How Old is Your Child and What Are Your \"Comfort Zones\"?

My son is 4-1/2 and has had 3 reactions. He has been administered the epipen 2x. His last reaction he nearly died. His reactions are worse with less exposure to actual peanut product. What are my comfort zones? They have probably changed since he started school last September. His environment was not as controlled as it was simply being at home. Because he is the only PA child at his school, and I basically know that it would be a long hard struggle to get a "peanut free" school, I require, for my own sanity, a "peanut free" classroom. Because of the severity of his allergy I would not feel comfortable with him sitting beside another child eating a PBJ sandwich. We have 3 epipens (two were at school and one is in my purse). He has only been invited to birthday parties where I know the parents and they are very aware of his allergy but the parents have also wanted me to stay with him. He really hasn't ventured anywhere with me. Is this stifling his growth? I'm not sure. Is he at all responsible for his allergy? Yes. He knows that we are supposed to read the labels of everything that we buy and he will ask someone if something has peanuts in it if he is offered food at a barbeque or something. I do not worry about litter on the road and him coming in contact with it, nor do I worry about wiping tables down before we eat at them. This is only because so far he has never had a reaction because I didn't do it. He does not really have playdates per se, except with the one family that we know really well and who have educated themselves really well re PA so I'm not a bit nervous when we're at their home. Because of the severity of his allergy and my lack of good domestic engineering skills, I do not allow any peanut products in my home or any products that "may contain". I could not trust myself to clean an area well enough to avoid residue. I also do not believe in bringing food in and trying to hide it so that my son can't get it. This is something that may change as he gets older and can actually read labels on say chocolate bars. For me, I don't care if I ever eat a peanut product or "may contain" product again simply because of what it does to my son. But, in the future, my husband may feel differently about this and our comfort zone may have to change then. A couple of years ago, after he had his 2nd reaction, knowing that the little girl next door had just eaten a pb sandwich and was about to come in and play with my kids, I asked her if it would be okay if she washed her hands before we started the playdate. I haven't worried about kids doing that when they come to a birthday party. See, this is what I'm talking about in the above post starting the thread. Why do we have the comfort zones we have? I think I have mine because of the severity of his allergy but I also recognize that my "comfort zones" may change as he grows older and can become more responsible for his allergy. Okay, so, if our comfort zones change, do they change gradually so that we barely notice or do we implement the changes quickly? Of course, there will be both answers. Also, no responses yet so someone can tell me if they think this is a totally stupid thread!

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Hmmmm...this is a tough one to answer because my comfort zone has changed so many times over the years. My son is now 5 1/2 and we have known about his allergy since he was 8 months old. From the time my son was 2 years old, he has been in a peanut free classroom (he has been in full-time daycare since he was 9 weeks old). We did a brief "stint" with a home daycare provider (actually 2) and I found them to be much more careless than a daycare center--mainly because the food they had in their homes was never consistent and there was lots of outings. We have found that a daycare center actually works best for us. We keep one epi-pen at the center and 2 epi-pens at home. Both the center and our home are within 2 miles of a major hospital. I don't feel that it is necessary for the entire school to be peanut free and I'm not necessarily freaked out by a child near him eating a PB&J sandwich although I prefer that it not happen. We do not give my son products with the "may contain" statement, although we do have those products in the house along with peanut butter. My husband occasionally will make a PB&J sandwich to take to work and I have been known to eat one once every 3 months or so out of desperation and lack of food in the house!!! I never eat it near my son, I clean up very well afterwards and I make sure that I brush my teeth and don't kiss my son for hours. My other child eats "may contain" products in the home. I find that it just takes a little extra responsibility to avoid accidents. This is my comfort level and it is based on what I believe is my son's severity to peanut. If he demonstrated worse reactions I would probably be more stringent. But in the last five years, despite full-time daycare and having peanut products in the home we have only had one reaction (his very first). Nothing yet (knock on wood). Also, as far as playdates--he's never done one because he and his friends get plenty of socialization during the week and no one feels it necessary at this point. I accompany him to all birthday parties and would not leave him alone at this point--but none of the parents of the non-allergic kids are doing this yet either! The types of situations that make me really nervous are places where "loose" peanuts are served and there are LOTS of people. I especially hate airline travel because of the recycled ventilation and the proliferation of peanut eating going on in those close quarters. I also hate parties where dishes of nuts are out on tables and there are lots of children and adults walking around popping them in their mouths, dropping them on the floor. This worries me because I feel that my son could easily be contaminated in such an environment.
Christine

[This message has been edited by Christine (edited July 01, 2000).]

I am still working on my answers for this important discussion, however, I will say that I am extremely relaxed with this. My comfort level is that of a non-pa person. I don't carry an epi pen with me everywhere we go, only on a few occassions do I carry it. I don't ban peanut from my house. I am extremely casual with it and have never had to administer an epi to my kids. I trust myself and my judgement. I trust my kids and their judgement. We have had so much to deal with besides pa, that it is just one more thing to add to the list. I deal with asthma, reflux, and allergies. My three kids and myself have every food group covered as far as allergies..we basically just stay away from the ones that will kill us. We eat foods that say "processed in a plant..." but we do not eat ones that say "may contain peanut particles.." I know what some of you are thinking too..but I have dealt with this for so long that I stopped worrying about it all the time. I worry more about grass than anything else. My daughter, my son and myself are extremely allergic to grass.

We go shopping and I show my kids the peanuts just to keep them on their toes...when I ask them they roll their eyes at me and say "I know mom...peanuts". I tell them to just humor me, but it helps get the message across. I am teaching them how to order at restaurants and how to be assertive but kind. I let them know when I am fighting for them and why when it comes to school situations. My kids and I are a team and work as a team to protect them. I set good examples for them and they are learning by my example. Okay you probably don't think I am about not having an epi with me everywhere we go, but it isn't necessary. If we are going out of town, or to a place far from home, or to a new place, of course I have it..but if we are going to places we frequently visit and I know they are safe, I don't bring it. I don't wipe tables and I don't wipe chairs at baseball games. If peanut anything is at the house, it is eaten in a designated area and the area is cleaned thoroughly as well as the person who is eating it has to clean up to. The person is not allowed to touch handles and I do that. I clean them anyway to be safe though. I have taught my kids from day one to be around it and handle themselves..I have given that reponsibility to them now, as it is their lives and they need to learn how to handle their allergy, just as I would expect them to learn how to deal with diabetes if they had that. I do a check list with them when needed to make sure they have what they need with them. I basically just supervise their responsibility to make sure they are handling it right. We have many talks and discussions on peanut etc., we discuss the pros and cons and how to deal with them. They like the fact that they can never be drafted though because of their allergy. They don't feel different nor use it as a crutch either. When they go to a party or somewhere without me, they receive a lecture on being careful and why as a reminder. They are given the rules again on what not to eat etc., they just roll their eyes at me, but I know they are listening. When it comes down to it, I have created a wonderful repor with my kids and I trust them. Is it hard to let go? yes but letting go gave them the chance to prove to me and themselves that they are okay. They take pride in their responsibility and feel confident with themselves too. I also demand that they eat their lunch next to their friends, and if their friends happen to be eating pb that day..so be it. They know to not touch their friends food or the area in which their friend is eating it. My one son will say he is eating pb, I say "So what..he's not allergic..just don't touch it". So I guess that wraps up my comfort zone..I know I will probably get reamed for it, but it doesn't matter. It has worked for almost 9 years and I have never had to administer an epi, nor has the school. My kids are confident and happy and well adjusted. We enjoy life and don't get hung up on this at all, it is just one thing of many we have to deal with.

