Halloween party---should I let her go?

This is tough. I would want to...but couldn't. My PA dd is 10 and I see her wanting more independence but the risk factor is so high on Halloween with all the pn candy!! Is there a way you could stay at the house at least so you wouldn't be 40 minutes away? I realize she wouldn't want you to trick or treat with them. Will any adult be going with them?
I guess I am going to be "that" mom because truthfully I can't even fathom letting my dd trick or treat in the neighborhood over without me!! Even if I told DD not to eat ANYTHING, her friends probobly would and then I have to worry who's touching what. So- IMO, I would have to say no unless I could be closer or have an adult with her who was just as aware as I am. But it would still break my heart to see my dd's disappointment if she couldn't go.

Carefulmom I would let your daughter handle this one. She can discuss with the girls before they leave for trick or treating to please not eat any of their candies until they get back to the house. Then they can see which ones are the peanut candies and eat the non peanut ones.

Trick or treating is mostly in the dark anyway so it's extra dangerous to eat outside while going door to door.

I'll bet your daughter can handle this really well. Why don't you practice role playing with her to help her develop the best script for how she presents it to the other girls.

I assume a parent is going to accompany them. I'd make sure that parent has a cell phone and maybe it is time for your DD to have one too.

Peg

I really agree with letting your daughter have a say in how things are managed here. After all, it's her allergy, and if not 11, then when? She must know at this point in her life that she's sensitive to contact allergens, correct? You're lucky in that they're girls - the boys at this age are still throwing food and have been must less cooperative with this sort of thing in my experience.

If you make a "contract" with her that's the condition on her going, I think you'll be fine. Have her take a pack of baby wipes and asks her friends to clean up if they do eat peanut candy when they get back. Give her a cell phone to call you if there's a problem so you both feel better. Specify that she must eat only safe foods at the party. Have her commit to carrying her medicines. Give the hostess your contact information and an information sheet.

I wouldn't stay at the party itself because you're right - it's the social kiss of death at 11 - but given your level of concern and the fact that it sounds like she hasn't dealt with much of this up til now, you might stay at a Starbucks during the course of the party. You'll feel better and she might too, even though she won't admit it.

Maybe you can provide each girl with a Halloween baggie of safe candy they can eat while trick or treating. Let your daughter choose the candy and make the little baggies.

Peg

You know, if you are 40 minutes away, maybe other parents of guests are going to be that far away too. I think you might want to talk to the parent of the girl giving the party, they may just be anticipating that parents will be there. I know that if I invited someone who lived 40 minutes away, I woulnd't expect their parent to drive home for 40 minutes, to then come back later, driving again for 40 minutes -- and then drive home again. That is a lot to expect I think.

And 11 is a bit older than elementary school, but I don't think that parents being around means certain death to a party for that age. They aren't teenagers yet.

My son is 11 and he would be horrified if I asked to stay at a party. That's why I suggested Starbucks...I have camped there in the past in just this situation! ;o)

Yes, I agree... 11 seems too old to be very "cool" with mom hanging around. Starbucks it is... [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]

I also think that if you enlist the other mom in your plan, you COULD make this workable even without FA being a big issue. We always were given the hard and FAST rule that we couldn't eat ANYTHING that was handed out until after we got home. Period. So goody-bags for snacks might not need to be about yoru DD's allergies at all, so much as safety for everyone.

Even as dangerous as it sounds (and I'd be biting my nails too) I think you have to let her do it-- it sounds like it [i]really[/i] means a lot to her. And I think this first time, I'd do whatever I could to make both her FA [i]and myself[/i] pretty much invisible. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

And order decaf. Nerves will be bad enough without the caffeine, right? [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]

Hmmmmmm, I guess there is a difference between 11 and in middle school compared to 11 and in elementary school. I am sure she would be mortified if I went to the party and I really doubt that any other parents will be there at this age. They may all be sitting at Starbucks if they live far away, but they won`t be hanging out at the party! She already carries her cell phone and epi and won`t be eating any of the food at the party unless it is sealed with ingredients (like a bag of Fritos). I guess I really have a problem with either me or dd having to ask 10 girls,, some of whom we don`t know, not to eat their candy because of dd. Kids always eat while they trick or treat. By this age, they would know not to eat something without a wrapper due to safety reasons, but around here everything is store bought and wrapped. People don`t pass out homemade cookies or anything like that. I am sure a parent will be with them---this is Los Angeles. I just feel like it would be awkward to ask these 10 girls not to eat their candy. Bringing our own trick or treat bags for all 10 girls I just feel like we would be taking over the party and I don`t feel I know the girl or her mom well enough to do that.

