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Posted on: Fri, 09/01/2006 - 4:17pm
mcmom's picture
Joined: 06/15/2004 - 09:00

I must have grown up under a rock, because I am over 40 and have never participated in, nor even heard of, a "cake walk". No, don't tell me either [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
But evidently not participating in one didn't scar me for life, KWIM?
If it's too cold outside for a carnival in October, what about just having it in May or June instead? just an idea.

Posted on: Fri, 09/01/2006 - 8:10pm
NicoleinNH's picture
Joined: 06/21/2003 - 09:00

[This message has been edited by NicoleinNH (edited June 09, 2007).]

Posted on: Sat, 09/02/2006 - 11:31am
bandbmom's picture
Joined: 12/14/2005 - 09:00

BASP could be a troll or may be a parent in denial. I received the message below from one of our local support group leaders, who talks about how the 5 stages of grief can apply to PA families. I think it may possibly shed some light on what BASP is all about.
"We've all heard of the 5 stages of grief. They can apply here as well:
1. Denial
Upon hearing the diagnosis of food allergies, we as parents are shocked, especially if the allergy is newly acquired and to something
the child has been able to eat before without apparent problems. And especially if you have no family history or have known someone with food allergies to relate to.
2. Anger or resentment
"Why me?" or "Why my child?" are the questions asked now.
3. Bargaining
For some, and I hope not many, this may be the stage where you have reactions. These might stem from that saying we never want to hear, "it's only one bite". You've removed the allergen for six weeks and you try just a tad to test if what the doctor is saying is really true. This is bargaining. Or for those who don't suffer from anaphylactic reactions, bargaining may consist of giving a child a
bite of something you know will illicit GI reactions, because they would rather suffer the pain then miss out on a snack. Older children may bargain and make these choices themselves. Again, I hope not many "dwell" in the stage of bargaining for obvious health risks involved.
4. Depression
Acknowledgment brings depression. Now that you know "normal" has to be redefined, you may be depressed about all the things you can't do any longer or can't do without major pre-planning.
5. Acceptance
This is the stage where you've actually redefined "normal" in your life and you live within these new boundaries.
Keep in mind, you can go through the 5 stages of grief many times (in many cases with each new curve ball thrown your way.) It's said by
experts on the matter of grief, that people who never fully experience all 5 stages, are those that need to seek assistance. Dwelling in depression and never getting to acceptance can be a horrible way to live. Constant bargaining, where chronic health issues are concerned, can have very serious consequences as can denial.
As we all know, in most cases, all members of the family unit will go through some sort of grief over the diagnosis of food allergies:
- Food allergic children don't understand why this is happening to them on so many different levels.
- Mother's have the added responsibility, in most cases as primary caregivers, to figure out how to navigate avoidance.
- Father's feel neglected since their wives may be preoccupied with managing everything.
- Siblings may be resentful if the feel the food allergic child is getting more attention or if the mourn the loss of certain foods and
activities that are no prohibited because of the implications of the food allergies.
In researching this topic, I came across another "system" for defining stages of grief that I hadn't seen before.
T = To accept the reality of the loss
E = Experience the pain of the loss
A = Adjust to the new environment without the lost object
R = Reinvest in the new reality
I almost tend to like this approach better - you deal with acceptance and pick up and move on from there and there is a focus on the fact that there is a new reality - something all of us know is definitely part of our lives as parents of food allergic children.
I hope this helps to focus some feelings you may be experiencing now, either because you are new to managing food allergies or because the added stress of the hustle and bustle of the holiday season is upon you and you may be more sensitive to encountering situations that involve food. Knowing the natural progression of feelings you will encounter can help get you out of a "slump or rut" so to speak. You can say - okay - I need to move on here and this is what I should be doing next...this has helped me on numerous occasions."
From Melissa Dalton (President of COFAF)

Posted on: Sun, 09/03/2006 - 3:08am
MommaBear's picture
Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by bandbmom:
[b]BASP could be a troll or may be a parent in denial. I received the message below from one of our local support group leaders, who talks about how the 5 stages of grief can apply to PA families. I think it may possibly shed some light on what BASP is all about.
"We've all heard of the 5 stages of grief. They can apply here as well:
1. Denial
Upon hearing the diagnosis of food allergies, we as parents are shocked, especially if the allergy is newly acquired and to something
the child has been able to eat before without apparent problems. And especially if you have no family history or have known someone with food allergies to relate to.
2. Anger or resentment
"Why me?" or "Why my child?" are the questions asked now.
a lot of people get stuck here.

