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Posted on: Sat, 01/04/2003 - 5:21am
Going Nuts's picture
Joined: 10/04/2001 - 09:00

I have not visited this forum in quite awhile and was rather surprised to read this thread. I haven't had time to read the whole thing, so please forgive any repetitiveness.
Peg - I can't even begin to imagine your anxiety. My PA son is almost 9, and while I think we handle everyday situations with a minimum of anxiety, I find that anytime we enter a "new" phase I worry lots more and sleep lots less. I certainly don't think expecting to meet with the appropriate authorities along with your son is at all excessive - aren't people advised to take a friend or spouse along when meeting with a doctor? It is all too easy for one person to "miss" something that has been said while taking notes or processing a previous comment. As Smack said, an extra pair of ears or so can't hurt.
Lisa - you are correct that all points of view should be welcome, and I personally enjoy reading opinions different from my own. What I don't enjoy is reading posts (even if the opinion expressed is in agreement with my own) that are harsh, judgmental and sound as if the person writing is jumping all over someone else. I'm sorry, but that is how your posts came across to me.
I dearly hope this will not turn into another one of those highly inflammatory threads that will discourage people from posting. Thankfully, we haven't had one of those in quite awhile. I hope everyone will take care with how opinions expressed - it is sometimes hard to know intent when we can't see body language or hear tone of voice.

Posted on: Sat, 01/04/2003 - 5:23am
mae's picture
Joined: 07/12/2002 - 09:00

Well-said, smack! Especially the part about 3 sets of ears being better than one!
mae [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sat, 01/04/2003 - 5:34am
LisaMcDowell's picture
Joined: 12/06/2002 - 09:00

This discussion is not for parents who wish to raise their PA child responsibly by preparing he/she before young adulthood to enter the world on their own. Healthy parental guidance is acceptable, however, managing the responsibility of PA for a young adult is not.
PA is not a disease like cancer or a disability. It is a food allergy that is a manageable health impairment.
It is okay to provide information to all on available resources about a higher learning institution(s). It is not okay to poison or influence the minds of parents with young children that are in the midst of learning to cope with PA and fit it into their daily lives including that of working with the public properly and efficiently.
This is a support group to offer healthy information, suggestions and support.
If you are in need of a pity pot or recognition for martyrism, the use of personal e-mail is suggested.

Posted on: Sat, 01/04/2003 - 5:52am
California Mom's picture
Joined: 07/14/2000 - 09:00

Peg, I just want to let you know how much it means to me to read your posts. It sounds like you have done such a great job raising your son to the point he is at now; and you are continuing to be the best parent you can be. You are an inspiration to those of us with younger kids. It sounds like you are handling things so very well.
I am glad to know that you got a positive response from FAAN (on your second try). I am a member of FAAN and have found them to be very helpful in regards to certain issues.
It is unfortunate that a negative tone has come into this thread. It is ironic that a "newbie" would be telling the rest of us how we should handle our needs for support. I do believe this forum has worked out extremely well for so many of us. I know that without this resource I would truly be an entirely different parent when it comes to handling pa. I just wouldn't have most of the knowledge or support that I have now. Whenever something about pa gets me down, has me confused, or even has me pleased and excited; I know that I can come and post here and be understood by so many other parents. I don't have that anywhere else in my "real" life. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, pa.com is part of my real life; I am so grateful for it, and for all of you who make this a place where I feel safe and understood. Yes, differing view points are necessary and healthy. Attacks are not. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Miriam

Posted on: Sat, 01/04/2003 - 6:25am
becca's picture
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

Okay, I usually choose to ignore inflammatory posters here, but I cannot bite my tongue any longer on this last one.
"It is okay to provide information to all on available resources about a higher learning institution(s). It is not okay to poison or influence the minds of parents with young children that are in the midst of learning to cope with PA and fit it into their daily lives including that of working with the public properly and efficiently.
This is a support group to offer healthy information, suggestions and support.
If you are in need of a pity pot or recognition for martyrism, the use of personal e-mail is suggested."
I would expect that Chris, the administrator of this site, might have more authority to define the purpose of this forum. How dare you define the scope of this place, and how dare you ridicule others by referring anything here to a pity pot. That is just so insulting and invalidating for those who have openly expressed feelings here, seeking support. What do you hope to accomplish by posting in such a way here. You came here asking for support yourself, even hugs. becca
[This message has been edited by becca (edited January 04, 2003).]

