playing at friends houses/what do you do?

my son is just 6 1/2, so maybe it's the age...but he has been asking. I tend to have them come to my house as well. I explained to him their homes are not peanut free and it's just safer if they come over to play. Thankfully he doesn't push it too often. His friend likes ot throw movie parties now and then though, so I just speak with his mom, make sure no nuts are out(one time she was baking with pistachios, so I am glad I asked ahead of time, because she said she didn't even think about it!) so I have let him go(with big sis...and I am home, usually outside as well). Anwyays, you really need to assess your sons maturity, if you think he'll be okay, then start small(short visits etc...) if not, just continue having his friends over instead. Good luck [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

This is just how I do things, so just a suggestion.

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Chanda(mother of 4)
Sidney-8 1/2(beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma)
Jake-6 1/2(peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma)
Carson-4 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE)
Savannah-1 1/2 (milk and egg)

Chanda, Thanks for sharing....I like to read your posts...it seems like we have similar comfort zones/opinions. He is so responsible about his pa, and I really need to just have more trust and faith. I think what I'm afraid of is the "what if's"

My son does a lot of playdates including at other people's houses. Most of my friends wipe down counters and clean off video game remotes before he comes (they do out of their own concern and I appreciate it).
My son is very allergy aware and will not eat foods without labels.
I always leave his epi pen there and I have a letter that explains allergies, gives instructions about what to do if...
He is 9 and has gone on play dates since end of kindergarten.

thanks, that means alot [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

when he does go to friends, nobody does anything special(like cleaning or wiping) and I usually don't send the Epipen even because the parents have no clue how to use it anyways. His friend just lives 2 doors over in the cul-de-sac...so that's why I stick around outside, so if there is a problem, I grab the Epi and run about 20 steps to their door. No problems though so far(knock on wood). I am more hesitant to allow playdates further away then just neighbors, I am not to that comfort level yet. He was invited to a classmates house once, they live about 5blks away and I said no. But did offer for the friend to come to our house(which worked out, the parents understood...especially once I brought up Epipen, most aren't comfortable with that idea).

I do have the rule no food though....if everyone stops to have a snack, he usually runs home quick and grab's one of his own, or will run the item over to me to check....just decide what ground rules you want in place and start working on them now. Maybe even have your son decide what rules need to be in place, that might help him remember them as well. I know our neighbor usually sends her son out with a walkie-talkie...I like that idea, so if they need help or have a question, it's just a push button away. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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Chanda(mother of 4)
Sidney-8 1/2(beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma)
Jake-6 1/2(peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma)
Carson-4 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE)
Savannah-1 1/2 (milk and egg)

the walkie-talkie idea sounds fun! It's really just the playing at the houses on the cul-de-sac that I'm concerned about, because any other place would be scheduled and I'd be prepared and have all details covered.

He has so much fun playing outside with his friends, but in Texas they get hot and have to take breaks inside.

Another thing that I run into, for example is... if I have to pick up his older sister at dance or friends house, etc. and if he doesn't want to come, his friends/parents always offer to let him stay with them for the short pickup time. I don't feel comfortable leaving him without his meds/and instead of having to go through everything, I just make him come along.

I guess this is a hard age, but I'm sure that there are challenges at all stages.

Quote:Originally posted by lilanne:
[b]the walkie-talkie idea sounds fun! It's really just the playing at the houses on the cul-de-sac that I'm concerned about, because any other place would be scheduled and I'd be prepared and have all details covered.

He has so much fun playing outside with his friends, but in Texas they get hot and have to take breaks inside.

Another thing that I run into, for example is... if I have to pick up his older sister at dance or friends house, etc. and if he doesn't want to come, his friends/parents always offer to let him stay with them for the short pickup time. I don't feel comfortable leaving him without his meds/and instead of having to go through everything, I just make him come along.

I guess this is a hard age, but I'm sure that there are challenges at all stages.

[/b]

we've been hitting 100 the last few days, so lot sof indoor play as well(at our house though). The pick-up thing is hard, BTDT....lately what I've suggested is if his friend(it's usually always his buddy Max) to ride along with us. If not, we'll be right back and son comes along. I wouldn't leave him either, so not ready for that one!!! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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Chanda(mother of 4)
Sidney-8 1/2(beef and chocolate, grasses, molds, weeds, guinea pig & asthma)
Jake-6 1/2(peanut, all tree nuts, eggs, trees, grasses, weeds, molds, cats, dogs, guinea pig & eczema & asthma)
Carson-4 (milk, soy, egg, beef and pork, cats, dog, guinea pig and EE)
Savannah-1 1/2 (milk and egg)

Although I aleways preferred playdates at my house, I've never stayed away from anyone's home. Either myself or a babysitter trained in administration of the epipen has always been with my PA DD. Now,at age 7, there are a few houses where I let her go on her own. It has to be what I consider an approved parent--someone who has allowed me time to sit down with them to talk about how we manage the allergy and learn to administer the epipen. There are only 3 people right now that fall into this category, and I'm not really interested in adding a lot more. I tell my daughter that she is responsible for making sure she brings her epipen, giving it to the parent, and making sure it comes home. (Of course, I always remind the parent to oversee this, and I send her own safe snacks), but my daughter gets to feel a bit of (a false sense) of independence. I also tell her that if she ever fails to do any of those things relating to the epi-pen, she loses the privledge of going to playdates alone.

I would say, 'yes' *if* the following things happened ...

First, just in general, PA or not, I would want to know the other parent and feel comfortable with them and I would want to ask if they have guns in their home and if so how they are locked up and kept from the kids.

I would have to have the other parent there the whole time and give him/her my child's med kit and show him/her how to use the epi. The parent would have to be willing and able to give the epi. My child would only be able to eat food I sent with him or foods I got to check ahead of time (read the label, explain that already opened foods are not OK, that the person serving the food must have clean hands, the table must be sprayed down, etc) or better yet, just not have him eat there at all. I would need the other children not to be eating peanuts or peanut butter (and in our case no nuts or sesame things either) while there and if they ate dairy or eggs to sit apart from DS and wash their hands afterwards.

I would not send him off to play at a home where kids eat all over the house because that increases the chance there is peanut, etc residue all around the house. The homes we visit are generally places where people have kids eat only at the table.

Everyone will have different comfort zones. I do think the epi pens and epi pen training and triaining in the signs of anaphylaxis and what to do in case of a reaction is an absolute, though, and can't imagine it would be safe without doing this.

Chandra4's post:

[b]I do have the rule no food though....if everyone stops to have a snack, he usually runs home quick and grab's one of his own, or will run the item over to me to check[/b]

This is how we do it, too. Either DD eats nothing, or I *must* read the label on the neighbor's snacks myself. At first, I think my neighbor thought I was crazy, and wondered why I wouldn't let her read labels for me (too many errors in the past from others), but now it's just routine.

My only advice would be to be consistent with your rules, so your child has a certain level of expectation...and therefore comfort.

Best of luck!!

edited to add, OR she brings her own from home...

[This message has been edited by lilpig99 (edited July 18, 2007).]

When my son goes on a playdate at someone's house, I always send him with snacks which he can share. Usually one sweet snack (like a box of cookies) and one non-sweet (like a bag of pretzels). Usually, the other child eats my son's snacks, which is fine with me. My son is only allowed to eat what I send.