eating may contains infront of brother

Posted on: Mon, 07/26/2004 - 3:04am
lalow's picture
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Joined: 03/24/2004 - 09:00

I am just curious as to how others deal with a situation like this.
Today we went to a sub shop. My children split a ham sub from the kids meal and my oldest (non FA) son ate the fish crackers. He then wanted the cookie and I told him he could eat it later after the younger son (FA-MA and PA) went down for his nap. At 19 months he is really starting to notice when his brother gets things that he doesnt and I try to minimize these times. I started thinking later that perhaps I should have told them to leave the cookie out all together so it would not have been an issue. Do you let your non-PA children eat may contains at all? Or how do you all deal with it. My kids are 33 months and 19 months.

------------------
Lalow
James 2yrs NKA
Ben 17 months PA,MA,possible EA, and SA

Posted on: Mon, 07/26/2004 - 3:34am
jtolpin's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2003 - 09:00

Answering the Q:
We let Sara eat may contains in front of Caitlin. But then again, most of what Sara eats for snacks, Caitlin eats for snacks, hence they BOTH eat 'may contains'
Jason

Posted on: Mon, 07/26/2004 - 4:06am
mommyofmatt's picture
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Joined: 03/12/2004 - 09:00

We give our non-fa child foods Matt can't eat when Matt goes down for a nap, or when we're both home and I can distract Matt while dh feeds Sean and then washes him up.
We started doing this recently because I could tell Sean was getting really sick of the limited diet and preferring not to eat and go hungry sometimes.
We don't give him any foods with nuts though. We give him foods that contain milk, egg (Matt's other allergy foods).
We're holding off on the nuts and may contains because our allergist recommended we do that until at least 3 so Sean doesn't develop the allergy, and also to let Matt's immune system mature more and really try to minimize his exposure to nuts. Hey, a mom can hope Matt will be one of the few to outgrow right?! I just want to give him every chance to do that.
As they get older and both kids understand Matt's allergies, this will become more open and I could see us handling things the same way Jason does.
Hope this helps!
------------------
Meg, mom to:
Matt 2 yrs. PA,MA,EA
Sean 2 yrs. NKA

Posted on: Mon, 07/26/2004 - 4:37am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Okay, just me, and again, I have a *weird* stance on this one.
My non-PA daughter is almost 7. I found out her brother was PA when I was pregnant with her.
Our home is peanut/tree nut free and there are no "may contains" in the house (or "made ins"). This also includes no "may contain" or "made ins" that contain tree nuts even though my son is PA only.
So, basically my daughter eats as though she is a PA child as well.
HOWEVER. The first year she went to school (she just finished her third year), I didn't want her eating any "may contains" at school either. What I did was provide my daughter with a treat box similar to what most of us do for our PA children and if the teacher was serving something that she wasn't sure of, my daughter got a treat from her special treat box.
Well, not okay. I still won't allow my daughter to eat any peanuts/tree nuts - blatant products. But I realized into the first year of school that not allowing her to eat "may contains" like a cupcake that I would certainly not okay for my son was stimatizing her as though she was the PA child and she's not.
So, I lightened up on that. Still, at the beginning of each school year, I do speak with the teacher and say that my daughter is NOT allowed to eat any blatant peanut/tree nut products. This past year, I was fortunate because she had a "peanut free" classroom. She is allowed to eat "may contains".
It was interesting this past year, near the end of the year, something was given out in her class that was "may contain" and the PA child in her class couldn't have it. My daughter chose not to have it either. I asked her if it was because of her brother and she said no, it was because of the PA child in her class. I actually thought that was kinda cool [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/cool.gif[/img]
Now that she is in school full-time, it's not really an issue with me anymore, but when her brother was at school, often times Ember and I would go places where I wouldn't take her brother (a donut shop comes to mind) and I did let her eat a "may contain" food. I felt guilty about it. I posted about it here.
Just within the last few months she has asked if she could try a tree nut product, like a tree nut chocolate bar, and again, posted about it here, really unclear as to how to handle the whole thing. I'm lucky because she kinda forgot about it for now, but I'm sure that it will come up in the future and I do know how to deal with it (I think).
It is an odd stance and I realize that, but it does work, for the most part for us.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Mon, 07/26/2004 - 4:43am
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Anonymous (not verified)

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Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Mon, 07/26/2004 - 4:45am
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Anonymous (not verified)

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Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Mon, 07/26/2004 - 4:46am
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Posted on: Mon, 07/26/2004 - 5:12am
jtolpin's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2003 - 09:00

Have we stigmatized Sara by not giving her PB? I dont think so. It grows compassion, doesnt it? Like your child in school who didnt eat PB because of the other child in the class who couldnt eat it.
I'm on both sides of this -- I'd like to think Sara wouldnt eat it, simply because someone else is missing out (lets say there WAS no safe snack for that child), and hed (she'd) be left out.
But I also want Sara to fit in fine, and if everyone else is eating PB (or jumping off a bridge), if she wants to follow, go ahead.
In first grade next year, she'll be every day, 8:30-3. I have no idea about lunches, etc... But I'm sure we'll pack her lunch for her (probably me...). But if there is a list of 'peanut allergic children', we'll make sure her name is on it.
Double Standard? Probably. We're covering our bases, really... Assume allergic. Test her? Well, how would that change things?
If she comes out positive, we'd be doing the same thing as we are now (except probably give epi-pens to nurse)
If she comes out negative, we'd still want her nut free.. Would we want her to come home after making bird feeders with PB all over her hands... How could my DW call 911 for C's reaction, if is having a reaction (sigh...)
So what would testing to for us, if anything? Maybe i should talk to the allergist... blah
Jason

