Family Just Brought Food into my House...

Posted on: Sat, 03/17/2007 - 5:48am
Marlowe's picture
Joined: 03/13/2007 - 09:00

Hey there...I need some advice or suggestions on how to make DH and his mom understand why I don't want ANY food brought into my house.
My dilemma is that DH bought the exact same rotisserie chicken home earlier this week from Sams...has whey/dried egg yolk/milk powder in ingredients...DS is peanut/egg/wheat/dairy/soy allergic!
Since DS is only 13months old, he does NOT eat meals with us...and the chicken is NOT something I'd feed to I think that's why DH and MIL think it's okay to bring in food.
I'm thinking I need to make a NO FOOD AT ALL allowed to come in rule, to make sure NOTHING slips by us, etc. Am I being overly crazy?
I didn't say anything today, cause hubby had brought in the chicken earlier in the week, and we ate it too...
I know it's all just a comfort level thing, and I know MIL is just trying to be helpful and feed us when she can...she brought in a loaf of bread and bagged lettuce...
on the surface those labels appear safe(nut/peanut-wise) but of course bread is not good for wheat/egg/soy allergy!
We still eat bread, so I guess I would feel like a hypocrit asking MIL NOT to bring in ANY food to our house, if we have some of those same foods in our home(maybe not same brand)?
DO I just need to say, BRING NO FOOD PERIOD, and be done with it? Or would you allow some foods?

I guess I'm just thinking that THIS time the food was probably safe enough, but what about next time, or the next?

DS has NEVER had an anaphalactic reaction to anything YET, and I want to keep it that way...I just feel like they all think I'm being NUTSO for wanting to protect my baby!

Posted on: Sat, 03/17/2007 - 10:30am
BS312's picture
Joined: 09/05/2001 - 09:00

Sorry you're going through this. Every family is different, so no advice...just what we do: DD is allergic to peanuts and tree nuts (both anaphylactic), as well as dairy and egg (both not anaphylactic). We do not allow anything containing peanut or tree nut into the house. We do allow dairy and egg into the house with no restrictions. She is not going to eat these foods and we are very careful not to cross-contaminate her safe foods. To make things simple, we do choose to use only safe foods in certain situations. For example, we buy only safe breads so that we do not have to worry about contaminating our hands by touching the other kids' sandwiches or accidentally giving her an unsafe piece of bread. I don't think our eating a bought rotisserie chicken would put DD in any danger, but of course it would not be safe for her to eat.

Posted on: Sat, 03/17/2007 - 11:06am
Live4Him's picture
Joined: 01/23/2007 - 09:00

My advice to you would be to not accept any food from anyone. It is a very scary thing knowing that your child could be in danger. Not that anyone would intentionally try to do harm, but when you are new to this you defenses kick in. I would say No thank you and then politley explain why and give pamplets or booklets on the subject. Your child will grow up learning the postion you took on behalf of his welfare. His father and I had no problem saying NO to outside food. My son has been reaction free for almost 12 years now because of our steadfastness. He never has accepted food from anyone, ever, without asking me or his father first. Now he reads ingredients religously! I look at it this way, would you want your son to be offered illegal drugs or to be left alone out of your sight where someone could kidnap him?
We have to protect and provide for our children, it is our job as parents to do this and learning from example is the key!
If you dont allow it, either will they. As one of my favorite sayings goes..
"What parents do in moderation, kids do in excess" They are imitators.......
in good things and in bad.
Isaiah 53:5

Posted on: Sat, 03/17/2007 - 12:22pm
chanda4's picture
Joined: 12/14/2006 - 09:00

