feeling sad...........................

Posted on: Mon, 03/19/2007 - 8:42am
williamsmummy's picture
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Joined: 03/26/2002 - 09:00

on mothers day we had a family get together, and there were plenty of safe choices for william to eat.
But recently he has been really stressed, and tells us that he doenst trust us, and reads all the food labels at home all the time.
He looked at all the food, and just refused to eat anything , he couldnt face it.

The combination of tree pollen , and SATs exam stress coming up ,and a new school in september, means that william is not sleeping very well at night.

I think the allergy stuff is the last straw. I feel so sad for him, and I think he is really dreading our big holiday this year.

Thats it all really, bit of a moan. But I am, really sad that this is my 11yr olds life at the moment.

sarah

Posted on: Mon, 03/19/2007 - 10:03am
ajas_folks's picture
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Joined: 04/28/2000 - 09:00

Oh Sarah.
Being an 11 year-old boy isn't much fun period for many boys. Adding the whole food allergy thing into it must make it very hard for him.
I don't know what to suggest except to try to find the positive in everything for him --like an 11 year-old will even listen to his mum without rolling eyes & saying "Yeah, right." But you have to keep trying. With a smile. Even when you feel like crying.
Hopefully some of the parents here who have pre-teens, teens, and kids who've grown up & happily survived it all (PA AND teen-hood) will post some wonderful words of wisdom.
<> [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Hang in there . . . wish I could be of more help. Truly.
~Elizabeth

Posted on: Mon, 03/19/2007 - 1:23pm
Jana R's picture
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Joined: 02/09/1999 - 09:00

Awww Sarah - I'm sorry you and William are going through this. If it helps any, my son went through significant anxiety about that age - we had moved and he was using Singular which we thought were partly contributing but I think there is some anxiety associated with that age and stage of life. At that time, we did look into setting up an appointment with a child psychologist - the process took really long and by the time we could get in, DS didn't really seem to need counseling anymore. If it helps to tell him, my son got his feet back under him after a bit and was able to feel like he could manage. I remember too, being annoyed that he didn't trust me enough to just eat what I gave him but wanted to read the labels for himself. But really, I'm now glad he decided to own his allergy and take this control. It [b]is[/b] sad and hard to see them have to cope with hurdles and emotions but most likely this is just temporary - if you think it might help, let him know he's not the only one who has felt how he's feeling.
------------------
Jana
[url="http://www.seattlefoodallergy.org"]www.seattlefoodallergy.org[/url]

Posted on: Mon, 03/19/2007 - 11:21pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

My kids didn't have food allergies, but they did have other *issues* at that age. Sometimes, what I found most appropriate was to actually tell them "yes, that makes me sad too" or "darn right I'm angry about that". Being able to verbalize feelings can sometimes help. It doesn't solve the underlieing issue (allergies in this case), but it can help to know someone else feels our feelings are justified. (if that makes any sense -- I'm not sure)

Posted on: Tue, 03/20/2007 - 12:01am
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

I'm sorry, Sarah... [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/frown.gif[/img]
Tell him everything you want him to know, even if it seems like he's not listening. They can't REALLY turn off their ears, you know. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
And your words will be in his head bouncing around, waiting for just the right moment to surface, when he needs to hear them the most... and they'll help him.

Posted on: Tue, 03/20/2007 - 2:27am
starlight's picture
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Joined: 01/16/2004 - 09:00

I go through phases like this a lot when I'm really stressed or tired. I don't think it's so much an age thing as a normal human thing.
There are some days when I feel okay popping something with a "same facility" warning in my mouth. And there are other days when I'm washing my hands every two seconds because of imaginary residue (I'm not contact reactive, and I know while I'm doing it that it's excessive). It's basically an effort to gain control over SOMETHING when it feels like you have control over nothing. Trust me, if he weren't PA, he'd just find something else to micromanage.
It *should* pass. And probably come. And go. And come again. I'd only worry if it DOESN'T pass, or if it's happening more often than not. Otherwise, probably just a temporary phase. You could probably talk to him about how he's feeling, and let him know some techniques to deal with stress, like deep breathing or journaling, to help him feel better. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Wed, 03/21/2007 - 5:00am
momll70's picture
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Joined: 09/26/2006 - 09:00

