School Fun Fair - Need Some Help Dealing with the Organizer

Cindy, just a thought, but why don't you put away your keyboard and go visit the principal in person for a discussion? Or how about a joint meeting of you, the principal and this other woman plus any others in a position of responsibility for this event?

No need for things to get confrontational - in the spirit of coordinated efforts, etc., etc. The Principal should have a neutralizing effect on this woman and will also hear whatever niceties she has to say to you. I would not recommend a one-on-one with the woman, judging by your personality as you state, you would probably get nowhere except possibly humiliated again.

Philip's Mom, thank-you for your thoughts re this. Actually, my keyboard does get put away quite often despite what many people may think to the contrary.

Now, as far as meeting with the principal and the organizer. It is a really good thought and I will suggest it if things do become contentious. However, the principal is someone who would prefer not to be dealing with this "issue" (PA) at all. She was supposed to attend a meeting with Jesse's new teacher and myself and basically told me to-day that she's too busy and wanted one of two new vice principals to attend in her absence. I told the school secretary that because both of the vp's were new, it didn't really make much sense for them to attend the meeting with the new teacher as they weren't aware of the protocol re dealing with PA either. I did e-mail the principal and tell her that I would meet with the teacher without her and without the vice principals and then the teacher could run by any of my concerns/requests with her after our meeting together.

No, PA is something this particular principal does not want to deal with at all. She has made this fairly clear since Jesse started school there last year. So, for me to set up a meeting with her and the organizer, before things become contentious, she would consider it a waste of time. Her e-mail to me this morning in effect told me that the organizer would be dealing with me.

I do appreciate your thoughts and I will certainly ask for a meeting if the woman gets bit**y with me again this year.

Now, I'm putting the keyboard away and having a late dinner.

Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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Cindy, I didn't mean to offend you about the keyboard. It's only that you mentioned sending emails to the principal and offering your email address for contact. When dealing with difficult people sometimes face to face is best BEFORE things escalate into a contentious matter.

Since this principal doesn't seem very supportive from what you say a coordination meeting could still be arranged with a third person in the room. How about a friend just happening to be at your house at the same time as a meeting with this woman. You would be surprised how some people tone themselves down when more than one person is present to hear themselves be a jerk.

This third person could even be another parent you have asked to help in this endeavour. I just really feel strongly about this neutralizer position to help this other woman behave better. I'd do it for you if I lived closer -

Debbie

Cindy, are you trying to have a bake sale where every food item is safe for your son to eat or simply have it safe for him to attend and not eat?

I would not let my son eat at any bake sale since I wouldn't trust anyone else's idea of pm-free. The bake sale at my son

Philip's Mom, I actually could use YOU to help me deal effectively with this woman. Now that the principal knows that I know about the Fun Fair and have raised my concerns with her, we'll see where things go from there.

Eileen, you had some wonderful ideas, thank-you. I do have to say that I am not lucky to have a "peanut free" classroom for my son. His school board district has a policy that ensures his "right" to have one.
A "peanut free" school is harder to achieve.
It is the decision of the principal of each and every school.

I do know another PA parent living in my province (Ontario) whose child's school does run a successful "peanut free" bake sale every year. It can and is done. It is also not an unusual request to be made nowadays.

Jesse is also the only child in his school with PA. There are no children with any other food allergies in the school population of 560+ at all.

I believe the community I live in is not really aware about food allergies because there are not the numbers of people with them here yet.

Cayley's Mom, also posting on this board, lives in the same school district as I do, about a 45 minute drive away. As she mentioned in another post about her daughter's pre-school, she had to pave the way for her child, because her child was the first PA child in the pre-school. However, this year there are 3 or 4 more. Also, she is very fortunate because there are actually "peanut free" schools in the place that she lives.

I am not clear but I think this may be where the difference between countries comes in, yet again. Peanut free classrooms and schools are not uncommon here.

But again, I really did like the suggestions you had to make.

I forgot to mention even why I was concerned about the bake sale. I wouldn't trust anyone to make things "safe" to begin with so I wouldn't be purchasing anything for our family there anyway. My concern is that people may consider the baked sale goods as part of their dessert and be eating it in the schoolyard at the Fun Fair event. This raises a few concerns. I think someone else posted last year (I will have to find that thread) that we could actually ask people if they purchased anything at the bake sale, rather than making the bake sale peanut/nut free, that they please refrain from eating it until they got home.

These suggestions come from people that have been able to get these things put into place.
I'm going to find that other thread. Of course you'll see that I was ready to scream as I entitled the thread, but looking back now, even though I had felt almost attacked, especially since I was a "newbie" (new phrase here on this board), people did have some really good thoughts on it, as did you.

Again, Jesse has the "right" to a "peanut free" classroom in this school district. He also has the "right" to enjoy activities both during and after school in a RELATIVELY safe environment.

Also, I'm sorry, it is not a concession to me that all foods for fundraising are checked by me. At the beginning of the school year, the vice principal approached me and asked me about the chocolate covered almonds and if I felt okay about them being sold. Yes, I did.
Jesse is not allergic to tree nuts, but does not consume them because of the cross-contamination issue. I also know that the boxes are well wrapped. I simply told her that yes, I felt comfortable with the almonds being sold but that Jesse wouldn't be selling them.

Perhaps this all seems like a concession to you because your child does not have the "right" to these things in his school. Mine does. I do not make any unreasonable demands and I go to a lot of effort to educate people and also, as the food checker person to make sure that food is "safe". Oh, and the only reason I have to make sure that the food from say Pizza Hut and Subway is "safe" is because if it wasn't, it could not be sold to any of the children in Jesse's "peanut free" classroom on the days that he attends school (2 one week, 3 the next) or the alternate days. So, if the food wasn't safe, they would be losing the revenue from 40 students and denying 40 other students the food. A "peanut free" classroom means that even "may contain" products are not allowed into the classroom.

I'm sorry, you did have some really good advice but I do take offense to your use of the words "lucky" and "concession".

Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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I actually just went through Search and found my I Want To Scream thread. It is very interesting to read now almost a year later, for me. However, aside from the fact that I didn't know how to paragraph "properly" yet so my posts are even more difficult to read, there is some really good advice in there re bake sales and dealing with the school in general.

I must say, I was one angry woman that started that thread. I don't know if I would be as angry to-day. Probably.

PeanutKate had a wonderful system in place at her son's school. There was double wrapping and clear labeling done of the baked goods for the sale.

Anyway, if anyone is interested in it, as long as you don't say I was out of control in it, please feel free to read on!

Again, it was very interesting to read it almost a year later and to see the anger I spewed forth was unreal! I believe it was after that thread that I started off-the-board contact with MKRuby who really helped me learn how to deal with the school effectively. At any rate.....

Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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Eileen, I realized I hadn't responded to your comments about the recipes I've been posting.
I had received an e-mail cookbook of Brand Name Recipes and my DH recently reminded me that I had it and thought that it might make for a great addition to the Snacks, Recipes section on this site especially because a lot of people don't feel comfortable buying the actual Brand Name products that were featured.

I haven't actually tried any of the recipes I posted en masse. The only ones that I have posted that are "tried and true" of mine are The Carrot Muffins, The Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Muffins and The Tabouli Salad. I also posted Cayley's Mom's Chocolate Chocolate Chip Zucchini Loaf which is "tried and true" by her. Then, of the Brand Name recipes that I've posted, some people have been coming in and posting when they have tried them so that we do know they are, in fact, "tried and true". When I finish posting all of them (I almost forgot I was going to post 2 a day), I was going to put a cautionary post separately that none of the en masse ones were "tried and true" unless someone other than me posted that they had tried them.

I know I have given everyone the very misleading impression that I do a lot of different food things with recipes. I actually don't.

Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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Cindy:
I think everyone has given you very good advice. My only advice is on how to deal with the organizer of the event. I tend to specialize in pushing people's buttons but in ways that I can't get 'called' on it. What I would do is treat her as if there was no contention between you last year. I would approach her with the attitude that of course she's willing to help and won't this be fun. She is probably regretting even having to deal with you. If you approach her all friendly and have the "let's work together attitude", it will kill her but there's nothing she can do about it. I always approach meetings pretending to have the assumption that they want to help me. That way they look stupid when they say they don't. This is just what I would do...

Cindy,
I don't have any advice for you, but instead, a compliment! I give you a lot of credit for taking on this challenge!
I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed lately, so last week when our son's school had a carnival with a cake walk, I cheated and took the easy way out. We had our own carnival, complete with pizza, pop, tickets, games and prizes, grandpa and grandma! I was too worried about food being opened and eaten throughout the school, etc.
I admire you for being so strong!
Nut-free wishes,
Victoria

Katie's Mom, thank-you! That was excellent advice! I really appreciate it.

Victoria, thank-you for the compliment. However, I would like to say that I don't think you chickened out at all. You did something very special for your child, which included his/her grandparents that would be much better remembered than a School Fun Fair any day! Believe me! I went to last year's! LOL! No, seriously, although you think you chose the easy way out in not dealing with the school event, you offered a much more special event for your child at home. It was also excellent that you posted this because a lot of us feel like simply not attending the function because of the ever present food factor but how many of us actually stop and think about what we could do as the parents who make this decision, to ensure that our child has something special to enter their lives anyway? I think what you did is truly amazing and I would like to think that if I did choose to not attend the event that I could do something comparable for my son. I'm not clear that I could.

Also, yesterday, I was speaking with someone that knows EVERYONE in town, having lived here for all of his 44 years. I asked him if he knew the organizer of the event. He did know her. She is apparently very quiet (you would not have known that from the way she was on the phone last year) and maybe 10 years younger than me. He did give me some other details about her life that don't need to be posted but might actually explain for her behaviour on the phone (i.e., stress).
Now, armed with this information, I'm probably actually dealing with a person very similar to myself except younger. Since I'm the older one here I somehow feel that I have some type of advantage, although I'm not clear why.

So, based on this new information about the organizer, and how Katie's Mom has suggested I deal with the woman, it might actually work out okay.

Many thanks and best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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Cindy, Thank-you for the compliment! I wish you all the luck in the world! Let us know how it works out!
Nut-free wishes,
Victoria

I'm just updating as far as I have gotten with the Fun Fair. I have been working on trying to find a "safe" ice cream cup supplier since I posted this thread. I cannot believe to-day that I actually found one in my local grocery store's store brand!
I just sent off a really positive e-mail to my son's principal and asked her to pass this information on to the organizer.

I am so pleased! I am also really concerned that somehow me finding this information will somehow infuriate this woman and I'll still end up seeing unsafe ice cream cups being sold in June. I just feel an uneasiness about it. To-date, I haven't heard a word from her about anything to do with the Fun Fair and I had told the principal as soon as I found out about it that I would be sourcing out a "safe" ice cream supplier. So, I did.

I am SO happy, I could max out on the smilies allowed here! Now I'm afraid that after all of this work someone will still manage to dampen my spirits. I just feel really positive right now.

Thanks for listening and best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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I could have posted this under either this thread or the one about the person in authority who doesn't want to "get it", but since it is related to the Fun Fair, I thought I'd place it here.

I would really appreciate anyone's comments re this.

Right now, my head is reading to explode! Of course, what else is new? As soon as I found out about the School Fun Fair, I IMMEDIATELY contacted the principal and told her that I would begin sourcing out a safe ice cream cup for them to sell. Last year, at the Fun Fair, they sold hot dogs, hamburgers, potato chips and ice cream cups.

It took me two weeks to source out a safe ice cream cup. It involved me contacting each ice cream manufacturer that I could think of to see if they had a safe ice cream cup or not. I finally found one, surprisingly, in Sobey's. This meant that all the organizer of the Fun Fair had to do was go down the street to our local IGA, speak with the overly friendly manager there and order the ice cream cups.