Quote:Originally posted by krc:
[b]Even if I told DD not to eat ANYTHING, her friends probobly would and then I have to worry who's touching what.[/b]

Exactly. I feel this is much higher risk than a birthday party where I can discuss with the parent exactly what will be served.

I don't have a kid with a contact allergy so I fully admit I don't understand this stuff at all...but is it realistic to think that kids around your daughter are going to always eat safe foods?

This is only going to get tougher. At 12, my niece started going to movies alone with her gang of friends. What about school dances or football games where there are food concessions with peanut candy? It's all part of jr. high.

At some point, your daughter is going to have to co-exist with people who are contaminated with peanuts. They are probably all around her now. Her teacher may have had peanut butter for lunch and then graded her paper. The kids at the party may have eaten a peanut butter snack before they showed up. I'm just not sure trying to control what other people eat is a practical way to manage the situation. Perhaps it would be better to teach your daughter to avoid the "questionable" contacts she can and to be ready for a reaction if it occurs when she can't.

I'm going through the exact same letting go process as you are right now, so I do understand where you're coming from. I've huddled in a Starbucks during parties and I've cried copious tears...but I've still let him go. I don't want him to be so afraid of death that he misses out on life.

.

[This message has been edited by NicoleinNH (edited June 09, 2007).]

Quote:Originally posted by BriandBrinasmom:
[b]I don't have a kid with a contact allergy so I fully admit I don't understand this stuff at all...but is it realistic to think that kids around your daughter are going to always eat safe foods?

This is only going to get tougher. At 12, my niece started going to movies alone with her gang of friends. What about school dances or football games where there are food concessions with peanut candy? It's all part of jr. high.

At some point, your daughter is going to have to co-exist with people who are contaminated with peanuts. They are probably all around her now. Her teacher may have had peanut butter for lunch and then graded her paper. The kids at the party may have eaten a peanut butter snack before they showed up. I'm just not sure trying to control what other people eat is a practical way to manage the situation. Perhaps it would be better to teach your daughter to avoid the "questionable" contacts she can and to be ready for a reaction if it occurs when she can't. [/b]

Actually no, dd is not around people who have eaten pb. Her friends by the age of 6 knew that if they ate pb at home and were going to see her, they must wash their hands. And her teachers all know that if they eat peanut products they must wash their hands. She has a 504. If she went to the movies with a few friends, they would never in a million years get peanut candy with dd there. And the school dances are all peanut free. This is in her 504. They were already peanut free just due to the prevalence of peanut allergies. It was one of the factors I used in picking her middle school. So no, she is not around people who have eaten pb and not washed their hands. When she is with her close friends, it is really never a problem. They know better.

Have you talked to your daughter about your concerns?

It may be that [i]she[/i] is also a little nervous about the risks involved and would appreciate an honest appraisal of the situation with you to help. "Regular" trick-or-treating with a big group of kids is actually chaotic and kind of "wild" feeling... I am quite sure my daughter would hate the reality for those reasons.

This is probably just the first of many steps she will have to take on the road to independent management-- so I'd help her lay down groundrules that SHE will work from, and then play with different "what-if" scenarios. (Right? I mean, you can't ever [i]really[/i] control what other people will do-- and this is what I think the other poster was trying to say. Not that she's routinely around people who break the rules.)
She has to figure out how she is comfortable making her allergies part of her persona, KWIM? It is probably best if she gets some practice with your input.

I [i]think[/i] that my daughter wouldn't be too concerned with what others were doing (in terms of peer pressure to fit in), but she would speak right up about them touching her, or eating anything that made her uncomfortable. She'd probably offer them candy out of her own.... uhh, 'booty' in exchange for their cooperation. But my daughter isn't 11... so I don't know where she will be in her desire to fit in at that age.

Besides, as scary as this seems (shudders)-- remember how well she did on her own earlier, when you were not there to give her all the help you usually do? You said she did a SUPERB job. She is well-prepared. You've done a great job for her. Now I think you have to trust her.

{{{hugs}}} as you make difficult choices here, Mom.

