defeatist attitude

Posted on: Tue, 10/24/2000 - 5:28am
peanutboard's picture
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Joined: 10/24/2000 - 09:00

I'm probably going to step on some toes here, but I'm going to say it anyway.

I think some of us may want to step back and re-evaluate the way we are treating and dealing with this allergy. We have become too embroiled in the fear, possibilities, mights, what ifs, etc.

This is not to say, we should become lax. We should be prepared for the worst at all times, but we don't have to expect the worst at all times.

We get into our cars every morning, and hopefully, we remember to put our seatbelts on. This is a reasonable precaution. But, we don't have to dwell on the possibility of a car wreck, and we most certainly don't have to burden and scare youngsters with the possibility. We just get in and drive as safely as possible.

I read in another post that one of us has taught a child at age two(2) to answer the question "what will happen if you eat a peanut" with the answer "I will die." I understand the motivation, but have to question the execution. First of all, nobody knows that the child will die. And, more importantly, if the adults react quickly the chance of death are very small, even in the case of an anaphylactic reaction. That info seems a little more appropriate for a child of that age.

Are we burdening our children with too much fear and at too young of an age? And if so, what are we setting them up for? Yes, they will probably be safer, but at what cost?

I remember reading about a child crying because he was scared to go to school, scared that peanut residue was going to kill him. That breaks my heart.

And in the scheme of things, PA is something we have a great deal of control over. We should be empowering our kids to take conrol of this, and not to live in fear.

Again, please note: I am assuming we are taking the proper precautions of epi-pens, emergency procedures, competent adult, etc.

Lastly, I am posting under an alias because I have seen first hand what can happen when a member breaks from the pack and posts an unpopular opinion.

Posted on: Tue, 10/24/2000 - 5:32am
Tina H.'s picture
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Joined: 10/13/1999 - 09:00

Funny, when I read your post, I was thinking, "wow...this sounds like someone else on these boards" [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img], anyway, I agree with you 100%! Thanks for saying it so eloquently.
Tina

Posted on: Tue, 10/24/2000 - 5:43am
yarnwoman's picture
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Joined: 10/09/2000 - 09:00

I to agree! We try to take precautions and not make it such a life and death type of attitude. when I am scared, now that I have found this I come in and lurk around and it puts me at rest to know I am not alone. I feel very lucky to have people I trust my son with and have the attitude that if it happens we all know what to do to help him. Thanks again.

Posted on: Tue, 10/24/2000 - 7:29am
san103's picture
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Joined: 03/27/2000 - 09:00

I agree too. Initially when my son was diagnosed, I read this website all the time. Then I stopped for a while...I realized that many postings were making me to fearful, and that this site was not helping me at that point. Now that I am more comfortable with my son's allergy, I am able to read the posting and just say, "that is not where I am" when I read someone who draws a tighter circle with comfort levels.

Posted on: Tue, 10/24/2000 - 8:29am
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

San, I am just like you. I first joined over a year ago and had to stop reading the posts because I was getting terrified. Since then, I have come to learn that if I try to somewhat control my son's enviornment, he should be fine. He is a normal 2 year old, and I don't want to start scaring him at such a young age

Posted on: Tue, 10/24/2000 - 9:05am
morgansmom's picture
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Joined: 04/29/2000 - 09:00

Count me in on the agree side!! I think I said the exact same thing 6 months ago on this board!!

Posted on: Tue, 10/24/2000 - 10:20am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

I completely agree with everything that has been said so far! I feel that we live our lives very cautiously but I do not let this control our every minute. My son has gone to birthday parties without me. He has gone to friends houses without me. He has gone to relatives homes without me. All without reactions but never without the Epi-pen. I am very religious about the person he is going with knowing exactly what precautions to take and what sypmtoms to look for. They have each been very educated regarding his allergy and how to use the Epi. It still scares me every once in awhile but I find encouragement, information, and support from these boards. My pediatrician and allergist did not and can not give me the kind of information (regarding legislation, restaurants, & manufacturers-and even encouragment) that I find at this site.

