FAIR Goodies

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Well, my daughter's teacher is still being unfair. The prinical and I had talked last week about birthdays in the classroom and I asked that I get a birthday list from dd's teacher so that I could bring a safe treat for her on days of possible parties. The principal talked to the teacher about my bring in a treat for dd, but didnt mention that I would like a birthday list. So the teacher asked me yesterday morning if I had a treat for dd and I no, not today, is there a party today? She said no, but a treat needs to be on hand for her. I then asked for the birthday list and the teacher said, "Oh, I never know if the parent is bring something or not." I said, "I would like to bring something around the day of the birthday so that it will be fresh. Cup Cakes are not going to last very long." She said, "So just bring Alyssa something pre-packaged, indiv. wrapped that I can keep here at my desk." She turned around to her class and began teaching. So I left.

So all of the kids are going to get a piece of fancy cake or fun cup cake and my daugher is going to get a Little Debbie's snack cake! I am so angry and upset!! It is just so unfair!

Anyway, I am thinking of emailing the principal...or should I just go along with what the teacher wants? Does anyone know of a lavishing peanut free desert that is pre-packaged and eye catching to a 5 year old?

------------------ Helen Mom to Alyssa (PA, age 5) Mom to Theodore (age 3)

On Dec 10, 2005

Refresh my memory---do you have a 504? The teacher clearly does not want to accomodate the pa. We went through exactly the same thing last year. By then dd was in 4th grade, so I had the advantage of the teachers in K through 3rd all giving me a birthday list so that I knew I was not unreasonable for asking for it.

I personally consider the safe treat sitting in the classroom until whenever a parent brings food to be risky. The majority of fatalalies at school from anaphylaxis occur due to the school`s mistake. At age 5 I never let dd eat any food unless it came out of her lunchbox. When there was a birthday I did not bother to see if the parent was or was not bringing a treat, I always packed something for dd. If the birthday falls on a weekend, I pack something Friday and Monday (if the parent doesn`t bring a treat Friday). If the teacher makes a mistake in giving your dd the wrong treat, then your child will have a reaction. I think that is pretty risky. I never would have allowed it at age 5. In addition, there was a situation in our school where there was some sort of a meeting and treats in the room were eaten. There is also the issue of the teacher touching the birthday treat brought by the birthday mom and then handing your dd her treat from the "safe treat" stash, only then your dd`s treat is cross contaminated, so it isn`t safe any more. There are just too many things that go wrong with the "safe treat" stash. It is much easier to get the list, and take care of sending something yourself. When last year`s teacher insisted she did not have a list but she really did, it took me all of 10 minutes to copy it.

I think the teacher has control issues. If you have a 504, I`d write a short note to the 504 coordinator asking that it be added that you are given a list of birthdays at the beginning of each year. If you don`t have a 504, I would get one ASAP. When the teacher has control issues, she will test you every chance she gets. I never would have survived last year`s teacher without a 504. The school knew they had to tell her she couldn`t do certain things because of the 504. Otherwise, she could have done whatever she wanted and gotten away with it.

As far as what to do with this situation, I always believe in going up the chain of command and documenting without being obvious. I would write a short note to the teacher (make a photocopy), saying you need a list of the birthdays as you will be sending in a treat for Alyssa whenever a child has a birthday, and could the teacher please send a list of the birthdays home with Alyssa. If you don`t get a response in a few days, I would write a note to the principal or email the principal.

[This message has been edited by Carefulmom (edited December 10, 2005).]

On Dec 10, 2005

Thank you so much for your reply. I do not have a 504, I am still looking into the steps, plus, my husband is against it saying it will "lable her"...well her teacher is already labling her. This teacher has been against me from about day one. I really didnt think school with pa would be this difficult. Before school started, I thought as long as dd brought her lunch, everything would be fine....boy was I soooooo wrong!! So everything has been a struggle this year. At least I will be right on top of Everything with the teacher she will have next year. My daughter is a bit of a "princess" and has to have what everyone has or her feelings are hurt. She know it could be a big threat to her to eat things that are brought in, but 5 year olds are very tempted. She manages herself around her others and always asks it if has peanuts or says no thanks. But during a party at school, she trusts the teacher and takes what is given to her. I really need to get ahold of a birthday list...I dont want dd feeling left out or hurt like she did at the last birthday in the classroom. Everyone else got to eat theirs and she had to wait and bring her cup cake home. Yes, she was very sad about it, but understanding. Thank you again! I will talk to my husband about the 504 again. I talked to my monther in law about it so I know she is doing research as well.