[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Yes, dd and I talked about it yesterday when she told me about it. I told her that I thought it was high risk, that the kids will be eating their candy, half the candy will have peanuts, and can she think of any way to make it safe. It really is a joint decision. She said she could not think of any way to make it safe. I don`t think she would be at all comfortable with asking them not to eat their candy, since she doesn`t even know some of them. Both she and I feel that is sort of imposing. Yes, she is very responsible. You probably remember I got hospitalized unexpectedly in August for a week and she taught my friend that she stayed with everything from how to use an epi to checking the dog food for peanuts. They went grocery shopping together and dd read the ingredients for everything (she is also milk allergic, so there is alot she cannot have). The problem is really neither dd nor I can think of a way to make this safe other than asking all the girls not to eat their candy which neither dd nor I am comfortable with. She is going to tell the girl at school that she cannot go and why, and we are hoping that maybe the girl will offer to make sure her guests don`t eat the candy. I don`t think that is likely though.

[This message has been edited by Carefulmom (edited October 25, 2006).]

Carefulmom, not to beat a dead horse here but too polite is too polite.

You might consider role playing how exactly your daughter will discuss with these girls why they should not eat their candy. It does not have to be a big deal. Just matter of fact. The other girls might even know someone with PA and understand.

This is her opportunity to start to speak up for herself and PA demands that you are able to do this in order to keep yourself safe and inform the ignorant public.

And frankly I might say to your daughter if you won't explain to the other girls then you can't go. You are already sending her to a party where you don't know the family so the risks are already big enough.

You watch, she'll come thru this fine. It will be a big big success for her and start her out on that road to independence.

"Hey before we go out trick or treating could I ask you all to not eat any of your candies while we are out there?" "Just being around peanuts can make me very very sick so I would appreciate it if you chose a non peanut candy to eat or ate none at all."

It's that simple. Enlist the cooperation of the host mother. You need to figure out how safe that mother is anyway.

Peg

After reading the rest of the posts, part of me just thinks that if you wouldn't feel comfortable having her handling a reaction, in the dark, on Halloween, trick-or-treating in a stranger's neighborhood, with a bunch of girls freaking out, then I wouldn't let her go.

Frankly, without the FA's, I'm not too sure I'd be comfortable with my kids going out trick-or-treating in a stranger's neighborhood without parents in the first place. Even at 11.

And I'm trying to remember how airborne sensitive she is. Would it be enough that she wore long sleeves,etc. and carried wipes? And trained the parent going with them on how to use the Epi (which might make a pretty big impact right there).

I was going to suggest her giving out goody bags, too, but someone beat me to it. Maybe super cool goody bags??? With nail polish in them, too???

My heart aches for her. Good luck--I hope that they decide on including her.

Thinking back on my goodie bag idea. This might not be a good idea because it is another girl giving the party and she might feel upstaged if your daughter showed up with goodie bags.

Believe me middle school are the toughest years of your life.

Peg

As a matter of safe Trick or treating policy, my entire life, without any food allergies, we were *never* allowed to eat any candy until adults checked it over for safety reasons. You know, the old razor blades in apples and pins in candy bars scare!

Nothing to do with allergies, my parents, again, at any age, and maybe I did it myself when older(11 is old enough) took it all home and looked it over before anything got eaten.

Maybe you could run it by the parent in this light as well as with the allergy concerns? I do not and will not let my kids eat while we collect the candy. Never would have anyway. becca

Funny how things all over are the same. Carefulmom, your dd and mine are close in years (dd just turned 12) and what is she doing for Halloween this year, but going off to a party where they will all trick or treat in a big pack!

I do agree that you cannot attend this party. Way too uncool for your dd.

My situation is a bit different - the hostess is a school friend of dd who does know about the allergies, mom is a RN and the dad is an EMT. The mom was nice and asked me before the invite, if it was an OK thing for dd to do (not even knowing if trick or treating was within our comfort zone). So I feel fortunate and comfortable with her going, with cell phone, Epi, and her best friend who is Epi trained too.

But I also agree with the no eating candy until you get home. There have been some scarey recent incidents the last few Halloweens with "candy tampering". And in the dark no one can see what they are eating! And Peg makes good points about helping dd comfortable with speaking up, but if she doesn't know these girls and is not ready I would follow her lead, I guess.

Hope it works out.

Do you know if it's trick or treating followed by a regular party? Maybe she can skip the trick or treating and just go to the party. Still have the contamination problem, but maybe a little safer than worrying about a rxn on the sidewalk in the dark.

As far as kids not eating from their bags, we had that rule too when I was a kid. I distinctly remember (at age 11, now that I think of it) during the trick or treat I chewed through a bunch of gum I wasn't supposed to have because of my braces. You can't count on 11 years olds to follow the rules.