To-day I received a telephone call from one of the school's secretaries. I was asked to contact the organizer of the Fun Fair, but not clear as to why. I was also told that some couple in town would be contacting me re the ice cream they were planning to sell at the Fun Fair.

Apparently, they are broadening their range of ice cream products that are going to be sold at the Fun Fair. Ice cream bars, ice cream whatevers, yadda yadda.

Do you think that the principal could have told me, especially since I had originally e-mailed her and said I would begin work right away re the ice cream cups and then provided her with the source of the safe ones, that they planned to broaden their array of ice cream products?

No, the deal has already been struck and I am told. This has happened consistently throughout this school year. How many times have I been approached, after the fact, to see if a food is safe or not?

My DH did tell me to calm down and see what the people had to offer in their vast array of ice cream products. He said that he feels it is my right, since I am the food checker person and was very clear with the principal that I would source out ice cream, to say no to these people if their products are not safe.

I know that a lot of you must be wondering what I am going on about to begin with. Do we have to buy the ice cream products? No.
However, the Fun Fair is held in the playground of the school and I am extremely concerned about, with last year, with only ice cream cups, the potential for residue on the playground equipment. Should they decide to sell ice cream sticks with actual peanuts on them, that raises other concerns for me, re smell, etc.

Okay, so you can say, don't bother, you should stay home. But, my son also has the right, as guaranteed by his school board policy to enjoy both during school and after school activities in relative safety. This is a very important point to consider.

I had been thinking about the bake sale "issue". I'm not clear if that's why I'm supposed to call the organizer or not. Please remember that last year I was very new to communicating with people on this board and I've learned a lot in the past year. I've learned that you have to let some things go. I did call and leave a message for the woman to call me.

I actually now don't expect a peanut free bake sale although I know that elsewhere in my province they are run successfully. The point is, I would never be buying anything from a bake sale anyway. But, what I was going to request is that the product be wrapped and that people be asked specifically not to eat their bake sale goods on the school property but take it home with them to enjoy afterwards. I get this directly from what PeanutKate posted to me last year when I was so up in arms about this. She does have this done, also in Ontario, so it is do-able.
I thought that this way, I won't "piss people off" (as the organizer so very clearly put it last year with me quaking in my shoes as I spoke on the phone) and I won't have to worry again about the residue or any other PA related contact.

This is not a community that is going to bend.

I just really need to know some people's thoughts on this again. What the heck am I doing wrong with this principal? How much clearer can I be with the woman? The night that Jesse came home with the paperwork re the Fun Fair, I immediately contacted her and told her I would source out ice cream.

What if the ice cream they've planned on isn't safe? Sure, I can assert my authority (as official food checker person [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/rolleyes.gif[/img] )
but why should I have to assert it in the first place when this woman was provided with a safe ice cream source as soon as was humanly possible? Why was she not able to come back to me and say, could you check with your safe source and see if they can supply a dizzying array of ice cream products for us to consume? Why? What am I doing wrong here?

Jesse has to attend the new school in town next year where she will be principal. I want to request immediately, due to his PA, that he remain at the school where he is. Regardless of the fact that I would be dealing with a new principal, at least the staff there are very familiar with Jesse. I do know that I have the opportunity to take this higher. I have received excellent advice from another PA parent re taking this up the food chain because of the way the principal has consistently dealt with me this year.

I understand it would be so much easier to simply let this one go too. Okay, I'm slowly letting go of the fact that Jesse is not invited to birthday parties in this town because of his PA. It is very hard for me.
There are bigger fish to fry as Rilira has pointed out.

But this is a school thing that he is ensured the right to attend in relative safety.

When I phoned the secretary back to get the information about why she wanted me to call the Fun Fair organizer (not clear yet) and who was providing the ice cream, I asked her if she could understand my frustration after spending two weeks sourcing out a safe ice cream cup.

I'm frustrated. Aside from banging my head up against the wall repeatedly, what do you think?

Many thanks and best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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Cindy, If I were you I would stop dealing with the principal. Get on the phone tomorrow and call the school board and make an appointment to see the trustee responsible for your school. Bring along a copy of the school board policy, as well as the article on the "legal perspective" that I sent you. I know that you would prefer to approach this in a calm way but it is quite obvious that the principal has no intention of accommodating you or addressing your concerns. Time to move up the food chain so to speak. I think a call from her boss might in fact be a wake up call and could be the factor that makes the difference.

As for your request to keep Jesse at his present school, bring up the fact that this principal's inaction is a real threat to Jesse's safety with the trustee and that you are requesting he stay put for safety reasons! Are you involved with the parent council of your school? If not, join! If you can get other members on board you may find you have allies in trying to make Jesse's school a "safe" place for him to be in!

As for the ice cream issue, you are well within your rights to request that the icecream be "safe", the consequences of them serving unsafe products in the playground could endanger your child's life...go over her head if she balks at buying safe products!

Chapman's makes ice cream sandwiches, fudgesicles, and chocolate covered icecream that are "peanut free", there is no valid reason for them not to purchase those products! And price should NEVER be the deciding factor when a child's safety is in question!

OK...enough ranting! Just makes me mad that a place where your child should be safe just is not! There ought to be a law!

Katiee (Wade's mom)

Hi again.
I'm still new to the board, but I can't believe all of the issues I can relate to. I am dealing with a 1st fun fair event at my son's school. I truly do believe that people just don't want to "get it". It's hard to know when to back off a bit, (which happens to be what I'm doing at the moment). My anger has gotten the best of me. By the way, do you happen to know of a PA/TA free lollypop for a lollypop tree? They just let me know of this idea today, and I have to let them know in 3 days what I have come up with. I never feed my son lollypops. They are also having a cake raffle, nobody bothered to fill me in. (I'm at the school all of the time and constantly offer my services). I feel I am nothing but a pain in the butt to them. They look at me like I have three heads because I want to know certain ingredients. They are having parents send in jars full of candy for prizes. Can you imagine what will be in these jars?!!! Of course all of this has been done without any thought for my nine year old son. He will have to be very careful and wash his hands plenty that day. Perhaps I should give all of the organizers an epi-pen to carry! I don't think any of them would want that responsibility, however they don't want to make the environment safe either. It feels good to vent.
I hope I didn't damper anyone's spirits. I'm just frustrated today. Thanks for listening.

