Got *the* call!

Posted on: Fri, 09/15/2006 - 2:23pm
becca's picture
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Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Let me begin by saying dd ended up fine, but was given a home-baked cookie to day at school. It was of the best intentions. Her friend, also PA, had brought them in, and the teacher had spaced the egg allergy, and given d one, deicidng it would be okay because it was ok for her friend, with PA.

Well, first time in her life(it has never happend at home) dd told the teacher she had an itchy tongue. Bummer. I am assuming it was the gg, but this friend does use bulk whole grains and things o do not, and does not call manufacturers like I do. So I do not know. I tried to call her, but she is out, and her dh confirmed an egg in the cookies, as best he know.

Sigh.

Good thing out fo it all. The teacher called me right away, had alerted the nurse and was very watchful of dd who already was saying she was fine. She was terribly upset(the teacher) and apologetic, and assure me this would *never* happen again. She realized her mistake immediately. She could not have been more remorseful. I was feeling badly for her. She was just beside herself thinking in hindsight how awful things might have been.

So, dd is fine. I gave her benadryl at home, just becaue she was itching her nose alot, but really, I think she is getting a cold. I thought so yesterday. I gave the teacher a hug.

I actually have had the week from He**. I have dropped the ball, and myself was too comfortable at the school. I had not done my official detailed email and talk with the teacher, but just rpovided the safe treats, with the assumption we both understood that was all she gets. I have had a death in the family this week(a very close relative and I am in the planning of it all), in addition to dd suffering an elbow fx. on Sunday, and company last weekend, and her B-day tomorrow.

I realize I made the biggest error in having faith things were understood when I was not as clear or direct as I should have been. I told the teahcer so, and we both wre on the same page that it will only ever be stuff I provide unless I am there or give a direct ok for an exact item.

So, I have learned, the teacher has learned, and by her response and proactiveness and honesty, I have gained, not lost trust in her. So, I guees we are fine, But I an so bummed it sounds like it was a small reaction to something. Dd has *never* said she has an itchy tongue. becca

Posted on: Fri, 09/15/2006 - 2:35pm
cynde's picture
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Joined: 12/10/2002 - 09:00

So sorry to hear about your crappy week, my concolences on your loss. And this is just the icing on the cake.
You seem to have a positive attitude about the teachers response, which is good, and obviously she realizes what a terrible mistake she made.
It sounds like it is best if everyone learns from it and moves on. Don't beat yourself up, everyone makes mistakes, and your DD is OK which is the main thing.

Posted on: Fri, 09/15/2006 - 2:48pm
NicoleinNH's picture
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Joined: 06/21/2003 - 09:00

EDIT
[This message has been edited by NicoleinNH (edited June 09, 2007).]

Posted on: Fri, 09/15/2006 - 6:17pm
mommyofmatt's picture
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Joined: 03/12/2004 - 09:00

Becca,
You've had some week [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img] Sorry about the death in your family.
I'm glad everything turned out ok for your dd.
If it's any consolation, I've been feeling behind in my communications with the school too...same teacher as last year, we met end of last year, I met with the school nurse and dropped off my paperwork this year, but just sent in my summary of understanding of our precautions. Waiting to hear back. I was thinking about it tonight in fact, kicking myself... Meg

Posted on: Fri, 09/15/2006 - 11:07pm
becca's picture
Offline
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

I had just become a bit complacent, trusting dd and feeling ok about how it was all going overall, then exhausted and such a full plate, I just didn't get to that proactive email and communication. It really was my bad, as well as the teacher's. Had I been crystal clear, it would not have happened.
Not only a rough week, just a rough 6 months. I have had my own health problems and realize this is where my anxiety has manifested(and depression). Avoidance, or things that stress me, even though I think I am on top of it. I never would have let that go a year ago. I am on top of that now, with treatment and a Dr., but still climbong out of a hole and just so tired at times like this when alot of sh** hits the fan. I am very drained, but tryong to focus on dd's birthday for today.
...Before getting caught up in the funeral and loss of my dear aunt. she, her twin, and my grandmother all lived upstairs from me my entire life in my childhood home, where they all still live(d). She was always our babysitter and just a very kind, positive, thoughful woman. Sigh...
One day at a time... becca

Posted on: Fri, 09/15/2006 - 11:45pm
lilpig99's picture
Offline
Joined: 12/22/2005 - 09:00

Thank you for sharing your DD's reaction scenario with us. And I hope your family heals after the rough week you've had. HUGS...and I'm glad DD is doing well. Keep your chin up.