Posted on: Sun, 09/03/2006 - 4:03am
Corvallis Mom's picture
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

...and hey-- Anger is the gift that keeps on giving. It is a hard thing to move past. Particularly when you get a lot of well-intended advice from clearly [i]clueless[/i] people that should just shut up about my kid...
I have moments of anger even now-- and I think that we deal with DD's situation remarkably well, and have for many years. Considering. But "normal" isn't what most people think, that's for sure.
But back on-topic. I think that [b]denial[/b] is much much [i]bigger[/i] than we on this board usually consider. Many PA families are not given epipens or even told that the allergy can be life-threatening [i]in anyone who has it.[/i] You don't often see them here-- because they think this board is [i]"for those poor unfortunates.... Whew! Am I ever glad I'm not like them...."[/i] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/rolleyes.gif[/img] They don't understand they they [i]are just like us... they just don't know it-- yet.[/i]
Nobody ever wants to recognize the mortality of their child. But until you do, you still don't "get it." Great thing about the whole "disneyland" approach to entering the PA world is that "denial" as a stage simply gets skipped over after you see medical professionals working to save your child's life. But for everyone else, I can see how very alluring denial would be. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sun, 09/03/2006 - 4:56am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

I generally bounce between depression and acceptance, or I should say RELUCTANT acceptance. Right now I am in a deep depression due to my son's recent reaction (totally MY FAULT) and the start of school on Tuesday...will his teacher watch out of him?
I have only been dealing with this allergy for 4 years and I hear the road gets harder as they get older....depression, acceptance, depression, acceptance...I really don't like roller coasters!
mom to Ari(6) - severe nut allergies, asthma, you name it - and Maya (9), mild excema

Posted on: Sun, 09/03/2006 - 12:28pm
TwokidsNJ's picture
Joined: 05/28/2005 - 09:00

Found an excellent quote that relates tot his topic (from another board, abcpeanuts.com):
Richard, from North of Oshawa

Posted on: Mon, 09/04/2006 - 12:07am
Gail W's picture
Joined: 12/06/2001 - 09:00

Denial gets the best of anyone. . . . and I'm guilty, certainly. Sometimes it's all just too much for me.
I'll always remember our pediatrician proclaiming to my husband me that we were 'in denial' about Mariah's asthma. DD's asthma was exceptionally well-managed, and it never limited her activity so we always saw it as a non-issue. And having been through a bad anaphylactic reaction, we were solely focused on her PA. The pediatrician saw that we needed some . . . shall we say [i]adjustment[/i] about how asthma was a real factor in the whole PA management. Her whole approach with us was that it's an "addressed issue" that required on-going attention and that asthma always needs to be addressed. The same awareness that we apply to her PA needed to also be applied to her asthma. That was some 6 or 7 years ago, and thinking about it now I realize how on-target she was so early on. I remember being totally stunned at her candor~ no physician had ever been as forthright in their opinion before (perhaps, I suspect, due to 'professional courtesy'). She had major guts (or perhaps another anatomical part [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] ) to call it what is was to my physician-husband. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
We'll always be grateful to her for that.
[This message has been edited by Gail W (edited September 04, 2006).]

Posted on: Mon, 09/04/2006 - 6:38am
DebO's picture
Joined: 03/15/1999 - 09:00

After reading this thread, I was interested that my opinion is best related to the situation described by "April in KC". My daughter, now 12, suffered from severe anxiety last year due to PA. She would not eat at school at all, and would not eat any food with her hands even at home. It took many months of counselling to help her to manage her anxiety, but she still has not gained back the 15 punds she lost.
At the time, she had a peanut free classroom but not a peanut free school (she was in grade 5 and only the grade 4 class did not have a PA child in it so it had no restrictions). Her anxiety was so severe that she missed several days of school and made herself physically ill due to her fear of a reaction because of that one class with children eating peanut butter.
Our principal added further accomodations for her, including making the grade 4 class peanut free, because she was unable to focus on her schoolwork, which is the reason she was at school.
For the posters who know me, I have been on the this board for years. I have a middle of the road comfort zone and my daughter plays baseball, does gymnastics and many other activities. I don't think her increased anxiety is related to my own attitude - there have been anaphylactic allergies in my family all my life and we are used to living with it.
However, from following this board, numerous children suffer from anxiety at some point. It seems to be related to a realization that they are getting older and become more aware of their allergy and that it is potentially fatal. Maybe it's related to losing that innocent faith that their parents and teachers will take care of everything. My son is now 9 and is staring to show some signs of worry about his anaphylactic egg allergy in a similar, though much less severe way.
Anyway, I would like to point out to BASP that your experience with your 4 yr old may not reflect the experiences of other families with older children. I know many of the parents on this board have had their children go through periods of increased anxiety due to food allergies as mine have. Why can we not provide them with a school environment with less risk so they can just be kids and students and focus on their work?
With regards to the other parent, I have frequently come across parents with different comfort zones - some tighter, some looser. I offer up any info I have - knowledge of a new product that I consider safe for my family, perhaps, but then I keep my mough more or less shut. It is not up to me to change their comfort zone or school accomodations. I let them know how I handle my childrens' allergies and then I let them make their own choices.
take care

Posted on: Thu, 09/07/2006 - 3:30am
k9ruby's picture
Joined: 03/25/2004 - 09:00



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