cry, rebel or ignore?

Posted on: Sun, 01/05/2003 - 2:05pm
doreen's picture
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Joined: 06/23/2001 - 09:00

I guess this really has more to do with my son's wheat allergy than the peanut allergy, but it's best if I have food safe for both of my children. SO, recently at my son's bday party I made a wheat-free cake. A friend of mine liked it so much that she offered to make it for her son's party so that my children could have some.

Well, I went to (gladly I might add) post our reply for the party and there is a note from one of the invitees saying "byocake?" Is that particularly rude or what? I've had it. Finally someone willing to understand, and then another wall. So, I didn't respond yet. I came straight here. My first inclination was to add on the e-vite for all to see "we'll come happily, but don't worry about the cake since some seem to have a problem with it." Actually, wanted to right more than that.

So, ignore it and wait to tell the bugger off at the party or reply with a comment or ignore it entirely? How much can you really ignore after awhile (especially when you read here about Burger King and CBS).

Posted on: Sun, 01/05/2003 - 3:06pm
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

Quote:Originally posted by doreen:
[b]A friend of mine liked it so much that she offered to make it for her son's party so that my children could have some.
Well, I went to (gladly I might add) post our reply for the party and there is a note from one of the invitees saying "byocake?" Is that particularly rude or what? I've had it. Finally someone willing to understand, and then another wall. So, I didn't respond yet. I came straight here. My first inclination was to add on the e-vite for all to see "we'll come happily, but don't worry about the cake since some seem to have a problem with it." Actually, wanted to right more than that.
So, ignore it and wait to tell the bugger off at the party or reply with a comment or ignore it entirely? How much can you really ignore after awhile (especially when you read here about Burger King and CBS).[/b]
Aren't friends great when they try so hard for us? [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] I know wheat allergy baking is so hard, so just knowing a friend who wants your family to be safe and actually enjoy all there is to birthday parties is wonderful - most of us just have our kids end up missing out on the cake and icecream part of birthdays.
Did the invitation include something about the cake to begin with, to all e-vitee's?
I just got alittle lost at a response, seemingly out of the blue being "byocake?".
I want to reply properly but I think I might have missed something in your post, and perhaps it's because it's late and I'm not reading correctly, but did the e-vitation talk about who's bringing what?
Warm regards,

Posted on: Sun, 01/05/2003 - 3:09pm
doreen's picture
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Joined: 06/23/2001 - 09:00

The e-vite said nothing about the cake, so my friend must have told this person she was going to bake this special cake -- one of her family members since only two friends were invited and I know the other friend.
Thank you. It's late, and I'm still stewing about this. About to write "byocake? funny somehow." I don't want to create tension for my friend though.

Posted on: Sun, 01/05/2003 - 3:18pm
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

OK - I'm getting it now.
How about a reply "no need to byocake - I'm bringing one".
If they were at your son's birthday they would have tasted it so if that's the case, how about in addition to the above
"it's the same cake you tasted at DS's party - did you like it?"
If they weren't at your son's birthday, how about in addition to the first line above "it's a safe cake so all the kids can enjoy this part of the birthday party, afterall (girlfriends name here) wants DS to not be left out.
Either way, the respondee get to either reply that she "loved your cake at your DS's birthday", or "of course we want your DS son included."
I think you win either way, and silently put her in her place without stooping to her level of being mean to begin with.
Hope I've made sense, and I know those nights when a pebble gets in your shoe and you just can't get it out. Try not to let this woman be a pebble to lose sleep over. (Easier said than done as I can't seem to take my own advice tonight! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] )

Posted on: Sun, 01/05/2003 - 3:25pm
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Joined: 06/23/2001 - 09:00

Okay, obviously I'm up about this, because I don't know who this person is, but (sorry one more time), what do you think of:
"Mandy, I know you wanted to include Bobby, but apparently it might be a problem for someone so we can nix it if you'd like. I appreciate the thought."
Thanks again,
D

Posted on: Sun, 01/05/2003 - 4:13pm
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

doreen - here's another idea - can you call your friend and ask for this person phone number to make sure the cake your bringing is safe for their kids ? (I know, I'm stretching it here, but I'm hoping this person innocently put down the comment, or really does need a byocake because her kids also have allergies?)
That keeps it's between the two of you, and you might get to the bottom of the issue (if there is one).
It might work to your advantage in educating her, who may need it regarding efforts being made to include all the kids including those allergic, especially since our kids get excluded or put to the side during alot of fun kids events.
She may just have a weird sense of humour (no ones laughing so she should stick to her day job)
I don't want to put words in your mouth, I just don't want to see you put something down in an email to the bunch of invitees that reflects how angry you are, and leaves your good friend hanging on a limb feeling bad over the entire situation, afterall she's the one who wants the safe cake for your son as well. (Am I making any sense?)
Warmest regards, [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
[This message has been edited by Syd's Mom (edited January 06, 2003).]

Posted on: Sun, 01/05/2003 - 10:23pm
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Joined: 11/08/2000 - 09:00

Stupid question, but what's byocake?

Posted on: Sun, 01/05/2003 - 10:36pm
CVRTBB's picture
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Joined: 11/23/2001 - 09:00

I may be wrong but I think it is "bring your own cake"?

Posted on: Sun, 01/05/2003 - 11:58pm
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Joined: 05/30/2002 - 09:00

Hi Doreen. People really can be so narrow minded. I agree with Sidsmom though, there is potential for educating here. I know it's hard. You finally felt like you had an opening..only to get the door shut in your face. Unforunately, often the case with allergies.
On another note...I would love to have your wheatless cake recipe. I have never had very much luck with my son's cake (who is also obviously allergic to wheat and gluten as well). The one that I make looks fine (but taste is a little bland) although my son likes it but he's used to the taste of rice flour. So I usually end up making two cakes, one for him and one for the others which is a bit of a pain. I would appreciate any info you could give me.
Take care!
Shel
[This message has been edited by Annshel (edited January 06, 2003).]

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 1:33pm
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Joined: 06/23/2001 - 09:00

Well, looks like I'm the stupid one this time. It got too late to respond last night, so I figured I'd sleep on it. Sure enough, this AM I realized that the person's name was the same as my friend's MIL, a very nice woman. So, I called my friend, and sure enough, her MIL didn't know anything about the wheat-free. Apparently she has made various cakes for the kids' birthday parties, and also was responding to her husband's joke "byo beer?"
Sorry to get everyone involved. Thanks for seeing me through it though. It's hard to know how to approach people about these things sometimes -- even your own parents and siblings. Boy do I feel dumb.
Annshell, can please email me, then I will send you two yellow-cake recipes. For this cake we were talking about "Danielle's Decadent Chocolate Cake" from the Gluten Free Pantry. You should be able to get it at any natural foods store I would think. I've used it with and without milk products (much better with the milk products we were able to use this year -- it was actually sort of yummy).
[This message has been edited by doreen (edited January 06, 2003).]

Posted on: Mon, 01/06/2003 - 2:11pm
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

Doreen - my email is in my profile. Any chance I can get those wheat free cake recipes - my daughters little buddy just recently tested positive to milk and wheat allergic and I'd love to give her mom the recipe for safe family birthday cakes (and I'll use it for Syd's next birthday so her buddy Dagny can enjoy the cake too?
So glad things worked out for the best.
Warm regards, [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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