am I overreacting?

Posted on: Mon, 02/17/2003 - 12:05am
mattchrismom's picture
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Joined: 02/12/2003 - 09:00

I know that the chances are higher for my second son to have an allergy, does anybody know the chances? as a precaution my allergist said that Chris has to be 5 before having any peanut products, which is fine with me.
I probebly am worrying to much, Matthew broke out in eczema at 4mths and now Chris has starting to get it at 6mths It could be the -25 weather we are getting.

Posted on: Sat, 05/10/2003 - 11:24am
joeybeth's picture
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Joined: 09/01/2006 - 09:00

wow. i don't know what to say. not much of a friend. even IF she didn't fully understand anaphylaxis, she should have honored your wishes concerning your child. not much of a friend, imo. sounds like family members i have...always out trying to prove that i don't really have to be as careful as i am. i honestly don't understand people who act in this way. a friend would just put up the peanut butter and find something else to serve on the days your child is in her care. i think you were "brave" enough just letting someone else care for your child in a home that contains peanut products at all. she overstepped her boundaries big time, imo, when she allowed your child to be exposed to peanuts/peanut butter while in her care. i HAD to come out of lurk mode for this one. yikes! i'm sure you feel you were put in a very bad position. i would be curious to hear how you handle it and what happens as a result.
joey

Posted on: Sat, 05/10/2003 - 11:05pm
jennilee's picture
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Joined: 06/18/2001 - 09:00

Amazing! People just don't get it. It's like they want to see first hand what happens to our precious kids. And they are precious. Every child is. I am sure that you don't leave sharp objects laying around when this "friends" children are in your care. It's the same principle.
I honestly don't know what I would say to this woman, but it wouldn't be very pleasant. If she wants to play russian roulette, buy her a gun and a bullet and let her point it at herself, not at your child. I am totally outraged that people think on this level ,and I have lowered my own with that former comment, but sometimes thats what we have to do to get it through!
Overeacting-hardly! Let us know what happens.
Please take care
Jenni

Posted on: Sun, 05/11/2003 - 12:51am
Peg541's picture
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Joined: 12/29/2002 - 09:00

Overreacting? Maybe.... might be...
But we have little information on what these low level exposures do to our children. Do they accumulate? I think they do...
I think it is better to avoid them.
So maybe we all overreact but we have little choice and I'd choose overreacting any day.
Peg

Posted on: Sun, 05/11/2003 - 1:27am
Anne Parrish's picture
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Joined: 01/06/2000 - 09:00

I don't think you are over-reacting either. I think part of the reason for your friend's attitude is that it isn't as much her problem as yours. I know that sounds bad, but this is *your* kid & you care more than she does & that is natural.
About the question of whether we PA parents are overly cautious or not, that is really not an easy question to answer. We can not easily say when we have been *too* careful; we can only identify when we have not been creful enough. Sort of like that whole thing of proving something is true is different (& harder) than showing it to be false in logic classes.
Anyway, I have been dealing a lot w/ cancer issues this year, so I reacently learned something I never knew before... *most* people who smoke will not get lung cancer. But we are still taught that it is a serious health risk to smoke. Similarly, a PA kid may be able to be in many situations where s/he is exposed-to/near/whatever peanut products & not have a reaction. That doesn't mean that it is a good idea to take the chance. And certainly, other people should not be taking that chance w/out the parents' knowledge & consent.
Anne

Posted on: Sun, 05/11/2003 - 6:46am
BS312's picture
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Joined: 09/05/2001 - 09:00

Has your friend learned to recognize the signs of a reaction and to administer the Epi-pen, call 911, etc. if your DD has a reaction while in her care?

Posted on: Mon, 05/12/2003 - 1:10am
river's picture
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Joined: 07/15/1999 - 09:00

If you don't feel comfortable with this, (I wouldn't), don't drop your child at this woman's house anymore.
Your peace of mind and your daughter's safety are the more important than this woman's feelings.
If there was a horrible consequence one day, it's you that will have to live with it, not this woman.
I also would not leave my child at a home where children were allowed around a pool unsupervised. It's a similar thing.

