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Spouse not taking it seriously

4 replies [Last post]
Fri, 03/05/2010 - 15:43
bimmerbill
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User offline. Last seen 1 year 45 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 03/05/2010
Peanut Free Points: 45

Hello all, my daughter is 4 and has a severe PA and very slight TNA. Her RAST was 4 for the PA. Tree nut allergy seems to be fading (enough that the allergist said she could eat foods "that may contain tree nuts).

Anyways, my wife just isn't serious about the whole PA thing. We are seperated and when I drop my daughter off for a visit I am scared of what may happen.

Just tonight I saw Thai Peanut mix, and know that she buys choc chips that "may contain peanut" and lets my daughter eat them.

Does any one have any ideas on how to get my wife to take this more seriously? I don't allow any products in my house with the word PEANUT on it.

Am I asking too much for my wife to do the same? Am I over reacting? Do you all still buy and eat the allergins your kids may be allergic to? Or do you have a strict NOT ALLOWED policy?

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Mon, 03/08/2010 - 15:38
#1
Michaels Mom
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User offline. Last seen 1 year 24 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 08/08/2009
Peanut Free Points: 930

What a stressful and scary situation to be in! I know if it were me and I were concerned about my child's safety, I would speak to the allergist and see what her recommendations are (wether or not to avoid "May contains"). If the allergist agrees that your ex wife is putting your child in danger by not providing a safe enviroment,I would think you could have the court place restrictions on her visitation? Maybe then you would be able to supervise all visits?
I do not feel you are over reacting. My children have never been left alone with my in laws for this very reason. Our allergist did a wonderful job of laying it on the line for my husband....saving face/keeping family peace is NEVER more important than our child's safety!

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Tue, 03/09/2010 - 07:32
#2
BestAllergySites
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User offline. Last seen 1 year 1 week ago. Offline
Joined: 03/15/2009
Peanut Free Points: 0

bimmerbill--welcome to peanutallergy.com!

I'm so glad you are here. Usually the story you just explained is reversed. I can't tell you how many times I hear that the dad doesn't get it.

First off let me kudos to you for keeping your child safe. You are NOT being unreasonable.

We do not eat peanut containing foods and do not keep them in the house. When we eat out--we are less picky about our own meals but are vigilant about our sons.

You need to have a heart to heart with your wife. I'm sure there are of course other things going on--you are separated. But put that aside for now and explain that you are very worried about your daughter and that you know that you and she both want to keep her safe.

Give her facts (no blame) statistics etc. about why she can and can not eat certain things. Get the allergist involved with a letter or meeting.

If all that fails, then you'll have to consider how to move forward and keep your daughter safe. I hope you both have EpiPens for her at both locations at the very least.

Best of luck--let us know how it goes and feel free to ask any other questions.

__________________

Ruth LovettSmith
Founder of http://www.bestallergysites.com/
Your Food Allergy and Gluten Free Guide, and the largest Internet directory of allergy related companies, sites, and blogs.

Disclaimer: I'm a food allergy advocate and mom of a food allergic child. I am NOT an allergist. My comments are based on my research and experiences. Please speak to your doctor regarding medical concerns.

__________________

Ruth LovettSmith
Founder of http://www.bestallergysites.com/
Your Food Allergy and Gluten Free Guide, and the largest Internet directory of allergy related companies, sites, and blogs.

Disclaimer: I'm a food allergy advocate and mom of a food allergic child. I am NOT an allergist. My comments are based on my research and experiences. Please speak to your doctor regarding medical concerns.

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Fri, 03/19/2010 - 08:43
#3
bimmerbill
bimmerbill's picture
User offline. Last seen 1 year 45 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 03/05/2010
Peanut Free Points: 45

Thanks for the comments. I bought extra EPI Pens, since my wife frequently doesn't know where our primary one is. She sometimes forgets it when she goes out, which worries me.

Yeah, I get the "reversed" comment a lot. I also go to an autism family support group and am usually the only guy there.

I'm going to send my wife an email sharing my concerns and specifying actions I will take if our daughter isn't kept safe from potential allergins.

Thanks again,
Bill

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Mon, 03/22/2010 - 09:57
#4
michael.lucas
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User offline. Last seen 1 year 45 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 03/22/2010
Peanut Free Points: 85

I to sgree with the above posted comments. For me having the PA myself sometimes presents a conflict between me and my wife. For the longest time my wife still ate peanuts and items containing peanuts until one of my episodes. I was coming home from a day of school and work when I saw a drink on the counter top that belonged to my wife. I took a drink and was told by my wife that she had just been eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich. Within 45 seconds my tongue, throat, lips and palate went numb and I was having trouble breathing. Upon getting to the hospital I was intibated and regained conciousness 2 days later in the intensive care unit. Needless to say my wife now is far more proactive in watching what I eat and where we go although we are both still learning.

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