MKRuby, I didn't find one thing in your post that I would ream you for. In fact, as you can see from what my comfort zone is above, I aspire to one day be as "comfortable" as you are and to have empowered my child as you have yours. I think rather than people seeing you in a negative light, you will be seen as both an inspiration and something for us to aspire to be like, rather than fearful of everything that surrounds us. Kudos! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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Our comfort zone has narrowed as our son grows older. From fear of vomiting, our son has a very limited menu of foods he will eat. Our doctor tells us not to worry about his lack of nutritous foods. We have been to many different allergists, and each year we are told that he reacts to everything he is exposed to, and they can't help him. One doctor told us to put him in a plastic bubble. We used to keep peanut butter in the house( with the usual ritual of sterilizing everything afterwards, and not eating near him, washing up, etc.) but he has become so sensitive, the smell alone will trigger a full reaction. I used to think that I could not impose a peanut butter restriction on others outside of our home, and not make a big deal out of our son's condition. It is no longer possible to live that way. He had gotten to a point where he reacts severely to the smell alone. I feel like I have to fight with people to make them realize the severity of his condition. He has a peanut=free classroom, Yet mothers still make up goody bags with nut candy. His scout troop had an activity with peanut butter 2weeks after my son had been hospitalized for a reaction. I thought he would be safer as he got older. I don't want to baby him, but the less control I have, the more danger he's exposed to. I wish there was an easy answer.

This is similar to the thread I started--to what lengths do we go? I'm happy to see this topic again, because after 2 months of reading these boards, I feel like everyone is so much more careful than I am, and I'm a bad mom, or not responsible enough.

mkruby, I was so glad to see your post. I was feeling irresponsible because I still have peanut butter in the house, and I have almonds leftover from before he was diagnosed. I was trying to decide whether to throw away the pb (probably will, since no one eats it anyway) and whether to get more almonds when I run out. I've just recently come to love almonds as an easy, filling, nutritious snack for me (Ben is allergic to almost all tree nuts.) So, I feel better that I can have the almonds in the house. Ben won't eat them because he doesn't like them.

As for my comfort zone, since Ben (will be 5 in Sept and was recently diagnosed) has never reacted (and I may get him RAST tested to see if he's really allergic after all--still need to look into that) I feel I have a buffer zone of safety. He has eaten peanut products and been fine. So, I ordered food from a place that serves pb&j, though I felt bad about it, I don't mind if someone next to him is eating it, I have let him eat bakery cakes and would let him eat cake at a birthday party. I don't give him anything that says may contain, we keep ice cream to a minimum, but he does have it sometimes, I have called manufacturers about "natural flavorings." I don't let friends bring peanut stuff into the house. When I let him eat things like ice cream or birthday cakes, I don't feel real good about it, so I'm still finding my comfort zone with that. I feel that the little bits of nut it might contain may cause him harm in the long run, even though I am confident he won't react. I wonder what I'm really doing to him--that's why I feel bad about it. I let him because I'm confident he won't react, and I don't want to make things unecessarily hard for him.

So, this is still evolving for me. The thing Kristene posted on the FAN conference notes thread about how it's a myth that reactions get worse every time made me feel better. But I still wonder if I am slowly poisening him every time he might get a trace amount of nuts. Anyone have any thoughts on that?

brendan, your post is exactly what I was hoping to see in this thread. See, I wasn't sure for myself if my comfort zones would become more relaxed as my child got older. But I haven't had to deal with his independence from me yet, i.e., Scouts, playdates on his own, etc. I suspect that our comfort zones are always changing, despite our children's ages and I just wanted
to see how and why everyone's change and how we deal with those changes. I don't mean to respond to each post like the "goddess of posting", but I was just hoping to get a lot of feedback on this particular thread, which I haven't so far. I really want us to be sharing what our comfort zones are and am really hoping that we can all accept other people's levels of comfort, if different than ours, without negativity involved. Also hoping that maybe we can become enlightened when we see what other people's comfort zones are in comparison to our own.

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Bensmom, it has been my (and I have to emphasize my) experience that my son's reactions (3) have been worse each time with less exposure to peanut product. But, I also believe this differs, as with every allergy, medical condition, etc., with each different person. I would not say that it is a myth that the reactions are worse each time, but I would say that I believe it differs for each individual. I just know that in my son's case it has held true, his reaction was worse each time with less exposure to peanut product (his 3rd reaction he almost died and the peanut product only touched his lips - did not enter his mouth or have a bite taken out of it). But that's my child and that's what I build my comfort zones around. So, no, you're not being BAD MOMMY! Again, it would go back to initial question in the first post on this thread - does our comfort zone have anything to do with the severity of our child's allergy? Mine definitely does, and as I believe brendan's does, as can be seen above. But that's not the only thing our comfort zones are built around - MKRuby has comfort zones that go with her children's awareness and accepting responsibility for their allergy. It's a very complex thing but I think it's important that we all share and try to sort it all out (not that I'm going to change your comfort zone or you're going to change mine, but at least we get some discussion going and see if we can lighten up a bit factoring in what makes up our comfort zone to begin with). [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img] someone let me into this site again to post! Far too lengthy, I'm sorry, but I'm just trying to be really clear in my wording and coherent in thought!

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My son's first reaction was March 31 of this year so I don't feel like I have much of a comfort zone yet because I'm still trying to learn how to deal with this allergy. I read a statistic that men think of sex once every 9 seconds - I think that's funny because I bet I think about PA once every 9 seconds. I don't allow peanut products or "may contain" even in the house. I just discovered the Treseme conditioner I've been using (I bought a gallon at BJs) contains almond oil so I'm going to give it away. I call manufacturers about cross contamination. I worry all the time about school even though my son's only 1 1/2. I have even called a few pre-schools just to see what their policy on nuts is. So far I've only found one that has a ban on nuts and they won't give him any preference for admission because he's PA (it's a lottery no matter what). I know I worry too much, I know I bite off more than I can chew when I worry about the future but I can't help it. My husband says I don't even know if there will be a cure by the time my son goes to school; I may never even have to worry about it. Anyway, as was pointed out before, I like reading about the comfort zones of parents who have been dealing with this longer than just a few months because I think you'll help me become a little less worried and expand my comfort zones. So keep up the posts because I need them!

