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Divorced & trying to create a Parenting Plan with EX for our 5 year old with PA!

My five year old has SEVERE peanut/tree nut allergies, allergies to milk, eggs, horses, cats, and who knows what else she is allergic to...we have been in and out of the allergist for years and the list continues to grow. She has eczema and asthma, and we have been dealing with her conditions since birth! Her dad and I got divorced when she was only 18 months old, and I have had a very hectic parenting plan (evolving around his 24 hour on/48 hour off--firefighter shift work). I'm a high school teacher, and have a seemingly regular scheduled lifestyle! It's been so difficult having my daughter bouncing back and forth between two homes--but the plan was designed to have her always with a parent (not at a day-care). So when he was at work, she was with me, and when I was at work, she was with him--when we both were at work, she was at home with parents who are the next best thing--I couldn't bear to have her in day care! Since the divorce and some time had gone by, I got remarried to the greatest guy in the world--and we have had a baby together, and we hired a nanny who also took care of my PA child while her dad and I were both working. Now that my daughter is school-aged (she starts kindergarten this September) she won't need as much day-care, and she now will be in public school. I've petitioned her father for a more structured parenting plan because of this change in circumstance. He is completely against the plan, saying it would take away time he gets with her. I say she needs more stability and structure especially with these allergies! He has in the past put himself before her, forfeiting 40% of his parenting time to me so that he could do "single-guy" stuff.

I've never posted questions to any type of forum before, but I was wondering what kind of support I could get from other moms or dads who have kids with allergies who are also split between homes!?!?! It's hard to have anyone fully understand with the many factors I am dealing with!

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