Angry Four Year Old


Hi. I am the mom of a four year old PA son (and 6 year old daughter with no allergies). He was diagnosed with his allergy just after he turned two. In the last month or so my son has started really struggling with his allergy. He is angry that he cannot eat everything that the other kids eat. Birthday parties have become especially hard; he is really upset to be eating a cupcake from home when the other kids are eating cake.

Does anyone have suggestions on how to help him accept his allergy? We try to focus on what he can have, bur right now that's not helping. He goes to a peanut free preschool which is great but his elementary school will be a whole other story!

On Nov 27, 2008

its normal to feel this way. I would look at it in a positive way, he is now starting to understand his allergy and its impact.

you can now stress why you need to be careful about what he eats and mention the positives.

This could be the start of you creating a nice confidant survior for the future!

On Nov 30, 2008

We had smooth sailing with my daughter until about four and a half - then she really started to realize that she was eating different things. She seems to focus on wanting to know what things taste like. When it's something like a kind of candy or a cookie, I tell her that I know she wants to try it, but it isn't safe, but I ill try to find or make a safe version of it sometime so she can try it safely. I don't go too crazy about this and sometimes she has to wait for months, but I do try to recognize her curiosity and satisfy it when I can. My other thought is that if your son wants cake instead of cupcake, maybe instead of making and freezing safe cupcakes, you could make a small cake, let him help decorate it choose the decoractions, and freeze individual pieces.

On Nov 30, 2008

Thanks so much for your thoughts. I would love to make him a cake and decorate and freeze it. Do you know any kind of decorations/frosting that freeze well? When I've made cupcakes I have frozen the cupcakes and frosted them the day of (and thrown out lots of frosting since I've bought the cans of frosting).

On Dec 1, 2008

I've frozen homemade frosting (mostly butter and powdered sugar) and betty crocker, and they were ok - not as good as fresh, but my DD hasn't complained. I don't use very heavy frosting so if you're going for the really thickly frosted look test some with a cupcake.

On Dec 8, 2008

I'm sorry that your son is feeling this way.

We have two kids who can't eat what others can, ages 7 and 2. Our 7 year old has breezed through his allergy far. Our 2 year old still doesn't "get it."

One thing that has helped is that I tell our 7 year old, and have since he was little, how special his food is. Maybe I make it extra big or send in two cupcakes. Maybe I let him decorate it, with an enormous amount of safe sprinkles. Maybe I remind him that he can have an extra treat at home.

Whatever I do, I try to show him the advatages of eating what he knows. He never has to eat something that might taste yucky. He never has to worry about it being a flavor he doesn't like. He doesn't have to eat the cake with the yucky jelly inside. ;)

All in all, I try to make it seem like an advantage, not a disadvantage. And when we have those moments where he's bummed that he can't join in...I remind him how healthy he really is. Such as, "some kids are allergic to the sun and couldn't even come to this party." "some kids can't eat sugar." I try not to let him feel like he can control me or others with his allergies, it's just how he is and everyone has their issues to deal with. Peanut allergy is our family's issue.

Hope that helps.

Oh, and just one more thing, I have worked on making treats that even my 9 year old (with no food allergies) will like/prefer. This really helps when I tell the 9 year old, "Oh no, you can have the regular cake, I brought just enough for your brother." We did this over Thanksgiving, with a special pumpkin pie that my non-allergic one couldn't get enough of--after his allergic brother had his fill. :)

On Dec 13, 2008

Make yours better. Maybe take a Wilton cake decorating class or find candies like peeps, etc that are allergy-free for your child and put those on top of his cupcakes so his is REALLY good. DS used to want what others can have and then he had a reaction so although it was terrible it had that positive effect of making him NOT want what others had. I also try to make his stuff at least as good if not better looking than what others get. That helps a lot.

On Dec 13, 2008

Originally Posted By: CKH

Thanks so much for your thoughts. I would love to make him a cake and decorate and freeze it. Do you know any kind of decorations/frosting that freeze well? When I've made cupcakes I have frozen the cupcakes and frosted them the day of (and thrown out lots of frosting since I've bought the cans of frosting).