Katiee, wonderful post, thank-you. Since I was going on what they had at the Fun Fair last year, the ice cream sundae cup, I only checked on the safety of that particular item with all of the companies I contacted. I believe I probably posted it separately re Chapman's. I was NOT pleased with their response. Their ice cream sundae cup was not "safe" but they were JUST beginning to label them as such. I could not believe this from a company that promotes itself in both print ads and on their website as very allergy aware.

They were the FIRST company I approached and, as I said above, I was not pleased with their answer one little bit, although I do know that Chapman's is the "safe" ice cream by the block (carton?) that I buy for our house.

I ended up finally finding it with Sobey's (who own IGA). Again, Sobey's, we have consistently thought that store brand or no name items are NOT okay to buy for our PA children, but with Sobey's, as Cayley's Mom posted elsewhere here, you have to check with them item by item (rather time consuming if you want to know about their whole product line) to see if the product is "safe". They did, in fact, have a "safe" ice cream cup.
To me, that was the ONLY ice cream product that I was supposed to be looking for. I took me two weeks to find a safe one and it turned out to also be ever so convenient.

Mike and Missy, yes, these Fun Fair things are very hard to learn to navigate. I know that last year my head exploded when I dealt with the first one. The organizer was very rude to me as I posted above in another post and actually told the principal that she felt my family should stay home. Well, I'm sorry.

As I posted tonight, I have kinda learned to let some things go and that's why I'm willing to NOT ask for a peanut free bake sale, although I know, for a fact, that they are run successfully in other parts of the province I live in. Without complaint. Without it being an issue. I would like to make the request that people eat their bake sale goods at home, not at the Fun Fair. Kids eating pb cookies and playing on the playground equipment at the same time do not mix for me. Last year, the principal told me that even though they had finally requested a "peanut free" bake sale, she ended up buying chocolate coated pb balls and having the staff eat them. So, can you imagine chocolate pb balls melting in children's hands and then on the playground equipment?
I can't. Or I can and I can't go there.

Safe lollipops. Kerr's, who I used to be able to buy a lot of different candy from, including the 6 pack of whatever of lollipops, in the clear cellophane wrapper, they now have the "may contain" warning on them. It's really inconvenient because the warning is actually down close to where the elastic band is holding the cellophane over the lollies. I know that one cashier at IGA thought I was an absolute witch because I refused to buy my children these lollies at the check-out counter. Try to explain to a cashier, with two screaming beejeebees with you, why you're not buying them. She just thinks you're a witch. Never mind trying to explain the "may contain" label and what it means to a lot of us - nearly 1 in 5 chance, playing Russian Roulette, etc.

However, Tootsie Roll lollipops, also in a package of six or so, with a wrapper around them, are "safe" in Canada, or they were the last time I looked at them.

I'm not clear if Trebor Allan manufactures lollipops or not. Actually, I think they do because they are in the pre-packaged surprise loot bags for children's parties.

I'm sorry, I didn't check your profile before I started to answer this concern, so I'm not clear if you're in the U.S. or in Canada, or elsewhere. To try to find a safe lolly within three days (nice notice, thank-you very much school!), I would visit the [url="http://www.nuconnexions.com"]www.nuconnexions.com[/url] website and see how many candy manufacturers Steve Kingsley has listed there. He then gives pretty good information as to whether or not the company is labeling properly and links to the various company websites.

Definitely, whenever I'm trying to check out a food product (as I obviously was with the bloody ice cream and for what?), I go to the [url="http://www.nuconnexions.com"]www.nuconnexions.com[/url] website first. Then, if he doesn't have all of the companies that I'm interested in listed there, I do have to do a web search. But, I always start there.

I did finally get in touch with the person who is organizing the ice cream portion of the Fun Fair tonight. It turns out the woman's children go to a "peanut free" school in Wasaga Beach so how she got to being involved in a Stayner Fun Fair, I have no idea. However, she did tell me that she was calling Chapman's tomorrow and would call me.
I told her straight away that the ice cream sundae cups were not "safe". She seemed to be quite work-with-able (I love how I'm just making up new words now because my brain can't remember the "proper" ones [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img] ) and although she was not clear tonight exactly what products they were looking at specifically, she did say that she would call me back. So, okay.

Chapman's for carton ice cream is "safe". Chapman's popsicles are the only "safe" ones out there (I have yet to check Sobey's). Katiee, as you stated above, many of the other Chapman's products are "safe". This will work wonderfully, I'm sure.

But I guess my whole, not upset, but being disturbed about this stems back to the principal and how I put two weeks of work into finding a safe ice cream cup, sent her the information from each and every company, sent her the e-mail from Sobey's saying that I had finally found a safe ice cream cup, yadda yadda. Why did she not think to tell me that they wanted a dizzying array of ice cream products this year and could I please source out more products than simply the ice cream cup? I just don't get it. When I was contacting all of the companies that I contacted re the sundae cup, I could also have been asking about fudge covered ice cream, popsicles, whatever suits the fancy of whoever makes these decisions. But no. Wait until I've done the bloody work and then tell me more than a month later that something else is being done.

I have decided that I will assert myself with this particular thing. As I say, I am going to let the "peanut free" bake sale go, except for the asking of people to eat the product at home (surely they can restrain themselves from eating the chocolate pb balls until they get home, can't they? [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/rolleyes.gif[/img] - I wouldn't be too sure where I live) and focus on making sure that I don't have children eating ice cream treats for dessert that are covered in nuts.

There was something else I wanted to add to this post, but it just blipped right out of my brain.

