throwing a birthday party for a child with multiple food allergies

My son has multiple food allergies, too. I feel like since every other party or celebration he attends has goodies he can't enjoy, at the very least I can make his own parties safe for him. If you can downplay the food at the party all the better - I'm sure the girls will love getting together to play and take home a goody bag. For the tea party, instead of serving traditional sandwiches can you serve safe cracker and lunch meat "sandwiches"? (we get away without mayonaise type substitutes when we have lunch this way). Or maybe lunch meat roll ups with decorated toothpicks. If you present it fancy (maybe in a tiered plate or something) along with safe mini muffins (I've been pretty successful at making eggless, milkless, nutless muffins that others like but I don't know all the allergies you're dealing with) and/or cookies, I bet the girls would be delighted.
Jana
PS I do recall once that I ordered two big pizzas for a party - one had cheese (because like your daughter, he was convinced that his friends wouldn't like his pizza) but I was surprised that his friends ate the cheeseless one, too without hesitation. His friends all know about his allergies, of course, I think they probably expect the foods to be a little different and don't mind that this one meal will be different than their Mom makes.

I love the tea party idea. My daughter went to one of those and they had their nails done, made bead braclets and dressed up in hats - fun.

Just a few other food thoughts - Fruit (cut up and arranged in a fancy way, stuck on a wooden pick to make a kebab-thing, or a fruit salad) would be a good tea party. Is she allergic to soy? The Soy Nut Butter (from I.M. Healthy) is P and TN free and most kids think it tastes fine, might be good for other finger sandwiches. Cut up veggies with some dip might also work.

I think that it is great how you are involving your daughter in this and how she is realy thinking it all through - I think that this planning process is one of the key skills that will help her manager her allergies her whole life.

Well, you both sound so creative, I wish you could just come over and plan the party for me! Jana, would you mind posting a recipe for milk free, egg free, nut free, peanut free muffins? I have had very bad luck with these restricted recipes; they never resemble anything real! Soy is not a problem. Very interesting comment about the soy butter; we do eat it at home and I decided to nix it for the party and here`s why. When my daughter first started kindergarten a year and a half ago, I used to send her with soy butter and jelly sandwiches. After just a week or two, one of the other kids thought it was peanut butter and told the after care teacher that my daughter was eating a peanut butter sandwich. Everyone panicked; they didn`t know whether to Epi or not. Then my extremely shy daughter spoke up and said it wasn`t peanut butter, it was soy butter. I never sent her with soy butter again. I felt that the aftercare teachers were just trying to do their job and keep my daughter safe, and if I send her with something that looks just like peanut butter it makes it confusing for them. If the day ever came that somehow she ended up with a peanut butter sandwich (I don`t know how this would happen), I wouldn`t want them to say,"oh, it`s just soy butter." It is sort of like the boy who cried wolf. Anyhow, I nixed it for the birthday tea party, but maybe I will reconsider it. I would definitely have to announce or point out that it is not really peanut butter; otherwise the kids will think it is peanut butter and wonder why in school if they eat it they have to scrub their hands and they can`t even bring it into the classroom and now it is suddenly okay. So I would have to say something, but I really don`t want to make a big thing of it ---any ideas?
Chicago, how old is your daughter who went to the tea party?

[This message has been edited by Carefulmom (edited January 18, 2002).]

Carefulmom, your point about the soy butter is really good. We have taken the same stance with our 7 year old for the same reason. She doesn't even want to bring it anywhere, either, because she realizes the confusion it could cause. In fact, I bought some trail mix at trader joe's that has pumpkin seeds, dried fruits, and roasted soy beans in it. I was going to send some to school in Leah's lunch and she asked me not to. She said she would eat it at home. I guess she is aware, now, of the confusion that other people can have.

The funny thing (or maybe not so funny) is that I give my 19 month old soy butter and jelly sandwiches a lot. He only has seven teeth so it's one of the few sandwiches he can really bite into. Well, one day when I had to wake him up from his nap to pick his sister up from school, I gave him a soy butter and jelly sandwhich to eat in the stroller on the way there. You should have seen the look on one of the moms' faces when she saw Matthew eating that! I quickly explained, of course, and then realized that I had better start taking "out of the house" precautions with him, too.

Back on the subject: how about tofutti cream cheese and jelly sandwhiches? Actually, I just realized that that could cause the same sort of problem. Also, it's one thing to just "sneak" in a soy product without mentioning it: that's when I think a kid might eat it without a problem. If you actually have to come out and say it's soy, (which as you said, you would have to because of the confusion issue,) that's when I think the kids might make faces and roll their eyes.

I think your daughter is showing tremendous maturity in dealing with her allergies. If she does feel comfortable focusing on all the fun stuff about her party besides food, and doesn't mind eating food different from her friends, it sounds like that could be a great option.

Good luck, and let us know how it turns out! Miriam

double post

[This message has been edited by California Mom (edited January 18, 2002).]

Actually, I do that same thing with the soy butter for the same reasons - she doesn't take it to school and I only gave it to here very recently when I was pretty sure she could understand the difference between it and PB. We are all thinking alike here! I.M. Healthy does also make Chocolate Soy Butter (sorry to sound like a commercial for them) that looks different. But even if you just used all fruit spreads and cut the sandwiches into shapes, the girls will be happy.

I was also thinking about jello - would the jigglers be OK?

My daughter is also 7.