Posted on: Fri, 09/15/2006 - 11:51pm
Going Nuts's picture
Offline
Joined: 10/04/2001 - 09:00

Oh Becca, I'm so sorry for the loss of your aunt and the whole lousy week in general! Glad to hear DD is OK, though. Don't be hard on yourself - s*it happens sometimes - we're human.
Big {{{hugs}}},
Amy

Posted on: Sat, 09/16/2006 - 1:38am
Corvallis Mom's picture
Offline
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

becca, I am so sorry for how terrible your week has been. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
{{{{hugs}}}} to all...especially you right now.
Thank you for having the courage to share a story that highlights mistakes-- I just know someone else will benefit by learning from you. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
I am so glad your DD is okay.

Posted on: Sat, 09/16/2006 - 3:11am
Flounder's picture
Offline
Joined: 09/02/2006 - 09:00

Dear Becca,
I am so sorry you've had a rough time recently. In many ways I know how you feel, including the twinge of annoyance you will probably feel from having someone say that.
We all make errors in judgement. The most common is becoming too comfortable without recognizing the moment that we start to relax. It sounds like you have a great teacher to work with and the ONLY important thing is that your little girl is safe and healthy today.
I have survived my daughters first days of school on a lot more faith and trust in the school than I would have been inclined if the circumstances were different. She's fine and the school IS very proactive but that doesn't change the feeling on my part that things should have been handled with more personal involvement. Your post really opened my eyes.
Wishing you the strength you need to get through this difficult time. It is so easy to get overwhelmed...Keep taking those baby steps toward feeling good again. Most importantly, take care of yourself. You know we are always here to listen, no matter what you need to say.
Happy birthday to your daughter! Let us know how the modified party works out.
You WILL get through this.
Siobhan

Posted on: Sat, 09/16/2006 - 3:32am
Lori Anne's picture
Offline
Joined: 07/13/2005 - 09:00

When it rains, it pours! Why do these things always have to happen all at once? I'm sorry things have been so tough. I hope that things get better soon.
I'm glad to hear that your dd is O.K. I hope all goes well with her party.

Posted on: Sat, 09/16/2006 - 1:08pm
becca's picture
Offline
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Thanks all. We had a great party.
Dd was fine. She does have a cold, and ds is catching it too, and the family next door has it. So I feel better about the itchy nose stuff after the incident at school.
Wake tomorrow and funeral Monday. Then smooth sailing, I hope! Sending dd to school, not bringing her to the funeral. It is her B-day at school and she does not seem to grasp the loss of her great aunt yet. I have peole to care for so it will be best to let her just choose(we asked her) to be at school.
Thanks for the support. Becca

Posted on: Sat, 09/16/2006 - 2:04pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

