

I hate to post this b/c I don't want to upset anyone. But I need some advice/support. I thought I was adjusting well to DS's PA but I woke up at 5:30 this AM in tears. I dreamed that we were at an outside function somewhere, and for a second he was out of my sight (he's 18 mos old); when I found him, he had part of a wrapper in his mouth and 1/2 a peanut. I noticed his face was red and a bit swollen on one side. I yanked the stuff out of his mouth, had a friend call 911, and layed him on the ground. In my dream I had a spoon for Benadryl and spent forever trying to measure out 3/4 tsp. I poured it down his throat but he looked like he was going to sleep and got whiter. I pulled out my epi and said "I don't know what to do" and handed it to my friend to read the instructions. She pulled on it and it misfired. I pulled my other epi out, pulled the cap off and it broke. I looked at Justin and he looked like he was gone. I woke up. I tried to talk to my DH about it and he just said "you're reading too much about PA, you need to get over it". I have spent the whole day very upset. I'm trying to tell myself that i would have done things differently from my dream. I would not have given him Benadryl 1st knowing he got into a peanut--I would have gone straight for the epi. I would not have handed the epi to my friend...I took our emergency plan and the epi picture instructions, shrunk and laminated them, adn they are in my med bag. I know I would have been able to use it. I am fairly sure the 2nd epi wouldn't have broken in 1/2. I'm fairly sure he wouldn't have just "quietly slipped away" like that...there would have been coughing, gasping for air, etc (not that that would make it easier, just a sign of what needed to be done). I know the epi would have started working immediately. So what else do I tell myself? And why did I have this dream? I have worked hard to educated myself about this, even went to a former therapist for a several week "tune up" about this and I really felt I had a grip on it and now I'm as upset as I was the 1st day.
Again, TRULY not trying to upset anyone, just need a pep talk and a little support that I can't get at home.
Thanks to anyone who read this...just writing it I hope will help.

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 4:23am
darthcleo's picture
Joined: 11/08/2000 - 09:00

I had nightmares similar to this, but they were related to drowning. A lot of mothers dream about their child's death (there's no verb to go with nightmare, right? ) Especially when the child is around 18months old, till he's 2 yo, more or less (of course that varies from one mom to another).
The psychological explanation I was given is simply that the mom is worried about the child getting more and more independence. But it's a natural thing, and it doesn't have to be related to PA. I knew my son had PA, but I dreamed about drowning. Those nightmares were horrible and they would definitely ruin my day!
So don't worry about your PA knowledge. The nightmares are not entirely related to that.

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 4:49am
jtolpin's picture
Joined: 05/28/2003 - 09:00

We've all BTDT.. We've all had SOME type of allergy nightmare...
Shut the CPU off for 2 days, and do not turn it on... Continue your life as it was pre-DX. Do not think peanuts --
Then come back after 2 days, and tell us how you feel.
We've all BTDT, and some os uf still have nightmares... really.

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 4:50am
mistey's picture
Joined: 01/18/2004 - 09:00

I have had nightmares as well. I have found a direct correlation on the amount of time spent in a day researching PA and whether or not I have a nightmare. When I first learned about his PA I would spend hours learning about it. The info I learned was totally worth a few nightmares, but I feel that I have a better handle on things now and I don't have them much at all anymore.
And I have to say, every one of mine included the epi misfiring or something of that nature as well. So you are absolutely not alone!

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 5:55am
mommyofmatt's picture
Joined: 03/12/2004 - 09:00

I'm sorry about your dream. I've been having a bunch of them myself lately, so you're definitely not alone!!
I think the toddler age is a very stressful one with allergies. They're scampering off on their own to some degree and have no clue how much danger they could be in. Of course, I'll probably say that with every age...LOL!
I think you were very smart to go for a tune up with your therapist, and as you reviewed your dream, you obviously know exactly what to do to protect your child!!
I'm sorry that you didn't feel supported by your dh. I think alot of us run into that some times...It's not because of lack of love or caring, just in a difference of how we process and deal with information and emotional issues.
I hope you're feeling better! We're always here if you need us [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Meg, mom to:
Matt 2 yrs. PA,MA,EA
Sean 2 yrs. NKA

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 6:53am
saknjmom's picture
Joined: 04/02/2003 - 09:00

I can really understand how you feel today. I too have had a lot of horrible dreams such as you did last night. I have literally been so consumed with worry and anxiety about my child that i have had trouble functioning at times. (this is very uncharacteristic of me).
Anyway, I will suggest that you have an emergency plan in place for yourself and anyone who cares for him. that you continue to be diligent about reading labels and working to keep your child reaction free.
I will suggest that you not do any reading, research, etc. about this for at least 2 weeks.
I finally stopped coming online and i stopped "obsessing". Later, I felt guilty, thought that i was complacent. I have since realized that i am in no way complacent, i deal with my son's allergy every day and i am very responsible, but i cannot go online and read the posts every day, i cannot read about it everyday, it makes me very anxious.
This site has been wonderful, but sometimes it is overload to come on too often.
Good luck. I pray every night for sweet dreams for my son and myself.

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 9:40am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Melissa, welcome! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
I'm so sorry that you had the nightmare you did. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
It truly is part of the journey and has been discussed here extensively. I'll see later tonight if I can find some old threads where we have discussed dreams/nightmares/night-time anxiety/anxiety period and see if anyone has any tips for you.
I've been dealing with PA for 7 years now and I can honestly say that I haven't had a lot of PA nightmares, but yes, I certainly have had them. I am plagued by nightmares, but strangely, not PA.
Big hugs. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 10:31am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 10:32am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Tue, 08/17/2004 - 2:33pm
Mom2Sariah's picture
Joined: 12/14/2003 - 09:00

Melissa~I have had several nightmares about dd's PA and not getting to the epi-pen or not having it around or not being able to use it all. I have also spent many hours researching the PA when we first found out but I have found that it hasn't matter if I was researching the PA or if I hadn't had anything to do with the PA for months.
I hope that you can sit down with your dh and ask him to be able to comfort and support you in your time of stress instead of brush you off. I know that I would of slugged my dh if he had of done that. It's one thing to suggest it while having a decent conversation it's another thing after a nightmare. Don't mean to put your dh down but I think you might be able to deal with everything better if you do have the support there at 3am.
Sounds like you were extremely wise in getting a "tune up". As for the nightmares, I'm not sure there's really anything you can do. I know, not very comforting...right? lol I think it's just our way of trying to learn how to deal with it, process it, and be somewhat comfortable with what we have to do with the PA in our lives.
Hope you have found some peace~Cindy

Posted on: Sun, 08/22/2004 - 3:33pm
ElleMo's picture
Joined: 06/19/2003 - 09:00

I haven't had any nightmares about PA (yet!) though I do sometimes have trouble getting to sleep, especially last fall/early winter (read: Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas)
I have had general nightmares about things happening to my DD -- getting snatched away, things like that.
I Can't offer any advice other than what has already been offered. Hopefully you won't see this response in a while since you've taken a break. ;-)
Allergic to Shellfish/ Mom to Jesse 9/01 who has PA


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