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Posted on: Wed, 08/30/2006 - 3:01am
BASP's picture
Joined: 08/29/2006 - 09:00

Thank you for the outstanding response Beth C. That was exactly the type of information I was looking for. For what it's worth, I agree whole heartedly with the amount of "goof off" time in school. It does get rediculous and I would be the first one in line (or maybe second behind you) to support limiting using class time this way.

Posted on: Wed, 08/30/2006 - 3:44am
Corvallis Mom's picture
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

BASP-- a word of advice (and perhaps a note about etiquette).
If you only want a certain type of response, then you probably needed to be more up front about that. It [i]is[/i] a public BB, after all.
If you were simply looking for validation, say so. Otherwise ignoring all the other posts in a thread is considered a bit, um,... having trouble coming up with a non-offensive term there. Rude will have to do.
You'll also find that many of us here ask as many questions as we answer within a thread. This is so that we can offer more well-informed opinions... not to irritate or threaten you. Bear in mind that nobody is "exempt" from that-- but it can be extremely useful to gain outside perspective when you are wrestling with a problem you aren't sure how to solve. Most of the parents who spend time here welcome being challenged about their thinking from time to time, and many of the long-time posters are [i]very good[/i] at setting aside our own comfort zones to take a look at something through someone else's eyes (but it takes knowing about your situation to do so).
Ever wonder [i]why[/i] some other PA parents are seeming so "militant" to you? What do you think it would take for you to feel that way yourself? How long have you been dealing with PA in your own family, by the way? Have you handled PA issues with a childcare provider or school yet? Are there everyday situations that make you feel terrified for your daughter's safety?
You are quite vociferously complaining that we aren't answering your questions, but you don't acknowledge those who have (unless they basically agree with your perspective) and you aren't answering very many yourself, I see.

Posted on: Wed, 08/30/2006 - 6:05am
Christabelle's picture
Joined: 10/03/2004 - 09:00

Maybe, BASP, you should quit blaming others and look at your own post to find out why people seem to be militant around you. You come on this board as a new member and come across so abrasive, and expect the membership to treat you with kid gloves. If you can't take it, don't dish it out.
And it won't help to come on and lecture everyone about how they should respond. People will respond as they will respond. If you are just looking for validation, as someone said, say that up front.
You can't blame people for thinking you are a troll. That's exactly how you sound.
I am never going to be the kind of person who is wishy washy make-nicey with people who come on harsh and judgemental of me. Never was much for turning the other cheek and saying "slug me again!" Sorry!
I will also never apologize for taking whatever measures necessary to keep my angel breathing in and out every day. I will just never come around to the rightness of the sentiment that someone's peanut treat is more important than my kid's life. If that makes me militant, then I'll wear a big red M on my forehead with pride.

Posted on: Wed, 08/30/2006 - 7:21am
BASP's picture
Joined: 08/29/2006 - 09:00

Wow.... you guys have been busy. I've been working the last few hours and haven't had time to respond so I'll try to cover it all now. First of all to CORVALIS MOM, I have always had a problem with a large group of people being forced to conform to certain rules and regulations to satisfy a few. It's just the way I am. I will admit that the militant, yes militant mothers in our school have left a very bad impression on a majority of the other parents in the school including myself. Her desire/need to control all aspects of the school enviroment as well as soccer, scouts, carnivals, etc. has really rubbed people the wrong way. I'm not saying everyone on this list is that way at all. Given most of your responses I would say that most of you are not. But there is a few. Don't think of this as an issue with the ADA as much as it's an issue with a certain subsection of this group (the parents of PA kids in our school included). She's made the statement that her childs PA has triple in severity since last year because the teachers weren't diligent enough to follow through on the hand washing each and every day. I'm sorry if you don't agree but there are limits to what people shoul dbe expected to do. As far as proof, I realize I'll never get it but that doesn't stop me from wondering about the actual severity given the statements his mother has made. If we're all going to be forced to change what we do we should be able to determine if it's a legitimate need or just an issue with the mother. As for CHRISTABELL, don't confuse someone having a difference of opinion with you with them being a troll. I think that covers the major issues you both raised. If I missed anything, please let me know.

Posted on: Wed, 08/30/2006 - 7:45am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

Do you think this parent you're talking about has enough power to make the school demand all these precautions without valid proof that they're necessary?
(No *tone* was used in the typing of this post. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] )

Posted on: Wed, 08/30/2006 - 8:15am
saknjmom's picture
Joined: 04/02/2003 - 09:00

Just curious if you will say where your school is located city and district or even the name of the school?
I have heard of schools being very accommodating and some not so accomodating. Just interested because your school seems to have done what a lot of us only dream of at our schools.