becca, I am so sorry for the loss of your Aunt. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
I'm trying to think how to word this. I know that this *might* not have happened had you been proactive (as you say) and been in e-mail contact, etc. with the teacher.
However, your situation this week (although with a death in the family - even more heightened), would suggest to me, what has been my experience, is that PA can't ALWAYS be at the top of the list. KWIM?
If we all just had PA (and other allergies) to sit back and deal with - man, I think that's hard enough. But we also have life, in general, to contend with and I truly believe it's only humanly possible for one person to be able to juggle a certain # of baskets at a time. Maybe some of us are better jugglers than others, maybe not.
I'm glad that your daughter is okay. I'm glad that her party went well. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
I'm not saying that I don't realize probably every minute of every day how aware I have to be about PA and how very important that is - I mean it's my son's life I'm talking about. But again, sometimes there are other things in life that bump PA down the list just a little bit.
Usually I think, or perhaps I've been very fortunate, when PA has been bumped down the list for whatever other reason(s) nothing has ever happened bad PA wise, but still.
I think that's basically why, for the most part, other non-PA parents will never truly understand what it is like to walk in our shoes. They have their stressors and their lives to deal with and everything. But PA, in, and of itself, is a great stressor. We, as PA parents have that and then the other stuff that life brings and the not so great knowledge that should we bug up because of another stressor, it could mean something really serious. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
As you say, you would have done the e-mail thing last year at this time, but there are reason(s) this year why you didn't and it sounds like you're dealing with those. So, please, please, don't beat yourself up.
Would be nice if PA gave you carte blanche to no other stressors in life and your sole focus could be that, but no, that's not always the case.
I think the wonderful thing about people here is that for the most part, whatever other stuff they have going on in their lives, they do manage to keep PA a pretty high priority.
I just think about my woulda/coulda/shoulda list re PA and I know that I've done the best I could, at the time, the best of my abilities at that particular time and place to keep my guy safe.
I hope that made some sense.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
------------------
If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I would walk up to heaven and bring you back home with me.

Posted on: Sun, 09/17/2006 - 2:12pm
nopb4us's picture
Offline
Joined: 06/30/2004 - 09:00

Becca,
I'm so sorry to hear about your aunt. It sounds like she was a very special lady.
I think it is easy for all of us to be less vigilant about the allergies at some times than we are at others. But I also think that every once in a while something happens that gets us back on board with where we need to be. That happened to us this summer and then my daughter (and another PA child) reacted to several people opening and eating peanuts down the hall from the room they were in at a day camp. Neither of their reactions were major, but it was still a catalyst in renewing my vigilance about her PA.
I am so glad your daughter is okay!
Angie

Posted on: Sun, 09/17/2006 - 10:34pm
becca's picture
Offline
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

I am not beating myself up over it. I guess my feelings are mized. I think the teachers should have a more unified policy that actually protects *them* from the liabilities of hurting our kids. Much better than the year to year hashing it out all over again, be it with a 504 or just ground rules with the new teachers.
But, of course, it is my child, my responsibility to keep her safe. With our incident this week, the teacher is aware the two PA girls are friends and that us 2 moms are tight. We have become good friends regardless of allergies. So, she let her guard down and trusted the girls. Sort of an unuasual thing.
She was so upset realizing her mistake, that I had to tell her in fact, I had let her(the teacher) down, by not giving her all the information she needs. So together we are so on the same page now. Good came out of it and dd never seemed to have more than the itchy tongue for a passing few minutes.
And thank you all so much for the support, both fro this incident and on the loss of my aunt.
Sigh. Off to dress for her funeral... becca

Posted on: Fri, 09/15/2006 - 2:35pm
cynde's picture
Offline
Joined: 12/10/2002 - 09:00

So sorry to hear about your crappy week, my concolences on your loss. And this is just the icing on the cake.
You seem to have a positive attitude about the teachers response, which is good, and obviously she realizes what a terrible mistake she made.
It sounds like it is best if everyone learns from it and moves on. Don't beat yourself up, everyone makes mistakes, and your DD is OK which is the main thing.

Posted on: Fri, 09/15/2006 - 2:48pm
NicoleinNH's picture
Offline
Joined: 06/21/2003 - 09:00

EDIT
[This message has been edited by NicoleinNH (edited June 09, 2007).]

