birthday cake

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I went to a birthday party today with my 5 year old son. The birthday mother is aware of my son's peanut and tree nut allergies as well as another child's dairy allergy. She had two cakes - an ice cream cake, as well as a cake she made for the kids with allergies. She made a Duncan Hines cake and frosting. She said her friend has a peanut allergy and said this brand was okay. I happened to bring a cupcake for my son which he chose to eat. I thought it was nice she was looking out for those with allergies. My question is - what would you say to someone like this? Do you trust them? She was very nice to think of those with food allergies, but yet I know it's not 100% safe if I didn't make it.

On Dec 3, 2006

Yes, it is hard. Less hard if it were Betty Crocker.

I don't trust Duncan Hines, and others on the board don't as well. That doesn't mean it's not safe.

But ultimately you have to do what you feel is safe, not what someone says--like this well-intentioned person. And it's hard because they're trying. And they went out of the way to make your child feel included.

Honestly, you could say lots of things like you're trying to teach your child to only take food given to her by you.

But this person's feelings will probably be hurt.

But ultimately that's not what's important.

I've been in a similar situation, and it's very difficult. Good luck.

On Dec 4, 2006

I think she was very thoughtful. She should have checked with you though since everyone manages the allergy differently.

I would have done what you did if your kid was ok with that. I do accept cakes occasionally but only if I know in advance, have discussed cooking procedures and know the brand (and Betty Crocker is the best, Pillsbury is OK I think, but Duncan Hines is not OK in my opinion esp because they make walnut products on the same line, and myDS is MOST allergic to walnuts.).

Just thank her profusely for being sooo thoughtful but tell you you're teaching him to eat his own snacks and tell her BTW, Duncan Hines is the LEAST safe of the 3 major brands. (Kinda reminds me when Non-allergic parents try to tell me "X bakery is ok because it is peanut free" -- ummmmm no, because there are walnuts everywhere there and my DS is extremely allergic to walnuts).

I'd be nice about it though since she sounds more thoughtful than most of 'em! [img][/img]

On Dec 4, 2006

I had this exact same thing happen to me. I felt like I was in the worst situation!

I did not feel safe and do not feel safe allowing my child to eat something that even our closest friends make. I explained to the other mom that because pn protein has been shown to be able to survive the dishwasher that I can't allow dd to eat anything that comes from a house with pn or pb in them, just to be super safe.

And she totally understood. Her feelings weren't hurt as far as I can tell.

Good luck! Patty

On Dec 4, 2006

I'm with Pitterpat. I usually gush about how that "is SO nice that you thought about" dd, and we "SO appreciate your concern". I do want their efforts to go rewarded. I in no uncertain terms though tell them that it takes such a minute trace amount to kill her that I consider no kitchen safe but my own. And how I would not want that responsibility to fall on anyone else. Sometimes I add the bit about only taking food from us. Either way, I stand my ground. I don't worry about hurting feelings when it comes to dd's health, but do try to lessen the blow for those that put out an effort for her.

------------------ Lori Jo,

Rose, 7-31-02, PA Beatrice & Georgia, 8-14-99

On Dec 4, 2006

Thanks for all the replies. It was very nice of her and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but of course my son's health comes first. Now I am better prepared in case it happens again.

On Dec 5, 2006

Just another thing to think about with birthday cakes is that some are made with peanut flour. Before we knew DS was allergic to peanuts, we ordered his birthday cake from a local bakery and didn't question the ingredients. (Turns out he didn't eat the cake at his party because he ate a PB sandwich first and that is how we found out he was allergic). 5 month later, we ordered cake for DD at the same bakery and asked about peanuts. The woman at the store didn't know but said she would find out. When I picked up the cake, there was a note that the ingredients included peanut flour and almond extract. I gave DS and another boy who had a nut allergy something safe to eat instead. I was so glad I found out about the almond extract because of DD's friend.