Well, I can see were all going to be different here. If *you* want to enforce the *no food* rule though, I do think having things in your house that contain *any* of the allergens would be considered hyporitical....I could see that, looking at this situation. If you REALLY want to enforce this though, like the poster above me, you need to do it 100%.
My situation, as you can see in my signature, we have lots of allergies we deal with. We don't have nut products in our home(I have eaten them away from home though) but we do have milk for the older two, eggs for dad(he cracks them over a grocery bag and takes it to the garage), I cook beef for some of the kids and turkey for the others....if I didn't allow ANY of the allergen foods into our home, we would starve, literally. But this is *our* comfort zone, so this is what works for us. *IF* I were in your shoes and hubby brought in the chicken, I would just make your son another meal. My kids know when we have taco's, Jake and Savannah's are beef and Sidney and Carson's are turkey biggie(and then Carson and Savannah can't have cheese...on and on...).
It really all boils down to comfort zone, if you are not comfortable with food coming in, then you need to speak up and follow through. Maybe discuss with hubby(I often do) to see how it could work for everyone, if you can't agree, then continue with your request to ban all foods coming in. Good luck
Chanda(mother of 4)
Sidney-8 (beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma)
Jake-6 (peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma)
Carson-3 1/2 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE)
Savannah-1 (milk and egg)
[This message has been edited by chanda4 (edited March 17, 2007).]

Posted on: Sat, 03/17/2007 - 2:05pm
Samber's picture
Joined: 06/22/2006 - 09:00

I too have a very strict comfort zone and do not allow any peanut or egg products or may contains etc in the house. My husband would have been fine and to just "be careful" but are zones are different. It was a battle I was willing to take on and thankfully he saw it my way. So I also wish you luck if there is any resistance because that in itself can be stressful. You need your husband on your side so that your MIL gets it. I have now put a nice, poinient sign on the front door saying "Due to severe allergies no PEANUTS (picture)OR EGGS(picture) are allowed in this home. Please notify the parents if you have eaten these" Something like that since I am not looking at it. This also helped with visitors understanding the nature and what to expect when coming in. My parents will eat something before coming over and then scrub and brush teeth and scrub more because finally they get it. They don't have to see it your way, but they have to respect your rules and home.

Posted on: Sat, 03/17/2007 - 11:26pm
notnutty's picture
Joined: 03/15/2004 - 09:00

This is a hard issue that we all have to face. My son is 6 (PA, avoid all TN, Allergic to Soy Protein). We do not allow anything with peanuts or TN in the house. We tolerate the soy but we have not run into many issues with the soy anyway because it is only soy protein.
My MIL used to bring food over all the time. Many times I would have to say "sorry can't have that in the house" and send it back home with her. After awhile the only thing she would bring is something to grill (chicken breast, steak or fish) and a head of lettuce. She also needed time to learn "the rules". I appreciate the fact that she wants to bring food over to provide a meal for everyone, and now she understands "no desserts or side items from a deli."
This is obviously a comfort zone thing, but perhaps you could sit down with your husband and MIL and explain to them your concern as your son gets older and share with them how you are feeling and why. Maybe you could tell her "if you want to bring something bring xyz".

Posted on: Sat, 03/17/2007 - 11:29pm
notnutty's picture
Joined: 03/15/2004 - 09:00

Also...Marlowe...welcome to the boards...I see this is your first post.

Posted on: Sat, 03/17/2007 - 11:47pm
VariegatedRB's picture
Joined: 11/23/2005 - 09:00

I think the problem right now for you is that you are trying to find your comfort zone in what *you* want to bring into the house.
To help you feel better... while PN/TN often can cause anapylaxis, and really any allergen *can* it is much less common for milk, egg, wheat, etc (not saying it dosn't happen, it is just rare).
So, for me, I do not allow PN/TN into my home at all. I *do* allow my other allergens (beef, pork, soy, etc). Because it is unlikely that I will react to small amounts (even though I never eat any of those foods).
I do allow people to bring food into my home, with a strict, "NO nuts/PN" rule, even if it is something *I* can't eat.
At 13 mos, I would feel comfortable having foods in my home that an allergic child can't eat (assuming they aren't sensitive enough for cross contamination concerns- I would never have PN/TN in a home with an allergic person, personally), because it is easy to keep those foods out of his reach. It might get harder as he gets older.
What *I* would do in your situation, is give dh & mil a list (exact brand, etc) of what you are okay with at this point. Things they *can* buy when they want to help out. Explain that the list will probably get longer as you learn more and become more comfortable... but right now you are really struggling to keep ds safe.
Tara P