Posted on: Fri, 09/15/2006 - 6:17pm
mommyofmatt's picture
Offline
Joined: 03/12/2004 - 09:00

Becca,
You've had some week [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img] Sorry about the death in your family.
I'm glad everything turned out ok for your dd.
If it's any consolation, I've been feeling behind in my communications with the school too...same teacher as last year, we met end of last year, I met with the school nurse and dropped off my paperwork this year, but just sent in my summary of understanding of our precautions. Waiting to hear back. I was thinking about it tonight in fact, kicking myself... Meg

Posted on: Fri, 09/15/2006 - 11:07pm
becca's picture
Offline
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

I had just become a bit complacent, trusting dd and feeling ok about how it was all going overall, then exhausted and such a full plate, I just didn't get to that proactive email and communication. It really was my bad, as well as the teacher's. Had I been crystal clear, it would not have happened.
Not only a rough week, just a rough 6 months. I have had my own health problems and realize this is where my anxiety has manifested(and depression). Avoidance, or things that stress me, even though I think I am on top of it. I never would have let that go a year ago. I am on top of that now, with treatment and a Dr., but still climbong out of a hole and just so tired at times like this when alot of sh** hits the fan. I am very drained, but tryong to focus on dd's birthday for today.
...Before getting caught up in the funeral and loss of my dear aunt. she, her twin, and my grandmother all lived upstairs from me my entire life in my childhood home, where they all still live(d). She was always our babysitter and just a very kind, positive, thoughful woman. Sigh...
One day at a time... becca

Posted on: Fri, 09/15/2006 - 11:45pm
lilpig99's picture
Offline
Joined: 12/22/2005 - 09:00

Thank you for sharing your DD's reaction scenario with us. And I hope your family heals after the rough week you've had. HUGS...and I'm glad DD is doing well. Keep your chin up.

Posted on: Fri, 09/15/2006 - 11:51pm
Going Nuts's picture
Offline
Joined: 10/04/2001 - 09:00

Oh Becca, I'm so sorry for the loss of your aunt and the whole lousy week in general! Glad to hear DD is OK, though. Don't be hard on yourself - s*it happens sometimes - we're human.
Big {{{hugs}}},
Amy

Posted on: Sat, 09/16/2006 - 1:38am
Corvallis Mom's picture
Offline
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

becca, I am so sorry for how terrible your week has been. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
{{{{hugs}}}} to all...especially you right now.
Thank you for having the courage to share a story that highlights mistakes-- I just know someone else will benefit by learning from you. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
I am so glad your DD is okay.

Posted on: Sat, 09/16/2006 - 3:11am
Flounder's picture
Offline
Joined: 09/02/2006 - 09:00

Dear Becca,
I am so sorry you've had a rough time recently. In many ways I know how you feel, including the twinge of annoyance you will probably feel from having someone say that.
We all make errors in judgement. The most common is becoming too comfortable without recognizing the moment that we start to relax. It sounds like you have a great teacher to work with and the ONLY important thing is that your little girl is safe and healthy today.
I have survived my daughters first days of school on a lot more faith and trust in the school than I would have been inclined if the circumstances were different. She's fine and the school IS very proactive but that doesn't change the feeling on my part that things should have been handled with more personal involvement. Your post really opened my eyes.
Wishing you the strength you need to get through this difficult time. It is so easy to get overwhelmed...Keep taking those baby steps toward feeling good again. Most importantly, take care of yourself. You know we are always here to listen, no matter what you need to say.
Happy birthday to your daughter! Let us know how the modified party works out.
You WILL get through this.
Siobhan

Posted on: Sat, 09/16/2006 - 3:32am
Lori Anne's picture
Offline
Joined: 07/13/2005 - 09:00

When it rains, it pours! Why do these things always have to happen all at once? I'm sorry things have been so tough. I hope that things get better soon.
I'm glad to hear that your dd is O.K. I hope all goes well with her party.

