Fear re PA child going with/to other relatives without you

Posted on: Sun, 07/23/2000 - 4:05pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

This is actually a really GOOD question I feel Chasie brought up in her I got the epipen, now what? thread. How does one get over their fear of letting their PA child go with their other parent and/or to other relatives without the caregiving parent being there? I'm sure that there are a lot of people with 1st hand experience that could help get Chasie (and others) some answers. I simply asked her in that thread if the child's father and grandmother were aware of the potential severity of this allergy and if there was NO DOUBT in their mind's whatsoever about the allergy. I think that's the starting point with letting go of the fear, or having it recede anyway, is making sure that the other people that will be in charge of looking after your child (although theirs too) are REALLY aware of the potential severity of this allergy. Can anyone else add some thoughts to this from personal experience, etc.?


Posted on: Sun, 07/23/2000 - 10:41pm
PattyR's picture
Joined: 04/12/2002 - 09:00

I am sure this is a problem for all of us. My husband and I happened to go away this weekend for a quick overnight trip without the kids. My brother and sister in law offered to watch the boys. My middle child is PA. They understand the severity of the allergy but I am still nervous going away. I packed a bag of safe food for him in case they weren't sure what to give him or if they got stuck with him not being able to eat something. My 10 year old son has voluntarily taken on the role of back up label reader and knows what to look for. My SIL is Japanese so there is a bit of a language barrier when it comes to reading labels. My 15 year old niece and my brother also check. My PA son is 8 and able to say that he is having an allergic reaction. So as they get older it does get easier. They were planning a trip to the movies so I packed safe movie snacks too. I can't say that I totally relax when we go. I do worry and tend to look forward to getting back but it still feels great to get away and do grown up things. On the negative side, the last time we went away, my MIL watched him and I thought I had been very clear. I even left all food for him and asked her not to stray from those foods. Well she did! I arrived home to see my son eating Pizza Flavored Pringles which used to be made with Peanut Oil! No reaction but I was very upset.

Posted on: Mon, 07/24/2000 - 2:22am
chasie's picture
Joined: 07/20/2000 - 09:00

Thanks for posting this, I'm just worried and I think everyone think I'm overreacting.My husband know it's bad, but I just think he may second guess his self if it comes down to the shot.I hope to hear more on this.

Posted on: Mon, 07/24/2000 - 4:40am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Chasie, be assured that you are not overreacting although others may think that you are. As I posted in your other thread, my personal story, it actually took my husband seeing our child almost die before it
clicked in his head how severe the allergy can be. Just make sure that whoever has your child always has the epipen jr. too. I think when push comes to shove, even though all of us are afraid of having to administer it, it gets done. As you go through life now with your child's allergy, you will always have someone questioning whether you are overreacting etc. and you will slowly learn how to deal with it. For example, my son just finished his 1st yr of school and although the year went fine, the end of the school year seemed to bring the issue of his allergy to the forefront again and people did not understand. I have to educate the school people in the best and least offensive way I possibly can and I have used this site to gain much information and more importantly, support in this regard. There will always be someone that will question the severity of the allergy and I'm sure you'll learn how to deal with it. I know that I felt totally overwhelmed when I thought about gathering information for the school but through this site especially I settled down. I know that you have just learned about your child's PA and you are scared and overwhelmed, but don't think of your child first as PA, think of them as your child first and all the wonderful things that entailed before the label of "PA" came into it. I know that you have to deal with the PA by reading labels and educating people and stuff, but you will be okay. Best wishes.

Posted on: Mon, 07/24/2000 - 12:45pm
LisaG's picture
Joined: 07/19/2000 - 09:00

I agree that it's scary to leave them with someone else - my husband included. That's why I'm insisting that he go with me to the allergist Thursday for Austin's testing..... As for the family, I find myself reading every label I can find in front of them and pointing out every time I see the word peanut..... And I've instructed them ALL in the use of the epi pen - even the ones who'd probably never be in the position of babysitting him...... And in discussing the allergy with them (family), I used strong terms - made sure they understood that Austin could DIE from this.... Might sound harsh, but whatever it takes to make him safe.... My 5 yr old is even starting to watch everything that Austin eats. He's even told people that "Austin can't have peanutbutter - he's very allergic". So sweet.......