Posted on: Sat, 01/04/2003 - 6:29am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Lisa, since you seem so clear and confident in telling us what this discussion board is about and what it *should* be about (in a really crappy post by the way), could I suggest that it's possibly YOU that doesn't "get it" as far as this website is concerned?
Quite frankly, in all of the time I have been a member here, I have seen some really bad tones taken and really wicked things said but I have NEVER seen anyone take the stance that you have with first of all Peg541 and then basically the rest of the members who, even if they did agree with what you had to say, would not say that because you said it to Peg541 in such a rotten way.
I honestly can't believe what I just read. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/mad.gif[/img]
In my post earlier to-day or last night, I had suggested to you that perhaps you would like to have the story of N more out there by being a different thread. This was not a negative comment toward you but a positive one, especially since you kept referring to the story of N and a lot of people couldn't figure out what you were talking about.
At that point in time, I was still being extremely supportive of the fact that you are a new member and are welcomed here and that you are right, differences of opinion are also welcomed here.
But, I'm sorry, what you just posted above is simply not the way that we carry on here or when we do start to behave like that, you see a mass exodus from the boards, both from long time members, from scared newcomers and just from regular people posting. We don't like to fight on this board. We may sugar coat words to get our points across but we also respect the people that we are posting to.
Again, I have never seen anything like what you posted above. I will come back tonight, when I don't have my guy knocking at my arm and explain exactly what it is about your post that I thought was so terrible. I'm not hurt by it. I'm enangered. I think it was a crappy thing to start in response to Peg541 in the first place and to carry it even further is just beyond my belief. Perhaps not yours. I am sure that there are more *radical* websites out there that might fit your particular needs better (I have visited the ones where they sling mud and that's just not what we do here), but if you really do want information, caring, concern, encouragement and support when it comes to PA, you have found the right place. Seriously, you have. Ask your own question and see what reply you get. Seriously.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sat, 01/04/2003 - 6:59am
Kim M's picture
Joined: 06/09/2001 - 09:00

I have to agree with becca and Cindy: Lisa, your implication that you know best about how this forum should be run is completely out of line. Your implication that you know best how each one of us should raise our children is completely out of line. There are always going to be times that we disagree with what another poster has said, or with how they are proposing to handle a situation. For the most part I have seen those disagreements handled with tact and discretion. That was not the case with your postings.
It's times like these that I wish this forum were a moderated one. I spend a lot of time on a website devoted to television that is heavily moderated, and it is one of the most pleasant places to visit on the internet. People are reprimanded for veering off topic, or for talking about other posters' perceived motivations. If you posted there as you did here you would be permanently booted. On this site the members have to do the moderating, and for the most part we do a pretty good job. Please take a long moment to really think about what we have said about the manner in which you posted. You might have had a valid point but it was lost in your personal attacks.

Posted on: Sat, 01/04/2003 - 7:25am
Peg541's picture
Joined: 12/29/2002 - 09:00

I do belong to a moderated group about another topic. If we get hot and heavy the "Group mother" just comes in and says STOP it folks.
I think we are going to poison ourselves if we carry this much further.
I am not at all amazed by the support I have gotten from you all. I am very new but don't consider myself a newbie because I am very familiar with the net and how it can be used for good and for evil. I expected I would meet some wonderful people here and I may have also expected to meet a few angry people.
I only expected moral support and but for one exception that is what I have gotten. As I said before, this is my first time ever meeting anyone who has a child with PA. This is a miracle that I can get and give advice in such an arena.
I would advise that we maybe end this thread and move on. It is obvious that the original person who posted the angry message is not going to feel any different. I would just leave it and move on.
Thank you all again, this has been wonderful for me. I'm not going anywhere. I seem to be in an enviable position of helping my son to get to a very healthy and wonderful 18. I am sure we are all going to get there even though some days reading labels makes it seem like we are not. I'm always available privately or on this forum to answer any questions and believe me I'll be asking plenty too.

Posted on: Sat, 01/04/2003 - 8:09am
Kim M's picture
Joined: 06/09/2001 - 09:00

Peg, you have a wonderful attitude and I hope we see a lot more of you on these boards. Most of us have younger children and it would be great to get your perspective as one who has already gone through the things we are now going through. Thank you.

Posted on: Sat, 01/04/2003 - 8:25am
MommaBear's picture
Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Oh, you DO make me snicker. You silly thing. I have spent the last 10 years of my life with both arms extended to folk (adult adults mind you) teetering on the chasm between life and death. I work in health care at a major trauma center. 18? 18???? EIGHTEEN?????? SINCE WHEN IS THAT THE MAGIC AGE OF REASON???? Get with the program, girl. You have much to learn. I pity you. PS, ADULTS drink too much, eat to much, drive too fast, play with guns, and smoke things they shouldn't. They sleep with too many people, the wrong people, and people who don't love them. They put things up their nose and yes, they DO INHALE. They make poor choices, listen to uninformed opinions and quite honestly are just in the wrong place at the wrong time. $#@! happens. Your eyes and ears should go when mine have been. Good luck. You appear to need it.



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