Many thanks and best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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Oh Cindy, I feel for you for what you're going through! I don't think you should blame yourself at all, it sounds to me like it is definitely the principal who is causing all these problems. I think Kaitee is right: time to go over her head! After all, you are only asking for what Jesse is entitled to. It must be infuriating to have gone to all that work regarding finding safe ice cream cups, and then have all your work discounted. Good luck! Miriam

I am SO ripping angry with Jesse's principal right now that although I did post this under the thread re the principal, also under Schools, a great deal of the post does involve the Fun Fair so I'm really letting off steam and posting it here too! I may even go in and post it under How Did PA Affect Your Day To-Day! I tell you, this is one angry woman [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/mad.gif[/img]
Also one PA overwhelmed woman this week.

Here goes:-

posted May 26, 2001 01:39 AM

Before I start my major rant here, I would like to say that I have
finally taken the first step in hopefully getting this situation corrected.
I have written the letter to the principal's boss and have only to find
someone who can print it off for me so I can get it in the mail. I have
requested a meeting between her boss (superintendent), her, and
myself with respect to Duty of Care. I would not even have known
that this option was available to me had it not been for Kathryn
posting on this board and then contacting me off-the-board with an
enormous wealth of information (and fuel) and much needed
encouragement.

I just wanted to know that I am not simply continuing to bitch and
moan about this situation.

When Jesse started school last year, I was a parent with her first
child entering the school system, and as we all know, this is a new
experience for anyone, whether your child is PA or not. I supplied very
basic educational materials and had his Emergency Plan filled out. We
have a blanket school board policy that ensures a "peanut free"
classroom for Jesse which I had implemented.
This meant that he had to start school a couple of days later than he
should have.

I was working with an absolute wonderful teacher and she and I
worked really well together for the whole school year. Things seemed
to really go without a blip. It's probably because I knew that he was
in good hands and also because I wasn't really aware of all of the
things that were really going on in the school and whether or not we
were affected by them.

I strongly urge any parent who has a child entering the school system
soon, either this Fall or the following even, to do things a whole
heckuva lot differently than I did.
Have a complete 504 Plan (if you want one), as Rilira and vic have
both posted on this board. Make sure you know about all of the
educational materials out there and use them.
Do not go into the situation blindly, as I basically did. The only one
positive thing I can say about myself is that I did find out that there
was a school board policy in place to ensure the "peanut free"
classroom and I did get that implemented. That is the only positive
thing I can say.

At the end of last year's school year, we wrote thank-you letters to
Jesse's classmates and the alternate class that also has to be
"peanut free" thanking them for their effort during the year. We also
wrote a thank-you note that was printed in our local newspaper.
We will do the same this year. Jesse's classmates and the alternate
class do still require thanks and so does our community as a whole.

But the principal? I was ready this afternoon to behead her!

I had sent the BE A PAL certificate in to the school and asked that it
be photocopied and distributed to Jesse's class and the alternate
class. I paid for the photocopying. What I received back yesterday in
his knapsack were 40 green photocopies as they had decided that it
was okay for me to have the first names of the 40 children and I had
offered, if the names could be made available to me, to fill out the
children's names. Green paper? It was obviously just whatever they
chose. Why I don't know. Why not on white paper? I suppose they
had some excess green paper lying around. The principal had signed
where it was required.
Then, where it asks for the school name she signed Byng, not Byng
Public School. It was SO clear to me that she did just not give a toss.
I had written to her about the certificates and explained that even the
BE A PAL stickers I was able to send in for Jesse's class (thanks to
Rilira) were both thanking the children and empowering them.
They were.

With the certificate, I sent information about the BE A PAL program,
in itself.

Then, vic posted that you could receive FAAN's FAAW kit. I sent the
whole kit into the principal (minus the much needed memo pad). I had
explained to her that she may like to read this for further information.
I certainly wasn't asking her to recognize FAAW. Lord forbid.

What did I also receive in Jesse's knapsack yesterday? Both the BE A
PAL literature and the FAAW kit, both obviously unread. I am so
totally p-o-ed that I am ready to explode!
Even if she didn't want to read it, I have been sending FAAN
newsletters into Jesse's teacher. I have been under the impression,
and now I will have to double check, that the teacher reads them if
she is interested and then they are to be placed in the library in the
Resources part. So, rather than returning the things that she did to
me, shouldn't she have had them placed in the binder in the library?

Then, the Fun Fair. As soon as I found out about the Fun Fair, I
IMMEDIATELY contacted her and told her that I would source out a
"safe" ice cream cup for the fair as last year's was unsafe. I also told
her that I would work closely with the organizer.

I did begin work IMMEDIATELY on sourcing out a safe ice cream cup. I
have posted all of the different manufacturers' information I received
on this board. It took me two weeks of contacting manufacturers
before I found a safe ice cream. As soon as I did, I IMMEDIATELY
e-mailed the woman re this.

Two weeks ago I received a telephone call from one of the school's
secretaries TELLING me to call some ice cream selling people and the
organizer of the Fun Fair. When I asked her about the ice cream
selling people I was ready to rip her ear off! However, I remained
calm. I explained to her about all of the work I had done only to hear
now that I was supposed to call someone else re this?

So, I place a call to the ice cream selling people. I speak with a
woman and she said that she would find out who they were going to
buy from and call me the next day. I called the organizer of the Fun
Fair and left a message for her. Two and a half weeks later, to-day, I
have heard nothing back from either of them. Intermittently, I have
called the ice cream selling people only to be told that they are
outside and I leave my name and number with a child (of unknown
age) each time. Have they called back? NO!

This afternoon, I called the school and spoke with the secretary (not
the one who had TOLD me to call these people) and explained how
exasperated I was. She said that she didn't know anything about the
ice cream selling people but she would call the organizer and ask her
to call me.

