costant confrontration

Posted on: Fri, 03/10/2006 - 8:30am
xlared's picture
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Joined: 10/26/2005 - 09:00

I am just having a vent here I had a body shop party at my house last (skin care products) I was aware that quite alot of these products have almond oil in them or other nuts so I sent my TNA, PA, DA,EA,SFA,SSA,MA son to my mum's the were about 15 people there & some bought food which was thoughtful & appreciated 1 lady brought bread with sesame seeds! & another brought mixed nuts!!!!!! I have no nut products or sesame seeds in my house & never do. I am ashamed to say I said nothing I hate confrontation & I find because of my sons allergies I am constantly in confronting situations I know I should have said something & I thought about it all nite does anyone else find this difficult if & when this happens again I will speak up I just find this part of it all really difficult allergies don't just effect the person suffering with it but it also affects all parts of their families life aswell it seems to always be on my mind i find i am constantly living with a fear of losing him which is an awful feeling thaks clare

Posted on: Fri, 03/10/2006 - 10:14am
Dana's picture
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Joined: 12/26/1999 - 09:00

Hi Clare,
I understand completely where you are coming from. When we first found out about our son

Posted on: Sat, 03/11/2006 - 5:44am
TNAmom's picture
Offline
Joined: 11/29/2005 - 09:00

One thing I have found helpful is that I sometimes put a sign on the door when people are coming over who might bring unsafe food.
It's printed up all nice and colorful: "NO NUTS ALLOWED! Due to our daughter's severe food allergy, this is a nut-free home. We do not permit any nuts or nut-containing products through this door. Thank you for understanding."
Anyone who dared to argue would find herself sprawled on her butt in the driveway.
But in truth we've had no problems. People have been great. They quietly return any offending food to their car and come in, perhaps with a few questions if they didn't know about the allergy, and a sheepish "whoops, I forgot" if they did.
And the sign does help me to avoid having to shriek "Aiiee! You can't bring that in here!"

Posted on: Sat, 03/11/2006 - 6:57am
smudgesgarden's picture
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Joined: 02/26/2006 - 09:00

we have a sign on our front door that i made that says for the safty of our son tihis is a peanut free house. i find that it helps alot. and to back that up we have the medic allert window sticker right under that.
and when we are out with friends im still having to check lables of the stuff they try to feed john, and reminding them again of how severe this allergy is...
i dont care who i offend. im talking about my sons life here...
mad friends vs. alive son
no contest!!!!

Posted on: Sat, 03/11/2006 - 9:11am
xlared's picture
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Joined: 10/26/2005 - 09:00

Thankyou all for your advice & honesty Dana you put it so well that the choice is clear & I have definitly had that turning point since that night I will never be that weak again i have learnt from my mistake. TNAmom & smudgesgarden the thought of putting that sign on my front door has really put me at ease such a simple idea i wish I had of thought of it before so thanks clare

Posted on: Sun, 03/12/2006 - 1:30pm
Lori Jo's picture
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Joined: 09/17/2003 - 09:00

I certainly don't like conflict, but I also don't see speaking up for the safety of my child as much of a conflict. We are very up front with people about bringing food into the house - we don't let them. I usually post a sign on the door that says "Due to our daughter's life threatening food allergy, we ask that you do not bring any food into our house. Thank you." And that is that. That way I don't have to go into what are the ingredients, cross contamination, etc. I have never had anyone be anything but apologetic. I can't believe anyone would value their cheese ball over someone's life. We do it in a very non-angry way, and just say we're so sorry but the food will have to stay in the car.
That said, it is easier with non-family members. My SIL is sweet, always harried, and always bringing in food for family get togethers. She never checks labels, and I'm lucky if I get to see the label. She has stopped bringing actual nuts to the house though, so we are making progess. I hate to get militant with her, mostly because I hate to keep carping on the fact that she can't get it together enough to check. She loves my dd to death, so it is not that she doesn't care. She is pretty accepting of when I turn food away though, as well.
Anyhow, good luck. Bottom line, if you don't make a big hoo-hah out of it, then the guest won't feel as bad. And stick to your guns. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
------------------
Lori Jo,
Rose, 7-31-02, PA
Beatrice & Georgia, 8-14-99

Posted on: Fri, 03/10/2006 - 10:14am
Dana's picture
Offline
Joined: 12/26/1999 - 09:00

Hi Clare,
I understand completely where you are coming from. When we first found out about our son

Posted on: Sat, 03/11/2006 - 5:44am
TNAmom's picture
Offline
Joined: 11/29/2005 - 09:00

One thing I have found helpful is that I sometimes put a sign on the door when people are coming over who might bring unsafe food.
It's printed up all nice and colorful: "NO NUTS ALLOWED! Due to our daughter's severe food allergy, this is a nut-free home. We do not permit any nuts or nut-containing products through this door. Thank you for understanding."
Anyone who dared to argue would find herself sprawled on her butt in the driveway.
But in truth we've had no problems. People have been great. They quietly return any offending food to their car and come in, perhaps with a few questions if they didn't know about the allergy, and a sheepish "whoops, I forgot" if they did.
And the sign does help me to avoid having to shriek "Aiiee! You can't bring that in here!"

Posted on: Sat, 03/11/2006 - 6:57am
smudgesgarden's picture
Offline
Joined: 02/26/2006 - 09:00

we have a sign on our front door that i made that says for the safty of our son tihis is a peanut free house. i find that it helps alot. and to back that up we have the medic allert window sticker right under that.
and when we are out with friends im still having to check lables of the stuff they try to feed john, and reminding them again of how severe this allergy is...
i dont care who i offend. im talking about my sons life here...
mad friends vs. alive son
no contest!!!!

Posted on: Sat, 03/11/2006 - 9:11am
xlared's picture
Offline
Joined: 10/26/2005 - 09:00

Thankyou all for your advice & honesty Dana you put it so well that the choice is clear & I have definitly had that turning point since that night I will never be that weak again i have learnt from my mistake. TNAmom & smudgesgarden the thought of putting that sign on my front door has really put me at ease such a simple idea i wish I had of thought of it before so thanks clare

Posted on: Sun, 03/12/2006 - 1:30pm
Lori Jo's picture
Offline
Joined: 09/17/2003 - 09:00

I certainly don't like conflict, but I also don't see speaking up for the safety of my child as much of a conflict. We are very up front with people about bringing food into the house - we don't let them. I usually post a sign on the door that says "Due to our daughter's life threatening food allergy, we ask that you do not bring any food into our house. Thank you." And that is that. That way I don't have to go into what are the ingredients, cross contamination, etc. I have never had anyone be anything but apologetic. I can't believe anyone would value their cheese ball over someone's life. We do it in a very non-angry way, and just say we're so sorry but the food will have to stay in the car.
That said, it is easier with non-family members. My SIL is sweet, always harried, and always bringing in food for family get togethers. She never checks labels, and I'm lucky if I get to see the label. She has stopped bringing actual nuts to the house though, so we are making progess. I hate to get militant with her, mostly because I hate to keep carping on the fact that she can't get it together enough to check. She loves my dd to death, so it is not that she doesn't care. She is pretty accepting of when I turn food away though, as well.
Anyhow, good luck. Bottom line, if you don't make a big hoo-hah out of it, then the guest won't feel as bad. And stick to your guns. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
------------------
Lori Jo,
Rose, 7-31-02, PA
Beatrice & Georgia, 8-14-99

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