Here is the update. The girls will be eating while they trick or treat, dd told the girl she could not go and why. It really isn`t about speaking up. I don`t think an 11 year old can police 10 other girls in the dark some of whom she doesn`t know, and really dd shouldn`t have to. They may even not all be at the same house at the same time. Chicago, in your situation I would have allowed it. This situation just wasn`t safe. There were too many factors that could not be controlled. So dd isn`t going.

Well, I am relieved (for you) but sad for her. What a difficult decision. And what a mature choice.

Here's hoping that you can find a way to make it up to her.

[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Would it work to provide a snack bag for everyone to eat during trick-or-treating? Your dd could explain that it keeps her safer if they eat safe foods around her. I would think the girls would be delighted to get the extra candy.

Does your dd have a cell phone? That way, she could call you if anything goes awry and she needs to reach you quickly.

I don't know if you have other kids, but maybe you'd feel better if she goes and you hang out in that area with a good book. That way you'll be nearby if she needs you quickly.

I hope you find a way to work it out!

Quote:Originally posted by Carefulmom:
[b]I`m just trying to figure out if there is any way to make this safe for dd. She is 11 1/2 and in 6th grade. She is very responsible, so that isn`t the issue. She just started middle school last month. Because she is in a gifted magnet, the school draws from a large area and she has made new friends. One of her new friends who lives 40 minutes away has invited her to a Halloween party. There will be a party and the kids will go trick or treating. Dd wants to go, but I don`t see how we can make this safe for dd. There will be about 10 girls, and probably some will be kids who don`t go to dd`s school and who don`t know her. It seems like while trick or treating, chances are very high that the kids will be eating their candy, about half of which has peanuts, and I can picture them touching dd or just being around dd and she will have to keep her distance because they are eating peanut candy. I don`t see how we can ask that 10 girls (most of whom we don`t know) not eat their candy while trick or treating. Is there any way to make this safe for dd? Last year dd had her two best friends over for Halloween and it was no problem to ask them not to eat their candy while trick or treating because they were her two best friends, eat at the peanut free table with her every day, etc. This is different. The girl who invited her is not a close friend and I am not even sure that she knows about the pa. She and dd do not eat lunch together. Is there any way at all to make this safe? Dd really wants to go and I hate to make her miss out on the fun. My going along is not an option at age 11. No one has their mother there by this age. And the party is 40 minutes away, so that if dd were uncomfortable or felt unsafe and called me to come get her, it would take a long time for me to get there. What would you do?[/b]

Carefulmom I think you made a good decision and your daughter had a hand in it too which is important.

Maybe you and she can do something special that night to mark the occasion. Make a nice mother daughter memory.

Peg

Well, now I am going to hijack my own thread, because after talking about how responsible dd is, she did something today that I think was really irresponsible and really upset me. Halloween is next Tuesday. Yesterday at our 504 meeting, I asked that peanut candy not be passed out at the Halloween parade and the school offerred to only pass out candy which is safe for dd at all school events. Since dd is also milk allergic, this is really accomodating and more than I ever expected. The nurse asked for a list of safe candy. Due to the milk allergy there are very few candies that are safe. I had made a list and given it to one of dd`s teachers before school started because that teacher had asked for one, but I never made a copy for myself (since I already know what is safe). I asked dd yesterday to get the list from her teacher today, take it to the nurse, ask the nurse to make a copy and take the original back to the teacher. I reminded dd at least five times yesterday and at least three times this morning. It was the final thing I said before she got out of the car at school. I called the nurse and said dd would be coming in at lunch, could the nurse make a copy for herself, make a copy for me in case it is needed again, and give dd the original for the teacher. The nurse said fine. When I picked dd up, I asked dd for the list, and she forgot the whole thing. So here the school was nice enough to pass out to all kids in all grades only candy which is pa safe and milk allergy safe and dd forgot her part. I was really upset. Am I expecting too much at age 11 1/2?

Well first I think it is wonderful that the school is working with you!
No, I do not think you are asking too much of her. It must be something about the age! I can tell my 10yo to give something to her teacher 20 times and she would still forget! This has started just recently and it is driving me crazy! She is asking for more responsibility but she can't even seem to remember what I asked of her 20 minutes ago!
Is it possible she did not want to do it because it had to do w/her allergy? I've noticed dd becoming a little more self-conscious about it. She doesn't seem want to draw attention to herself in that way.
I can't tell you how many times she's said she's tired of being known as "Peanut girl".

