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Posted on: Fri, 01/03/2003 - 9:30am
LisaMcDowell's picture
Joined: 12/06/2002 - 09:00

My message to FJ regarding "N" is not to comment on this issue, its for something else.

Posted on: Fri, 01/03/2003 - 10:37am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Lisa, sorry, I'm missing something. Who is supposed to be contacting FAAN? Peg541 in regard to information for her son going to college or all of us here posting? I'm kinda confused.
I really feel that you need to read the post that erik placed in this thread and directed to your attention.
You are definitely right. This is a discussion board where other opinions should be (and are) welcomed. It just depends on the tone of how the comments are made and I'm sorry, I agree with erik and how your post sounded like a personal attack on Peg541 and her parenting skills, etc. rather than something productive that could help her with her situation re her son going to college.
Yes, you may disagree (I'm not saying I personally give you permission) that an 18 year old should not have to have their Mother doing this stuff and *should* be doing it himself, but I think that's also entering the realm of comfort zones which all of us here have learned to respect that each of us have different ones and we don't question or comment on other's comfort zones. It's simply not done. Otherwise, this would not be a discussion board at all, but a free for all fight.
The other thing that I did think about last night after I was contacted was that perhaps your words were simply misunderstood in cyberspace. I don't think, in re-reading your initial post and then the subsequent ones that they were, but I do know that that can happen a lot and people's feelings can get hurt easily over a big misunderstanding generated in cyberspace simply by placing a word in the wrong place. Again, after re-reading your posts to Peg541, I don't think that's the case here, but I did honestly try to hope and find that it was.
Yes, we do protect one another here. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Often times PA.com is the ONLY place a lot of us have to come to to talk about PA issues that we get NO support from from anyone else - not our child's other parent, not other family members, not friends. Perhaps that could be seen as a sad, sorry, lot, but I don't think that we are. I think that we are a really caring, great bunch of people.
You would not believe what comfort, caring, support and encouragement I have received on this site. I have also received every bit of information I have about PA from this site.
And I'd like to think that through my experience with PA with my guy, I've given to the board as well to help others (i.e., particularly to impart knowledge so that their child will not almost die as mine did because of parental ignorance and denial).
You're what is considered a "newbie" as well and I wouldn't want you to leave the board either because of what we call a "thread gone bad". I just really think you need to re-look the words you used when you spoke with Peg541 about her dilemma. And, in all of that, did you really answer her question?
I think that's what the uproar and upset is about and I can well understand why.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Fri, 01/03/2003 - 1:23pm
mae's picture
Joined: 07/12/2002 - 09:00

Wow- this thread has been food for thought. I know my 8 year old will go off to college one day.
I feel for you, Peg.
Some of Lisa McDowell's point hit home( N's story is a good reminder) -but, I knew of a girl in college who wasn't so lucky.
erik, you really do make a good and simple point: people come here for support -not to be criticized.
It took me a long time to post here after watching some *threads gone bad* - yet learning from other threads. I'm not here every day- sometimes once a week - but I've learned SO SO SO much from the variety of viewpoints expressed here.
DS knows and understands( and questions) the reality of his allergy - as I'm sure many PA.com members would say of their children (or themselves).
We live it every day. Its just nice to have a forum- until we can move on ( a cure, outgrowing....)
take care.... mae [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Fri, 01/03/2003 - 2:10pm
Peg541's picture
Joined: 12/29/2002 - 09:00

I am not familiar with "N's" story. Is it for publication? Can I find it on this forum?
Thank you

Posted on: Sat, 01/04/2003 - 12:13am
mae's picture
Joined: 07/12/2002 - 09:00

Peggy - N's story is in this thread - in LisaMcDowell's response to your question - her first post here in this thread. It is about one third of the way down the page.
Hope this helps

Posted on: Sat, 01/04/2003 - 1:03am
river's picture
Joined: 07/15/1999 - 09:00

It seems to me that the Introduction Board should be filled with positive support for the people who are willing reach out looking for friends. Somebody, who sometimes has been lurking for months, suddenly decides, "hey, this is too much for me today and I really need to hear from somebody who understands." That's what I understand from this section of the website, and that is what I respond to when I do respond in this area.
I do not phone FAAN for advice on the peanut allergy for the same reason I do not phone the National Peanut Board for advice. (In my mind I've come to feel that it's the same thing.)
In all my endless research on the topic, I have only found one truly useful honest source of information and that is the collective of voices on this site.