Wow I love this thread, I love hearing everyones strength and hope about this. For me it is important to stay on the up side, becouse the downs are *^##! I dont have pb in the house but a few may contains do come in but not for my 4yr old, almost 5. I would like a nut free classroom, but the cafeteria has to be only maybe aone nut free table , im still figuring that out for myself. parties seem to create the most fear for me, i feel most powerless then. But we speak before, check lables and often I stay. But I can see she doent "Need" me to stay any more, so we'll see how that goes. I take epi EVERYWHERE!!! never had to use it. only first reaction 18 months, but RAST test says severe to all tree nuts and peanuts. I called EMT's recently to find out their rules, they do administer epi, and its and autopmatic trip to ER- good info to have, and made me feel like I was doing something.. The "Living With..." Is my favorite place to read, I dont want to only here the horror I need the hope and BALANCE!!!Thank you all

I can only say that from my experience the reactions have become worse. I had never heard of a child being allergic to peanuts/peanut butter and could not think that a little boy would not like it. I thought he was exaggerating when he would sit there and cough for two straight hours and complain of his throat hurting after biting a candy bar w/ peanuts and him spitting it out. We kept trying to trick him into liking it. However the second to last time he came running home from a next door neighbor's house screaming, saliva pouring from his throat, coughing, grabbing his throat with his hands after taking a bite of a pb cracker (and spitting in the dirt). Anyway the last time he went into anaphylactic shock after eating three small pieces of cashews. That was the first time he ever swallowed a nut though. We have now learned our lesson and since this just happened recently (a few months ago) we really do not have any "comfort zones" yet. I do let him (he is four) go to friends houses but I am normally with him. He did stay with a friend overnight while I was in the hospital two years ago but I think God has given him a natural hate for peanuts. He can smell them a mile away and will always voice his dislike of it. He knows what peanuts are and what they smell like. He openly tells people that he is allergic to nuts. He wears a medic alert bracelet and we always carry an EpiPen with us. We are homeschooling him, not because of the peanut allergy since we decided this before we knew of his allergy, but that is one battle that I don't have to fight right now. I don't let him eat cakes/cookies or things from a bakery. I always ask people at restaurants if it is something that I feel nervous about. I have not started wiping down tables but there is no peanut butter in our house. We do have a few "may contain" things in our house but they are on the very top shelf in our cupboard. He knows to always ask someone what is in it or not to eat it if a child offers it to him. We have been on two trips in the last two months and everything was fine! Anyway, I am going to think some more about this and might respond again later.

You know what..my kids tend to hate foods they try, only to find ot they are allergic to them. Interesting isn't it? For me though, I was not allergic to foods until 4 years ago..so I liked the foods I am now allergic to...sometimes I want to kick and throw a tantrum like kids do..'cause I want ice cream!! But then I eat it and become ill..I seem to be learning my lesson though. I think it is best when they never develop a taste for foods, only to find out they are allergic..because then they know what they are missing...I know I sure do and my daughter too.

mkruby,
I have since learned my lesson about when my kids do not like a certain food I do not force them. My PA son (who obviously hated it as I mentioned above) also hates citrus (oranges and more) and can't stand strawberries or anything flavored strawberry. The next time I go to the allergist which is not until next year I will ask for him to be tested for that also.

Naomi...that is funny (strange) because that is exactly what I did. When I took my child for testing, she asked me what I thought the children should be tested for..I helped her check off the list of what I felt was an allergy or possible..wouldn't you know it that they came back positive. She asked me how I knew...and I just looked at her and said mom's intuition. I did the same thing for me when I was tested and everything I said I felt I was allergic to came back positive..plus some. So now, I never force food on my kids either, plus I don't anyway because of their reflux...If I force it..they puke

mkruby, I am also glad to read your honesty about your approach to this condition. My son who is 5 yrs old is very aware of his allergy and I am very comfortable leaving him with friends. He asks questions about foods and avoids foods he chooses even if he is told it is ok. I deal with his allergy very similiarly to you. I don't buy product that have peanuts or may contain peanuts for the household but I do on occassion aquire chocolates that contain peanuts in them from holloween etc, but my husband eats them in one shot anyway.

My son has 3 epipens but we have never had to use them. He has reacted 3 times to peanuts and each time he has gotten worse but he still isn't to the point of choking. We have not had a reaction since he was officially tested 2 years ago.

I've thought about this question a lot but never had the time to respond--but the kids are in bed and I have the time! Anyway, all of us definitely have different "comfort zones" and I think that's great. When I first got on this website, I cried for 3 days and felt like I had been a horrible mother (Evan was diagnosed at 12 mos and I didn't find this site until he was 2 1/2). After I read about all the things that other parents did, I felt like I had been needlessly endangering my son's life. But after some time to calm down, I realized what works for one does not necessarily work for another. The number one rule I have is that the epi and benadryl go with us everywhere! I also have a 1-yr old so we have the epi and benadryl in the diaper bag that goes everywhere with us anyway. We do not allow any type of peanut products into our house just because--IN MY OWN OPINION--I don't think it's fair to eat it when I know it can kill my son. I would never be able to forgive myself if for some reason he had a reaction to some peanut food I knowingly allowed into the house. I do let him eat foods that list natural and artificial flavors because he's never had a problem with them. We go out to eat about twice a week--and again have never had a problem but he's still at the hot dog or mac & cheese age. I don't call manufacturers but I do read EVERY SINGLE LABEL before anything goes in his mouth. I let him eat ice cream as long as peanuts are not mentioned anywhere in the ingredients--we've had good luck with Breyer's. He goes to playdates but I'm always there with him. The other parents know about his allergy and never feed him anything without asking me first. He'll start preschool this fall and I'm all for a peanut free classroom. Actually, at this young of an age I would love a peanut ban. He reacts to touch so I really don't feel comfortable with him eating next to other children who are eating pb. If he didn't react to touch then I wouldn't have a problem with it. He is really good at asking people to check the label but at 3 he's very trusting. He thinks if my 5 yr old niece says that she's read the label (she can't read!) then it's o-k. This is why I would like a peanut ban at school for the younger grades. In our situation I think the severity of his allergy and his age have a great impact on our "comfort zone." He has had an anaphylactic reaction and had to go to the er and he also reacts to touch so I think this greatly affects how we go about this allergy and the precautions we take. Deanna

My PA daughter is 2yrs 8mos and I'm pretty careful about this. I don't go to the lengths of calling companies, or not allowing her to go places, (although I feel most comfortable if she's with me and only leave her with a selected few that take this seriously and know how to administer the epi-pen)I check every label automatically. I don't buy things from bakeries or in bulk. I use my common sense with some things, like if a certain chocolate doesn't have the "may contain" label on it but the brand is known for nut products I won't give it. A couple days ago, however, I did give my daughter some chocolate sent over from Engalnd (I didn't know the brand) and she ate it and broke out in hives. I go around telling everyone about her allergy so there is no mistake about giving her something off limits. I'm on constant alert, but don't let it interfere with our lives in any way. Most importantly, the epi-pen comes everywhere with us.

One of the things when I first got involved with this site, is the fact that I am very casual about it. I figured if I put down what I really do, I would be labeled on this site for being a "bad mom" or "uncaring". Then I realized it just doesn't matter what others think of me, and that I know I am doing what is right for my kids. The thing for us, is I would take peanut allergy over asthma anytime. My son was hospitalized for that, had many medical procedures for it, missed 36 days of school in 2nd grade due to asthma complications. Honestly..it has been hell up until this last year.

