Another story about people who don\'t get it!!

Posted on: Fri, 05/11/2001 - 5:23am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

pA good friend of mine has a 2 1/2 year old son. In addition to having cystic fibrosis and a liver and intestine transplant, he has milk, egg, and peanut allergies. On Sunday, her mother-in-law (the boy's grandmother) watched him for the day. This woman keeps milk down on the floor for the cats even when Tyler comes over! Anyways, Sunday night, he was up vomiting all night. She noticed a few hives on him, but didn't think much of it-she thought he had the flu or something. The next morning, her husband told her that his mom (the mother-in-law) had made chocolate chip cookies, then picked out the chocolate chips and gave it to Tyler! HELLO??? What are these people thinking? Thank God my mother-in-law calls if she has my son and asks me, even after reading the ingredients, if something is okay for /
Needless to say, my friend will not be letting her mother-in-law babysit too much!/p

Posted on: Fri, 05/11/2001 - 10:30pm
Sharayand's picture
Joined: 03/15/2001 - 09:00

Some people just don't understand the severity of allergic reactions. My dad is one of those people. He gave my son peanuts when he was 2 years old. My sons lip swelled up like a little balloon and he couldn't believe that we had to take him to the emergency room. Granted, he had had a stroke a few months prior to this so I did cut him some slack.
My mom on the other hand was very concerned about the allergy but was just very "forgetful". I had to constantly check and re-check labels that she had thought were ok but sometimes she had missed something. My son was also allergic to eggs but has outgrown that allergy in the last year.
My in-laws live within 10 minutes of us. Thank God they are *SO* careful about reading labels. My mother in law is also on her toes with the epi pen. She lets me know if hers is getting ready to expire soon.
I love my parents dearly...but sometimes I just want to shake some sense into them. I'm amazed I actually survived childhood when I see how they are with my kids. [img][/img]

Posted on: Sat, 05/12/2001 - 12:18am
kelly01's picture
Joined: 03/19/2001 - 09:00

Sharayand you raised a good point regarding "forgetfulness". My own parents are in their 70's and I definately have to remind them everytime they are around my son that they have to be careful and not leave chocolates lying around,etc. My parents live on their own and are not senile, BUT people in their 70's and older tend to have poor short term memories. This is not something they do on purpose. So I am always sure to remind them about Dan's PA every time I see them (which is fairly often, they live 20 minutes from us).
I love my parents and know they love Dan, but I have just found that (especially with older folks) you really just have to continue to remind people. If you are not living with it day-to-day it seems to slip their minds.

Posted on: Sat, 05/12/2001 - 12:59pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Markus' Mom, does your friend post on this board? I'm wondering if she might find, if nothing else, some support, encouragement and solace here. She may also find some good strategies on how to deal with her in-laws.
It's very difficult for me to even post a response to this one because I got absolutely creamed on this board just this week for posting about family not wanting to "get it" and yet it's from posts such as yours that I saw time and time again that it is most often family, not friends, that CHOOSE not to "get it". Yes, there are family that do need to lead our lives, walk in our shoes, to understand the potential severity, but there are also family members that simply CHOOSE not to "get it".
I'm not clear, but I'm sure that I have seen it mentioned here about FAAN having really good literature to provide to extended family members to help them understand the potential severity of food allergies.
I know that my mother, 73 years old, has no problem getting it and has not problem remembering it, despite the fact that she may suffer from short term memory loss. It is just something that is deeply imbedded in her brain.
I'm wondering if your friend has tried any type of education with her in-laws at all?
And actually, if she hasn't, I would go so far as to suggest that it is her husband, not her, that does do the educating. This way, it is presented to them from their son, rather than "the wife".
If you look at vic's A True Story, posted under Living with PA, I know that I had group e-mailed it out to a lot of people and I received tremendous response to this piece.
It is the only PA piece that I have sent out in my e-group mailing that I received such an overwhelming response to. What I heard from a lot of people was that this was the piece of information that they were going to use to help friends/family that didn't "get it". I think because it's written by a Mom and is so heart wrenching but also so true, it really hit home for a lot of us, but it may really hit home for a lot of family members too. It is a wonderful piece. I know someone that was going to send it to her sister that refuses to "get it" and also someone else that planned to send it to her MIL who doesn't "get it". I think it may even be better than standard educational material because it isn't hard for anyone to read (except emotionally), but it doesn't take a dictionary for the people to be able to decipher what is being said. It's pretty clear and I truly believe that most any parent, even if their own children are grown and they are grandparents, can relate to it in some way. Perhaps your friend could give this piece to her MIL, but again, I would suggest, through her husband.
Best wishes! [img][/img]

Posted on: Mon, 05/14/2001 - 3:01am
G Stanfill's picture
Joined: 04/01/2001 - 09:00

I know exactly how you feel. I go to a small church where all of my in-laws attend. My one year old PA son was sitting with my mother in law and my 2 year old nephew. My mother in law open a pack of peanut butter crackers for my nephew while my son was sitting in her lap!!! Luckily, I turned around just as my nephew was offering a bite to my son!!! I jerked him back in my lap. She wasn't going to let my son have a bite, but she didn't understand how dangerous that was!! I talk until I'm blue in the face, and they just don't get it!!! I was so mad, I didn't hear a word of the sermon. i'm not sure what else to do except to continue to talk to them. I guess I have been too nice. I'm going to get my husband to help me talk to them. I hate always being the bad guy!!!

Posted on: Mon, 05/14/2001 - 7:10am
Claire's picture
Joined: 04/19/2000 - 09:00

Cindy, I think that the problem with me is that when i see a family member not caring about Christopher being allergic,and yet telling people about it like they care. My MIl will talk with people and pretend she knows about it,but she always has nut breads and nut desserts and nut dressings when we are there. WHY pretend to care when in actuality she never even calls to ask me how he is from time to time. O.k. cindy I will end up getting in trouble this time if I go on about the ignorance of people. take care claire

Posted on: Mon, 05/14/2001 - 7:53am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Claire, you know you'd never get in trouble from ME for going on about family that don't "get it". Remember, I'm the one that still thinks your very BIG husband should go and swat his parents upside the head (a fine believer in non-violence that I am). No, I don't think you can get yourself into trouble posting support, caring, concern, encouragement, etc. to another member who is going through family difficulties, especially when you have experienced them yourself, have been living with PA for a LONG time, and may have developed strategies to help a lot of us here. I always welcome any post you make Claire because I know you have been navigating PA a lot longer than I am and I know that you care, you have a big heart, and that you can help each and every one of us.
Best wishes! [img][/img]

Posted on: Tue, 05/15/2001 - 12:05am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

Amazing how many stories of "not gettting it" are out there! No, Cindy, she is not a member here. I have mentioned it, but she doesn't have much time to be on the internet. Her relationship with her husband isn't too good either, so it's not like she can ask him to say something either. He once watched their son have a reaction and basically said he was fine.....until my friend came home and called the hospital.....long story, but it doesn't help when your husband doesn't get it either!
Take care!

Posted on: Wed, 05/16/2001 - 9:08am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

Markus' Mom, I completely understand how your friend must be feeling if her husband doesn't get it. My husband's denial, and my inability to trust my gut instinct or stick up for myself or not make a scene or whatever the heck it was, almost cost us our son two years ago.
At least perhaps you're able to post concerns of your friend's on her behalf and give her any responses you get. How wonderful of you and for her.
Best wishes! [img][/img]


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