Posted on: Sat, 01/04/2003 - 1:34am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

river, your whole post was just so right on! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
I had been thinking about it late last night and wondering why someone would contact FAAN about their child going to college. Yes, I understand FAAN can provide useful, informative information. I use their BE A PAL program successfully each year at Jesse's school. However, given their stance re not having peanut free classrooms or schools, even for children in younger grades (like really wee kids), I kept wondering what exactly they would tell a Mother of a child going to college. What positive advice or encouragement could they possibly give her?
Of course, Peg541, opinions contrary to those of FAAN's don't mean that you can't e-mail them and ask their advice. I just don't think you'll get, as river said, what you'll get here.
Lisa, there has been much controversy here on this website re FAAN (if you do a search I'm sure you'll find it) and although yes, they are someone to contact for certain things re food allergies, I think Peg541 came to the right place to get the support, information and encouragement she needed. I think the best she would get from FAAN is some rote e-mail that would basically tell her to let her son free to the wolves.
I didn't want to say this yesterday when I asked you the question of who should be contacting FAAN. I know that I NEVER contact FAAN except for the BE A PAL Program. I come here. I strongly disagree with their stance re no peanut free classrooms or schools and I also highly question their motivating factors for disseminating the information they do (river said it so much better [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] ).
Am I a member of FAAN? No, not any longer. Do I visit their website? Yes, perhaps twice a year. Do they have anything to offer me as a PA parent? Yes, their BE A PAL program. Do I go there when I need advice or information regarding anything to do with PA?
No. Never. I come here.
Also, I was wondering if you would be interested in posting the story of N separate from this thread so that more people may have the opportunity to read it. A lot of times, when discussing, something else comes into the discussion that really warrants separation from the original thread. I think the story of N (IMHO) is one of those things.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Posted on: Sat, 01/04/2003 - 2:17am
Peg541's picture
Joined: 12/29/2002 - 09:00

Thanks again to all who have written in support of my original query.
Of course I have contacted FAAN. I emailed them about 4 months ago with no answer. I tried again just before Christmas and I got a lovely reply with a phone number of a mother who has sent two PA sons to college.
I'm calling her after the holidays are settled down. FAAN has never let me down.
I think maybe this whole response to my query is a question of how we live our lives.
My children are and always will be the most important things in my life. That is my job and I take it very seriously. Even if we had not had PA to deal with.
My son has been working every single day this past summer to get ready for college. He has gone on numerous interviews and tours (it is very different and very competitive here in L.A., even for a student at the top of his class!) He has filled out eight different applications and written countless essays and short answers.
His applications were all in to the colleges by September, this is uneard of. He then began a very tough senior year of advanced placement studies and has managed an A average thus far. This is all his choice, he loves learning and plans to continue learning the rest of his life.
Some of his classmates are still struggling with their essays! My son has already been accepted to his first choice and is very excited to be going to college.
In September I do not plan to toss his suitcase, epipens, and his laptop on the lawn and wave from the window as he goes off to college.
Never did I think he would NEED to manage the intricacies of college life on his own without our assistance.
I do not expect him to sit there alone in front of a food service manager, college safety administrator and health services and manage everything on his own.
He will sit beside my husband and me. HE will introduce the facts of his PA and his requirements. We together will hear how prepared the college already is and will together discuss what other safeguards need to be in place to manage his PA. This will all be accomplished calmly and in a friendly manner. No one will feel threatened. It will be a mutual learning experience.
I consider that my responsibility. I cannot be there when a roommate brings a PBJ into the room. I cannot be there when they serve Thai food in the cafeteria and his Shakespearian literature class happens to be having a lunch meeting. We prepared our son for every single eventuality we could think of.
I would have thought long and hard before I ever wrote a negative post to any member of this forum. It is hard enough dealing with MIL who blames me for his allergy.
My son's story is nothing like the story used as an example in an earlier post. Read a few of my other posts and you will know that, and should have known that.
Thank you everyone who have so lovingly written in support.
[This message has been edited by Peg541 (edited January 06, 2003).]
[This message has been edited by Peg541 (edited January 06, 2003).]

Posted on: Sat, 01/04/2003 - 3:50am
smack's picture
Joined: 11/14/2001 - 09:00

Hi Peg541,
I don't think I've talked to you yet but I just read this thread because I was in OT and was interested and curious to read what the uproar is about.
All I have to say is I do believe any good parent would help their child out in making sure all safety concerns are dealt with regarding his allergy.
Your child has a lot on his mind and something might be overlooked that could have been very important in managing his allergy on campus.
If you and dh and son are going to these meetings together you can discuss any safety concerns that you have and your son can avoid any problems later.
3 sets of ears are way better than one. We all hear and process information differently, so anyone out there sending off any child of theirs to college, do what Peg541 is doing!
I think this is a no brainer(what your doing)and I would never assume that any child has the interest of finding out all this pertinent information while in the midst of everything else he has to do in getting prepared for the big move to college.

Posted on: Sat, 01/04/2003 - 5:09am
Peg541's picture
Joined: 12/29/2002 - 09:00

Thank you smack.
Three sets of ears and three hearts!



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