Hi there. I'm 37 and I feel like this sometimes too. My son is only 5 (also PA/TNA and allergic to seeds - and sometimes he tells me it's not fair). It's so sad to see our children feeling like this. What I think I would do is try to make him feel comfortable and let him know that you understand and when he is ready to eat something in a restaurant he can. I would still go out and take snacks or a drink for him to the restaurant. My son hardly eats when we go out, I know it may seem different with an older child.
One day I went out to a lounge and there were peanuts everywhere. I felt bad because we got seats (which were limited) you only get seats if you order something from the menu. The 3 people with me ordered and I didn't even want a glass of water. I got one but I didn't even touch it. I don't feel bad unless other people feel bad or make me feel bad (like I'm paranoid - because the people that serve you touch the peanuts). I don't care if I don't want to eat or drink, I enjoy the company.
It's hard but we don't have hard days all the time. I'm sure he will feel better and try eating at a restaurant again. Especially if you know that a place is willing to make a safe dish or a place that you have been to before where you trust.
[This message has been edited by momll70 (edited March 21, 2007).]

Posted on: Sat, 03/24/2007 - 9:10am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Sarah, I've been thinking about William lately. How is he doing?

Posted on: Mon, 03/26/2007 - 8:41pm
williamsmummy's picture
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Joined: 03/26/2002 - 09:00

thanks for your concern.
williams mood is up and down at the moment.
He was invited to a friends bowling birthday party, and he was really keen to go, and started saying that he would just play the games and then leave when they wanted to eat. Or he would stay and eat before he left home.
I wasnt happy with this, we compromised i said I would go and check out the food when i dropped him of, and if it wasnt safe I would get him something else.
Because he didnt want to sort out the food himself ( even with me there, he wanted me to do it) i went through his emergency plan.
Practicing how to use the epi pens, inhalers, oral steriods, what to say , what to do etc etc.
We still cant get william to try piriton anithistamine tablets, even though they are very small. So we still at 11 yrs old have to carry bottles around with us.
I checked to see if he could open a bottle with a child safety cap on.
Which , thankfully he could, so that gives him some measure of independance.
Aftewards he had a big cry with daddy ( dont tell anyone I have told you this!!) and then felt much better.
He went to the party, was happy , ate the food, and was really cheerful when I picked him up.
Which is a good sign.
Our next big problem in on the horizon, a week long trip with school. I have paid, but he is making noises that he doenst want to go, allergies being his only reason not to.
But , I am sending him.
allergies are bloody nightmare.
sarah

Posted on: Mon, 03/26/2007 - 10:55pm
momll70's picture
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Joined: 09/26/2006 - 09:00

Hugs to you and your son too. Things will get better. Maybe he needs some time. Does he have a teacher or a good friend he can trust that is going on this trip?
I want to add that I think you are great for giving him some independence which is hard to do, but very important at the same time, for a PA parent.
[This message has been edited by momll70 (edited March 27, 2007).]

Posted on: Tue, 03/27/2007 - 12:51am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Sarah, are there chewable tablets available? (I'm not sure if piriton tablets are chewable or if you swallow them whole.) My nine year old is [i]finally[/i] taking some chewables. (Orange is OK. Red needs a strong drink. Purple not a chance.)
********
The trip [i]might[/i] be the cause of the depression and worry. When I know I have to travel somewhere -- even if I do want to go there -- I stress sometimes for weeks before going. A week long school trip could be stressing him enough now that it is coming out in other areas of his life. Is this his first time away for that kind of trip -- away without mom or dad?
Good luck, and hugs to your both.

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