Am I wrong to be angry?

Posted on: Fri, 11/19/1999 - 1:17am
Tina H.'s picture
Joined: 10/13/1999 - 09:00

I need some reinforcement here. Tonight there is an ice cream social at my daughter's school. I asked that peanuts not be served at all (There are 10 kids with peanut allergy at the school, including my daughter). I just had an argument with the woman in charge who insisted that peanuts be served because 50% of the people want them on their sundaes. I told her that the people wouldn't care if they didn't have peanuts there and so many children's lives could be in danger. She argued with me for 15 minutes before angrily agreeing to cancel the peanuts. She said that if the kids with allergies didn't eat peanuts, they would be ok. I told her that I just wouldn't feel safe with all those peanut crumbs around. Why do people have to be so selfish and stubborn? Am I making too big a deal out of this? I just want it to be a safe, fun environment. Please let me know what you think. I'm sitting here shaking from the telephone conversation with her.

Posted on: Fri, 11/19/1999 - 2:25am
Ginger's picture
Joined: 11/17/1999 - 09:00

Hi Tina,
I don't blame you for being so angry. We are talking about children's lives. I have, on several different occasions,have had simliar situations. I have found that getting angry only makes it all the more frustrating. Ask yourself," If it is not for our voices, how will we be heard?" I always tell myself that when I feel like I have made "waves" with somone or somewhere.
I have made it a point to ask the offending person 1 question. I ask them, " Is that snack or lunch worth someone's life?" I have found that they ( so far) have not had a come back with that. It makes them think.
I have since, with all this frustration, made an "info Card" w/ my son's story on it and facts about PA inside. I have them printed and I hand them out when questions arise. I, (so far) have had a great response w/ it. Friends and family really understand now too. I have started a support group in my area and I am making it a point for my voice to be heard! I would send that woman one of these cards. If you would like one I can email it to you. I know it can be frustrating, be she can not be at blame if she does not know all the facts. It's up to us to get the information to them......
Stay Safe [img][/img] Ginger

Posted on: Fri, 11/19/1999 - 4:41am
EILEEN's picture
Joined: 04/06/1999 - 09:00

Wrong to be angry....of course you are not, I'm angry and getting so disillusioned about people. Even "so-called friends" who don't understand. We went trick-or-treating with family friends. EVERY item in their home had peanuts, I'm not kidding.

Posted on: Fri, 11/19/1999 - 1:25pm
rilira's picture
Joined: 11/11/1999 - 09:00

I think it is frustrating for so many of us because it is such a black and white issue in our opinion.These foods put our lives or children's lives in danger so remove them.Most people just don't grasp that aspect of it. I agree with the others that our voices need to keep educating. It is a long road but every little step counts.

Posted on: Sat, 11/20/1999 - 12:33am
river's picture
Joined: 07/15/1999 - 09:00

Bravo Tina! It wasn't easy but you stuck to your guns. You also likely educated this woman regardless of her attitude today. You also helped protect those other PA children. Treat yourself to something nice because you deserve it for being what we all should be, a good parent and a responsible caring human being.

Posted on: Sat, 11/20/1999 - 2:59am
Lu Randall's picture
Joined: 10/14/1999 - 09:00

Good job sticking up for all of thus stuck in this same boat. She probably has other issues. Stubbornness and insensitivity may be a couple of them. Good luck, and thank you for staying with it and not giving up. On a weak day, I my have given up and just not gone.

Posted on: Sat, 11/20/1999 - 9:54am
Donnamarie's picture
Joined: 11/16/1999 - 09:00

Of course you had every right to be angry! It's very frustrating when people don't seem to care about the lives of our children---how would they react if you brought a loaded gun to the social? (I know that sounds extreme, but it's really the same kind of danger, isn't it?) I always float somewhere between politeness and frustration--I'm always trying to be extra polite and not infringe on others---but I eventually get frustrated because I don't want to teach my son to back out of every situation just because of peanuts. Fortunately, I have wonderful friends and family, who always stick together and go out of their way to leave peanuts out. I feel extra fortunate, because I never ask them---they do it because they understand, and they care. But when we all stick up for ourselves and explain the situation to people who don't understand, we are actually educating them. And maybe in 10 years, or 20 years, schools and "socials" will be safe and peanut-free. Remember, many years ago women couldn't even vote: we can make a difference together!!

Posted on: Sat, 11/20/1999 - 9:57am
Donnamarie's picture
Joined: 11/16/1999 - 09:00

Sorry to post twice---a few days ago, another member had a similar situation with her school---a nut cracking, I think. She did a wonderful job! When the teacher wouldn't cooperate, she had to go to the principal. Her pediatrician provided information on the risks involved with such an event, and they did remove the nut situation! Perhaps you could follow that link, as well.

Posted on: Sun, 11/21/1999 - 1:32pm
kristene's picture
Joined: 09/27/1999 - 09:00

I'm obviously alone on this, but I'll post it anyway. If we all agreed it would be pretty boring anyway, right?
First off, my son doesn't have a peanut allergy. He has a milk and egg allergy that are both anaphylactic. He has gone into full blown anaphylactic shock from milk being spilled on him. That is why I post here, I seem to have more in commom with PA moms than with other food allergy moms.
I'm not sure from your post how old your daughter is, so that might change my answer. But I'll assume that she is in grade school and go from there.
I wouldn't request that peanuts not be served. If I did request, and the reqest was denied, I would probably leave it at that.
I'm really hoping I can teach Eli how to exist in this world, and with as little concessions as possible. An ie cream social would be an absolute nightmare for us, but ice cream socials are a part of life. So are pizza parties for the winning team. Birthday cakes are yet another one.
Milk is spilled, cheese residue lingers, and those with frosting on their lips long to kiss Eli. It's hard, but I really want him to have as normal a life as possible.
With Eli's allergies - there is no way that I could expect others to confrom. I've been working on this for over two years, and am still learning.
I can't say that I think what you did is wrong, it's just not what I would have done.

Posted on: Sun, 11/21/1999 - 1:51pm
Cheryl's picture
Joined: 09/08/1999 - 09:00

This is definately a two sided arguement. We are just beginning our life with a PA child ( he is also allergic to milk, eggs, etc.) I haven't gone so far as to request people not to bring certain foods to functions but I am very cautious. I would like to believe that I can teach Todd about the dangers yet in the same breath if I don't it could be fatal. Right now we spend a lot of time at home or in very controlled situations. Todd just started to crawl and things have taken on a whole new meaning. Will crumbs from cookies that were baked with eggs cause a reaction? It is really nerve racking and hopefully things will get easier as we learn his tolerance level.
I am lucky with regards to school functions that we may attend as a family with our older son. They have a zero nut rule. Unfortunately at the first function of the year most parents forgot this. They don't send it in their child's lunch but at a potluck they sure do bring it. Things will be changed in the future due to the fact that I brought this up at a Parent Council Meeting.
I wish everyone the best in the terrible allergy and learning to deal with it.

Posted on: Mon, 11/22/1999 - 10:57am
rscollo2's picture
Joined: 11/11/1999 - 09:00

My heart goes out to you that you had to deal with such an insensitive person, But
It is simply an inconvenience that the other children couldn't have peanuts but we are all faced with the possibility of a fatal reaction. My son is only 2 and I haven't had to deal with that type of situation yet, when I do, I hope I can be as strong as you and the other members.
I believe that while it is inconvenient for ONE DAY OF THEIR LIVES , the PA is something we have to deal with for THE REST OF OURS!
Good Luck


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