Do you \"bend over backwards\"?

I know exactly what you mean!

...and yes, this year I bent over backwards!

I felt it was needed to accomplish our plan this year. After presenting our plan to the school the teacher was overwhelmed and kicking her feet in quite a bit. So each time she said, "I don't know how I'll do this", I'd say, "well what can I do to help!" Each time she complained about cleaning the tables after lunches, I appeared at lunch to clean them (she hated me showing up!), each time she complained about cleaning the kids hands after lunch, I said, "well lets think of another way", and began bringing in wipes! Each time she talked about it cutting in to her break time, I praised her, each time she told me how exhausting it was, I told her she was doing a fantastic job, and we appreciated her, and reminded her how well my daughter was doing! ...every day I went home exhausted from praising her and vented on my poor husband and once on the school principal (who is wonderful!)

I bent over backwards for two reasons, first to accomplish my plan as it was written and secondly, to let her know we were not going away and we were not going to change our minds! I wanted her to know that it was essential to carry out our plan, that I was willing to help with any of the hardship in carrying out that plan, and that there was room to negotiate and fine tune how we would get the job done!

...I bent over backwards because in my eyes it was the only option, it is not my natural personality, but I felt if I took a harder approach it may effect the service my daughter was provided, and I was not willing to risk this!

It was painful at times to be nice!!!

I do believe that is was necessary to carry on this way, with this teacher and with the first year of the plan in order for us to accomplish our goals. It would certainly have been easier if we had a teacher who co-operated with us better.

In January, suddenly, the teacher was in a routine and the complaining lessened. She realized we were not going away!

Now, with one year under our belt, we have set a precedent for the years to come. I hope that I don't have to bend over backwards each year! ...but am willing to do what I have to to ensure my daughter is well cared for and safe!

I was so disappointed when the teacher was interviewed for our article. She changed the whole tone and direction of the article from the things that she said to the reporter. She talked in length to the reporter about the hardship of a teacher who is given the extra responsibility of taking care of an allergic child! Give me a break! I praised her too much!! She really did very little, she had grade 7 helpers with her every day! Anyways I could go on, and on about this topic! I"ll leave it here!

Bend over backwards...me? LOL!

My son's preschool was so terrific (banning all peanuts and tree nuts), but some of the parents were having trouble coming up with lunch choices. The school already had a pizza day once a week. As my way of thanks, I coordinated a pasta day one day a week as well. I got donations, and had a rotating group of moms come in on Mondays and help me cook and distribute pasta for 80 children. The kids loved having their moms come in, and they really loved the hot lunch.

Now, at the end of the school year I bake cupcakes and send a note home to the other parents thanking everyone for their cooperation in keeping Kevin safe.

Amy

Yes, I bend over backwards on a daily basis. Any time I experience any resistance - I bend over backwards. This makes it much easier for others to have Philip participate in life and makes my comfort level go up because I've taken so many precautionary steps.

Sure I buy the wipes, am the classroom checker for everything - I mean everything, provide all the snacks for birthday celebrations and special occassions. I have trained and retrained and talked myself hoarse getting people to 'get it'. I am constantly vigilant and going the extra mile. I attend all field days, will be the classroom helper during lunch times and have only on rare occassions left him with an adult sitter that has been well versed on this allergy, recognition and treatment.

I want Philip to be able to have as normal a childhood, free from serious exposure, as possible. I don't want him excluded because someone won't take the necessary steps to keep him safe - so I take the steps for him.

I bake from scratch, every week at least one cookie recipe and different muffin recipes. There are very few prepared foods I let him eat - can't seem to trust very many. Philip's teachers always marvel at the baked goods I supply - nobody else cooks anymore it seems. I supply cakes, cookie bouquets, brownies - whatever it takes to keep the other kids happy with what I provide so the parents will continue asking me to do this.

Do I want to? At first I felt somewhat put out and resentful of this allergy. Now I just have fun with it. I know I need to so my feelings are just that I am doing what needs to be done, no more so than any other mother would do if her child had a disability. We all do what we need to do.

Lam, I understand where you're coming from. I do think that having a PA child in the school system requires more work on our part, as parents. However, since Jesse was my first child and first child to enter the school system, I'm really unclear as to how much extra work I do do on his behalf, or I'm not saying that properly, if it is all that much extra work that I do on his behalf.

I know that when I call the school, and I was going to post this somewhere else (oh, the thread I raised about being stigmatized), I feel that they simply think of me as "the pest". Oh, would is SHE calling about now?

Now, as I have stated before, I accepted a blanket school board policy for Jesse which ensured a "peanut free" classroom for him. It wasn't until I became a member here that I really questioned whether his policy needed some fine tuning so that it was more like a 504 Plan. Fortunately for me, another PA parent, whose blanket school board policy is almost exactly the same as the one in my school district, is going to help me fine tooth comb mine, basically individualizing it for Jesse. Now, once this is done, I am not clear if it will involve more work.

From looking at Peanut Trace's post above, I am thinking that it will probably involve extra participation on my behalf and it actually comes at a good time for me because my daughter will also be entering the school system.

I am the official food checker person for the school which means that the school is SUPPOSED to call me when they are going to sell any food to the students for fundraising or other purposes. I either then call the manufacturer or e-mail them (if I have the space of time from the school, which I usually don't) to see if the food is "safe" or not. This does require the participation/co-operation of the school itself and I have found that difficult this year.