Posted on: Sat, 09/16/2006 - 1:08pm
becca's picture
Offline
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Thanks all. We had a great party.
Dd was fine. She does have a cold, and ds is catching it too, and the family next door has it. So I feel better about the itchy nose stuff after the incident at school.
Wake tomorrow and funeral Monday. Then smooth sailing, I hope! Sending dd to school, not bringing her to the funeral. It is her B-day at school and she does not seem to grasp the loss of her great aunt yet. I have peole to care for so it will be best to let her just choose(we asked her) to be at school.
Thanks for the support. Becca

Posted on: Sat, 09/16/2006 - 2:04pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

becca, I am so sorry for the loss of your Aunt. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
I'm trying to think how to word this. I know that this *might* not have happened had you been proactive (as you say) and been in e-mail contact, etc. with the teacher.
However, your situation this week (although with a death in the family - even more heightened), would suggest to me, what has been my experience, is that PA can't ALWAYS be at the top of the list. KWIM?
If we all just had PA (and other allergies) to sit back and deal with - man, I think that's hard enough. But we also have life, in general, to contend with and I truly believe it's only humanly possible for one person to be able to juggle a certain # of baskets at a time. Maybe some of us are better jugglers than others, maybe not.
I'm glad that your daughter is okay. I'm glad that her party went well. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
I'm not saying that I don't realize probably every minute of every day how aware I have to be about PA and how very important that is - I mean it's my son's life I'm talking about. But again, sometimes there are other things in life that bump PA down the list just a little bit.
Usually I think, or perhaps I've been very fortunate, when PA has been bumped down the list for whatever other reason(s) nothing has ever happened bad PA wise, but still.
I think that's basically why, for the most part, other non-PA parents will never truly understand what it is like to walk in our shoes. They have their stressors and their lives to deal with and everything. But PA, in, and of itself, is a great stressor. We, as PA parents have that and then the other stuff that life brings and the not so great knowledge that should we bug up because of another stressor, it could mean something really serious. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
As you say, you would have done the e-mail thing last year at this time, but there are reason(s) this year why you didn't and it sounds like you're dealing with those. So, please, please, don't beat yourself up.
Would be nice if PA gave you carte blanche to no other stressors in life and your sole focus could be that, but no, that's not always the case.
I think the wonderful thing about people here is that for the most part, whatever other stuff they have going on in their lives, they do manage to keep PA a pretty high priority.
I just think about my woulda/coulda/shoulda list re PA and I know that I've done the best I could, at the time, the best of my abilities at that particular time and place to keep my guy safe.
I hope that made some sense.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
------------------
If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I would walk up to heaven and bring you back home with me.

Posted on: Sun, 09/17/2006 - 2:12pm
nopb4us's picture
Offline
Joined: 06/30/2004 - 09:00

Becca,
I'm so sorry to hear about your aunt. It sounds like she was a very special lady.
I think it is easy for all of us to be less vigilant about the allergies at some times than we are at others. But I also think that every once in a while something happens that gets us back on board with where we need to be. That happened to us this summer and then my daughter (and another PA child) reacted to several people opening and eating peanuts down the hall from the room they were in at a day camp. Neither of their reactions were major, but it was still a catalyst in renewing my vigilance about her PA.
I am so glad your daughter is okay!
Angie

Posted on: Sun, 09/17/2006 - 10:34pm
becca's picture
Offline
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

I am not beating myself up over it. I guess my feelings are mized. I think the teachers should have a more unified policy that actually protects *them* from the liabilities of hurting our kids. Much better than the year to year hashing it out all over again, be it with a 504 or just ground rules with the new teachers.
But, of course, it is my child, my responsibility to keep her safe. With our incident this week, the teacher is aware the two PA girls are friends and that us 2 moms are tight. We have become good friends regardless of allergies. So, she let her guard down and trusted the girls. Sort of an unuasual thing.
She was so upset realizing her mistake, that I had to tell her in fact, I had let her(the teacher) down, by not giving her all the information she needs. So together we are so on the same page now. Good came out of it and dd never seemed to have more than the itchy tongue for a passing few minutes.
And thank you all so much for the support, both fro this incident and on the loss of my aunt.
Sigh. Off to dress for her funeral... becca

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