Before beginning with my story and questions, I'd like to state, while I have heard, and generally welcome, suggestions towards my use of marijuana, it is [b]my[/b] lifestyle choice. Now, let us begin...
I'm currently 19 years old, and have had a +4 PA/TNA allergy since my earliest memories. All through childhood I was the outcast of sorts, in my own mind, for being the isolated one due to my allergies. Eating in the classroom with a select buddy on days the cafeteria served nuts, and letters being sent home about a peanut free classroom. All because of me. I was essentially the pilot child at my elementary school. People weren't familiar with it, and the other kids my age didn't understand my allergy. But my mother had made sure that I did. I become conscious of checking labels and what foods to avoid at a young age. I experienced, what I believe to be my first panic attack in the 6th grade. It was in the cafeteria and I had eaten a chip that a nearby person had given to me, and after consuming it I realized that they were eating a PBa&J. Whenever I got back to the classroom minutes later I asked to go to the nurse, with pains in my throat and difficulty breathing. The nurse assured me I was fine, but I checked out anyways. Moments after being with my grandmother the panic entirely dissipated. I'd say my mentality towards my allergies laxed significantly after middle school. I was never one to carry my EpiPen, but only in the past week this changed. The reasoning I will get to shortly after the extraneous facts from my past, but now we're to the present. The earliest part of my senior year of HS I began smoking marijuana, and after a few weeks it became daily use. Never had a problem with it until one night right before heading home. I was drinking a smoothie I had been drinking for quite some time, and stopped in at my workplace, a local restaurant to smoke with a coworker. As I came in to tell him I had arrived, and went into the kitchen. Many people drank out of my smoothie, and I hadn't planned on drinking out of it again. Well after smoking, and my mind in a different place, I began drinking the smoothie once more. After a few more sips, I realized what I had done. The What Ifs set in, and my throat begin to ache and it became harder to breathe. I thought I was going to die. About a minute and a half had passed and I was still driving, and I stopped down the road at another restaurant and rushed to the restroom. I drank some water, and steadied my breathing. I convinced myself I was okay, but it was still not fully passed. I returned to my car,and started to drive once more. As soon as I got seconds away it hit harder yet. Well anyways enough details, but I ended up having the ambulance called and they deemed me alright. I fell asleep right afterwards. More symptoms I did not include: hyperventilation, hands closing involuntarily and losing feeling and control, full body numbness, etc.
Anyways, I was fine after this for months, and then suddenly in the past weeks I've found myself utterly paranoid about my allergy. When kissing my girlfriend if there is any uncertainty about whats she's eaten I freak. About foods her family cooked on thanksgiving even though they told me everything was safe. When smoking, something I enjoyed and felt comfortable doing, and still do when flying solo,but in groups with their pieces or when their lips met mine I have that tendency. So I now avoid that social norm I was accustomed too. I just need help controlling this irrational fear. Because at times,it is highly irrational, but I was harped on so much on as a child and through my environment that the one straw to the camel's back set me overboard. I'm about to schedule an appt. with my allergist to discuss my anxiety,and have talked to my girlfriend once about my allergies and anxiety towards kissing her. But, I still feel the same. I even know what triggers the fear, but still, I get it all the same. The effects have lessened, but still, I need more help.
What should I do? Anyone else experiencing this? Also, please hold negative comments unless they are constructive, and will help the anxiety/panic disorder.
This is probably jumbled and erratic, my apologies, but with my mind hopping from place to place it's hard to collect all the thoughts on the matter and fully describe everything needed. Any questions please ask.
