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Do You Think It\'s Possible To Rate A Comfort Zone - How Do You Rate Your\'s?
By on Thu, 10-20-05, 04:29
This stems from the "may contains" "made ins" questions (did your child eat them) (just kinda a note to myself about why I raised the question because I will forget [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/tongue.gif[/img] ).
Do you think it's possible to rate a comfort zone. I've heard "tight" comfort zone. I've heard "pretty tight". I've heard "lax".
Since PA is something that albeit the one thing we have in common, it is so specific as to how each family/person deals with it, is it possible to "rate" your comfort zone? Do you know what I mean?
We don't really rate per se other aspects of parenting or living, so why or how or can we rate a comfort zone?
So, not clear if I have an answer for the question I raised and hopefully other people do.
Oh, sorry, tonight I also saw "looser".
I can kinda tell what members here have similar comfort zones to me, but I also know that we don't do everything in this journey the same.
To extend it further - is there a feeling (I remember there being one a few years ago) that it's mostly people with very tight comfort zones that are members of PA.com?
You can't "rate" the allergy, so how do you rate how you live with it?
Pardon me, I'm obviously trying to work this question or set thereof out.
See, I was about to say something and then I stood corrected, by myself. I was going to say that I didn't think you could rate a comfort zone because it is an individual family thing. But then, I thought about the PA child at my son's school who eats M&M's and IMMEDIATELY, I think that that family has a more lax or looser comfort zone than my family does (although there is no judgement involved regarding that, UNLESS saying that their comfort zone is looser or more lax than mine is, in and of itself, a judgement).
So, I was going to say that you can't rate a comfort zone. But I know people here who I feel have a much tighter comfort zone than I do. I know two people at least who I feel have pretty much the same comfort zone as I do, but then again, those two people and their families and mine, if we get together, are we going to do everything the same? No.
Doesn't the word "lax" have a negative connotation to begin with? She's lax about doing this or that blah blah blah.
Mine right now is "have two EpiPens will travel", read labels, avoid TNA even though my guy is PA only, and I guess if there is a scale of rating that we could figure out, I'd be middle of the road (does that mean I get hit by the car? [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img] )
But in saying that, I also believe I have many friends here whose comfort zones are very different than mine and I guess I'm struggling to find the words that sound okay to me about their zones - tighter (okay, that doesn't sound negative or can it?) and more relaxed. More relaxed. That's a *nice* term.
And I believe that's totally their family's business. As I posted in another thread tonight, whatever works for each family works.
The whole point of this question - if you read this board and you feel that people *might* have a tighter comfort zone than you, that does not mean that you should feel uncomfortable in any way whatsoever about the comfort zone you have chosen for your family.
We all have only one thing in common. PA. Just the diagnosis itself. Nothing else. Not how we each deal with it for our families and with friends and with school.
As I also posted in another thread, but with different words, I think we've always been pretty gracious here when discussing comfort zones.
So, still thinking about "the rating". Tight in some places, probably the places where I have less control (i.e., school) and more relaxed, not necessarily in places that I have control over, but when I, personally, am with my guy (heaven help me in a couple of years with that one [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img] )
Many thanks and best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
By jtolpin on Thu, 10-20-05, 16:31
I have no idea what you asked. Nor do I know how to answer it? [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
What do you want to hear? What do you NEED to hear?
People are different. Allergies are different. Comfort Zones are different.
Whatever works for one, is THEIR comfy zone. End of story...
Whether you agree or not, is irrelevant. Their choice.
In New England Football, a player is coming back to play, after having a stroke.
The docs cleared him. His family says 'go for it'. The coaches say 'go for it' and all (ALL) the docs say hes fine to play again, after an 8 mth hiatus (sp).
Yet, on the sports radio call in, people call him 'selfish' and "How can he do this to his family? What if he 'dies' in a game".
The docs all said YES. HE said YES. The coach says YES.
It's choice. Not anyone elses, really.
Just like PA. Your own choices are made.
Jason
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[b]* Obsessed * [/b]
__________________
[b]* Beyond Obsessed * [/b]
By on Thu, 10-20-05, 16:55
Jason, somehow, magically and most exquisitely you posted exactly what I needed to hear (don't know about anyone else). A simply perfect post.
Somehow, I do think that's what I was trying to get across last night when I raised the question and again, I raised the question because for a couple of reasons. I remember a couple of years ago when it was suggested that all PA.com members were extreme fanatics about their child's PA and a lot of people would not visit because we were all psychotic (no, I cannot remember the specific thread). So, I don't want people to think that about our membership because I know that it's not true.
