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my sister in law things PA are a joke

I have a 3 yr old with a severe PA. A lot of the local schools have gone peanut free this year, which has caused my sister in law to act like a wild woman on a rampage against PA. She is continually posting jokes and making nasty comments out leaving residue on a surface so a PA child can find it. She does not believe that there can be reactions from other contact other than ingestion. I have tried to educate her and talk to her about how this is a very serious allergy and can be fatal. She refuses to listen and continues her comments. It is very very hurtful to both my husband and myself. Luckily, our child isnt old enough to understand the hatred that is coming from her aunt. It also shows that she has no love, care or empathy for our child. My husband wants to write her off and be done with her. I struggle with that because I grew up in a very tight family and family is very important to me. But I am not sure what else we can do to get her to understand this allergy as well as how much pain she has caused our family. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated on how to deal with difficult family members. I know that people that dont have to live with PA, dont understand them. I didnt understand them until I had to when my child was 13 months old and we found out the hard way. But my family has gone above and beyond to protect my child and learn about this. I dont know what to do with someone that looks at this as a joke.

By kricar on Sun, 10-13-13, 21:47

Perhaps bringing her with you to your next doctor appointment might help. You never know hearing it directly from your allergy doctor might be enough for her to finally believe this is no joke and it's hurtful that she finds your child a safety entertaining.

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By jap on Sun, 10-13-13, 22:28

The woman obviously has other issues and any rational empathetic person would not behave or act in such a manner as she does.I think her actions are mean callas and uncaring almost malice, I am not sure she cares to hear anything from anyone or would care

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By jshecathorn on Sun, 10-13-13, 18:06

thank you everyone for all your comments. it's nice to see that there is support out there. we have decided to stop family gatherings with his side and we will invite his parents to our house on a separate occasion. his sister is not allowed anywhere near our daughter as we cannot trust her. you are right in the fact that she would be the first one to fight for her kid if the shoe was on the other foot. she also is the first person to get mad if someone tells her something to do with her children even as just a helpful suggestion. as for now all we can do is distance ourselves and make sure that our child stay safe. her safety is and always has been my top priority as a parent.

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By jap on Sun, 10-13-13, 17:01

Ok I am not one to beat about the bush and you can review my other posts, I do not have to be politically correct all the time.

This is not just a case of somebody not taking you seriously this is juvenile, unkind, malicious, unthoughtful, I could go on. Joking about putting peanut residue would actually bring a voluntary man slaughter charge if it happened.

People like this would also be the first to want considerations if it was
their little child.

I would suggest your husband dealing with his sister and I would stay away from that side of the family until she can show your family the empathy it deserves. If your family cannot support you in life who can ?
I certainly would not trust her with your child's safety regards her allergy.

I have never had people be that flippant, some close but they were not trusted family, demand the safety and respect you and your family deserve. Remember what would Clint Eastwood Do ?

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By Mrsdocrse on Mon, 10-14-13, 02:03

Sorry to hear about your sister in law's ignorance. That is really was it is. Ignorance. Does your SIL have children? If she does then I would just say to her that if a doctor told her that one of her children have a life threatening condition would she make a joke out of it? Until you walk a mile in my shoes don't judge. I would tell her that if she can't respect your wishes then she will not be invited to your house. ( You can't control what she does in her house, so just don't go over there.) I host a lot of family gatherings so that it can be at my house and I can control the situation. No peanuts / nuts are allowed in my house. If your SIL is so mean spirited to continue to make fun of you after you have told her that you are very hurt by her comments then I would write her off. I might also get her a copy of "it takes one bite" or recently the Discovery channel did a documentary on food allergies that explains it very well. Maybe you could ask her to watch that. Good Luck

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By raye on Sun, 10-13-13, 17:45

I am sorry to say, it seems that every family has at least one member who stubbornly refuses to be educated. In mine, it is my sister. I suggest you do the following if you want to work at maintaining a relationship with your S-I-L.
Go to Google and type in each of the following names and make a copy of at least one news-release on their deaths in the past few months--and there were many others. Give these three accounts to your S-I-L to read. If she doesn't then "get it", I would simply drop her from any physical contact with my child, and be content with sending Holiday and Birthday cards, instead.

Google these names:

-Cameron Groezinger-Fitzpatrick (19-yr.-old who ate half-a-cookie with only peanut OIL in it and died within the hour).

-Amarria Johnson (7-yr.-old girl who ate one M&M on playground and died). A bill has passed in the House and is presently before the U.S. Senate to mandate Epi-pens be put in all schools in the U.S., and the bill will be named for Amarria.

-Natalie Giorgi (13-yr.-old twin girl who died in her father's arms - he was a DOCTOR) while on family vacation. She only bit into and immediately spit out a treat containing peanut butter.

If you S-I-L does not change her attitude after having read these three accounts, then you should simply dismiss her as hopelessly by-choice ignorant and feel no guilt at having distanced your child from her. It is her choice, not yours.

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By Tuni on Sun, 10-13-13, 15:10

send this to your sis-in-law or share it on FB where she can see it....http://blog.mommeetmom.com/index.php/dear-insensitive-peanut-obsessed-momma-please-climb-down-from-your-high-horse/

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By pamela hughes on Fri, 10-11-13, 18:11

I am so sorry. That is just awful coming from a family member. You are doing the right thing by calmly giving reputable information about it - She sounds so unreasonable and really angry about this or something else. Whatever the case, you have to protect your child. As much as you don't want to write her off, you are your child's protector. We came from a small town where our son was the only child with a severe peanut allergy. People didn't understand that it's deadly. I tried my best to be calm and nice as I educated everyone I could at preschool, church and at Pre-K. People were wonderful. The leaders wanted to make things safe for our child. Except a few who were so angry their kids couldn't eat peanut butter in his classroom. They just didn't get it and were angry. One lady wrote an article in the paper about how one kid's peanut allergy was dividing the whole town. Really? My point of all this is: You are doing a great job and although it hurts, you keep protecting your child and do your best to focus on the good. You are being a great parent and sister-in-law has major issues that could endanger your child - she is choosing that. So now you are choosing to protect your child. Good job.

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By PeanutAllergy.com on Fri, 10-11-13, 00:29

Question of the Week: Answered!

Every week, PeanutAllergy.com is answering one of the questions posted in our community.

Our Answer:
We are sorry to hear that your sister-in-law will not take your child’s peanut allergy seriously. As you’ve said, some people do not understand the severity of the situation unless they’ve had to live with it.

You did the right thing by trying to teach her about the allergy. You can describe what it would be like should an allergic reaction occur and explain that allergic reactions vary. You can also show her the research behind reactions that can occur through ways other than ingestion.

You said that family relationships are very important to you, but so is the safety of your child.
You cannot control how others will react to your child’s situation, but you can control how your child is exposed to these people. Help her understand that making comments about leaving residue lessens your trust in her and that she may not have the privilege of interacting with your toddler. If she cannot take the allergy seriously, then you cannot take her seriously.

We posted this on our Facebook page asking our fans asking for their advice. You can read their responses here.

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By JanJan on Thu, 10-10-13, 01:40

I'm so sorry to hear of your family member's antics and jokes. I agree with your husband, cut her loose and anyone else who insists on exposing your child to an allergen that could kill them. I'm 52 and have always been PA. I have had reations to being exposed to peanuts in my environment- after exposure, I don't know how serious my reaction will be. My family understands AND remembers to be peanut free, but I deal with co-workers who MUST consume peanut products ( although they warn me when they have them). Until she "gets it" interaction with her should be minimal at best. Her folly is dangerous to your childs well being.

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