Do you let your anaphylactic child go to friends' houses without you?

Posted on: Mon, 06/28/2010 - 4:47am
mamasjoy's picture
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Joined: 06/28/2010 - 11:31

Hi everyone.

How old was your anaphylactic child when you allowed him/her to play at a friend's house without you? My six year old (just turned six) who is anaphylactic to peanuts and tree nuts asked why he's the only one in his class who isn't allowed to play at a friend's. I might feel differently if the home was close by, but my son in a French Immersion program which means the children in his class live all over (maybe anywhere from a few minute to a 20 minute drive away). My answer to him was that he's still too young (so of course, I got the expected "So why are the other kids allowed?") The reality is, I'm not comfortable at all leaving him in someone else's care, especially since I don't really know the other parents (just acquainted with them from school functions) and also I believe many people still do not understand the severity nor the lengths one must go to to ensure an anaphylactic child's safety.

Just wondering what other parents in similar situations are doing.

Thanks so much

Posted on: Mon, 06/28/2010 - 8:04am
cervonil's picture
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Joined: 04/28/2010 - 12:30

ack, my son is 4, so i can still go on playdates with him. I plan on doing that for a LOT longer!! That is a tough spot, but I completely agree with you. I don't think at 6 I would be comfortable yet. I've thought about waiting outside at some point in the car for him. But then you still have to trust the parents recognize the signs and will come out and get you. We had a playdate where he had a reaction from the boys saliva, they shared a harmonica - so we've learned you don't even have to eat something. I don't know, but I think it would be much later than 6 years old.

Posted on: Mon, 06/28/2010 - 10:02pm
mamasjoy's picture
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Joined: 06/28/2010 - 11:31

Cervonil,
The sharing of a harmonica (or a toy recorder/flute) is a typical example of something that the parent of a non-allergic child would never even think of. Last night, I had a friend over with her son and her son put on my son's Spiderman costume including the fabric mask. Of course, I threw the mask in the wash when they left, but here is another example of something that I myself had not even thought of up until last night, so why would I trust or expect my 6 year old to think of these things. Just some of the challenges we parents are facing ...

Posted on: Tue, 06/29/2010 - 3:23am
cervonil's picture
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Joined: 04/28/2010 - 12:30

to be honest I never even thought of that, as we had only been diagnosed 1 month prior. They were also sharing a recorder - I watched him play with them - never even dawned on me till his lip swelled up! You live and learn.

Posted on: Wed, 06/30/2010 - 10:10pm
mamasjoy's picture
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Joined: 06/28/2010 - 11:31

Cervonil,
Thanks for your replies. Here's another example. A couple of years ago, we went to my nephew's birthday party where my son broke out into hives after gathering up his pinata goods (we told him to just get the little toys, NOT the candy). Anyway, after a bit of investigation, we found out that my sister in law purchased the (wrapped) candy at a bulk food store and they had come in contact with the pinata toys (inside the pinata), so when my son touched the contaminated pinata toys, he reacted with hives. We gave him Benadryl that time since it was only hives, but who would have thought???????

Posted on: Wed, 06/30/2010 - 11:44pm
cervonil's picture
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Joined: 04/28/2010 - 12:30

that STINKS! I mean it is hard enough to tell him not to eat the candy, but then not to be able to let him TOUCH the toys! ARGH!!!! I've thought about Pinata's before b/c we were at a party right before he was diagnosed and he gathered up candy as well. I've been wondering if he will be able to do that in the future. I guess the answer is no. I'd thought I would let him collect it with the other kids, then switch out his goodies with some safe ones I brought. How dissapointing for all these little kids. Gosh, my heart just breaks for them - all the things they can not participate in :( I hate how everything in our society revolves SO much around food!! No wonder there are so many obese people in America.

Posted on: Wed, 06/30/2010 - 11:46pm
cervonil's picture
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Joined: 04/28/2010 - 12:30

BTW, it is awesome to bounce these unusual situations off one another - so we are prepared for as many "flukes" as we can. I know I can't do EVERYTHING to protect him, but everything I can do, every situation I am aware of allows us to MINIMIZE the risk.

Posted on: Sun, 07/04/2010 - 9:45pm
Mrsdocrse's picture
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Joined: 01/16/2007 - 09:00

HI
My son is 9 and I haven't let him go to friends houses with out me. I am wresling with that topic now. He has had a couple of invites but I have not let him. I know that I have to let him go but he isn'nt very responsible. Also when I mention it to the mom about his allergy and using an epi they kind of back off.
So I am not sure they want him there. *sigh*

Posted on: Mon, 07/05/2010 - 4:14am
Mom2Sariah's picture
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Joined: 12/14/2003 - 09:00

My DD will be 8yrs old the end of this month and I still haven't allowed her over to houses without me present. The parents that have invited her over already know about her allergy and understand that I'm not ready to leave my daughter yet.
I have had people tell me "I'm not sure I could give her a shot if she needed it." ?!?!?! Really??? Just going to let her die?!?! Goodness Sakes!
I'm not sure when I'll be comfortable. We just make sure to invite kids over to our house. We also throw at least one party a year for DD to invite a lot of her friends over. Sometimes birthday....last year it was a Halloween party. My DD is responsible but that's not what worries me. I might re-visit the idea when she's 10yrs old. No clue yet.

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