Posted on: Tue, 07/25/2000 - 5:24am
Linda-Jo's picture
Joined: 07/30/1999 - 09:00

I am petrified when I have to be away from my daughter whether it's with my husband or some one else. There are only a few people I would leave her with, and that's only if necessary. She'll be entering 'all-day' kindergarten in Sept. and I'm already starting to panic!
My husband witnessed her anaphylactic reaction and came with us to the allergist so he is very aware of the situation. But, I think maybe sometimes he seems to have a lackadaisical (for lack of a better word!) attitude towards this whole thing because he doesn't deal with it minute to minute like I do, as he is at work all day. I seem to always have to remind him that if he takes her out anywhere, her medicine kit goes with her. You never know if she'll come in contact with pnut/nuts, even tho she might not eat them and you don't want to be stuck. Sometimes he's good with it, other times not. I remember a time when he met me with the kids to go to dinner after a church service where I was singing. As we were driving down the highway, I asked "Do you have Meggie's kit?" His response, "Oops, no I forgot, but she'll be OK!" I made him turn around and go home. I make sure I tell the other kids too just as backup (I have 3 older than my PA daughter and they are very protective of her!), but sometimes even that backfires!
Although, I have to admit he is getting better! The other day he took just her to the movies and I packed our own popcorn and her medicine kit, and told him all the do's and don'ts. Thank God they came home safely, but I worried the whole time! At times, he'll be the one to ask about pnut products when we eat out. But, I feel so much better when I can watch her (like a hawk!) myself! Then, I know I've done all I can to keep her safe!

Posted on: Tue, 07/25/2000 - 11:56am
CarolynM's picture
Joined: 03/27/2001 - 09:00

I think you just have to use your judgement and go with your instincts on who you feel your child is safe with. Of friends and family, it may not always be the ones who you think should know. My in-laws have dealt with PA forever, and I don't feel that my kids are safe with them. My BIL has PA and has given my kids peanut candy in Halloween treat bags. And for Chritsmas, My MIL brought fudge that she said was safe for the kids, and it was in the same container as peanut fudge! I guess I was lacking in my training with them, because they have an "I know all I need to know" attitude. On the other hand, I have a few friends who are extremely aware and I feel completely comfortable having my kids go with them.

Posted on: Wed, 07/26/2000 - 3:53pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

I can honestly say that I would only trust my son with my husband (I wouldn't have trusted him with him just over a year ago) and my best friend. Nix to all other people. I don't know if it's really a negative thing we're saying about other people dealing with our PA child or if it has to do with our comfort zones and trusting our instincts about who to trust your children with. Also, because other non-PA parents don't deal with PA often, if ever, they would not think to read a label before offering our child something. So, right now, I only have 2 people I would trust my son with. My best friend has done a really good job of educating herself and has no peanut products in her home whatsoever, except PB which she literally locks away when Jesse is in her home. My husband, well, he learned the hard way. That could open up a whole new discussion thread you know? A couple of us have now mentioned that we don't or didn't trust our husbands with our PA children. Why is that when they are the child's parent too?
Hmm, look at the # of posts I have and # of threads I've started and see if I don't start a contentious one here!

Posted on: Fri, 07/28/2000 - 2:20am
stine's picture
Joined: 07/28/2000 - 09:00

the only place my son who is 5 has gone without me is with his Dad, to one friends house and to a preschool. The preschool made it peanut free for him. The teachers checked everyones lunches when they arrived in the morning and if a child brought something that contained peanuts it got sent some with a note. Amazingly a few moms complained about no peanut butter.

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