Jesse's classroom is "peanut free". When he has a class party, which is only three times a year I believe, I do have to go in and check that all of the food that has been sent in is "safe".

I will also, very often, give the teacher different food items that she can give the class as snacks and that she knows are "safe". For example, the foil covered mini chocolate eggs - I had two bags of them here which my children didn't require (or maybe it was that I couldn't deal with them bouncing off the walls). At any rate, I sent those in. Right now, I have a bag of raisins to send in as we have a friend who works at the factory where they are packaged and we are always overwhelmed with raisins. If I make muffins for home and I don't manage to gobble the extras, I will send those into the school.

This year, I was very fortunate in that another PA parent sent me some BE A PAL stickers. I was able to send these in to the teacher and ask her to give one to each of Jesse's classmates. It was wonderful! Now, I am having the Alexander the Elephant Who Couldn't Eat Peanuts colouring book given out to Jesse's classmates as well as the children in the alternate day class which is also "peanut free".

What I find spending the most time doing is e-mailing to inform and educate the principal, calling manufacturers to make sure different things are "safe" or not, and writing letters to either the teacher or principal about different things I would like to have given to Jesse's classmates. I have not had to spend a lot of time in the school itself.

Yesterday, for example, with my worry about his upcoming field trip, I spent what I consider my whole day (i.e., the time Jesse was at school) working on something to do with the field trip and PA. Yes, I was in here posting, but because I was posting questions specific to the field trip, I consider that part of my work.

At the beginning of the year, I did make sure to have videos and literature to provide the school with. I know that the next few months will be spent trying to gather the resources I want to present the school with for Jesse entering Grade One. I am going to strongly encourage the BE A PAL Program and I have to find out what that entails and what that entails financially for me as well.

We will be sending a letter home again to parents of Jesse's classmates and the alternate class as the school year comes to an end. I will also be contacting the local newspaper, the community column, to ask if we can have our thank-you printed in there as well, as we did last year. So, again, it's more written stuff, not hands-on, if you know what I mean.

Lam, I truly believe that you will be okay.
First of all, I think you should sit back and think of EVERY single question you want to ask/need to know the answer for, before your child starts school. You know that ALL of us here will help you and your DH figure things out to the point where you will feel comfortable sending your child to school.

I don't bend over backwards in the sense of being at the school all the time and helping out physically at the school. I feel I do do a lot of work dealing with manufacturers and other concerns, but all of this is to ensure Jesse's safety at school, and like yesterday, his ability to participate in school field trips. What I also find good about all of this is that any research I do do, I post about it here so that perhaps another person doesn't have to call each ice cream manufacturer to find a "safe" ice cream cup for a Fun Fair and then have their work totally negated anyway (that's another "issue"!).

Lam, it will be okay.

Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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I buy wipes and soap for use in classroom at and after lunch (the teacher uses the wipes for many other things but I've decided to let that go).

I am at lunch every day-not as an observer but as a unpaid classroom aide. I also attend all parties and make food. (And attend things for my older son so he does not feel left out and/or resentful).

I attend each and every field trip (not just to look after my son but as chaperone for other kids as well).

I attend and help all special projects etc.

NONE and and I mean none of the other parents of pa kids in the school do any of this-does that mean it isn't necessary, I'm too obssessive, that their luck hasn't run out yet (ours did) or as I suspect with one child, the parents are still in denial.

Since I have 2 kids at the school, I always make 3 trips to school each day (drop-off, lunch, pick-up), sometimes 4 trips if my older son has after-school activites. I've had to stop my other work/career to be able to do this.

I donated the FAAN school book to the school and generated enough "noise" that the school realised that all pa-kids need EpiPens - no-one had bothered before. I guess I am teaching them about food allergies.

There is a lot of smiling, present giving and being available as needed. As Philips mom said you have to do what you need to do. Some days I'm exhausted but in general I approach my time at school as a period to enjoy, have got to know many of the staff members better and have actually found that many of them "respect" (not sure if that is the right word), what I am doing. Many of the teachers I know feel that many parents dismiss their kids needs and maybe that's why. Overall I try to approach things as a "learning experience" and I've realy learned a lot.

One thing I have learnt is that it has worked better for us to be partners with the school staff in dealing with this. If I had left them to deal with a severely allergic kid without my help I think it would have caused a lot of resentment because I want to ensure he does not have a reaction. On a brighter note, his potential teachers for subsequent years have got to see that I am willing to help and I think this will make the next few years easier as well as safe (I hope). Many staff now come up to me to ask questions and have begun to anticipate a potential problem (unless a school is pa.tn-free there is always something coming up).

I have also learned how hard teachers work (my son's gets only a 30min lunch break); a good teacher does much more than required and I think I would rather go in and help and have her teach. I really want a peanut-free classroom. Whatever FAAN thinks it really makes a tremendous difference! Most of the above would not be necessarty. A pa-child does not feel like an outsider in a pa-free room ONLY in a room where everyone is eating pnb+j.

[This message has been edited by EILEEN (edited May 23, 2001).]

Okay, not much response the first time out, and years later now, but I re-raised this to go with the thread under Off Topic about gifts for teachers for year-end.

Best wishes! [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/smile.gif[/img]

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