Dating with a PA

Posted on: Thu, 02/19/2004 - 4:39pm
Kimberlykelley23's picture
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Joined: 08/31/2002 - 09:00

I know most people on here are concerned with their children, but being a 24 year old women I want some advice on dating with a PA. I have met a lot of nice people who just happen to love peanut butter or that couldn't live without payday bars. I would really like to meet someone who is understanding and willing to learn about it. It is a big problem and a big sacrifice to ask of people. Part of me wants to wait until far into a relationship to break the news, but I am so restricted on where I can go I feel it is important enough to talk about on a first date. I guess I just need some advice on someone who has gone through it.

Posted on: Thu, 02/19/2004 - 9:27pm
Claire's picture
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Joined: 04/19/2000 - 09:00

You should never avoid telling about the allergy. To much could happen to you and your date would have no clue. Believe me you will find the right person.
Chris is 17 and dating a wonderful girl right now. She gets it and so doesn't her family. I managed to speak with her about the allergy just because I was to afraid he wouldn't. Did I risk anything? Yes I did but don't care. If she cares enough she will give it up. She actually is educating people she meets now.
To bad we couldn't have a huge convention for PA sufferers in the world and you could all meet and pick mr.or mrs right.
well good luck to you Claire

Posted on: Thu, 02/19/2004 - 9:49pm
Gwen Thornberry's picture
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Joined: 10/14/1999 - 09:00

Hi Kimberly
I'm a 25 year old who's had pa all my life. Not trying to rub it in, but I've never experienced that with partners, but maybe I'm just incredibly lucky.
I have always eased them in slowly though. I'd start off with suggesting where we eat, and casually mentioning why I'm restricted. That always opened up the conversation. I then recount a "funny" story of how I once kissed someone who had eaten nuts and I reacted (adding that thankfully my allergy wasn't quite so bad then...). That led on to, yes you can eat nuts, but just don't kiss me afterwards! That worked well for me!
In all honesty, anyone could live without pn, maybe you just feel too shy or somewhat awkward asking them to? You will find someone who won't mind forgoing nuts for you, just be patient and keep dating the nice ones!
Gwen

Posted on: Fri, 02/20/2004 - 2:17am
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

Gwen~
Geography may play a part in your success - peanuts are almost as ubiquitous as chocolate over here, and just about every restaurant has something "nutty" on its menu. There really aren't many options for someone trying to avoid airborn/contact/cross-contamination reactions.
I wasn't sure if Kimberly would realize you were posting from Ireland... [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
Sue

Posted on: Fri, 02/20/2004 - 9:38am
Kimberlykelley23's picture
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Joined: 08/31/2002 - 09:00

I am not from the PN capitol of the world, but with all the new restaurants that offer buckets of peanuts and let you throw the shells on the floor life is dangerous. I was seeing a guy who I thought got it. My parents recounted stories of reactions some funny some near death, I thought that he would get the severeness of the problem. I am still hopeful, even if that guy choose stepping on peanut shells in a restaurant over eating pizza with me. I in no way have a low self esteem. I am very succesful, independant, and I have no problem being asked out. I think telling on the first date is a good idea. Thank you for your responses. Oh but wouldn't it be great to meet a fellow PA person how romantic!
Kimberly

Posted on: Fri, 02/20/2004 - 11:17am
erik's picture
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Joined: 05/15/2001 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Kimberlykelley23:
[b]I have met a lot of nice people who just happen to love peanut butter or that couldn't live without payday bars. [/b]
HI Kimberly,
I think you'll meet someone who will take your allergy seriously.. many of us have... and if a guy says he can't live without peanut butter, he is not worth it... if a Payday bar is too important to live without, than he is not for you, and you should find someone who is more caring and more thoughtful.
My girlfriend gave up peanut butter and her favouriote chocolate bar for me (Cadbury Mr Big) 10 years ago without me even asking.. if they continue to value peanuts over you than they are not truly in love with you.
I'm sure you'll find someone who is great [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Fri, 02/20/2004 - 11:18am
erik's picture
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Joined: 05/15/2001 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Gwen Thornberry:
[b]I'm a 25 year old who's had pa all my life. Not trying to rub it in, but I've never experienced that with partners, but maybe I'm just incredibly lucky. [/b]
Hi Gwen
Like in your case, my friends (and my GF) are the same.. always been great with regards to my PA so I've not had problems at all. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sat, 02/21/2004 - 8:43am
Oklahoma Yacht Club's picture
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Joined: 02/21/2004 - 09:00

P is peanuts
E is for epipen
A is for the a$$ they come out
N is for their nuttiness
U is for utopia, where you'll be and
T is for Terrific, which peanuts are!
I love all your PA (I think it stands for Pennsylvanians) peanuts are my favorite food. I love peanut butter sandwiches with bananas, it's good. ANd then there are the cucumbers with peanut butter on them, that's good to. CAn we get together sometime's you crazy pennsylvanians, and eat peanuts some time? thanks i love you all. Bye

Posted on: Sun, 02/22/2004 - 8:07am
mae's picture
mae
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Joined: 07/12/2002 - 09:00

kimberleykelly - don't pay attention to the trolls that show up around here at spring break - posters like erik, gwen, claire and M's mom and others can offer real and informative advice.
I worry about my 9 yr. old boy meeting and marrying someone with the same compassion as erik's girlfriend and claire's sons girlfriend. You'll know when you meet someone you can trust. Check helen mc and geoff's posts....
Ignore the evil trolls... [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
[This message has been edited by mae (edited February 22, 2004).]

Posted on: Sun, 02/22/2004 - 8:28am
synthia's picture
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Joined: 10/05/2002 - 09:00

KimberleyKelly
I'll ditto what mae said"ignore the evil trolls"
You [b] will [/b] find the right person that [b] wants [/b] to educate themselves about PA,hang in there.
Love this site
Synthia

Posted on: Sun, 02/22/2004 - 11:00pm
Nicole1401's picture
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Joined: 12/27/2002 - 09:00

Maybe this is one of those things that if we look at it in a certain way, it can be turned into a positive thing about having a PA. For example, it is important that your date know about your PA fairly early into the relationship. His/her response to it will then give you an indicator of the type of person he/she is without you having to waste a lot of time dating him/her before you find out if they have the consideration, compassion, and kindness that you would want in a partner.
Also, when you first start dating someone, you don't need them to give up PN totally--just when they are around you. That is not a huge sacrifice for someone to make.
Just some thoughts from someone who has years before she has to address dating issues.

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