California mom, toffuti cream cheese is a great idea! I am assuming you must live in California; do they sell it at Whole Foods? My daughter is allergic to milk and we have had a VERY hard time finding any cheese she can eat. For some reason the soy cheeses that claim to be milk-free, when you read the ingredients they contain casein which is milk protein. We have been looking for cheese my daughter could eat for a long time. I only ever found one that was truly milk free and the taste was terrible. We have had very good luck with tofutti though, we eat Toffuti Cuties, which are milk-free ice cream sandwiches and they taste just like the real thing! It must be the same company that makes the cream cheese, so I will look for it. I don`t think fake cream cheese will cause the same problem as fake peanut butter. The reason is there is no ban on milk products in the classroom, the kids don`t have to wash their hands after eating cheese, etc., so I don`t think the kids are as focused on her milk allergy as they are on the peanut allergy. In fact kids probably don`t even know that cream cheese is usually a milk product. I don`t think they would question the apparent double standard with an imitation milk product the way they would with an imitation peanut product. When we serve Tofutti Cuties in our house to other kids, it never comes up...they don`t say "why can she have this if she is allergic to milk", so I think it would be okay at the party.

Chicago, I have never heard of chocolate soy butter, but it is a great idea. If I served that, there wouldn`t be any confusion with peanut butter and the girls would love it. I will look for it next time I go to Whole Foods.

Thanks for all the great ideas, I am not creative at all and never would have thought of these things.

[This message has been edited by Carefulmom (edited January 18, 2002).]

By the way, Chicago, unfortunately jello is a no; my daughter is allergic to gelatin. Great idea, though.

I just modify my Betty Crocker recipe for muffins:

equivalent to one egg (I use Ener-g food egg replacer)
3/4 cup water (or milk substitute)
1/2 cup oil
2 c flour
1/3 cup sugar
3 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt

Beat egg replacer water and oil. Stir in remaining ingredients all at once just until flour is moistened (batter will be lumpy) fill muffin tins (either lined with cupcake liners or greased) 3/4 full. Bake at 400 for 20 minutes. makes about one dozen

I usually have better luck when I use the mini muffin tins - but I have to watch them because I never remember how long to bake them at. 3/4 C frozen blueberries can also be added to this recipe. Sometimes I put a spoonful of batter in then a teaspoon of jam and cover with another spoonful of batter. Sometimes I reduce the water to 1/3 cup and stir in 1 cup mashed bananas.

[This message has been edited by Jana R (edited January 20, 2002).]

Thanks so much, Jana. I can`t wait to try it.

You can see the chocolate soy nut butter and where to buy the I.M. Healthy products at their web site ([url]http://www.soynutbutterco.com[/url]). If you can't find the choc. ask the listed stores to order it for you.

Have a super tea party!

I'm having Tom's 5yr old party next Sunday.

Were having hot dogs, safe potato chips, mild salsa and instead of a birthday cake, a his special cupcakes recipie that I got from FAAN. On second thought I'm trying Jana R's recipie, sounds good!! Thanks!

This is the first year were having just a kiddie party. In the past it's just been immediate family because Tom did'nt have alot of playmates yet. This year its CHANGED.
Got 12 kids coming to the house! Oh my "*&#".

Sounds like your daughter will have a wonderful party!!!
Happy Birthday and Best Wishes to your daughter on her special day!!
Love Erin

[This message has been edited by TLSMOM (edited January 20, 2002).]

I think their birthday party needs to be all safe food for them, even if it's apple juice and pretzel sticks.
And my 2 cents is that we have to end up raising kids that the focus is OFF food, and on FUN. My almost 11 year old son is somebody that just eats to live, and it is not what the rest of the world does, but you can do it at your house and certainly at their birthday parties. Good luck........

Jana, I tried the recipe and I added bananas. It came out really good except I could sort of taste the baking powder. Do you think I can lower the baking powder? Three teaspoons seems really high for one dozen muffins. I am not much of a cook, so I thought maybe you would know if there is a reason the baking powder has to be that high. Do you find that yours have a baking powder taste? Thanks.

It's been a while since I've made the muffins but maybe I started adding the jam to give it a better flavor. I've never reduced the baking powder so I'm not sure about that.

[This message has been edited by Jana R (edited January 28, 2002).]

We did it last night with orange marmalade in the middle and I cut the baking powder to 2 1/2 teaspoons. There was no baking powder taste, although after reading your post, I`m not sure if it was because I decreased the baking powder or because I added marmalade. Anyhow, they came out great; there didn`t seem to be any problem with the decreased baking powder. It is a great recipe, especially for someone like me who is not at all a cook. Next time we are going to try it with blueberries. Thanks for the recipe. Any other foolproof dessert recipes you would like to share? She is allergic to milk, eggs, peanuts, cranberries, and gelatin---also isn`t allowed to have tree nuts or shellfish.

I'm not a great cook, but here are two deserts that we like:
From Tofu Cookery by Louise Hagler
Brownies
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Whisk together in a saucepan, leaving no lumps:
1/3 cup unbleached white flour 2/3 cup water
Whip in:

Wow, you must be such a great cook! My daughter just asked today to bake brownies this weekend (no time during the week), and that looks like such a good recipe---so do the others. Can`t wait to try them. We haven`t been able to find any marshmellows she can have, because she can`t have gelatin, and all the marshmellows seem to contain it. However, we are seeing the allergist next month and I think the ban on gelatin is about to get lifted. So that one looks good too. Thanks! By the way, where did you get all these recipes? All the allergy free cookbooks I have, the recipes always taste like something is missing or have a strange consistency. Where did you get that great muffin recipe? It was very easy, even for someone like me who always sees cooking as another chore. And the batter was GREAT!

[This message has been edited by Carefulmom (edited January 29, 2002).]