Posted on: Mon, 07/26/2004 - 6:25am
California Mom's picture
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Joined: 07/14/2000 - 09:00

My 4 year old is being raised as though he is pa, like his 9 year old sister. We don't know if he is or he isn't. I am starting to lean towards having him tested. We're at the point where it is probably sounding really strange to people when I say he can't eat peanuts and nuts because his sister is severely allergic and we don't yet know if he is.
It's probably easier, in some ways, for those of us whose pa kids are the first born. I guess if we find out for sure that ds is not allergic then I would be O.K. with him eating "may contains" (maybe even "contains" [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/confused.gif[/img] ) out of the house. (The idea of him coming home after having made a pb bird feeder is out of my comfort zone all together and I can't even bear to think about it!!!)
If we were all together as a family I think we would all skip anything that dd can't have, as we do now.
Long winded way of saying absolutely not much! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img]
[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Miriam

Posted on: Mon, 07/26/2004 - 7:38am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Jason, did you want an answer to your question? [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/confused.gif[/img]
I don't think that your stimatizing your daughter, even if you don't know whether or not she is allergic, given that both her sister and her Mother are PA.
The problem with testing - I'm sure you'll find out from the allergist anyway.
I had my non-PA daughter skin prick tested before she entered the school system. Now, she has always led the life of a PA child food wise anyway. But I wanted to make sure that she wasn't PA or was PA (whatever) so that I could put necessary precautions into place should I have to.
The allergist seemed to believe through the skin prick testing and by also rubbing a great quantity of something peanut-y on Em's skin, that she was NOT PA.
However, when I posted about it here, the question came up - since Em has never had peanut products and her exposure to them in utero even would have been very limited, was the skin prick testing itself to be considered her "first exposure" to peanut products and thereby not conclusive at all?
Meaning that really it was her first exposure and that she would have to be exposed again before having a reaction?
At that point, and it was four years ago, I went with my *gut*. Have always trusted it.
I don't believe my daughter is PA. Her first and second years of school she was not in a peanut free classroom and although I did ask from time to time if she ever saw anyone eating a pb sandwich and she always said no, who knows if one of her classmates wasn't eating peanut products right beside her?
And in typing this now, how do I know that she isn't PA [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/confused.gif[/img] except for that *gut* thing again?
(I mean, just because she didn't react to a child eating pb beside her doesn't mean that she's not PA).
The only way for me to get a conclusive answer, I believe, is to have Ember RAST tested (the blood test) to see if she is PA or not.
And although this may sound horrible, although not clear why, it's not high on my list of priorities right now. I really don't believe Em is PA. I think we would have known some way, some how by now.
But she will, as I have posted here before, lead the life of a PA child as long as she lives with her brother. She is a strong willed and strong minded child and I can certainly see it becoming a point of contention between us (example - the whole tree nut *thing*), but I also believe that it's not a bad thing.
When she's whatever age it is she gets her own space, she can go through an experimental stage of trying peanuts, peanut products, pb, Thai food, etc. Not very dissimilar to me when I got older and started to try different foods that my parents never ate in their home.
I'm not stupid though. As I said, I can see this becoming an *issue* between us. Ember just really has to be educated (and she has been in baby steps) as to the seriousness of her brother's allergy and how really, even at say 13, it wouldn't be okay to sneak that pb chocolate bar when you're over at your friend's house unless you want to do some serious cleaning up of yourself first before you come home.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Mon, 07/26/2004 - 10:25am
rebekahc's picture
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Joined: 12/02/1999 - 09:00

I guess I have a different view on this than most. 7 y.o. DS is PA, 5 y.o. DD is not PA. She eats stuff DS can't have all the time - no big deal. I've tried to raise my kids with the knowledge that they are different people with different likes, dislikes, abilities, interests, priveledges, etc. Why should what they eat be exactly the same either??
I don't allow DD to eat blatant peanuts or nuts unless she won't be around DS (or me for that matter since I'm PA/TNA). But I have no fear of either of us reacting to her after she has eaten a may contain so she can eat those things around us. For example when we dine at Quiznos DD gets to eat her cookie and we throw the other away or save it for DH. DS understands that he can have a dessert later when we get home - no big deal.
IMHO, letting food be such a big issue (if DS can't eat it then no one can, etc.) turns it into an issue KWIM? I don't want either of my children to grow up with food issues if I can help it. DS has asthma, DD does not. Should I tell her she can't play soccer just because DS's asthma won't let him play soccer?? To me it's the same thing with food. They're different people and are treated as such.
Life isn't always fair. PA isn't fair. DS (and I) can't always have what the others are having and THAT'S OKAY.
Rebekah

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