Posted on: Sun, 03/18/2007 - 12:35am
Marlowe's picture
Joined: 03/13/2007 - 09:00

Thanks for all the GREAT advice, guys! I agree that the main problem is probably that I don't yet have a "clue" what my comfort zone is yet...son was just diagnosed in december, and I just don't know yet how he'll react to all of his allergens, and that's probably the scariest part!
I agree that as he gets older, he'll need to learn NOT to accept food from ANYONE unless mom and dad say it's okay, and I guess I feel that if we begin NOW it'll only be easier as he gets older!
My main concern with the MIL is that she is VERY, VERY "sloppy" with food...seems to get more on the counters and floor than on her plate?! [img][/img] So, NO, eating the rotisserie chicken yesterday didn't harm DS at all, but the three big piles of chicken pieces that I found on the floor underneath where she was slicing off pieces for her plate would have DEFINITELY been an issue for my son! (since there were both egg and dairy ingredients in the chicken)
And DS "IS" sensitive enough to react to cross contaminations(knife used to cut pizza then to cut his apples) cause hives around mouth and eczema flair up!
No, it wasn't anaphylactic, but still was a reaction...
I guess I just need to hurry up and decide what I'm comfortable with,and make a plan! I just feel so overwhelmed and have even begun having panic attacks over this stuff sometimes! Especially when dealing with family members and trying to "convince" them I'm right in doing the things I'm doing!
Thanks again for all the helpful advice and ideas!

Posted on: Mon, 03/19/2007 - 5:02am's picture
Joined: 02/22/2007 - 09:00

It's hard. You really have to figure out where you want to draw the lines and then rework aspects of your lifestyle to suit them. Our policy is a little bit mixed ... our daughter is allergic to raw egg but we do have eggs in the house ... we are just super-careful about them. If they are baked she is fine. If I eat eggs I wash my hands and face before going near her. We are super -careful about cross-contamination as well.
There are no peanuts in the house whatsoever and we do not buy 'may contains' if we can avoid it (99% of the time you can). I do have almond butter as we do not have a tree nut but I am going to switch to Sunbutter or Peabutter as I am having major anxiety whenever I eat my toast ... I think it tastes too much like peanut butter [img][/img]
My wife has stopped eating eggs and all nut products while breastfeeding our second child (born just before our 21 month old had an anaphylactic reaction late in 2006). Research on this is inconclusive but we figure it is worth the sacrifice to be sure.
We typically do not allow food to come into the house unless we have had a conversation with the people bringing it ahead of time.

Posted on: Mon, 03/19/2007 - 11:53pm
saknjmom's picture
Joined: 04/02/2003 - 09:00

I am very specific and particular about foods being brought to my house. After DS was diagnosed, I did not allow ANY food by anyone.
We have a lot of company in the summer and people always want to bring something....I tend to ask for chips, salsa, DRINKS, things like that where it is packaged and not made in someone else's kitchen. I've allowed people to bring a pack of hamburger, buns, hot dogs etc. That is about it.
The reason I think it is a good policy is because people forget to read labels, people make mistakes.
2 friend who is a nurse very allergy aware and very cautious made a tossed salad and brought it to my house for dinner. Just as she was about to put the dressing that she brought on, I looked at it and it was Raspberry Walnut Vinagrette. It wasn't that she didn't care or she didn't get it, she was in a rush to get out the door, grabbed a bottle of dressing and came over....she was mortified that she nearly soaked a salad in walnut dressing....
Another time, another friend brought a tossed salad for dinner. I was looking at it and kept seeing these little slivers. I couldn't decide if it was mushrooms or onions or what. I couldn't imagine that she would put anything on the salad other than veges especially coming to my house...I asked her and she slapped her hand over her mouth....instant tears running down her face she was like OMG I have such a habit of shaking the salad accents on (almonds in the mix) literally sobbing saying I forgot, omg how could I forget???
So, this is the reason I no longer accept salads, anything baked most foods coming to my house.
[This message has been edited by saknjmom (edited March 20, 2007).]


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