How do you handle family members who really seem to think there is no real risk with peanut products? (even after an ER trip)

Protect the life of your child and forget about what your "family" thinks! My daughters are now 16, but from the age of one, when first diagnosed until the age of 3....mine were exposed and had serious reactions because my family did NOT believe me! Once my family saw anaphylaxis...they believed me...but by then, my children were far more sensitized and may someday have fatal reactions because "MY FAMILY" did not value me or my childrens life threatning conditions! I did not understand anaphylaxis until the girls were 3. It was this website that informed me. In the 2 years we lived with peanut allergy, our MD never explained epi-pens or the steps to keep the girls safe. My children could have died in the early years, and I did not even know it! They obviously did not!

Sadly, here are my families stories:

My oldest sister, Kathy, put the topping from a donut with crushed nuts in my 1 year olds mouth! I was saying, "Don't put that in her mouth!!!!" as she did it. My daughter closed down and licked her lips 2 or 3 times.....my sister said, "See.......it is fine." as if "I told you so!" In about 30 seconds.....hives started spreading from my daughters mouth, up the side of her head and her lips started swelling. By he time I got home, she was having tightness in her chest.

A year later Kathy and I were at a mall. She wanted to get the girls a cookie from a bakery/cookie shop. I said, "No...I dont feel safe. It might be cross contaminated." Kathy is the oldest, I am the youngest. I fell into the lifelong role and stood by passively while she bought the cookie, against my wishes and gave the girls each a piece......they got hives on their faces and their airways got tight. I was so, so, so pissed at myself for standing back and allowing her to do that....again! I left angry and gave the girls benadryl and breathing treatments again!

Our sister got married and HAD to have mixed nuts at the reception. I was serving cake to the guests when I heard one of my daughters barking like a seal through the crowds of people. She became VIOLENTLY ill. My husband left the receoption and I stayed and served the cake! Morgans airway was tight for 2 days. I gave her nebulzer treatments every 4 hours around the clock for two days. I treated her with Bendadryl. I did not have an epi or know that I should have taken her to the ER. My brohter had put a small piece of cashew in her mouth that was in with mixed nuts and peanut oil! We have never stayed for a wedding reception that served nuts since that day! (14 years of skipped wedding receptions!) If the people getting married do not value my childrens lives enough not to serve NUTS....we dont value their party enough to stay! We stand back and watch them cut the cake...and then slip out without ever going through the reception line.

My Aunt bought Easter candy and said that she had read the label on the bag. There was no food label. It was a thin chocolate bunny on a sucker stick. My 3 year old daughter looked at me innocently and said, "Mommy, can I have dat?" I allowed her to without having a label to read! I never did that again! It was the most horrific anaphylaxis reaction we had ever seen! Every bodily system reacted. She could barely breath. She vomitted mucous over and over and over. Her airway was coated in mucous both from her mouth and her nose! She had hives everywhere!! She was so tight!

I NEVER, EVER, EVER trusted my family...or anyone ever again after that. The girls later had IgE specific for peanut done and both came back Class VI Greater than 100.

My advice to you would be: Have the allergist write a note and sign it. Have an IgE specific for peanut blood test done. Sit down with your family members and watch a video like "It only takes one bite" and say, "If you can respect the serverity of my childs physcial condition, we will join you for meals, if not, we will come early and leave when you all start eating and we will miss out on the sense of famliy we now share." Tell what my "loved ones" did to my children! These expereinces changed my relationships with my sister and brother. I pulled away from them in order to protect my children. Am I sorry? I had no choice!

My children are far more highly reactive now than they would have been, if my family had CARED ENOUGH to listen to me. Protect your child! That is my advice. It they dont get it...they dont get to be with you and your child as much as they would...if they DID 'get it".

My dear brother in law (who loves the girls as if they were his own daughters) has on two seperate occassions kissed them on the cheek. (both girls 2x) They each got a red welped area on their cheek that became very itchy. I asked him if he had eaten anything wtih peanuts or nuts in it. Both times he had JUST eaten mixed nuts. I yelled at him. I said, "You either dont get it, or you dont value the girls enough to respect their allergy! IF you have eaten nuts....dont kiss my girls!"

These stories do not include the mouse traps set with peanut butter...or candy bar wrappers thrown around their houses. They eat peanut butter food items and leave the dishes, wrappers sitting on the furniture. They do not think about it, because it does not impact them! We quit going to their houses a long time ago. Sad.....

Set your boundaries and remember who it is you are to protect. I found a poem several years ago that I have given to our closest friends. It says: "Friends are the family you get to CHOOSE!" Our friends put away all peanut products and totally clean their table tops, counter tops etc when our children are coming over. My family never, ever did that.

Good luck! I hope you get a better response than we did! Do not let your childrens severity become worse because you dont want to offend your family! My daughter has said to me now, "Mom, why did you allow them to expose me like that? I could DIE because of their decisions." It makes me heartsick now that I did not know, and I did not keep my children safe in the early years. We have only had ONE ingestion reaction in almost 14 years, but WE took full control of the choices for our children and quit trusting people we thought cared as much as we did!

I dont know. You might look. I ordered it from The Food Allergy Network when the girls were in Kindergarten. It follows the lives of 4 or 5 people with life threatning food allergies.

You might look on Youtube for The Discovery Channels computer generated anaphylaxis show. THAT is amazing! I learned so much by watching that. I did not know that they can become lethargic because their blood volume gets pulled from their heart and towards the area their body is fighting off the protein; thus, they can faint. I recorded that many years ago when the Discovery channel played it. Try to get your hands on that! I have shown the 5 min reaction part to teachers; VBS workers etc for years.

Go to Google and search my son's tragic death at age 18 on July 1, 2008 from peanut allergies. He never had anaphylactic shock until that day. He always got hives and an itchy throat and Benadryl was the cure. So just Google Brian J. Hom peanut allergies and hear the story of a father telling the details of his anaphylactic shock and how my wife and his 2 brothers witness his death in the lobby of a Cabos Mexico Resort Lobby. I will telling his story on the Lifetime Cable Network show "The Balancing Act" to help others understand the fatal effects of peanut allergies and to take them serious. The loss of a child is a parents worst nightmare. I am telling my story so others can be educated and awareness can be made to the general public about the fatal effects of peanuts. My family members know the risk but there are too many people in the world that think that death from peanuts cannot happen. I can honestly say before my son died, I did not believe it. There Emily Von Meulen who died at the age of 13 in April 2006 from cross contamination from peanut butter that were made at the sandwich shop she ate regularly at. The father tried to get the word out to warn others but I did not hear about it. There was Andrew Smith who died at age 8 in February 2008 just 4 months before from peanut allergies and the mother tried to warn other parents of the dangers but I never heard it. I am trying to get the word out and hope to help save lives. So please share my son's story with others so they can be better prepared and to raise awareness. I live in fear on a daily basis as my 2 other teenage sons have peanut allergies. One who is 17 years old now shows peanut allergy positive from the blood test and one who is 14 years on who has severe peanut allergies and broke out in hives in Mexico and did not die. Tell your family members about the dangers and if they do not believe you than you must do everything you can to protect your peanut allergy children before it is too late. This may mean not attending family functions where peanuts are served. I wish I knew more. But it is too late for my son BJ but like I said I will help fight food allergies as we need to find a cure and get more funds for research as no one should die from eating foods.

We tend to stay away from people who don't GET IT.
Ann@FoodAllergiesToGo.com