Secondly, in reading another thread, I was very saddened to read that JandE Mom (I believe - I know it's the person just not clear about the UserName) was maybe going to feel uncomfortable about posting because she felt her comfort zone differed from those she had read so far on the board. And he**, I don't want her to feel that way. I don't want anyone to feel that way.
I've met two other PA families in *real* life. Now one, I would say probably lived their life pretty much the same way I do, but then I wasn't there every day of their lives, KWIM? The other family was a *bit* different than our family in how they dealt with PA.
Okay, here's an example. X family feels the need to wipe down a table in a restaurant. I am eating with X family. I don't feel that need (never have - oh, except at Dairy Queen once). But I let X family deal with PA the way they dealt with it and they let me deal with PA the way I deal with it. No judgement. Simply different ways of dealing with PA.
I can assure anyone here that if you come into my home, it is peanut/tree nut free and your child will be safe as far as PA (or a PA adult will). No worries about residue or anything.
When you flee my home in horror it won't be because something happened PA wise that scared the bejesus out of you. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/tongue.gif[/img]
I do have to say that if a family was coming to my home that was dealing with more than PA/TNA, I would need more education than what I have.
No, Jason, your post was absolutely exquisite.
Can I ask - the person saying that C might be PA because of in utero, does she know that your DW is PA? Of course, she *could* be blaming YOUR contribution to the whole matter. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/biggrin.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
By rebekahc on Thu, 10-20-05, 18:14
I rate our comfort zone "works for us".
[img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Rebekah
By iansmom on Fri, 10-21-05, 00:48
I agree with everyone else so far: what works for us works for us, and I don't feel the need to worry about the rest. But I'd like to add that I enjoy hearing the particulars about other comfort zones. Sometimes it makes me reconsider my own comfort zone, and that is something that probably shouldn't be a static thing anyway. It opens my eyes to other ways of doing things, and successfully at that.
By on Fri, 10-21-05, 04:00
iansmom, definitely agree. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Wouldn't it be through reading here about another member not trusting a particular food and why that we *might* consider that it's something that we don't want to trust anymore either? For me, I'm thinking Duncan Hines (but my guy also had a reaction).
Or, in thinking about things that I could "lighten up" about - grocery store baked goods is probably one of the things that some people might want to give me doo doo over, but I've read what other members have posted here and done what I consider the necessary research and for our family, at the grocery store where we currently shop, bakery items are do-able.
In the thread that I posted about What Else Would You Tell This Mom, If Anything? - in the article that sparked the question, the Mom said that she feels bad that her child will never get to attend birthday parties. Well, her daughter is only 20 months old, but I felt like saying, birthday parties are do-able, come here and get some hints.
I think, for me, a lot of times it had to do with a *new* experience like bowling, the circus, or even going to the movie theatre. I simply read what others do here to successfully attend different things (even baseball games although we have never gone, but I'd love to check out a hockey game one day again) and some of the people's comfort zones really helped us to be able to experience things in relative safety.
(With a note that when it comes to the movie theatre, I don't have any special precautions in place whatsoever).
Or school stuff. I'm thinking back three years where my head was ready to explode. My "comfort zone" didn't feel okay about "may contains" in the "peanut free" classroom that the children ate in and members here could hear my stress and know that my head was willing to explode. Because a lot of people didn't feel that "may contains" were a problem, they suggested, and very gently and out of concern, that I remove that requirement from the "peanut free" classroom.
Now, I didn't that year and I didn't the following year, but I finally did last year. That definitely had to do with hearing about other people's comfort zones.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
By gw_mom3 on Fri, 10-21-05, 07:30
I am going to admit that we have a pretty tight comfort zone. That said I will also say that I am practically a professional "alarmist" and worry to the point of being sick at times, so this is just what makes ME (and us) comfortable. I have a lot of routines and obsessions (not necessarily related to food allergies) that are probably unnecessary but they make me feel more comfortable. It's just the way I am. I always worry that I will transfer this constant worrying and obsessiveness to my kids so I do work on specifically not doing that (at least with things not related to food allergies).
So it doesn't bother me when someone has a looser comfort zone than I do. If it works for them, then that's great.
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[b]~Gale~[/b]
__________________
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~Gale~
By on Fri, 10-21-05, 14:11
Quote:Originally posted by csc:
[b]To extend it further - is there a feeling (I remember there being one a few years ago) that it's mostly people with very tight comfort zones that are members of PA.com?