The biggest thing I do for my kids is talk with them. I have had very adult conversations with my children since they were like 3 years old. We discuss everything about their ailments/allergies and work together. After all, it is their allergy. I am just their guide through it, their educational source, and their shoulder to lean on. If I could change the hand that has been given to them, I am not sure I would want to for this simple fact...My kids can come to me with anything and ask me anything. They know I am there for them, they know they can get an honest answer from me, they know they can trust me. I even went so far as to tell them the truth about Santa or the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy. My family was furious with me, but in order to keep my trusting relationship, and the fact that I had never lied to them, I couldn't bring myself to tell them the fairytale. I asked if they wanted the truth, they did, I gave it to them. It hasn't ruined their childhood either. Made Christmas shopping a lot easier too...lol

The biggest thing I feel I can do for my kids is to be upfront, honest, and truthful. I let them know my fears, my feelings, and why I lecture about it before they leave my site. Recently with newer food products, my son will ask if it is okay to eat if it says "manufactured in...". I explained what that meant and asked him if he was comfortable eating it. He weighed the pros and cons, decided to eat a little of it and see how he did, and he did fine. Since he is almost 9, he is going to have to make these decisions on his own when he is away from me..I would rather he make some of those decisions around me first. I will not say it is easy to do, nor is it not scary...but again..I am empowering him to make his own decisions about his allergy and find HIS own comfort zones. My second son, is fearful of peanut period so I don't go this far with him yet...however, I do make him be responsible for checking labels etc. as I did for his brother when he was almost 7.

My son's comfort zones are somewhat relaxed, although more restrictive then my own for him. He does not go to sleepovers, but mainly because of his asthma. He is also deathly allergic to cats, and most the kids in this country town have cats. He plays baseball and made all stars, he plays football, basketball, and is a well-liked, well-rounded, well-respected kid in his school. He has never been teased, nor do I see that happening for him..my second son..yes..he is going to be my tougher one to get through this. He is also well liked, athletic and has one heck of a sense of humor..but he is small and gets teased for his height...however he also has all the little girls chasing him...lol

When I first had to deal with pa and everything else..the burden was all on me, as if it was my own thing to deal with..once I realized it was my children's thing to deal with, and it is their comfort zone that matters, and their attitude, and their responsibility..I realized I needed to be a guide for them and to teach them, and even let them make the decisions about their health and such. When we go to the doctors, I instruct the doctors to talk with my kids and explain it all to them, as I listen in, not the other way around.

I guess I have a step by step approach for what each individual child can handle at the age they are at and their maturity level. I have three kids I have to help deal with this and if I can teach them how to handle it, be around it, and empower them to be responsible for it, the higher chance, I feel, they have of doing well in high school, college, and in life. Not to mention, their self esteem is higher and they respect themselves too.

You know, I just realized that in 3 years I am going to have to train 8 teachers and numerous faculty members, instead of just one main teacher...by then though..I think I will have my son train them as I watch and observe, yeah that is what I will do. For now though, my kids will accompany me when I instruct their teachers and other faculty at our scheduled meeting before school starts and let them use it as a training tool for later when I hand that responsibility over to them.

I hope that my 2 cents worth is not over bearing or come across as I have the right answer for everyone. I don't..I just have the right answer for what works for my kids and you know what..I am a good mom..just have a different approach and outlook. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

*A little background..I watched my sister not deal with diabetes as a child, she was never given the responsibility to handle it on her own. When she went to college and out on her own, she had many difficult stuggles, including diabetic coma. Due to her not being responsible and not taking care of herself, she has shortened her life span and basically right now is a walking time bomb. She had a heart attack at age 32 and she now has a clogged vein in her brain..they have told her that at any given time she could have a stroke, not to mention she is another heart attack waiting to happen with severly clogged arteries and too weak for another bypass. She is 36 years old. Now you can see why I am proactive when it comes to this, why I have a different strategy, and why I make my kids be resonsible for their hand that has been dealt.

What I really like about this thread is that everyone seems comfortable putting done what their "comfort zones" are re their PA child and there has not been any negativity towards any individual who goes about dealing with the allergy differently than we do. MKRuby has a wonderful, enlightened, empowering attitude that I can only one day HOPE to have. I'm not clear that I will be able to. I know that both of her sons are severely allergic to PA, as my son is, and yet our zones are so different. Yet, this thread hasn't become a battleground whereby we're saying "You're a bad Mom" 'cus you do this or "You're a Better Parent" because you have this comfort zone. We all seem to have accepted each other's comfort zones without question and I'm really pleased with that. As I said above, I do hope to one day be like MKRuby, but I'm not sure that I have that kind of strength or ability to give up my control. To-day, Jesse (PA) and his sister were invited to a birthday party and although the mother is my best friend and can probably use my help right now, I thought, you know, why do I have to attend every function with them? Jesse is 4-1/2. Everyone else here (I've read in other posts that the parents still stay at birthday parties with children this young) just drops their kids off and leaves. My friend is very aware of Jesse's PA and I know that he is completely safe in her care. Now, I was able to do this to-day because I know the woman really well, she has gone over every food item carefully with me that will be served, etc. Jesse hasn't been invited to a lot of birthday parties, I think because of his PA (he's a very social, friendly child - I think the other parents are scared), but, if he were invited to the home of someone I didn't know very well or at all, I'm sure I'd be there right now. I also wanted Jesse to know that he was big enough to be able to attend a party without his Mommy being there. He doesn't know the factors that went into that decision, he would at a later age, but he at least knows that he got to stay at the party to-day by himself (well, with his younger sister there too!). I so want him to be able to do things that don't always involve me being there. During the school year, I was never asked to accompany the class on either field trip. I suspect this is because the teacher knows that she has a good handle on the PA and also because Jesse is one of those children who would behave very differently if Mommy was there rather than simply the teacher (not in a positive way). So, I had to let go of that, and some of you probably read about my sheer dread about sending him on the field trips, but I had to let go. I know he's only 4-1/2, so he is really still a little guy, but I do so want him to feel confident about himself, that he doesn't need Mommy around all the time. Comfort zones are constantly changing depending on the circumstances. To-day, I was comfortable sending him to this birthday party alone, tomorrow it might be a different story. But again, I'm really pleased with the discussion in this thread because it has been enlightening to see how others deal with PA and there hasn't been any negativity.

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I agree with Cindy Cook, it is nice to see everyones input. I too have been dealing with my son's pa for over 3 years without any real info about foods until this web site. I actually only found it by accident but I am so glad that I have.

I think that it is very important to remember that everyone is different so when we see attitudes about pa that are different to ours we should stay open. Do what makes you feel good about your situation.

I must again say I love this thread!!! mkruby Thank you Thank you. I think that we are all "good Moms& Dads" Sometimes I think, it is just the truth!! that is the best thing we can give our children. When I'm afraid, and shes in the middle of it watching it, there is no use in lying, tell the truth! My mantra. They know the truth anyhow. And there is quite a range of emotions that come with this allergy, which these children too will need to deal with, and if they get the truth from me, instead of learning "it is not good to be scared" etc.. They will be able to know their truth sooner and get the support they need. from me or others . If that makes any sense. Thanks

Yes we are Lydia...and I agree 100% [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Its seems as though everyone has different comfort zones, and they also seem to change from time to time. I guess this is pretty natural. The only problem is the potential for complacency and getting too confortable which can lead to accidents...which then probably changes your comfort zone again!