It really IS wonderful how the school is handling this. Because she is milk allergic, I never asked them to only pass out candy that is safe for dd. I don`t know if she forgot because it had to do with her allergies or not. She is usually so responsible I just didn`t see this one coming. I just think that with Halloween just a few days away, when the nurse asked for the list of safe candy, it was up to us to get it to her ASAP! Had I known dd would forget, I could have just written up a new list and given it to the nurse. The other way just seemed easier, in case I would forget any safe candies. Or I could have gone up to school at lunch, gotten it from the teacher, and taken it to the nurse myself.

Hi Carefulmom. I'm sorry I didn't see your thread until now.

I can definitely relate. It's tough when your child enters Middle School with so many new families. . . We had a Halloween party invite last year from a 'new' family, but nearby. Turned out the mom was extremely familiar with PA and invited me into her kitchen just to 'double check' all the labels. No trick or treating, 'only' a party. So it worked out for us.

But we've also had to decline based on PA. . . a Bat/Bar Mitzvahs party this year in fact. Just couldn't figure out how to make it work. There are so many variables. . .

I wondered how much the milk allergy factors in for you. I'm sure that must raise the stakes.

At Middle School, Mariah doesn't want to do things that draw attention to her allergy. She's at a stage where she would resent having to do a 'chore' related to her PA while at school. Even knowing that it was for [i]her[/i] benefit. Is it possible that your DD really didn't want to do this? She may have truly forgotten because she put it off in her mind?

I definitely see the value in having our children involved in the management of their allergy, including at school, but I also know that some things that were easy for Mariah to do in elementary school are now difficult for her to do in Middle School.

Carefulmom it was kind of a three part thing you asked your daughter to do and honestly middle schoolers don't have that kind of processing going on in their brains.

You can find that research somewhere I know.

Middle school is the toughest time in a kids life. Social, physical, emotional, mental changes. And your daughter has FAs on top of all that.

Just the one time in her life when she NEEDS and WANTS to be like everyone else and now we are asking her to be responsible for her very life.

It is tough. I'd do the important things myself, let her take responsibility for things she can manage but hover a bit and be there to help.

For sure it will help your relationship with her during this time.

Peg

Hi Gail, I remember your thread a few weeks back. I think it had to do with who would notify the office if Mariah was eating in the classroom---her or the teacher. At least Mariah came out and told you she did not want to do it. She didn`t say yes she would do it and then forget. I don`t know if the reason she forgot is that it had to do with her food allergies or not. I think my dd is less worried about standing out than yours (from our posts over the years). I know that your dd was uncomfortable with a peanut free table, but mine was not. Her chorus teacher told me that a week after school started, a child near dd was sneaking a pb sandwich (they are not allowed to eat in the classroom) and dd left her seat and walked across the room to tell the teacher (because it was pb). She didn`t have any problem standing out that time. Of course, that time dd felt unsafe whereas this safe candy list did not affect dd`s safety in an immediate sense. I was so proud of her for notifying the chorus teacher about the child sneaking pb....and now this.

Peg, you and I must have been posting at the same time. Maybe my expectations are too high. Maybe in the future I should just do this kind of stuff myself. It seemed a lot easier to have dd do it since she was already there, rather than spending 20 minutes driving up, doing it, and spending 20 minutes driving home (the teacher who had the list works half time and is only there part of the day). But if it isn`t going to get done I should just do it myself. I just wish she would have told me she wasn`t going to do it.

Carefulmom she did not know she was not going to do it. She honestly just did not do it.

Lower your expectations a bit about responsibility for these teen years. They are tough.

Somewhere out there is research on how a teens brain works and it is frightening. They need more sleep than ever before, they cannot remember two or three things together and it goes on and on and on.

This does not excuse certain things she will mess up on but for sure when her PA is concerned and you can do it I'd say do it and let her see what you are doing. Think out loud and she'll be learning even if she does not know it. And when she is ready to take over certain tasks she'll let you know.

I got alot of garbage with my very first post here at PA.com. People (one in particular who is not here now) jumped on me because I said "I" spoke to the college and "I" spoke to the cafeteria manager. People said my son was old enough to own his allergy and I was doing him a disservice by doing this for him. People actually expressed fear for my son because I was supposedly not letting him take over his allergy.

Everything you all know about me right now proves that is not the case with my son but part of it is true. I did alot of the leg work for years but my son was right there beside me listening and learning. He even told me this recently.