[/b]
I wanted to comment on this. I agree that it's mostly people with very tight comfort zones that [i]post[/i] at pa.com. But a lot of lurkers and less frequent posters have looser comfort zones. (I'm not guessing - I actually know this because I often get private e-mails from people.) I also think some people with looser comfort zones don't choose to get into conversations about comfort zones.
By jtolpin on Fri, 10-21-05, 15:09
I have a headache reading this... I dont know why... too many words, I think. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Do I think its 'odd' to hear about someone elses comfy zone? nah... its what they choose.
Im lost. Which thread am I in? I find Im repeating myself. I was gonna say something.
Sara was invited to a party one time. Caitlin too. There was a boy, who went, who is PA. The cake was NOT safe for Caitlin so we brought 2 cupcakes (JIC one fell) that WERE 'safe' for 'her'.
So this boy, didnt eat 'the cake' because he didnt know what was in it (or didnt see the label, or whatever...) and didnt bring a cake with him (or snack), so he sat there...
And Ann/I wondered 'Do we give him one of Caitlins cupcakes?' Would YOU? If hes 'just' allergic to PN, would it be 'ok', to him... to his mother?' (No mom was there -- it was a dropoff).
We decided NOT to give him one...
Because OUR comfy zone is NOT theirs (we dont know WHAT their comfy zone was...)
Would he have taken it? Depends on how HE was brought up...
We imagined that the cupcakes we brought were PN Free... Maybe they were... maybe they werent... who knows, kwim?
Another pet peeve of mine -- the word 'safe'.
I don't like it, while Im doing some non sequitor line of thinking...
What does 'safe' mean [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img] Safe to 'who'? Safe of 'what'?
It's relative to the 'comfort zone'.
I don't like thinking so much on a Friday. I'm hijacking this now, as I'm done [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Tonight is our school's 'Monster Mash' -- both girls are int he same school, both are going (by me). Snacks are bought there, none are safe for C (maybe fruit snacks and water, kwim?). But BOTH girls are in the habit of 'buying' stuff there... We'll bring safe popcorn from home, fruit snacks, and skittles if I can find them.
Jason
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[b]* Obsessed * [/b]
__________________
[b]* Beyond Obsessed * [/b]
By synthia on Fri, 10-21-05, 15:57
(((hugs Jason)))
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Love this site
Synthia
__________________
Love this site
Synthia
By JandEMom on Fri, 10-21-05, 20:26
First, want to apologize to anyone I offended re. comfort zone and my pereption that if you didnt have a tighter comfort zone, there was really no place here for you.
I'm sure thats not the case - but from solely being a "lurker" here and there, its definitely the perception I took away. Very likely, its an unfair assessment. I guess when I came here, I wanted to be able to chat w/ people who approached this allergy similar to me - and swap ideas. And didnt find that. Didnt mean to stir up controversy.
I'll continue to read the boards and would welcome anyone to email me at [email]cgumacal@hotmail.com[/email] to chat.
Thanks!
By on Fri, 10-21-05, 21:03
JandE Mom, you didn't stir up any controversy at all! The reason I asked this question was so that you would feel comfortable posting. When I read your post in another thread this week and saw that you were afraid to post about what you feel is your looser comfort zone, you were afraid that your parenting would be attacked and that your comfort zone would be questioned.
And I so want you to know that that's not going to happen (well, I can't promise that because I'm not the entire membership), but I really wanted you to know that YES you can post here and despite what you may feel is a different comfort zone than other members have, you will receive what I believe is the core thing about PA.com - support, caring, concern, encouragement, information.
I know people buying baked goods from grocery stores is not okay with a LOT of the membership and yet I post here that yes, I do buy birthday cakes at the local grocery store (having asked the requisite questions and checked the boxes of pre-formed cakes and even the bags of icing). No one has said anything to me about it. They may sit back at the computer and go, "oh, I don't feel okay about that for my family" but they have never posted that to me.
Or, when I see someone posting about something that I personally don't worry about, I may sit back and wonder why they're concerned about it, but I don't say, hey, I'm not concerned about that particular thing, so you shouldn't be.
Really, JandE Mom, I re-raised a few threads the other night after I read your post because I felt so sad that you might feel that you weren't welcome here when it is so not true.
I'd really like to see you post here. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
By on Fri, 10-21-05, 21:06
Anna Marie, I think you may very well have hit the nail on the head, and you know what? I think that's sad. Not that you hit the nail on the head (great aim [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img] ) but simply that people that *could* benefit from posting here aren't because of a perception.
Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
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Na.
CSC to answer a ? you posed to me.Do you think it would be the [b]right[/b] thing to do? [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
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Love this site
Synthia
Love this site
Synthia