My 4 1/2 yr daughter who we found out was allergic one year ago, has fortunately not had any reactions, and even her first was a case of a few hives that went away within an hour. Upon testing, she tested positive for walnuts and peanuts.

So we dont have any nuts or nut products in our home, and no may contain products, except on a very temporary basis we mite have a may contain product for a day or two (but kept away from her).

She attends a small private school that has a no nut policy. She was there even before the allergy. We prefer this because even though its not a guarantee, at least someone wont be bringing in a pb sandwich (hopefully). THis reduces the risk, and I'm comfortable with that.

We visit restaurants probably once a week, and have been lucky with this too. Fortunately, we have yet to encounter a rest. that uses peanut oil (its not too prevalent in Canada). We even visit places like Jack Astors which in their bar area have tons of peanuts in shells all over the floor, but they try to keep it away from the restaurant area and are very conscience about the allergy.

From time to time we call some manufacturers of foods to see if they use dedicated lines. Other times we dont. Where do you draw the line?

I suppose you get comfortable, and you get complacent. Then if a reaction occurs, you become more vigilent and start all over!

redtruck, I have to disagree with you. I don't feel that feeling "comfortable" (and I'm using a wide definition of that word in this thread to begin with) with PA = complacency. The whole question is - What are you comfortable with? Your post then went on very clearly to say what you are comfortable with. Do you see the difference?
For example, I do not have any "may contain" products in my home, but as we discussed in a separate thread, I do have products in my home that as long as they are not labeled "may contain", I allow them in the house despite the severity of my son's allergy. As I said in that thread, if I didn't let him eat anything that was produced in a plant that had peanuts in it somewhere, his list of consumable foods would be greatly reduced. At this point in time, I trust the labeling of our products. There are other PA parents who do buy the "may contain" products and take the chance. That may seem more complacent on their part, and perhaps it is, but until a reaction happens, as you indicated, then our comfort zone on that one wouldn't change. Or say, for me, I don't wipe down tables in restaurants, donut shops that we go to. I feel comfortable with that. I read about people doing that on this site and thought Oh my God, I should go out and buy some wipes to carry around. But that's not me. It will be me if my son ever experiences a reaction due to residue on a restaurant table. That statement definitely made sense to me. I think it must be some deep psychological thing that determines our comfort zones as there are people posting above whose children are severely allergic and yet they are not the same as we are about PA, nor should they be. I believe comfort zones change as circumstances change (new playdate, restaurant, school teacher, etc.) but I don't necessarily think that they only change because of a reaction caused by our complacency. I really don't believe comfortable = complacent. Comfortable to me means what we can deal with, how we handle things so we're not in freak out mode all the time, etc. Do you know what I mean? Ah, and now they won't be calling the Canadian thread the redtruck & Cindy thread anymore! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]

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My comfort zone has been changing too, my 9yr old multiply food allergic child has outgrown or proven no longer allergic to 7 foods; however he still has 7 that he is allergic too. CAP RAST testing in May states 6 >100 on the traditional test. Doctors don't know why all score shot up. They stressed/pleaded that he has epipen with him at ALL TIMES- so we make sure that happens. He also has environmentals >100 from testing two years ago, asthma,& severe cronic atopic derm.

I am comfortable with my Mom cooking for him, some food at his other Grandma's- I usually bring something safe he likes to share with others. For my parents 50th party I had caferia provide microwave access and brought his food.

I was very pleased at one restruant we shopped at spur of the moment and I spoke with head waitress then chef and explored want son could safely- they fried french fries in separate pan and frist time used corn oil. It was called special order fries when delivered to table so I knew it was safe.

I've just this year given epipen respon.( and safe food bag) to friends at his baseball games when they were taking their child and mine.

This coming week my son and I are going boyscout camping- I will bring his foods- other kids will have their food prepared by caferia staff. I spoke with camp leader and caferia staff everyone has been very helpful.
My goal with change in my comfort zone is to educate on life-threatening situation, action to take and then to not talk TOO much about it.

I've gone on long enough.

JanB>

Jan B, I really think when you're talking about your comfort zones you can't go on too long (or maybe it's because I ALWAYS go on too long!). I find that I don't really talk that much about my son's PA with him, my husband, or others, unless I have to but keep my talking about it limited to the various threads on this site. I do explain clearly when my son asks me questions, but I don't, for the most part discuss it a lot. It may be as subtle as a gentle reminder at a completely safe birthday party the other day not to take any food that wasn't given to him by my friend Karen (the other kids had had their own candies at last party that may have not been safe). I think yours is a very good point and I really believe we can use this site to talk about what we're going through rather than burdening our PA children, non-PA children, partners, friends etc. But then, if we don't talk about it at all and don't post here, we have no one to talk to about "it" and we're burdened ourself!

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Cindy, i understand what you are saying, and i suppose i didnt explain myself well. I didnt mean to say that you automatically become complacent in your comfort zone, but rather should have said that it is very possible to become complacent and end up continuously widening the comfort zone. There is potential for that scenerio especially if you go years without a reaction, and this would be quite natural human nature.
But keeping in tune with tweak in lifestyle, by reading these boards etc., can save you from that complacency. On the otherhand, not reading the boards, or reading info from association newsletters, or any other outlet, not having a reaction for years, and generally feeling pretty safe, can make you complacent.

Thats all i meant!

Ah, redtruck, I did misunderstand, for which I apologize. We can now go back to having our Canadian thread re-named. I'm wondering if that's what happened in the case I posted last week under Media - National Post, where the 39 year old man died of anaphylactic shock. Are you so far removed from your reaction that you don't carry your epipen? The article didn't really go into anything about his allergy and as I subsequently found out an autopsy will be performed to see if it was a peanut product that killed him. That's actually a very good question! Do our comfort zones change as we move further away in time from the last reaction? I know mine haven't yet, but it's only been just over 1 year. What about PA adults who have forgotten their last reaction? Do they carry their epipens? Are they cautious? You have raised some very interesting issues which could be thread starters (hint, hint!).

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I think that over time, after a period of having no reactions, you can somehow go into denial all over again saying, "maybe she's grown out of it" or "my child isn't one of those children that goes into anaphalactic shock." So far my daughter has only had hives and vomiting and I guess I'm guilty of thinking (hoping?) that she could never go into anaphalcatic shock. (which makes my comfort zone quite good) The thing is I'm still maticulous about what she eats regardless of my dream that she'll outgrow it. (which I know is unlikely) And I ALWAYS carry the epi-pen. I think what makes me "comfortable" is thinking that it's not that bad, but always being prepared in case it was. (BTW, I never tell others about my thought that things aren't that bad....I always make sure people know she could die..I don't want anyone else to be comfortable with this!)

