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Allergic Child no longer invited to wedding

My sister's wedding in in one week, I am a bridesmaid, my husband was asked to be an alter boy. We have three children who were invited as well as long as we have a baby sitter with them. Our 1-year-old has milk, dairy, peanut, tree nut, wheat and oat allergies. For the last several months I have been trying to talk to my sister as well as my mother about the reception place and their cross contamination policies which was never met with any response. I would pack his food so there really won't be an issue. I actually have stickers for him that say don't feed me and lists is allergies. Three weeks ago we were told that our child was no longer invited to the wedding by my parents but the other two non-allergic children were invited . An argument happened, etc (I did try to talk to my sister, the bride but she would not return calls or emails). I then had my husband call the groom and talk everything over with him. THe groom assured us that our son was in fact invited, and everything was fine. Well today we received a phone call from the groom stating that my sister and my parents told him, he was to call us and tell us to no longer bring our son. We have decided to no longer take part in their wedding and will not be attending any events. I try to talk to my parents and they did not return my calls, so I did call the groom and explain why we would no longer be involved or attending anything. Has anyone dealt with anything similar to this?

By BeckettsMom on Sun, 05-29-16, 17:24

Make people the priority! This is the motto we try to teach our kids and others to live by.

Let's say we are headed to the park and I made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. If my daughter asks to bring her PA friend, I don't ask her to pick a different friend. I say let's change the menu and make people the priority.

I always try to teach my kids (and others, including some self centered adults) that people are more important than peanut butter or gluten or milk. We all should be willing to go out of our way to keep all children safe. That's what good, kindhearted people do. It's easy to be selfish but it's harder to do the right thing.

I think somebody outside of your family needs to talk to your sister and remind her of this idea. Make people the priority!

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By PeanutAllergy.com on Sun, 05-29-16, 06:32

Question of the Week: Answered!

Every week, PeanutAllergy.com answers one of the questions posted in our community.

Our Answer:

Thank you for reaching out to our community with your concern. We’re very sorry to hear that your family is dealing with a disappointing and hurtful situation, and we’d like to applaud you for standing up for your child. Unfortunately, insensitive comments from family, friends, or even strangers is more common for people with food allergies than it should be (you’ll find other people who have dealt with issues like yours here and here).

In the future, we would suggest that you practice some responses to rude behavior such as this. For example, have a few food-allergy facts at the ready to teach the other person, or as we mentioned in this article, “prepare and rehearse at least one all-purpose rude comment comeback.”

Also, it is important to make sure your own family is protected in this situation. You mentioned that your child with food allergies is a year old, but you have two older children as well; make sure that they understand that insensitive actions towards people with food allergies is not ok, and start a conversation with them about how to better treat others in their lives. If they can become kind and understanding towards the people they encounter with food allergies, there just might be a decrease in bullying in their community.

We hope this information helps. We also reached out to our Facebook community with your question, and you can see their responses here.

Take care!

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By anise_must_be_listed on Fri, 07-24-15, 15:32

It's hard to read comments like this even though they were from years ago. That is disgraceful what happened to you and your family here, they should absolutely have had your child present without question. Their loss; they clearly did not deserve the presence of you or your family or the memories that would have been. It's a combination of parenting you as an adult (you're not good enough to know information or be allowed in the real discussions) and their lack of being able to come up with a single legitimate argument. There's no excuse for the way they treated you. I guess you just have to forgive but even today I would not forget and I would find different people to spend your valuable time with. What awful people.

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By foxtip on Mon, 12-16-13, 03:24

I hope you were able to work this out with your family already but wanted to give my view on the situation.
I wouldnt think your sisters intention would be to harm you or your child but to protect you. I think this was done out of fear and love not ill intentions or selffishness. You and your husband were to be particpnts in the wedding and so your children would have been in someone elses care and other children do not read stickers and though they may not feed your child they may grab your childs hand and then you may have some serious cross contamination with cake or whatevers going on.
I would think they also had to consider the age of your child and thought a one year old is not going to remember this or be effected negatively by not going.
I understand your frustrations and hopefully someday there will be a cure to allergies. I miss going out to eat with my friends and family but theres no way i can take chances on a restaurant preparing food for me and nobody is comfortable eating in front of someone who cant.
Best wishes

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By andy8922 on Wed, 11-06-13, 03:24

I am so sorry to hear this. And I cannot believe it! How horrible, I couldn't even imagine being treated this way - especially by family. I fully agree with you not attending. I know it's the brides day - but it's all about being surrounded and celebrated by your loved ones. All I can say is try and educate them more. Do they not realize this can kill your child! Are they really willing to cause family drama over food? It seems so silly.

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