Another bullying type incident

Posted on: Tue, 02/27/2007 - 5:54am
carpediem's picture
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Joined: 01/08/2007 - 09:00

Yesterday, when we got home, my son asked me if peanut butter got on his shirt, if he would have a reaction. I explained about it, and asked why, and he said because a girl in his class told him she had peanut butter on her finger and then smeared her finger down his arm. I know kids do stupid things and don't realized the seriousness of this perhaps. They're in first grade. However, this worries us that if this is only first grade, is it a preview of worse things to come in future grades? I know it can happen, I just pray it doesn't. Needless to say, this was not funny and we are contacting the principal and the girl's parents need to be informed so that they can explain more the seriousness and why it was wrong to do to him.

Posted on: Tue, 02/27/2007 - 5:55am
carpediem's picture
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Joined: 01/08/2007 - 09:00

I think I left out the part that, as far as we know, it was not peanut butter. She said she was kidding.

Posted on: Tue, 02/27/2007 - 6:02am
joeybeth's picture
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Joined: 09/01/2006 - 09:00

we've had things like this happen every so often and it almost always turns out to be the kid didn't actually have any peanut butter/peanuts and was just "joking." usually the children didn't even realize they were being mean but though they were being funny. we've even had one of our girls' gymnastics coaches threaten to feed them peanuts in a joking manner a couple of times. apparently, some people don't realize this really isn't funny to those with food allergies and certainly not to their parents. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
just in case the girl was serious, i think you have to check it out with the teacher and/or principal (nurse, whoever).
if it turns out she was "playing" and didn't realize her words and actions would make your child uncomfortable, she needs to be educated about why it's wrong to joke in this manner.
i have trouble with this particular issue because it's so hard to tell when people are joking and when they are being mean. even worse, what if they are truly threatening someone with a food allergy???? isn't it hard to tell the difference?
i have even been guilty of laughing along a little bit (like in the example with our coach) because i was trying to diffuse the situation for the girls. they must really be confused when people they love and trust say such stupid things, even when it's in complete jest. even worse, i've often thought about what they must think when they see me smiling while it's going on. i doubt they realize my smile is an uncomfortable smile rather than a real one.
as i'm writing this, i realize i need to work on how i handle these situations myself. it's so hard to distinguish situations from one another though. on ond hand, i want my girls to have a good sense of humor about things (because, honestly, some days that's how we deal with it) but on the other hand, i don't want them having to watch people giggle about something that's serious to them and i don't want them feeling as though they have to uncomfortably laugh or smile through it either.

Posted on: Tue, 02/27/2007 - 6:08am
carpediem's picture
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Joined: 01/08/2007 - 09:00

I agree with what you said. She needs to be made aware that this was wrong and why.
On another note, your kids' gymnastics coach? Geez! I understand how you feel.

Posted on: Tue, 02/27/2007 - 6:35am
Greenlady's picture
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Joined: 06/30/2004 - 09:00

We have a neighbor whose son is also PA. One day when he was at our house I gave the boys some pop tarts as a snack, MY PA son teased the other boy by saying "You know, these have peanuts in them."
I was absolutely horrified - I don't know what my face looked like but my then-6-year old quickly corrected himself and apologized. But it did help give me perspective for other teasing incidents - if my boy would do it "for fun", anyone might.
At the same time, we had a very serious incident where a classmate put an actual peanut in DS's lunch because he "wanted to see him die." So obviously teasing is not to be taken lightly either!

Posted on: Tue, 02/27/2007 - 8:17am
carpediem's picture
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Joined: 01/08/2007 - 09:00

How horrifying! Did he put it in his lunch in the cafeteria or before that?
Follow-up question:
How have you all handled the "teasing" or bullying?

Posted on: Tue, 02/27/2007 - 8:24am
ajgauthier's picture
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Joined: 04/13/2005 - 09:00

...and you know..those kids who tease never outgrow it.
I have a group of friends, and one of them is a complete jackbutt and teases me all the time.
It gets old...he's stopped doing it so frequently.
Adrienne

Posted on: Tue, 02/27/2007 - 9:21am
Peg541's picture
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Joined: 12/29/2002 - 09:00

Adrienne I take those sort of people out of my life. I can find other friends. I do not deal with the ignorant, rude or stupid.
Life is too short and the world is filled with nice people.
Peg

Posted on: Tue, 02/27/2007 - 10:12am
MommaBear's picture
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Joined: 09/23/2002 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Greenlady:
[b]We have a neighbor whose son is also PA. One day when he was at our house I gave the boys some pop tarts as a snack, MY PA son teased the other boy by saying "You know, these have peanuts in them."
I was absolutely horrified - I don't know what my face looked like but my then-6-year old quickly corrected himself and apologized. But it did help give me perspective for other teasing incidents - if my boy would do it "for fun", anyone might.
[/b]
a real eye opener, for sure. I mean, for what we can realistically expect out of others who have no "real time" experience.

Posted on: Wed, 02/28/2007 - 12:28pm
TwokidsNJ's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2005 - 09:00

I think peer education is very important.
Bullying is a hot topic these days and this cannot be tolerated.
Bullying based on a disability is also a federal crime.

Posted on: Fri, 03/02/2007 - 9:20am
McCobbre's picture
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Joined: 04/16/2005 - 09:00

Quote:Originally posted by Greenlady:
[b]We have a neighbor whose son is also PA. One day when he was at our house I gave the boys some pop tarts as a snack, MY PA son teased the other boy by saying "You know, these have peanuts in them."
I was absolutely horrified - I don't know what my face looked like but my then-6-year old quickly corrected himself and apologized. But it did help give me perspective for other teasing incidents - if my boy would do it "for fun", anyone might.
At the same time, we had a very serious incident where a classmate put an actual peanut in DS's lunch because he "wanted to see him die." So obviously teasing is not to be taken lightly either![/b]
I'm guessing he only said it to be ironic--not out of meanness or even really joking the way someone else might.

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