Family Peanut-tainted Parties Support

I'm mostly looking for support or advice from others. We have 3 sons and 1 daughter and our third son (4 years old) was diagnosed with a mild peanut allergy at 1 year old. It has gotten increasingly worse over the years and he had to be treated with an epi-pen once. Mostly we have just tried to deal with it and be part of family events by bringing his own food and treat to parties. The grandparents are very supportive and check food and desserts at every event.

Our kids have an aunt and her husband who don't seem to care. Last year it was a birthday party at a place that sells peanut butter pizza and this year it's a birthday with Subway (unsafe) and she warned me yesterday that the cupcakes aren't safe either. We are going, but bringing our own food for him. They invited us to another party in a few weeks at a restaurant that confirmed with me that they cannot make promises with regards to cross-contamination. We are not going to that one. I hate feeling like we are being stubborn or particular about this, and I feel like we have tried to accomodate. I realize it is their birthdays and they can do what they want, I just wish everyone could be included. Are my husband and I being unreasonable?

By robw602 on Sun, 03-17-13, 12:31

You are not being unreasonable
True friends and family will be supportive
It's the people that call you before their party and ask what they can do to help that are worth spending your time with
Nothing stubborn about protecting your child's life

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By loriradakovich on Fri, 03-15-13, 03:17

I have a child who is peanut and tree nut allergic. She was diagnosed at 15 mths. when she almost died from peanut butter. She is now 12 1/2. My sister in law is a pediatric RN and has tried to give my child a peanut butter cookie in the past, forgetting that it could kill her. Basically, YOU are the parent and intrusted with the well-being of your child. There have been MANY MANY times I've been called over-paranoid, a B----, etc... I don't let it get to me and you can't either. Stand tough for your kid until they can for themself. You learn to grow a tougher skin with time. By the way, rethink subway. If you're worried because of the cookies I get it. However, we go to a subway frequently (and my child can't even get skin tested anymore for nut allergies due to the severity of her allergies). We ask politely for the person to change their gloves, and ONLY touch my childs sandwich from start to finish. We have never had a problem and besides chipoltes (bless them!) is one of the only places in our town to go out of the house to eat.And NO you are NOT unreasonable! AT ALL! I always make special cupcakes or cookies that I freeze for my kids when they go to parties (friends or family). That way I (and they) know they are going to get something they like and can participate to the best they can. It's hard..........

Groups: None
By loriradakovich on Fri, 03-15-13, 03:17

I have a child who is peanut and tree nut allergic. She was diagnosed at 15 mths. when she almost died from peanut butter. She is now 12 1/2. My sister in law is a pediatric RN and has tried to give my child a peanut butter cookie in the past, forgetting that it could kill her. Basically, YOU are the parent and intrusted with the well-being of your child. There have been MANY MANY times I've been called over-paranoid, a B----, etc... I don't let it get to me and you can't either. Stand tough for your kid until they can for themself. You learn to grow a tougher skin with time. By the way, rethink subway. If you're worried because of the cookies I get it. However, we go to a subway frequently (and my child can't even get skin tested anymore for nut allergies due to the severity of her allergies). We ask politely for the person to change their gloves, and ONLY touch my childs sandwich from start to finish. We have never had a problem and besides chipoltes (bless them!) is one of the only places in our town to go out of the house to eat.And NO you are NOT unreasonable! AT ALL! I always make special cupcakes or cookies that I freeze for my kids when they go to parties (friends or family). That way I (and they) know they are going to get something they like and can participate to the best they can. It's hard..........

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By momtoemie on Thu, 03-14-13, 03:24

I have a 2 year old that was diagnosed about 6 months ago. I think I really am mourning dining out at some of my favorite places as well. Nobody really gets it unless it is your kid...I think it's worse than having it yourself. We would always like to take on their ailments rather than them have the issue;) I think I would do what you are doing as well. If they want your family's presence they will try to accommodate so all your family is welcome & SAFE.

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