He attended small demanding private schools and the amount of work he had and the amazing grades and reports he accrued would not have been so if he had to handle informing and teaching his potential college about his allergies. All in all he and I did that together.

I did that because he was a teenager and those years are tough. He was always there listening and learning. And he is totally in charge of his FAs for years now. Very successfully I might add.

What I am saying is during these early teen years you might consider taking on some things you think your daughter might be able to handle. She can't. This is not time to put more responsibility on her. It is time to work together with her, let her see what you do on her behalf and she will watch and learn.

Sorry for preaching but my first post here still rings in my ears.

Peg

Yes, I remember being horrified at the person who jumped all over you (don`t recall who it was though). That is good advice. I have always thought aloud from day one "you can`t have this because it has casein and casein means milk" rather than just "you can`t have this because you are allergic to it". I guess I really need to do more. I guess I am just burned out on this whole food allergy stuff, I am so ready for her to take on more. She was there when I trained her teachers on the epi. I did the talking but she was there. At least this forgetting was not life threatening, like forgetting other things could have been. I had no idea the teenage brain was wired that way. She is in all Honors classes and just got straight A`s on her first middle school report card, so the thing I asked her to do seemed so simple. I really need to lower my expectations, especially if teenagers are not wired to remember.

Remember the effort it took to get all of those A's. That was monumental effort even if she is brilliant. That effort took away from other places in her brain and you/we are there to pick up the pieces.

The greatest thing we can do for our kids is to understand where they are at any particular age and work with that in an understanding loving manner.

Believe me it worked for us.

Peg

Thank you for helping me put this in perspective. I think part of it is the single mom issue plus I had major surgery in August and my strength is not what it was. I am just trying to simplify things for myself since then. Your husband is a gastrenterologist, right? I had a volvulus and had a cecectomy. It is really rare. I felt really awful for about six or seven weeks after. I am 2 1/2 months post op now, and just trying to minimize the things I have to do. I just don`t have the energy I had before. So I guess I need to take some of the responsibility off dd.

Quote:Originally posted by Carefulmom:
[b]I am just trying to simplify things for myself since then.[/b]

Maybe your DD is feeling similarly? I hope you know what I mean,~ maybe all that took a toll on her as well? . . .

Peg, you make so many excellent points. Sometimes I think I fall prey to expecting Mariah to excel at a high level in all areas at all times. I think this is simply beautiful:

Quote:Originally posted by Peg541:
[b]The greatest thing we can do for our kids is to understand where they are at any particular age and work with that in an understanding loving manner.
[/b]

[This message has been edited by Gail W (edited October 28, 2006).]

Wow carefulmom you went thru the mill. Be certain your DD went thru it with you too. I hope you are on your way to recovery.

Gail I had a mentally ill abusive mother. I just do what Mr. Rogers taught me to do. Honestly he taught me how to be a mother. I cried for a week when he died. My kids did too.

Peg

Hi Carefulmom! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]

I just put together my ds' safe candy list for his class -- milk, egg, and nut free, and WOW! there's not much.

Handing it in had me just waiting for comments from other moms, so far so good though.

I just read through your thread...and got to wondering about your dd. Any chance that because making the candy be milk and nut free would be so limiting, that your dd didn't want to hand the list in? Perhaps she was afraid of hearing other kids complain about the limits on candy especially after she had to turn the Halloween party down and may be bummed about that?

If I were your very responsible, label reading dd, I may prefer the candy just being nut free so other kids wouldn't complain. It sounds like she would never dream of eating something she's not sure of, and may (?) be comfortable around candy with milk? And, after your surgery, she may not have wanted to bother you about it, and just said she forgot or unintentionally forgot because she knew she didn't want to do it.

Or.....I could be completely wrong, but I just thought I'd throw it out there.

Sorry to hear about your surgery and your slow recovery. Hope you're feeling better soon! Meg

The list had about 9 or 10 things, so it wasn`t too bad and dd was really excited that the school would be passing out safe candy on holidays that she could actually eat as opposed to just peanut free candy which would probably have milk and be unsafe for her. In middle school very few of the kids know about her allergies. The kids would never know that she is the reason they are getting Starburst and not Reese`s. The only kids in her school who know about her allergies are the ones from elementary school and the two friends she eats lunch with. Because it is a gifted magnet, most of the kids she went to elementary school with are not in her middle school. The list was not that short and I think the candy on it is egg free as well. Tomorrow I am going to go up to school and get it. I`ll email you what is on the list in case there is anything you have not thought of for your ds.