Posted on: Wed, 08/30/2006 - 8:21am
Corvallis Mom's picture
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

She's made the statement that her childs PA has triple in severity since last year because the teachers weren't diligent enough to follow through on the hand washing each and every day.
I must say that if I heard someone say this, it would definitely rub me the wrong way too... nobody has any idea why our kids become more (or less) sensitive with time. It certainly isn't "the teacher's fault." Oh my.
Blaming sure doesn't fix it. But if she has it in writing that supervised handwashing [i]needs[/i] to be happening and then it isn't..... well. Let's just say I can understand why she might feel pretty annoyed with the school for not doing what they say they will.
I have really not met any other parents of special needs kids that were truly "militant" about demands once I allowed them to explain their child's needs. Perspective changes things, in other words.
Personally? I don't like asking large groups to change for my daughter either. But sometimes I have to. And when I can't control an inherently dangerous situation, she doesn't participate. This means that things others take for granted are [i]unthinkable[/i] for us. Really.
This is the level of vigilance which is required to keep my 7 yo from [i]requiring epinephrine regularly.[/i] Even so, she still needs to be medicated for unavoidable, unforeseeable exposures several times each month. So I probably [i]do[/i] seem like a militant control freak to someone who doesn't see it firsthand. I think my family does a good job walking a virtual tightrope between peril and whatever aspects of "normal" are available to us. Our allergist agrees. But we also get accused of being overprotective, too--if you are unfortunate enough to have one of the uber-sensitive PA kids, there [i]is no way to 'do it right'.[/i] You're either 'trying to control everyone else' or you 'shouldn't keep your kid in a bubble.'
[i]And really, take my word for it here-- you can have BOTH at once. It's a wonderful world. [/i] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/rolleyes.gif[/img]
It takes a pretty thick skin to live in [i][b]this[/b] neighborhood, in other words.[/i] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] It used to reduce me to tears, years ago when my daughter first became aerosol sensitive. I'm used to it now.
My point? Unless you are hearing it direct from the family, don't believe all that you hear. I've been treated pretty unkindly by the "rumor mill" this way-- paraphrasing rarely conveys accuracy, in other words. [i]Just for the record, I have never said that a picture of Mr. Peanut would harm my child.... sheesh.[/i]
Until you really see near-death anaphylaxis with your own eyes, it is hard to imagine anything transforming you into a Mama grizzly bear. But the fear of that will do it-- and how! I would enthusiastically gnaw off both my own arms to avoid it.
If you read a bit on the schools forum here, you'll see that a lot of us come here first instead of throwing a tantrum at our kids' schools... lots of soothing of ruffled feathers here and deep breathing leading to more reasoned responses. Usually. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img] Most of what is here involves that search for balance.
[i]'Should I say anything, how can I get an administrator to call me back about this safety issue, at what point to I give up and go away, is this normal, why did this make my kid so upset, etc...'[/i]
Get to know the regulars here and you'll see that reaction history plays a HUGE role in how militant most of us are (or aren't). PA families don't just wake up some morning and decide to freak out and make crazy claims about their kids' needs. Not usually, anyway. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] We may seem biased toward the more controlling types, but perhaps this is because the more severely affected our kids are, the more support we find we need.

Posted on: Wed, 08/30/2006 - 9:16am
Momcat's picture
Joined: 03/15/2005 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by BASP:
[b]She's made the statement that her childs PA has triple in severity since last year because the teachers weren't diligent enough to follow through on the hand washing each and every day. I'm sorry if you don't agree but there are limits to what people should be expected to do.[/b]
So are you saying that hand-washing, specifically, is "going too far?"

Posted on: Wed, 08/30/2006 - 9:31am
Gail W's picture
Joined: 12/06/2001 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by BASP:
[b] I will admit that the militant, yes militant mothers in our school have left a very bad impression on a majority of the other parents in the school including myself. Her desire/need to control all aspects of the school enviroment as well as soccer, scouts, carnivals, etc. has really rubbed people the wrong way. [/b]
I fall into this category. . . of being 'militant'. Accommodations are necessary for my daughter to participate in soccer, girl scouts, carnivals, etc. I'm sure I've left a bad impression with some . . . but "I do what I gotta do" . I ALWAYS try to be polite when I assert what my daughter needs, and if that rubs people the wrong way . . . well, then so be it.

Posted on: Wed, 08/30/2006 - 9:42am
Corvallis Mom's picture
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Hear hear, Gail and Cathy.
I like to think of myself as being more [i]Ghandi[/i] than [i]Rambo[/i] when it comes to those kinds of things. I am just not going to tolerate anything unacceptable. Serenely (I hope), but as an irresistable force. DH calls me "Yoda."
Of course, there are times when Rambo is called for. I just have trouble going there myself. I tend to flee instead.
(For any Monty Python fans in the house, [i]"Run Awaaaaaaaaayyy...."[/i] )
[This message has been edited by Corvallis Mom (edited August 30, 2006).]


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