Well, within ten minutes didn't I have the organizer calling me. The
flyers for the Fun Fair are coming out NEXT week. I told her that she
would be surprised, but I didn't have the requirement of a "peanut
free" bake sale this year. She asked me if I could be the organizer of
the bake sale. Fine. At this point, I was already feeling as though I
don't give a toss (put any stronger word in there that you like from
your own repertoire if you have one) about anything at this point. Let
the kids run around eating pb cookies. Let the kids run around eating
ice cream covered in peanuts. I'll keep my child safe as I did last year.

Then, and this is where I become REALLY angry She tells me that
she had NOTHING to do with the ice cream thing and these
mysterious ice cream selling people. It was the principal that
contacted them.
WHAT????????????????????????????????????
After I had told her IMMEDIATELY that I would do the work? After I
had e-mailed her that I had found a safe ice cream cup? Could she not
have told me not to worry about the bloody ice cream? The organizer
actually doesn't know anything about these people at all and said that
the principal has been dealing with them. Well just bloody lovely.

That was when my head exploded. I thought, okay, let them sell
unsafe ice cream also.
Let there be peanuts stuck in melted ice cream on the playground
equipment. I will keep my child safe.

However, the other side of me feels like being a real bi*ch and if I
ever do get in touch with these mysterious ice cream selling people, if
they tell me they are selling unsafe ice cream, I will simply say,
"Sorry, you can't". Wouldn't that be a pisser (sorry)! I just really feel
like doing it.
I know you win more friends with honey, etc. but I am just so angry
(hence the excess use of the word bloody, which you can also
substitute with a stronger word if you have one!).

I am the official food checker person. I have been given the authority
(such as it may) to either allow food in or not (of course this hasn't
worked out well either with them selling Jesse unsafe pizza all year !)
Because it was the principal that did this, not the organizer, I really
feel like saying, "No, sorry, you CANNOT sell that ice cream, you'll
have to find another source".
Can I be that bi*chy? Damn right!

Now here is why I have lightened up about the bake sale, and it had a
lot to do with what Eileen had posted to me. We're not going to be
buying any of the stuff anyway. However, the thing that bugs me is
that I do know of schools within my province that have "peanut safe"
bake sales. I don't even want that this year. What I would like, which
I also know is done, from PeanutKate posting to me, is I could simply
ask people to refrain from eating whatever lovely pb goodies they get
until they get home (like the chocolate covered peanut butter balls I
had to hear about last year, this after requesting a "peanut free" bake
sale - idiots, bloody idiots!).

So, with that type of thinking, I could approach the selling of the ice
cream the same way. We're not going to be buying any if it's unsafe
anyway. Last year they only had the ice cream cups and they said
"may contain". It wasn't a big deal to me.

This year, apparently, a whole array of ice cream products will be sold
but until I can get in touch with these mysterious ice cream selling
people, I won't know what. Should I concern myself about kids eating
ice cream cone things topped in nuts and wandering around near my
child? I don't know. This one I really don't know. Do I let it go as I
have the bake sale? The thing is, even without asking, I am sure that
most things bought at the bake sale would be saved for home. I know
that when we were able to buy things at bake sales we weren't eating
it where we bought it. We brought it home.

Now, this brings me to Duty of Care. Jesse has the right to attend
school and after school activities in a relatively safe environment. Are
kids with ice cream cones with nuts on top still making it a relatively
safe environment? I somehow don't think so.
Hot summer day. Ice cream obviously to be eaten on the premises.
Melted ice cream with nuts on the playground equipment.

Why bother going, you may ask? Well, because, it is my son's RIGHT
to attend this function, again, in relative safety.

So, after absorbing that it has been the principal that had done this
ice cream thing, and after what I had received back from her
yesterday, I decided to do what vic has done.
Despite having paid for the horrid green photocopies with her
signature and school name on it, those green copies are being used
as scrap paper here. I have e-mailed FAAN and asked them for
another original certificate because they do send them out really
timely and I can still get them done before the school year ends. I will
white out principal and simply have Jesse sign HIS name.

Why am I doing this? What right does this woman have to anything
with her signature on it to make it look as though she has done
anything positive towards educating re food allergies or even anything
towards ensuring the safety of my son this year? Why? She doesn't.
So, this afternoon, I just said, pi** on it, she's not getting ANY
acknowledgement that she played any part in keeping my son safe
this year or any part in empowering and thanking his classmates and
others. She had nothing to do with it. Why should she sign it?

Now, I am supposed to clear any information I want to disseminate
through her (although this year, I guess when she felt overwhelmed
by what I wanted handed out, and Lord knows what that was, she told
me to deal with Jesse's teacher - the exact opposite of the words I
heard at the end of the school year last year where I was TOLD that
she had to give ALL information to Jesse's teacher). I have the lists of
children's names. I am not going to ask her permission to hand this
out.
I'll take the trouble if it comes.

That about finishes my rant, except this too.
When speaking with another Kindergarten teacher and then Jesse's
teacher (the new replacement one he's had for a couple of months
now) about the upcoming field trip, Jesse's teacher asked me about
what I had written on the permission form. It was that Jesse was to
wear his one Epi-pen in his Epi-belt (as usual) and that his teacher,
Miss So and So was to carry the 2nd Epi-pen and his asthma puffers
with her.

Do you know what she asked me yesterday? Was I bringing in the 2nd
Epi-pen for her to carry? WHAT???????????????????? This woman has
not even been told that there is a second Epi-pen in the school. Once
I explained to her that there HAD to be a second one in the school
somewhere, I looked at her and asked her if she knew how to
administer it.
It is clear that she doesn't but the other Kindergarten teacher said
that he knows how.

If I went through this whole year point by point, as I probably have on
this board, my head would explode and then I could simply be left in
peace. I feel PA overwhelmed this week. Extremely. I spent all of one
day this week working out the details, with a lot of posting on this
board, about Jesse's upcoming field trip. I am, as I said before, totally
exasperated.

Please, if anyone can learn anything from this rant, learn that you
have to know your rights for your child before they step across the
doorstep (not just about a blanket school board policy but also about
Duty of Care), that you have to educate really really well (oh, and the
It Only Takes One Bite video that I had to get in on inter-library loan
at the beginning of the year - it was left unwatched), and almost
hound them day in and day out if you feel that they are slipping in
any way.

