Do you go to parties/ call parents?

My PA/TN allergic daughter is now 7 and I still attend her birthday parties in addition to calling and giving the parents a "heads up" about her severe allergies. I always ask what is being served and then I bring a safe cupcake with me for her. She is just now getting to the age where having me there is not that "cool" but I always try to be busy as a HELPER at the party so she doesn't realize I am there to watch her.
We have also had occasions where peanuts or nuts are present at the party even after I have told the parents-I just think some people don't get it. I just explain the situation to Madeline and we give the gift and leave if the parents can't put the item away (she is very touch sensitive). But honestly I have declined to take her to parties if I don't get a good feeling from the parents after speaking to them, or if I am not comfortable with where the party is taking place. The parents don't realize WHY I am declining so no one gets their feelings hurt. My comfort zone is very small with Madeline because of how allergic she is.
You are definitley not alone in your feelings about parties- and I agree that you should attend them as long as you can. Just tell the parents to put you to work-they always love an extra set of hands at a party. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]
Shandra (mom to Madeline pn/tn 7 and Grant 3 no allergies)

I am just going to second Maddiesmom. Couldn't have said it better myself. My boys are PA/TNA (DS age 6) and Egg Allergic (DS age 3 1/2).

I have started leaving DS at birthday parties. He is 7. I go in with him, and check out the food, ask to read labels, etc. If I feel comfortable after that I leave (he has his epi of course), but I always try to arrange the day so I can stay if I feel I need to. Also, all his friends are aware of his PA, and so far, that has been passed on to the parents. THe parents may not understand all that PA entails, but at least take it seriously and have the intention of keeping him safe.

I read that 2/3 of parents whose children are experiencing anaphylaxis do not give the epi. If the parents of the pa child don`t give the epi when they are supposed to, how can I expect parents I barely know to recognize a reaction and treat it correctly? Dd is 10. I did not leave her alone at parties until I knew she would give herself her epi if necessary. That was age 8 for us. She practiced into an orange. I always send all of her food. It just lowers the risk---one less thing to go wrong. I still check and make sure no peanuts are being served because of the airborne/contact issues. By this age, all the parents know about her and if they invite her they already know they can`t serve peanuts. The few who want to serve peanuts and think it is more important to have peanuts than to have dd there just don`t invite her. So once she has gotten an invitation, it is already peanut free.

I echo Maddiesmom. I appreciate help at my son's parties so I offer to help--sometimes needed, sometimes not.

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Donni

[son 7 years old--anaphylatic reaction without ingestion to peanut @ 22 months; contact allergic to peanut, sesame seed, & chickpea; airborn reaction to peanut if in closed environment; CAP RAST also shows allergy to almonds, Brazil nuts, hazelnuts (avoiding all tree nuts) but no known reaction to tree nuts]

My daughter is six and goes to a small private school where we know most of the families. They usually call me with the food menu.

I've started to "semi-leave" her at parties. She brings her own food and knows not to eat anything, but her own food. I usually stay out of the party area, but within close distance in case she needs me. I'm trying to give her independence while still providing safety.

My DA & PA son has not been invited to any parties yet (he's 5). But when/if it happens I plan on talking to the mom before hand, explaining about his allergies, making sure it is okay for me to come along, and seeing what is being served so that I can come up with a safe subsititute that is as close as possible.

I doubt any parent will want me to not be there after I have to explain how to use the epi-pen. [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/wink.gif[/img]

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[i][b]Allergy Eliminator [/b][/i]

PA DD, eight, was just left alone at a birthday party for the first time. She can't yet self-administer the Epipen. This party was at a friend's home. The mom is an R.N., very responsible and careful, and we have left DD alone with her before without problems. This mom has been fully trained by us in anaphylaxis/Epipen use and has seen the FAAN video, "It Only Takes One Bite".

I do feel that DD needed to be old enough to serve her own food without help before leaving her at a party. She brought safe pizza, cupcake and drink, plate and napkin in her lunchbox as always and she handled the food herself. The birthday mom was aware that DD would be taking care of her own food.

On the other hand, DD is invited to a skating rink party next week and I will not leave her there alone...too chaotic.

xx

So far, I have found Birthday Parties to be the most challenging aspect of managing food allergies. My boys are 5yo and 4yo, Peanut and Tree nut allergic.

After learning the hard way last year with a couple difficult moms...what I do now is:
- call about a week before the party to remind the mom about his allergies and see what will be served.
- If it's something that is not safe, I bring DS his own similar snack (ie, ice cream sandwich cake that I make for ice cream cake party*, or cupcake if it's a regular cake)
- When I get there, I check all snacks including any candies, treats, pinatas, etc.
- I leave a backpack with Benadryl, Epipens, and my phone number.
- If it's a drop off party (which most seem to be for 5+), I nervously leave, run a quick errand, and come back early!

I've found that a few moms will go out of their way to serve something safe for DS, most will "try" (ie, think they are doing the right thing, but it's still not quite there), and a few others will act annoyed and make no effort (that is where I get very uncomfortable...and would stay at the party or try to determine this beforehand and not send him).