------------------ Helen Mom to Alyssa (PA, age 5) Mom to Theodore (age 3)

On Dec 10, 2005

I understand your frustration.

This is a long thread in which MommaBear and I discuss if "substitute treats" are ever really okay. It's long, but very interesting if you stick with it. This discussion changed my opinion about substitute treats:

[url="http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/Forum7/HTML/001880.html"]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/Forum7/HTML/001880.html[/url]

When my DD was in elementary school she really wanted to have what the other kids were having. Even if she didn't like it.... it was the point that whenever her classmates had she wanted to have too. If they brought something in to "share" often the treat couldn't be "shared with her". It was very hurtful, despite everyone's best intentions (and sometimes without best intentions).

So I changed my thinking (thanks to MommaBear) to not even try to give her a substitute treat that was a look-alike or similar. It became my goal to give her something waaaaay better:

[url="http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/Forum7/HTML/001948.html"]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/Forum7/HTML/001948.html[/url]

[This message has been edited by Gail W (edited December 11, 2005).]

On Dec 10, 2005

Maybe your husband could take a trip to this board and see all the reasons why a 504 is necessary? Your child won`t be any less labeled without one, because you still have to ask for accomodations and without one you will be the bad guy to the school and the parents. You will be having to ask for things that may or may not be done. The accomodations are not any less necessary without a 504. You have to ask for accomodations anyhow with pa, so what is the point of having to walk on eggshells each time you do it. Maybe have your husband read Gail W.`s thread on myths about 504s and why she wishes she had done it sooner.

On Dec 11, 2005

What a pain your teacher is being. I vote for a 504 - immediately. Your child is already being labeled and the teacher is being unfair, obstinate and unsafe. I would do it for my child as well as all of the children to follow who have allergies and who will have the misfortune of getting this ridiculous teacher. Her attitude would bring out the fighter in me. I would never go along with her because I feel that you train people how you will allow yourself to be treated. If you give and and let her be unfair, you are teaching her that she can take the issue as lightly and meanly as she wants. GRRR. I really dislike little tyrant people like that. What does she have to prove? Grrr again.

On Dec 11, 2005

Just very quickly and from what I have read even recently from other members - get a 504.

I'm going to say this straight out. I'm in a mood. A bad mood.

I feel like screaming, on behalf of you - IF MY CHILD CAN'T EAT THAT THEN NONE OF THE OTHER CHILDREN CAN EITHER!

My son, for the first few years he was in school, if something was brought in for a birthday that was not okay - it was sent home with the children to eat at home, so he would not be left out.

I can't be long winded about it tonight because I am in too much of a mood but it's funny, this year, he couldn't even be bribed by someone running for Student Council with a cupcake because, well, he couldn't have the cupcake!

Take the advice of the other ladies who aren't in a mood and get a 504!

I know - who would have thought that getting a PA child through the doors of a school and more importantly, treated like every other student, would be so difficult? It is my son's 7th year of school and I can tell you, it's still not happening.

[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/mad.gif[/img]

Sorry, this did strike me as terribly wrong when I'm in a terribly not okay mood myself.

Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

------------------ "That was Polanski. Nicholson got his nose cut."

On Dec 12, 2005

Thank you all for your advise and support! I am going to have a sit-down with the teacher and we are going to go head-to-head about the treatment of my daughter. I am going to get the 504 started...I guess I need to go thru her allergist 1st? Thank you all again. At least now I know I am not being petty about it.

------------------ Helen Mom to Alyssa (PA, age 5) Mom to Theodore (age 3)

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