I do not care if they consider a telephone call from me as "the pest is
calling again".
I want my son safe and I am only sorry that I didn't know as much as
I do now.

I would like to thank everyone here who has given me so much
information, insight and encouragement on how to deal with what I
consider a terribly stressful, discouraging school situation.

Many thanks for listening (no one got this far) and best wishes!

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Hi Cindy, I did read your whole last post, and I wish I could give you a big, huge hug! You have been through so much, and are still dealing with so much c%#@. I can't believe it! I think everything you are now planning to do makes tons of sense. Good luck: know that we are all behind you! Miriam

Cindy,
All I can say is that I know where you are coming from!! My heart goes out to you for the work you have done. I agree with being "nice" in hopes that it gets you somewhere with people. However, sometimes you need to put your foot down and be the
b#@tch in order to get things done properly and safely. No matter how nice you are to these people they will probably never understand or care to. Let them know how it is, how it's going to be and too bad if they don't like it. Go to your local paper with an editorial if you have to. (I'm sure the school would love the bad publicity) Perhaps people might not think this is the best approach. After so much effort on your part I think it might just do the trick.
Hang in there!

California Mom and Mike and Missy, thank-you SO much for your words. They were so thoughtful and caring.

As I noted at the beginning of my last post, I have written a letter to the principal's boss requesting a meeting.

However, even after taking the time to post here last night I was still extremely angry so I decided to e-mail the witch.

I told her that I would only address one issue that I had a concern about in this e-mail which was the ice cream situation.
I told her that I was extremely exasperated (I had forgotten those two particular words for a period of time last night) about how it had been handled. I went through the whole ice cream thing with her and how SHE could have contacted me because it was HER, not the Fun Fair organizer, who had contacted this people in the first place.

I used the wording about Jesse being able to attend school and after school functions in a relatively safe environment (school board district policy) a lot.

Then, to top it off, I told her that perhaps she should take a look at the e-mail I had sent her re Duty of Care. I told her I would send her another copy if she doesn't have it anymore.

Also, I said that she never responds to ANY e-mail of mine but that I would suggest, for all parties concerned, that she contact me immediately re this. I also told her clearly that I would not allow any unsafe ice cream onto the school property.

I said it all very calmly and if anyone is interested in seeing the actual e-mail, please let me know. I have learned another thing also - and I think I have posted that here before, but will again - get everything you can in writing from the school and also make sure you keep a copy of all of your correspondence (including e-mail). Now, I have been told that things do NOT have to be in writing, and I agree with that, but I like to cover myself anyway.

No, I couldn't go to sleep last night until I had e-mailed that woman. I was so angry.

Thank-you both so much.

Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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I think what you did is fantastic! I'm sure they will listen now whether they want to or not. They can talk about you after the meeting. (your ears will be ringing for the next couple of days) These people need to be shown there will be consequences (spelling?) if they do not provide a safe environment for Jessie. You are definitely doing your part.
Let us know how the meeting goes. Good luck.

Cindy, I agree with Mike and Missy. I know it has taken a lot for you to get to this point. I think you are handling things really well. It takes a lot of courage; I am proud of you! I would love to see your e-mail if you would like to send it to me. You are doing all the right things!

Take care, Miriam

Mike and Missy and California Mom, thank-you SO much for your support re this. If it hadn't been for Kathyrn, I don't believe I would even have thought about going higher in the food chain so to speak re the situation at Jesse's school. I also know that it is very difficult for some people, who are not able to have "peanut free" classrooms for their children to even understand what the he** I'm so upset about.

I did finally get to speak with the mysterious ice cream selling people to-day.
The woman said that she was ordering her ice cream from Chapman's - that everything would be on a stick and that there would be no blatant peanut products.

I asked her if she had a computer and could go to the Chapman's website and check it out. I told her that there, she would find VERY clear information as to what was safe or not.
I was also very firm in telling her that I would NOT allow any unsafe ice cream to be sold. She seemed to take this news okay.
You never know with people, they could seem to take it okay and then turn around and tell the principal that you were a demanding bi*ch with them. Oh well.

That reminds me, I should go to the Chapman's website and check out their products again.

Also, totally not related to PA, but about Chapman's ice cream. When I was working in a design firm as the office manager nearly ten years ago, the woman that sat beside me in the office (one of the two partners), was my age and very into ice cream as I could be known to be (I'm not anymore because I find I pay too high a price for eating it). At any rate, we were discussing butterscotch ripple ice cream and who made the best butterscotch ripple.

We were both of the same mind that you got a brick of it and then scooped out all the thick ripple if there was any. That was the kind of butterscotch ripple we wanted - very thick thick butterscotch ripples, not just light lines of it.

She told me that the BEST ice cream she had found for this was Chapman's. Darned if she wasn't right. It is absolutely wonderful.

Oh, this is really related to Mike and Missy just purchasing some Chapman's ice cream. When I buy it nowadays, my kids absolutely love the checkerboard vanilla and chocolate so that's what I usually buy.

We have a Dairy Queen in town and I have become very uncomfortable going there. It's also probably about $6.00 for the 3 of us to get cones. Jesse hasn't had a reaction or anything and I absolutely adore Dairy Queen ice milk and their sundaes and everything (I feel as though I lived on them all through my life and have great memories from my children re ice cream and Dairy Queen). Anyway, I always manage to tell the kids that it is better to go to IGA and get the brick of Chapman's for $3.00 which we know is "safe" and then we can add whatever toppings we want to it. Then I add that it won't only last for the one night but for probably a whole week (which it does since I'm not eating it).