Posted on: Mon, 05/12/2003 - 4:37am
anonymous's picture
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Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

I have a very good friend who has two boys around the same age as my PA DS (4 1/2). We often go over for dinner and she always asks me to go over the menu with her to make certain everythings safe. However, I'd never ever let her watch my son without my being there. She is aware of his allergy, and is aware of how serious it potentially could be, but he's not her son and she doesn't really realize the danger.
One afternoon we were over and her youngest was refusing to eat anything but peanut butter, so she made him a pb&j. She made him eat in the kitchen and wash thouroughly afterwards. I knew right then and there the same thing could happen if I wasn't there. Now, did she do it because of a callous disregard for the safety of my DS? No. Did she do it because she didn't care if my DS suffered a reaction as long as her son got his precious PB? Of course not! She's actually a very kind, caring person and wouldn't intentially harm anyone. But she doesn't live with PA day in and day out. She hasn't internalized the fear and thus doesn't have the survival instincts that I do.
It's not her fault. Some people are more empathathic than others and I think these are the people who have an easier time "getting it". She's not a bad person...she just doesn't get it. So even though we are still friends, my son will never be left in her care alone.
I'm just trying to say that you might want to talk to your friend seriously about what could happen if your child had a reaction. She needs to understand that it's too dangerous to risk exposure under any circumstances. If she continues to believe that as long as she's careful, it will be fine (which is the way my friend thinks), then I personally wouldn't let my child go over there alone anymore.
LOL - my husband just said the darndest thing...he was reading over my post and said that "being careful" about feeding one child PB in the presence of a PA allergic child was equivalent to doing drugs while taking care of children and "being careful" to keep all the paraphenalia out of their reach...you may be keeping them from the direct harm of the drug itself, but what about the potential dangers caused by their exposure to the effects of the drug? Yep, I see his point...

Posted on: Mon, 02/17/2003 - 1:44am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

mattchrismom, you're not overreacting if you're simply reacting to the ezcema. Does that make sense? [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Jesse, my 7 year old PA son, did have some ezcema when he was a baby, but not much.
Ember, my 5 year old, non-PA daughter, had what I consider more skin problems than Jesse did as a baby, and yet, she only has seasonal environmental allergies now, and only developed them within the last couple of years and has less severe asthma than Jesse.
I remember when she did get the ezcema when she was a baby, I thought, oh no, she's going to be similar to her brother allergy wise. But no, she's not.
I do think it's possible for people simply to have sensitive skin that reacts this way. My DH, although I haven't taken a look since he pointed out the first patch a month ago (that's another story [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/tongue.gif[/img] ) has an outbreak of ezcema on his upper arm. He has seasonal environmental allergies that he has only developed later in life (like 35+) and now he has this ezcema outbreak on his arm, for what reason we'll never know because he'll never have it checked.
I have never had ezcema and yet I'm the one that my children got their atopic genes from.
I'm sure of it.
As far as your second child having a higher chance of being PA because your first child is, can I ask you where you got this information? I'm not questioning it. It's just that I had never heard it before and I'm interested in whether it is statistically true. It's also a darned good question to raise [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]
So, don't worry 'til you have to. That would be my advice. Just take care of the ezcema.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
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Posted on: Mon, 02/17/2003 - 2:07am
mattchrismom's picture
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Joined: 02/12/2003 - 09:00

It is not that I have actually heard it said outright that my second child would have a greater chance of a pa allergy, its just the allergist saying no nuts till 5yrs and the pediatrician(sp?) has told me recently to introduce new food to Chris slowly has made me start to wonder.

Posted on: Mon, 02/17/2003 - 2:18am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous (not verified)

mattchrismom, it's okay, I went ahead and posted the question [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] Couldn't help myself to-day at all! LOL!
I think your allergist is giving great advice about the no peanuts/tree nuts 'til age 5. That is what we are hearing now and we wish we knew say 5 years ago.
As far as the ped. telling you to take things slowly with the solids, it's probably cautionary and in your second child's best interest.
Let's see what answers we get in the other thread. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
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