Posted on: Tue, 10/24/2000 - 12:37pm
DMB's picture
DMB
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Joined: 02/22/2001 - 09:00

I am usually the voice of reason in my marriage when it comes to my son's peanut allergy. My husband loves to dwell on all the things that our son will NEVER be able to do because of the pa. I like to focus on all the things he CAN do. There is NOTHING wrong with him except for the fact that he has a food allergy.
Believe me, I take all the precautions. I do not take this allergy lightly. I try to allow him to lead a normal life--we just have to be extra careful when it comes to food.
Anyway, back to my paranoid husband. . .he came home from work today and started in about POOR Evan. This time he was sad because Evan would never be able to travel abroad because of his peanut allergy. I tuned him out as usual because I've agreed to disagree when it comes to worrying about our son's peanut allergy.
Later in the evening, I was flipping through the channels and stopped on a special about conjoined twins on MSNBC. There were these two absolutely beautiful little baby girls who were born joined at the abdomen and shared a liver. It brought a tear to my eye to think of what that mother was going through when the doctors were preparing to do a life-threatening surgery on her month old babies to separate them.
I just looked at my husband and told him that I never want to hear him say "Poor Evan" again. There are SOOOO many worse things our children could have besides a peanut allergy. Deanna

Posted on: Tue, 10/24/2000 - 12:54pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

I just wanted to add that when my son goes places without me he only eats what I send with him. Most of my friends are very nervous about a reaction happening that they are afraid to feed my son. Just the other day my son was at a friend's house and they tried calling me to see if he could have a Tootsie Roll. The phone line was busy because I was on the other line and she later told me that her 4 year old said, "Your mommy would probably say no because we don't know if they are made on the same machines as nuts or not." I thought it was so sweet how protective other children can be.

Posted on: Tue, 10/24/2000 - 1:34pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Peanutboard, I agree with you! I recognized within the first couple of weeks of coming to this board that I was freaking myself out over things that I would never usually freak out about. I have my comfort zone in place. I have precautions taken. Despite my # of posts, I do not think about PA all the time, or if I'm on this site, I'm very often not thinking about my PA son. What I find this board very good for is support, encouragement, compassion, understanding and also for help when you do have a question or you're facing a particular quandry you've never faced before and know that another PA parent or PA person has. This site (and I mean the people posting on it) was wonderful in helping me sort out what educational materials I should provide my son's school with this year and how to do it in an appropriate manner; it has been a great place to vent when I knew there was no one else in my immediate world that would understand what I was going through re PA; it was great to raise the question of what to ask the allergist next week. I get a lot from this site that I feel will help me empower my child and help me to educate him re his PA. But, I do agree with your basic post. I think it's just the need that some or a lot of us have to share, vent, question, etc. that brings us to the board and the reason the site is here to begin with. Best wishes!
[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
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Posted on: Tue, 10/24/2000 - 1:44pm
jrizos's picture
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Joined: 05/30/2000 - 09:00

I do agree with you 100%. If anyone is new to these boards I suggest the person read them and educate themselves but do it a little at a time and realize it can be overwelming. The unknown is scary for anyone especially for those people who have already witnessed an anaphlactic reaction. I have read so much about the skin testing being dangerous and how some people don't have their children go through it. My son is going to have a skin test. It is not for a PA but for a bee sting allergy. It has been scheduled for Nov. 1 and because of these boards I am a little more nervous than I would be. He had a very serious illness in the past, again not allergy related, and I held him on another Nov. 1. The nurse said he was dying and the doctor said it was the disease and their was nothing they could do untill they found out what was wrong. He was all blue and I said goodbye and did not pick him up again for a five days later. At that time he had stopped breathing on his own and was on a respirator four a month. but another doctor found out what was wrong on November 2. How should I feel going in for a test for him knowing this is on the same day so much happened before. I know I am running on about this but I am always usually more emotional around halloween and the first days of nov. because I never forget how he suffered. I do tell him he almost died and I tell him I wanted him so much and I am so glad that he is strong. Considering the allergies I just tell him he can get sick and we can give him the epipen. He is afraid of bees but I believe that is natural. His brother has the peanut allergy. My kids are very careful because of my attitude towards nuts and peanuts. I have no unsafe products in my home. He calls me now and I must go.

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