Also, I've found the checkerboard ice cream is a great hit at birthday parties. I don't know why. Perhaps part of the reason I don't eat any is because I'd be sitting there trying to separate the chocolate square from the white square and getting all upset if I went over the line (just like when colouring!). Sick, I know. Now, I have to refer Connie to this thread just so she can see another possibility for OCD! LOL! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]

Sorry to have babbled but I did want to thank both of you for your support. I will let everyone know how it turns out. Of course, you know me, I am EXTREMELY nervous. Because the e-mail is VERY clearly worded, I am actually afraid even if the principal calls me on Monday because this is one woman that you don't want to make angry. However, I was actually telling her in the e-mail to kinda get it right before we end up meeting with her boss (which she doesn't know about).

To know that I have support re this is really helpful to me because I do find any confrontation things really difficult and hard to manuever (especially because I can't spell the word).

Also, I think it is important because by Kathryn giving me this information, she is also giving it to any other PA parent in the province of Ontario (and it would probably hold true throughout Canada), that if you are constantly beating your head up against the bloody wall with the principal, there is an answer.

Kathyrn is part of a support group (I am not clear if she runs it) and she said that she has found that a lot of people in her support group who have had to go this route get extremely good results.

So, also, since this is what I consider my support group, it was wonderful to receive the information.

Many thanks again and best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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(Okay, please note when this thread was originally started - three years ago or more, different school, different town, etc.)

I got the school newsletter within the last few days and the annual Fun Fair was mentioned. This is the first Fun Fair that I *could* deal with since I have been in this town. The first school my children went to, the Fun Fair was at the beginning of the year and we didn't arrive here 'til November.

Last year, the school my children attended did not have a Fun Fair.

Given the difficulties that I have with their current school, so I even bother trying to discuss anything with the co-ordinator or should I just stay home with the kids?

I am so tired of fighting and actually carry a lot less weight than I did in the school I posted about here (i.e., I do not have a written school plan in place here for Jesse because the principal nixed it, so they don't have to call me about any food). Also, there has already been a bake sale in the school and I was there that morning (there was nothing sent home about a bake sale) and on the announcements the principal did remind students that there were peanuts/nuts in some of the products. Now, given the circumstances this year, I actually thought it was "good" of him to do that.

So, do I speak with anyone about the relative safety of my son to be able to participate in the Fun Fair or do I say to he** with it and not even bother since I'm not up to a fight?

Many thanks and best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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Ok, I read thru most of the above posts, but if I missed things, please forgive me. You have really been through a lot in the last little while...

My question is: how does Jesse feel? I know that he is younger then my dd, but I would think that he is starting to feel peer group pressures and wanting to take more responsiblity for himself when appropriate. Will he hate to miss the fun fair? Of maybe he doesn't care. Are there things he could do with relative saftey? Will your dd regret missing the fair because of her brother?

Please don't think that I am saying that you should ignore his safety for peer pressure type reasons. I guess that what I am thinking of now is trying to find ways that our kids can do things in the "normal" way so that we can help them to find those ways, so that when they are older (TEENAGERS) they have a plan/ method that lets them particpate and still be safe if that if possible. And some events kids care more about then others...

At our school we have an ice cream social/ art fair that is all "may contain" ice cream. They do try and do not serve nut flavors and have a non-dairy alternative and only allow the ice cream in the cafe, but that is not an event I would let dd eat at. Now we have been at this school for years and I know the organizers and could get things changed if I pushed - but frankly dd could care less about attending this event.

Yes dd is only in 3rd grade(I think a year ahead of Jesse?), but the teenage rebellion moments have flashed up now and again already. So, how can we as parents use these "upper lower school" years to prep them for more independence?

I know that Jesse has had contact reactions which makes things much more difficult. Maybe the idea of making the bake sale goods "Treats to Enjoy At Home" would be the easiest. I would think that the school cleaners would like that too!

Chicago, great to see you posting! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Okay, my above post, the one above yours, I just put it in this thread because I didn't want to start a new one about a new fun fair at a new school (if that made any sense [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/rolleyes.gif[/img] )

All of the posts previous to the one I made above yours, have to do with a fun fair from at least three years ago.

However, you have made some very good points to consider. Is it important for Jesse to attend? Is it important for Ember to attend? For them, personally, rather than us as a family? (I actually get more peer pressure like things from my daughter, in Grade 1).

Jesse is in Grade 3 this year as well as your daughter.

So, should I approach the organized and see what kinds of activities/foods are being planned and what ones our family will be able to partake in and what ones we can't? Then, just not make a big deal about the stuff that we're unable to do (which is something I find really difficult to swallow, but am willing to do so)?

Many thanks and best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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Wow, didn't think Jesse was in 3rd yet! Why are the kids getting older and we stay the same? (This comment from someone who clipped another grey hair from her bangs this am)

It just seems that some events are more important to the kids then others. Like I said dd could care less about the Art Fair, but we could not attend the Pumpkin Fest she would be very disappointed!

While I know that it stinks that everything can't be (or won't be) made Ok for our kids, I like to think that be focusing on the events / activites that are most important to dd will help her not feel limited.

Good luck!

This may not help you this year and may not be feasible, but what if you could get on the organizing committee and have some of the Fun Fair activities involving food delegated to you? I don't know if you feel that you could work with them in this way, but maybe you could make some headway from the inside and they may like having one less thing to have to organize.

Cindy, just wanted to say as someone who has organized such an event (because of DS PA). An offer to take on the food planning would most likely be greeted very positively, whereas a complaint after things have already been organized will probably get someones defenses up.

I am involved in the schools parent committee so I can remind them about the school events needing to be PN free, usaully when I make these reminders it is with an offer to be in charge of the food, or at least help the person in charge so they know what is safe.

Having organized many events I can tell you how annoying it is to have a parent that never helps (not saying you are one of them) come up just before, during or after the event, and tell us how things should be done (again not that you would do that). I have always taken suggestions as just that, but if a parent comes and says "that was a really stupid thing to do!" or "why didn't you do it this way?" I get my back up.

As with everything communication is key, it will depend on how you approach the people, either with suggestions or an offer to help.

For events that we attended before the school was PN free and I wasn't as involved, I would just not let DS eat any of the candy or goodies, I just brought our own stuff.

Good luck!