It definitely is a challenge. You feel like you are being a pain, you don't know if the other parent/staff at party place will understand, and the parties are often totally chaotic!!! Would anyone even NOTICE if DS was having a reaction? Would they adminsiter the medications? That is what makes me nervous. Luckily in one of my boys classes we have 4 very knowledgeable moms (two with DH's with PA, 2 with their other kid PA), so it is a great group. But last year I was with an AWFUL, cliquey group of moms who ganged up against me. The good news is I learned early how difficult people can be, and now I am prepared.

* Ice cream sandwich cake:

Take a safe kind of ice cream sandwich. Frost with canned frosting (or any safe kind).
Decorate (Sprinkles, or the candy decorations made by betty crocker, etc).

So easy, and the PA/TNA child can have ice cream cake too! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

Wow, you are very trusting. I can`t imagine leaving an epi at a birthday party for a mom to use unless she has already had dd over for playdates and been trained on what to watch for. 2/3 of all parents don`t use the epi when they are supposed to, and we live with this every day, so I can`t imagine a busy mom worried about hosting a birthday party and new to food allergies will take 30 minutes to watch the FAAN video, and demonstrate she knows how and when to use it. And how closely will she be watching your child anyhow while busy hosting a birthday party? You are one brave person.

Quote:Originally posted by TwokidsNJ:
[b]If it's something that is not safe, I bring DS his own similar snack (ie, ice cream sandwich cake that I make for ice cream cake party*, or cupcake if it's a regular cake)
[/b]

I usually bring a safe snack, regardless of what the parents say because I have gone places and found out that the cake or food is not safe, though the parents/I thought it was. After I get there I assess the situation & decide if I should take the safe snack out or not.

I always stay. She is only four and there is too much going on at a party for the parents to pay attention to my child and her reactions to food.

Our son is almost 5. He has never missed an invite! I always call ahead to remind the parent of the allergies we are dealing with & what we can't be around. I offer to bring safe cupcakes &/or other baking....
I always go with him & likely will until he is closer to ten.
I usually request no nuts, no pb cookies...
& I suggest Lays chips, dips, & other snack ideas...

We avoid peanuts & eggs & CATS which is a big one when going to parties

My son is still very young and has only been to a few parties but up till this point I just let the parents know I will bring him a cupcake and snacks. I will ask what they are having just so I can have similiar stuff. One was having a pinata and asked what kind of candy he could eat. I just offered to bring a bag of safe candy cause I knew it would be easier. They were doing it toward the end of the party so I didnt worry too much about other opening theirs. There were no obvious peanut stuff anyway. Everybody has been very nice up till now. We had one invite from a woman that really doesnt know me that well but our kids are in sundy school together. She called several times prior to a party she was planning for the sunday school class and again for her daughters party to find out brand names etc. so son could eat the cakes. I have to admit I was a little hesitant to let him eat it even after all that but she was working so hard to include him I really appreciated it. I would not ask people to do all that but it was very nice she was so nice.

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Lalow
James 3yrs, NKA
Ben 2 yrs, PA and MA and SA

When I call to RSVP, I just let the parent know about my kids' allergies and that I will be at the party and we will bring our own cupcakes and candy. It takes the burden off of them to find safe foods (which many times are not within my comfort zone anyway.)

Cathy

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Mom to 6 1/2 yr old PA/TNA daughter and 3 yr old son who is allergic to eggs.

TwoKids NJ, I love your idea for the ice cream cake! DS has been wanting an ice cream cake for his b-day, which is in two days. Now I know a way to make it work!!!!! PA (and other FAs) are so new to us. You and everyone else here have been such a huge help to me.

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Mookie---Mom to Devin (PA, 1/2/04) and Brendan (PA, TNA, SA; 12/9/99)

My daugher is 5 also. We always call and give thema heads up. If there are peanut butter cups etc... served we politely decline the invitation. Most people have been overly nice however most buy store bought cakes that we do not trust. We don't want to impose so we always bring a safe cake and ice cream cup for our daugher. We had our first drop off party...scarry. The Mom was very nice and went so far as to eliminate cake for the party and just served Ice Cream that we suggested..and knew was safe. It turned out that her husband is a doctor so they took the allergy very seriouly and had no trouble keeping the Epi-pen anyway just in case. I always speak to the parent IN PERSON. I want to see thier eyes and gauge thier body language when I discuss the allergy. If I get a bad vibe then it's no go.

We deal with egg allergy in addition to peanut/tree nut, and have always attended, thus far. I might have left her for a short time at her best friend's party this summer, just to get my napping sone, and we are neighbors. She stays at his house alone all the time and they know the drill. But never any other party, yet. SHe is 6.

We always bring her cupcake and pretzels, and feed her before we go if there will be lunch served. She hates pizza anyway. Hates red sauce. Usuallt there is fruit or a safe snack at most parties.

I also feel a host of a party is too preoccupied, even with the best of intentions. So, I try to be a helper as others have said. becca