I have had good luck making them, frosting them and putting them on a plate in the freezer until they freeze solid. Then I put them in a single layer flat in a freezer zip loc bag and I'm amazed how well they do. Even banged around a bit they stay well. Sometimes i put on extra chocolate chips or sprinkles to cover up messed up spots. DS loves them and they look just fine.

On Dec 27, 2008

I am definitely going to try that - thanks!

Right now no matter how cool I make his cupcakes he still wants what the other kids have (ie I made him a frosted cupcake topped with his favorite - gummy worms - and he still wanted the unfrosted pound cake) - he just doesn't want to be different. Hopefully over time...

On Dec 30, 2008

I am having the exact same issues with my 3 year old. suddenly he realized he was not eating the same borthday cake, I never let him have candy. Is it me or is candy everywhere! Everywhere we go people want to give kids candy! Well first off I amnot a fan of candy and little kids, and 2nd the PA thing makes me ward most of it off anyways. He too gets very upset and angry.

On Jan 4, 2009

My allergic kids are 8 and 4. I try to empower them and let them choose the treat. I never did the frozen cupcake thing. It doesn't work for me because I don't always happen to have a frozen cupcake handy. I bake when I can if I know a special event is coming up, and if not, offer a safe substitution of their choosing (usually offering a choice of a couple of things that we had available). I don't let them eat Oreos on a regular basis--probably because they came out with peanut butter oreos about the time I was figuring out how to manage this allergy. I Now I trust the brand, so I use that as a special treat because you can find them anywhere. I also never let them know that I feel sorry for them, and always show them the attitude that this is the way it is and that's that.

By mom2lily&thomas on Feb 3, 2009

I have a 6yo DD with no allergies and a 4 yo DS w/ PA only and he has never minded that he has something different as long as it something he likes. It really all he's ever known since he was diagnosted at 10 months. For birthday parties I keep a frozen cake (McCain's in Canada is PN free) cut off a piece and add smarties (Canada's version of M&M's also PN free). Most of the kids look at his cake and wish they had his instead. I always have a treat that he can have incase there is treats that he can't have and he's has never minded as long has he gets a good treat also. I have made a point to make sure even though he can't have the same it's still good to him and he has never questioned that. Hopefully you can show him that being different isn't always a bad thing. Good luck

By markus on May 8, 2009

I hope he will be better when grow, some times it really helps. Good luck!

By TannerBrittney on Oct 25, 2010

It's perfect that people are able to receive the loan moreover, that opens up completely new possibilities.

By Jennifer-is-always-sick on Nov 6, 2010

As the parent, that must be quite difficult for you. I am happy to say that I haven't had that problem, and it surprises me. I had a sit down with my son at about the age of 4 and explained some things to him about food allergies. He is 5 now.

I once had to take away some chicken nuggets and french fries because I could see he was having a reaction. This was before I banned fried food at fast food joints and restaurants entirely. He was off of his allergy meds because he was going to get an allergy test, and he was having a mild reaction while he was eating. I was surprised he didn't throw a huge fit about it, but he actually understood.

I think having the conversation with your child when you're not in the moment of heightened emotions really does help. Explaining to the child that the food makes him sick is important, and just reminding him every so often about why it's important to avoid those foods.

I take cupcakes with us to birthday parties. I bring enough for everyone to share, and my kids have been perfectly happy with that arrangement. They ask "Can I have some cake, too?" and I say, "That cake might have peanuts in it. You can have a cupcake mommy made at home, though, okay?" The response: "Oh, okay.Because that cake might make us sick?" And then they happily eat the cupcake.

I was devastated once when a parent brought in cupcakes for a birthday party in my son's kindergarten class because she got them from a grocery store bakery. I had asked the teachers to tell me when a party was happening so that I could bring in something that he could have that I knew would be safe, but I hadn't gotten notice. Thankfully, they told him that he couldn't have the cupcake, and he took it like a man! He ate his pretzels and didn't even complain! Now I've made sure there's a secret stash of safe chocolate muffins for him in the classroom, and he loves that!

Maybe it would help if he could help you make the cupcakes, and then bring enough for everyone to share and eat, and he could ask the birthday boy/girl if they want to try some of his special cupcakes.

Good luck! :)