I agree...I don't mind being the one who is comfortable with it..but no one else better be with my kids... [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]Since I seem to be the one who is extremely easing going about this allergy..I never forget what could happen..and maybe that is why I am so comfortable. I'll tell you though my strategy of dealing with this is working. We just got back from a 24 hour excursion and dropped the kids off at their aunt's house. She knows of the allergies but has never had to babysit the kids. She was telling me how my kids asked her what ingredients were in the dinner they were having and when they went for ice cream my son opted to go with soft serve instead of the hard ice cream, as he was more comfortable with it. He even discussed it with the person waiting on him and made his informed decision on that basis. He even brought up cross contamination and came right out and told the waiter that it could kill him and his brother. Needless to say I am a very proud momma and my sons can be proud of themselves also. They not only earned respect from the waiter, they earned great respect from their aunt too, and myself. So I continue on, and go forth with my quiet, yet powerful battle...lol [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

MKRuby, what a wonderful incident you shared with us. I think, through educating our children, however we do it (and obviously us not showing our fear) we do make them very aware and your son is even figuring out his own comfort zones, i.e., the soft vs. hard ice cream. This is not nearly the same as what you had to say, but to-day, we had one kid playing outside with my 2 and another one came with a drink. My PA son wanted to try the drink because he had never tried it before but he asked the 10 year old boy with them if he could please read the label to check to see if it had any warning re peanuts. I thought that was great. I have yet to find a drink that does have a "may contain" warning but I'm sure they're out there somewhere! Slowly but surely we give them the information they need to take with them along the way.

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I decided to post again on this topic. I'm trying not to make son's food allergies the main topic I talk about to everybody and yet I want to make certain adults around him know what action to take if reaction occurs- He has never had a Epipen used on him but proably should have had at age six and under when he meet the definition of anaphylaxis- having two or more body systems react at least 7 times in his life(we didn't have EpiPen prescibed until after he turned 6 although he was found to be multiply allergic on skin test age 3-1/3.) We used asthma medicines, prednisolone, or believed these reactions to be result of any of the antibotics he was almost always on for ear infections. Thankfully these didn't go on to life-threatening reactions.(He's always been on a very restricted diet since birth due to apotic derm and there are still many foods he has never had) Since his specialist last year was shocked it his score- highest she'd ever seen these were lower than year before and now all are much higher than that I am sometimes fearful that there's something else he'd be allergic too that we don't know about.
I've really been helped by Mary Allens acticle Living with Anaphylaxis: Handling Stress which I found under [url="http://www.cadvision.com/allergy/handlingstress.htm"]www.cadvision.com/allergy/handlingstress.htm[/url]

Yet, sometimes I feel like I'm on edge waiting to be required to take action and use EpiPen or get a call stating it has been used-Thankfully the school nurse whenever she has to call me starts off with "Ricky is O.K. I have question about want to take on field trip..." etc
I finally "shot an orange" with epired EpiPen. I got PA son to rewatch "It only takes a Bite" when my sister was visiting (she has clam allergy).

I recently got a new cell phone re changes in work area I drive to 5 1/2 counties and this one covers that area with less dead zones then my old one.

One time son did have asthma flare up at school and I was at a client's home who wouldn't answer phone when really call was for me and old cell phone wasn't going through. Now I request all my client's answer there phone informing that I've given my secratary their #. Thankfully my husband (10min from the school) was reached and he picked up son.

We don't have PB, treenuts or sesame seeds in the house, we don't cook shellfish in the house, but do bring cooked crab meat in and bake crab cakes, and cooked chilled shrimp to serve guests. I do have eggs in the house but only once in past year did my nonPa son and his boyscouts cook brownies with egg in it to donate for special activity. I have a skillet and turner that is just for use with eggs. I'm letting Pa s'son cousin have his PB all week when we share town home with his family at the beach. His mothers bringing knife for PB use and will use paper towels to clean/dry it.

Well, I must get to housework to have time for special outing with kids as I'm off work for a whole week.

JanB.

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Quote:Originally posted by Cindy Spowart Cook:
[b]How old is your child and what are your "comfort zones" re their PA? For example, do you want a "peanut free" classroom, "peanut free" school, or are you comfortable with your child eating beside another child with a pbj sandwich? Why? Playdates? Birthday parties? How many epipens? How do we each reach our own comfort zone with our PA child? Does it change as our child ages? Have we made our decisions based on the severity of the allergy? Do we allow peanut products into our home, is that within our comfort zone? What about "may contain"? If so, why. If not, why? Do we also factor into our decision when our child had their last reaction? "Comfort zones" - we all have them, they all probably differ, why?[/b]

Quote:Originally posted by Claire:
I am sorry I did not post this last message by Claire,I was trying to reply to Cindy and I apparently goofed up. Sorry

Hi I have just taken a little time to read the comfort zones from a few people. I have a 14 year old son severly allergic to nuts. I don't know as though I will ever be able to let my gaurd down even when he is married. His name is Christopher,and we almost lost him a few times because of nuts.I think after this you definitly appreciate your children. I have never allowd him to eat a school lunch or snack. I have always sent his snack to school with him. Also if there was going to be a special party with food I would find out what the food was going to be and send in his own goody bag. The truth he was able to enjoy the party because he felt safe with my food. I think Christopher and I have a very special relationship because at the age of 14 he knows how much I love him and would go out of the way for his safty. After he would have a peanut attack he would always have severe asthma attacks for a long period of time after. So it wasn't as if just anaphlaxis would happen then I had the asthma. I still go to the junior high to talk to any teacher he has just to make sure they are all aware not to feed him or even offer him a treat unless he owns the treat. He is so good about taking care of himself and sometimes people will talk to him about the allergy,but he has never been made fun of or picked on. I hope you people all have the good luck we seem to be having. I am trying not to get off the comfort zone topic but I think that this just became our way of life and YOU just get used to it. He always says mom at least I'm not allergic to seafood because I love it so much. So in a way you can look positive if you try. Also he says bees would be worse mom because i can't watch out for them. That helps me to know he really doesn't feel like he is missing out on anything. Good luck to everyone out there. It is hard and you just learn never let your gaurd down. Claire

I also have had my comfort zone change. I was more comfortable before I found this site. Then, I became more tense concerning my daughter's pa. Later, after settling my self down decided I had to use my own instincts as to what was right in my situation. When my daughter had a reaction a few months ago after touching the hands of her sister who had eaten peanut oil fried french fries, and the allergist then suggested two epi's, I became rigid again. I think the times of being really cautious has helped my daughter become more aware and in control of her own allergy. I recently sent her to Bible school, did not speak directly to the instructor. By the time I went to the end of the week program, I noticed all of the food dishes were labeled that contained Peanut or Peanut oil. Of course, everyone's situation is very different. My community is small. My daughter attends a school with approximately 25 children per grade. She has 4 Aunts that teach there (one is the Asst. Principal). I think I would be nervous about school if that weren't the case. Like mkruby, I teach her to deal with it. We allow peanut in our house, although I usually don't buy it. She eats food labeled "process in a plant...", but not "may contain", largely based on the allergist rec. We don't always carry the epi. We try to remember if we know there will be lots of food around, but often forget. If we have it, we are more likely to let her eat things we are not positive about. If we don't, we don't take the chance. She ask before she eats anything. I have, and believe I have to have, faith knowing I have taught her to be cautious. She enjoys going places and her freedom - and I believe every child should!
Rachel

My daughter Theresa is 18 months old, i do not have a comfort zone yet for her. I am very cautious about everything I let her eat. I worry that every food item might have some undeclared or undisclosed peanut type at sometime. She has one of those PA's that causes anaphalaxisis shock onset with in 2 minutes or less. She nearly died 6 months ago and she is our only child so we are very careful. I am hoping to be able to home school her or the Montessori Academy in our small town is Peanut Free, the Catholic grade school I wanted to send her too said "they do not cater to kids with food allergies, if you want you can come and eat with your kid every day, but we won't babysit her lunch habits" I WAS NOT PLEASED AT ALL
So to answer your question, no comfort zone and these manufacturers really make it quite difficult on us parents who are just doing our job as parents PROTECTING OUR CHILDRENS LIVES
Stay Safe and healthy

I thought it might be a good idea to get this thread started up again - there are a lot of new people on the board, there are a lot of people dealing with their children going to school for the first time, etc. Also, I was in another thread and actually asked The Daddy if he would come into this thread and post his comfort zone. At any rate....

