Father\'s wedding - WWYD?

Posted on: Sun, 04/08/2007 - 12:27pm
cam's picture
Joined: 11/16/2006 - 09:00

My dad is getting re-married in June (my mom died a few years ago). He and his fiance are very supportive of what we need to do food-wise at the wedding. It's going to be at a ski-lodge in a relatively remote area. My son is 3, PA, has asthma, and tested slightly positive to almonds and cashews (we strictly avoid all tree nuts, though). Do you agree with the following line of thinking, or are we going overboard?

1) They are having a buffet. One item was going to be a green bean dish with almonds. Even though DS won't eat items on the buffet, we asked that they find an alternative to that dish.

2) We are currently thinking we will bring our own food and not even try to work with the chef at the lodge because they do have nuts in the kitchen. We had thought about asking them to prepare something basic like noodles with veggies for us, but it feels too risky.

What would you do?

Posted on: Sun, 04/08/2007 - 1:15pm
joeybeth's picture
Joined: 09/01/2006 - 09:00

i would probably bring my girls' food for them and not worry about everything else. just having peanuts not present at the event would make a huge difference for me - in case little fingers would accidentally find themselves into the food. as for the almonds, i'm not sure how big a problem they are for your child. my girls are also technically allergic to wheat, soy, egg, chocolate, tomatoe and a host of other things in addition to the peanut. however, the peanut allergy is the only one we have to worry about and peanut is the only allergen we have to avoid strictly. my girls don't react to wheat, soy, egg, etc even though the test "positive" to them. so, for us, just having the peanut eliminated from the celebration would be enough. i'm not sure if that would be comfortable for you though. if the almond dish was exchanged for something else, would you feel comfortable having your child there and/or allowing him to eat? i think i might be inclined to bring my own food for the girls in your situation - particularly since it's going to be in a remote area. hope that helps....

Posted on: Sun, 04/08/2007 - 1:55pm
Lindajo's picture
Joined: 10/14/2003 - 09:00

This happened to us when my niece got married and my PA DD was the flower girl. My niece (DH's brother's DD) had pistachio stuffed chicken breast and some sort of salad with nuts on the menu. Also, the appetizers that were passed around during pictures had nuts in them as well. Because we had to travel over 10 hours to get there, bringing our own food was not an option except for snacks. Also, my BIL and niece would not change the menu and the chef told us that he didn't feel comfortable preparing anything "different" for her.
So, with that being said, we should've just said "forget it" but she was very excited to be her flower girl. So, we went to the wedding and when it was time to eat, we left for about an hour or so. The only place we found in the area that we felt safe with was Wendy's. So, there we were, sitting in the van, dressed in our finest eating take-out!
I also brought safe cake and goodies just for her so she would have safe foods to munch on as well. We arrived back after dessert was cleaned up and my DD had a blast dancing around with everyone (she was about 6 at the time). My BIL was not happy with this arrangement, but that was just too bad for him.
If your DS is allergic to almonds, I would definitely not have anything served with almonds in it. Also, not to serve anything with any of his peanut/nut allergies. Even tho they might replace the dish with something else, I would still bring my own food for him to eat. I wouldn't trust it. That way, you know what he puts into his mouth is safe and you all can enjoy yourselves.

Posted on: Sun, 04/08/2007 - 9:32pm
krc's picture
Joined: 01/16/2007 - 09:00

Hello. We had a similar situation at my sisters wedding. They asked for absolutely no nut items (some ended up there anyway. Thankfully we brought all our own food so that we didn't have to worry about it. My girls were the flower girls and had a wonderful time.
Since this is your father, I would feel comfortable asking if they could do without the almond item and then bring my own food.
Have fun!
10 yo dd- PA,TNA, tests pos to soy, CATS, many environmentals, Asthmatic
5 yo dd- NKA, avoiding nuts
3 yo dd- outgrown milk/soy, avoiding nuts

Posted on: Sun, 04/08/2007 - 11:18pm
McCobbre's picture
Joined: 04/16/2005 - 09:00

If your child is PA, I'd frankly be more worried about any peanuts being served along with the cake than I would about the almond dish--if your DD doesn't really react to almonds.
People eat peanuts with their hands and touch everything. They eat green green beans with their forks, and if your daughter isn't very sensitive, it may not be an issue for her.
DS is technically allergic to some other things beside peanuts but scores low on them, and they don't seem to bother him.
Ultimately you have to go with your comfort level, and if you are concerned that this may be an exposure (airborne) to almonds, then go with your gut. You can probably keep her away from them physically.
It sounds like your dad is sympathetic enough to request a different dish. I'd probably do it.
And I think you're smart to take your own food.

Posted on: Sun, 04/08/2007 - 11:23pm
saknjmom's picture
Joined: 04/02/2003 - 09:00

I could probably handle the green bean dish, except I am always worried at buffets that someone will use the spoon for grean bean thing and then dip into the next tray with the same utensil.

Posted on: Mon, 04/09/2007 - 12:48am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Doesn't sound overboard to me. Sounds very reasonable.

Posted on: Mon, 04/09/2007 - 2:44am
MommyMegan's picture
Joined: 12/07/2005 - 09:00

I would bring your own food.. as long as they're not offended.
We're getting married in June, too, so we're doing a meat try, veggie tray, buns and a fruit tray...all safe according to me.
I will no be eating the cake though.. too risky.

Posted on: Mon, 04/09/2007 - 4:04am
alliedhealth's picture
Joined: 06/10/2006 - 09:00

Especially with relatives around that are eating the allergen I would have a "no kissing on the face" policy in place. Just a thought-
We have attended dinners such as these where the allergen shows up at attempts to be nut free- we take our own and try to exit gracefully early. You are right to be concerned about the location.

Posted on: Mon, 04/09/2007 - 4:52am
gvmom's picture
Joined: 08/24/2005 - 09:00

[b]It's going to be at a ski-lodge in a relatively remote area.[/b]
This is the part that is more worrisome to me than anything else. The questions I'd be thinking, and need an answer for, would be more like:
How remote of an area?
How close is the nearest hospital?
How long would it take for an ambulance to reach it?
Would that ambulance be equipped to deal with anaphylaxis?
If it would take too long to drive & for an ambulance, does the hospital have an airlift?
If we needed to drive to the hospital, is the route easy enough & accessible enough that it could be driven while my child was in possible shock, and we wouldn't be just as concerned about finding our way as we would about our child?
Do we have at least 1 Epi for every 15 minutes of driving to make it to the hospital?
Those are just off the top of my head.

Posted on: Mon, 04/09/2007 - 7:09am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Quote:Originally posted by MommyMegan:
[b]I would bring your own food.. as long as they're not offended.
Wouldn't matter to me if they were offended. I would discuss it, and hopefully they wouldn't be -- but, in the end it's safety first.
btw, I have attended a few weddings. My brother's wedding I brought my own food. Both bride and groom were fine about it. A woman that worked with my husband invited us to her wedding, which happened to be on our wedding anniversary. It was in a different city. I asked if I could bring my own food to eat and she said "what will people think"? I mean, she was [i]really[/i] upset about that. So, I said we could either attend the ceremony (afternoon) or the reception after dinner (evening), but not both. Couldn't I just eat in the car before the meal? No! It's my anniversary. I am not eating in the car, and I am not going without eating. She decided she'd rather have us attend the reception, but did point out that I was *putting a downer* on the whole thing. Anaphylaxis puts a bigger downer on a wedding. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] However, this was not family. Not even someone I would call a friend. Just a co-worker of my husbands.


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