Telling a date about my allergy?

Posted on: Sun, 07/05/2015 - 2:42am
Momobubble's picture
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Joined: 01/03/2015 - 06:25

I'm 18 and I've started to enter the more "serious" dating scene and need some advice on not dying in front of a boyfriend/girlfriend .

I have met someone and it's possible that things may go down the "more than friends" route at some point. He knows about my severe peanut allergy but I haven't told him about the do's and don'ts - I am going to have a serious conversation about staying safe and preventing reactions & what to do if I have a reaction when I'm with him and I want to have all the information I possibly can.

Do you have any info that I should tell him? What do you tell friends and relationships?

Posted on: Fri, 07/10/2015 - 4:51am
PeanutAllergy.com's picture
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Joined: 06/21/2013 - 11:03

Question of the Week: Answered!
Every week, PeanutAllergy.com answers one of the questions posted in our community.
Our Answer:
Thank you for reaching out to our community! It can certainly be stressful letting others into your life who are not aware of how to take care of peanut allergies. While staying safe should always be a priority, you don’t have to compromise close relationships with friends and significant others to do so.
Another member of our community had similar questions about how to address their allergy within the dating scene, and you can check out the community post here.
If your date is successful and you think a kiss may occur, make sure to read this article first so you’re aware of how to kiss safely with allergies!
Another great post you may find helpful comes from someone newly dating a PA person, and she receives advice from the community on how to take care of her partner. It can be read here.
For other people out there worried about entering the dating scene, meeting other individuals with food allergies can help to make dating easier. Read about a fun and safe way to connect and form relationships with other PA individuals here.
As for talking to people close to you about your allergy, here is an article outlining the basics they need to know to be aware of your needs, and to know what to do in the event of a reaction.
We reached out to our Facebook Community, and you can read their helpful insight here.
We hope this information is useful, and we wish you the best of luck in your new relationship!

Posted on: Wed, 07/08/2020 - 6:06am
doggydude's picture
doggydude (not verified)

There is absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of here at all. Remember, this is your life. If someone ate something with peanuts or nuts and there are any remnants left on their lips or their mouth then it can put your life at risk. Just go ahead and tell them. If they have more questions then just explain everything to them. I know it might sound strange especially if you are just starting to date someone but this will also show if they care about you.

Posted on: Fri, 07/10/2015 - 7:15pm
Momobubble's picture
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Joined: 01/03/2015 - 06:25

Thanks for the advice. The links don't work, though! :(

Posted on: Mon, 09/09/2019 - 4:30pm
B.M.18's picture
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Joined: 10/10/2013 - 17:37

I also am very curious about this, I just turned 19 and have never had a "actual" boyfriend because I can never let myself be comfortable with trusting that person with my allergy (and life potentially). I do have a good "friend" that has potential to be more but my allergy is in the way of it. He knows about my allergy and the severity of it, but I still feel uncomfortable trusting him to go any further than just friends. Really hope the links get fixed, and hope everything works out for you! :) I know how it feels

Posted on: Sat, 10/26/2019 - 6:17am
Penwiggle's picture
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Joined: 10/19/2019 - 02:37

Interesting thread. I'm 54, and have just, in the last months become allergic to tree nuts and peanuts (along with a few other things).

First off, I'm finally just coming to terms with my nut allergies and how to live with them. Or maybe that should read 'how to not die from them'. It shocks me just how many things that used to be a part of my diet contained, or might contain, nuts.

I've never thought about the hazards of kissing someone who's recently consumed nuts. Another item to add to my list of concerns.

My 2 cents, as a mature adult, about dating and allergies is very simple.

JUST FREAKING TELL THEM!

No seriously. If they are into you, it won't phase them at all and they'll become equally concerned about avoiding nuts on your behalf. If they run from you because you have an allergy, then they have bigger issues going on than your allergy, and the relationship wouldn't last anyway.

No, it's probably not a first date topic, or at least one to explain in detail on the first date. But as you're getting to know the person, just be honest and up front about it. You should be, in my opinion, more concerned about finding someone who understands and wants to support you rather than the slight risk scaring off someone you are interested in.

In the grand scheme of things people can possibly have wrong with them, a nut allergy is pretty trivial. I'm not downplaying allergies, just saying, you could have had a double mastectomy and still find a partner. You could be an amputee, have HIV, or chronic pain, etc., and STILL find a someone to love you. Love is bigger than allergies.

Pen

Posted on: Sat, 10/26/2019 - 12:54pm
doggydude's picture
BD (not verified)

I totally agree Pen. Just come out and say it. If someone reacts in a negative way then you do not want to be with them. Now a lot of people might not really understand which is ok. Then it is up to you to take some time and explain everything to them. I hope it all is working out.

Posted on: Sat, 10/26/2019 - 1:05pm
sunshinestate's picture
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Joined: 10/18/2019 - 09:21

Pen, I couldn't agree with you more. You are so right, you just have to come out and tell your date. I'm all about full disclosure. It comes up pretty quickly because even when its been the first date and we're out for a meal then I will have to talk openly to the server about my peanut allergy. I have no choice. I always feel that if the guy is right for me then he'll embrace that even on the first date and if not, then it's not someone who I would want to be with anyhow. It's a good way to clear the clutter so to speak ;-)

Posted on: Mon, 10/28/2019 - 1:58pm
Italia38's picture
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Joined: 10/08/2019 - 12:01

I'm all about full disclosure and always have been in past relationships and with friends old and new. Been married for years now but when we were first dating I told her on our first date. By that time I'd had some practice telling my dates bc I'd been on quite a few dates before meeting my wife. So I basically blurted it out, she kind of stared at me funny and then said "okay, got it." And that was that. She's always been supportive.

Posted on: Wed, 10/30/2019 - 11:19am
penelope's picture
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Joined: 10/07/2019 - 19:07

When I was dating I would be upfront right away because if we were out for lunch or dinner then it was pretty obvious regardless so I would talk to them about it when we were looking at our menus. It was kind of intimidating to me at first, but then I got used to it. It got easier and easier the more I did it. Yes, I went out on quite a few dates ;-)

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