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This has really made me do some thinking. I think that I am relaxed, but maybe I'm not. We have about 10 epi's (a little extreme???) I keep one in my purse, one at grammie's house, one at daycare, one at preschool and a host of them on top of the fridge. I read every label every time I go to the store. But I haven't called a manufacturer. Had a big confrontation with Delta, but that is a whole other thread... My DS is 4 1/2, he was diagnosed (the hard way) at 7 months (one day after my birthday). I let him eat daycare-prepared lunch (he is one of five PA kids there). We have nothing with peanuts or processed in a peanut plant in our home. He is doing really well about asking if things have peanuts in them. We eat at restaurants at least once a week. I believe there will be, and long for, the day when we have a vaccine for this. I guess I don't let this consume me, like it use to, but I am still very cautious. I just try really hard to walk the fine line between making my son (very) aware and paranoid.

Up until this point I have been hesitant to express my comfort zone..part because I didn't want to start anything and part because I wasn't sure how I felt...
After reading the above I see that everyone (at least so far) has been pretty tolerant of everyone's comfort zone even if they don't agree, so.............

I have a son (20 mos.)allergic to peanuts, nuts, dairy, eggs, wheat. His multiple allergies kind of make it easier to manage his PA. Why??? Because he can't eat most of the stuff that are a danger anyway!!! IF others are watching him... I provide food for him and a current list of foods that are "SAFE". The hardest part with him is helping people remember to always be on guard (as he has had ana. reactions to wheat and milk very quickly and with small amounts) and to watch an active toddler around other kids with food!!!!! He is already understanding more about not eating other peoples food without bringing it to me...but when I'm not there I try to remain relaxed (for the most part) about it. I always send his asthma meds and 2 epis. I also printed out info. on his typical and possible reactions. I printed out the infor on PA on this site (Dr. Pong i think) and keep it in his diaper bag. I don' know what I'll do if he doesn't outgrow some of these by school....

My daughter (3 1/2 yrs.) is PA and almond allergic. I always send an epipen for her and the Dr. Pong Pa printout (say that 10 times real fast) as well as her asthma med. and Benadryl. She does eat products with the "processed in a facility that processes peanuts" but I try to remind people not to give her "may contain" although she has gotten these on occasion. I am relatively alert and try to be observant if she has been around peanuts. I mean I make a mental note of any possible reactions, early signs....
My husband is little less cautious about it although he tries to be aware. Sometimes he thinks I scare people by informing them...but then maybe they should be scared so they don't forget!!!
We do have PB in the house but are very careful about using it! (cleaning up properly to avoid contamination,...) I sometimes think I would prefer not having the actual PB but don't think my hubby would agree! So far no problems with it!
I don't eat it unless no one is around.
We do eat out and I do check most items she eats...alhtough sometimes I forget about less obvious items.
I thought for school I'll just pack her lunch and send her own snacks...I know I wouldn't go for a total ban. However,now that my non PA son is in school and I read the lunch menu with peanut items throughout I am a leaning more toward a peanut free table as I can just imagine kids all around her eating PB and touching her...what if she rubs her eyes ....I don't know what I'll do when school comes around for her! (let alone my 20 month old...)
I try to be organized, prepared, informed and inform others but also try to balance this with being "reasonable" (I know, that is all in the eye of the beholder). I'm not always sure if I am being too relaxed or too paranoid...! My comfort zone may change based on circumstances...

Has anyone ever had a comfort zone similar to mine or someone else's posted above and then faced a serious life-threatening reaction that scared them into a stricter zone???? Does this question make sense??? Sorry this is so long! Just call me Cindy!!! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] tkiaml

Tkiaml, I think that with the "comfort zones" thing your post really can't be too long. As you indicated, it took you quite awhile even to respond to it because of the thought you wanted to put into it and also because you were afraid of what others might say in response to your "comfort zone". But, I really don't think you can say too much about your "comfort zone" because that actually includes everything in our lives really, doesn't it? And, everyone should respect others different approach to PA to keep this a compassionate, caring board where people feel safe to talk about what's troubling them. I think the question you raised at the end of your post though is really good though and deserves it's own thread - you please start it! I know that I mentioned somewhere yesterday that I feel comfortable with Jesse eating foods that have been manufactured in a facility where there are peanut products. I never let him ingest "may contain". But, I also noted that I have this comfort zone because nothing has happened (he has not had a reaction) because of a product manufactured in a plant with peanuts. The day he does is the day I start not being able to buy that food either. OKAY, I GIVE YOU 24 HOURS TO POST THAT EXCELLENT QUESTION OR I'M GOING TO PISS EVERYONE OFF AND POST IT MYSELF! TKIAML, it's a really good question and I find that I usually see people asking really good questions in a thread and they don't post it for whatever reasons so I end up posting it and then I end up getting creamed for posting so much on the boards. But, it's actually other people's REALLY GOOD QUESTIONS that I'm very often posing and then other people get upset with me. So, please, post it, it's really good and deserves discussion! 24 HOURS!!! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/tongue.gif[/img]

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((sigh)) This is a great topic, but I'm not really sure how to reply. We gave our first Epi this week, so I'm sure my comfort zone is changing again.

First off, my son has anaphylactic reactions to milk, soy and peanut, so our measures are probably a little different than others. We do allow some "may contain" items in the house and have lots of items that contain milk and soy, but we clearly label all foods, all the time. Additionally, we push the envelope with giving foods to my son that have "may contain" labels. For example, he eats a granola bar (don't remember the brand) that has no peanut ingredients but does have a "may contain" label. We've never had a problem, so the allergist said fine. We also have items like sorbet and frostings made on dairy lines, and again, have had no problems. We don't have peanut butter or peanut products in the house other than "may contain" but that's just because we don't want the hassle and don't really like peanut butter.

However, Tuesday's reaction was a total mystery to us. The only thing we can possibly trace it to was a Jelly Belly jellybean (which he'd eaten in the past). I don't give him these any more even though he's never had a problem, but there were a few mixed into his safe candy bag and he may have eaten one. Long story short is that I find that I'm afraid to feed him anything right at the moment and I dread meal times.

We have let him go to birthday parties without adult supervision (he's 5 1/2) but have talked at length with the parent or manager at the location. We usually send his lunch, but occasionally let him eat what they're having if the information we get seems o.k. However, at one birthday with a mom we totally trusted, she accidentally bought cheese-filled hot dogs. Luckily my son noticed it and pointed it out to her, but only his awareness prevented a big problem. We have not sent medication with him for these outings but I'm not comfortable with that and have been talking with my husband about it (who doesn't want to freak the other parents out) and I think I've convinced him this is necessary, especially in light of this last reaction.

We generally have an Epi at school, one at home and one in my purse. We always carry it wherever we go and stash Benedryl in many locations.

We have not pursued a peanut-free school, but have a lot of difficulty convincing staff of the severity of the problem and keeping them from giving him unsafe foods. I don't know how to handle this going forward.

I don't think our "comfort zone" is based on the severity of his allergy, but I know we would not have pushed the envelope as often as we did in the past if I really thought his allergy was life-threatening. We still tend to take chances with eating out and "may contain" foods because otherwise I think he would start to feel really deprived and less normal than other children. My ultimate goal is to make him believe that this condition is manageable and controllable, and that he doesn't need to pass on any activities that other children do, even though we may need to make special arrangements with regard to food. Realistically, though, there are situations I avoid. For example, we haven't scheduled another play date with the mother who gave him a snack even though I emphasized that he shouldn't eat anything while there. It's going to be very hard for me to continue to push the envelope as new experiences open up to him and I'm faced with trusting his safety to adults who think they can gauge the severity of his allergies by osmosis or who think they can know if foods are safe just by looking.

I'm hoping 5 is the most difficult age and that things go uphill from here. While it was stressful to have a younger allergic child, I felt like I could pretty much totally control his environment. Now I have people giving him food left and right and I can only hope that my training will keep him safe. In another couple of years, he'll be able to read labels and help more in this area, but right now it's an all or nothing thing.

Long...and I don't know how helpful...but there you go. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

BooandBriMom, I hope your son and your family are okay after his reaction this week.
My heart always skips a beat when I read of a reaction. With much caring and best wishes, Cindy

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Everyone will learn to find their own comfort zone over time. The younger the child the more suppervision the more comfort. I have 3 children with peanut allergy. The very worst thing about it is the stress and the extra work involved. Never will I have the luxury of even considering just leaving my kids anywhere but that can also have it's advantages. My childern are 8,51/2, and 2/12. I attend 90% of all parties with my children. I only leave them with a responsible adult. One woh has been trained by me, after I have gone over the food. If the food comes from a bakery or an unknown source It's off limits. I have't found my kids to have that much difficulty accepting that they can't eat a particular food as long as there is a decent substitute available. I often bake cupcakes and keep them in the freezer for that reason. I remind myself ofter that there are adults alive today with this allergy. I have gotten two kids through preschool. and I am now trying to get some policies changed on the grade school level. Atrer school programs are difficult because the school nurse is gone. And it always seem unfair that my kids would have to miss out. But sometimes that is the way it is. I an sorry if I am rambling this is my first time on. I wish you luck in finding you comfort zone. It takes a while and then of course it" always in the back of your head

Maria, welcome to the board! Your post had fabulous input especially because you're dealing with 3 PA children. As for the rambling, well, I can't say anything about that! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/redface.gif[/img] Best wishes and again, welcome.

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Ok Cindy, you win!!! I'll let you off the hook on this one!! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Thanks too for your comments...I really appreciate it! tkiaml

My comfort zone is pretty small - I am basically an overprotective and paranoid mom. My son had his first reaction when he was 18 months old, when I went to the allergist and he was properly diagnosed, I emptied out everything in my cupboards and got rid of anything and everything that even remotely may have been contaminated - and yes the peanut butter and nutella went out first!
As for school, my son started JK this year and already has had to eat in the office alone since people have sent peanut butter and nutella sandwiches to school - this after a note went out that he had a peanut allergy and please not to send anything to school that contains, or may contain peanuts. AND the school is a peanut free school, and no peanuts is part of the code of conduct. I gave a talk to the parents last week at curriculm night at the school, and I had so many parents come up to me and say they did not realize how bad it was, and they were really happy I had personalized it! We really need to do more of this, to bring information to people, they can't help if they don't know how!
Eating out does not happen too much - I am too scared to try new restaurants, because the wait staff have no clue. McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's ,Swiss Chalet, Pizza Hut, Pizza Nova... are pretty much it!
Anyway, I hope that as he grows older, I may broaden my comfort zone, but for now, it is pretty small, if it exists at all! I truly believe that you can't be too cautious, but you can definitely be too overprotective, and that sums me up!

Cindy-I have to say I just logged on to this area of Peanut-Allergy & all your topics have caught my eye-I finally realized how to answer some of your questions after reading on & familarizing myself with this board. Sorry for not replying the right way on the other two topics-I just was letting my own
fears out. I have not gotten a comfort zone with my 5 year old boy, I feel like I am the only one who can ensure his safety. When he was 3 years old & I sent him to a nursery school for 2 half days, no one understood his allergy & one day in the hall while we were all waiting I just said what was on my mind & asked who was sending goody bags home with snickers bars & M&M's & Reeses peanutbutter cups & do they realize that my son could die if he ate one, everyone looked at me like I had 3 heads, then I pulled him from that school. I had the same problem last year when he was put into a private school, I made sure I was very active in school. Finally this year we moved to an area that had a school system that is very aware of peanut allerhies so I guess you could say I have a bit of a better sense of mind when he goes to school. As far as friends houses without me that will not happen & if it does, I will his own snack & tell that person in charge if you want my son over you need to have responsibilty of an epipen. I find that baking all the cookies & cakes for any functions are the only way you can be 100% that it is okay for him to eat. I don't think you will ever have a 100% comfort zone you are the mom & you are the only one that will ensure the safety of your child-I found a little peace of mind with his school & you will to.
My son only had one reaction & I hope that is it for the rest of his life-if I can help it.

I have a two year old and we have know for about a year now. He is milk, egg, and peanut allergic. I guess I am pretty laid back in some ways, but not in others. I find myself really struggling with it sometimes. Occasionally I will give him something I assume to be safe without reading the label. My theory is, that's why we have the epi-pens. We have never had to go to the hospital though, and I assume that once we have I'll probably be more diligent. For now, we carry three epi-pens with us everywhere, they are always in the diaper bag. He wears a medic alert bracelt and has since the week we found out. I am always worried about an accident where I am unconscious and can't alert EMS of his allergies. I do read every label and don't give him things that "may contain". We do have peanut butter in the house (on the top shelf), and I even eat it sitting next to him while he eats a soy butter sandwhich! Isn't that terrible!! I am very careful to wash up well afterward. So far no problems. Obviously if we ever have a problem, I'd change. He has only reacted with hives and slight swelling of the eyes so far and it is gone in an hour or so. I will insist on a peanut free flight when we fly at Christmas. I don't insist that nobody else eat these things around him. But I always tell people to get me immediately if they see him turning red. I find myself becomming more laid back, but I'm constantly aware!
CoCo

There are a lot of new people on the board since I first posted this thread and there are others whose "comfort zones" may have changed so I thought I would bring it up again. I'm in here every night bringing up the Smarties thread and the Penpals thread, so why not this one?
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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